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Hey everyone! I've been working on this one for a while now and I'm finally ready to post it. Hope you enjoy!


John walked into his apartment and dropped his keys on the table by the door. He headed right for the refrigerator and grabbed a beer. His fridge was empty accept for a twelve pack of hounds but then he was never home enough to fill the cabinets or fridge. And even if they were full he wouldn't cook anyway.

He drank half of his beer because at this moment he needed it badly and then placed it on the counter and headed into the bathroom. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it into a corner on a pile of dirty clothes. He really needed to get some laundry done before his next assignment.

This job was like no other he'd ever worked before. He wasn't an investigator, no, he'd given that up years ago. There was a time when he thought he'd been born to be a cop. But not anymore, not for a long time now.

John got into the shower thinking about the path his life had taken six years ago. He'd left Llanview, not long after she had and he'd wandered around aimlessly for months. Bo had tried talking him out of handing in his resignation and leaving town but John had done what he knew he had to do.

A little over four months after he left he was in a small bar in Virginia and he'd run into an old friend of his from the ACPD. He and Chase had lost touch after John joined the FBI. They spent the night catching up on each other's lives though John knew they both left a lot out. At the end of the night after the bartender had called last call Chase had handed him a business card.

Thanks man but I'm out of Law Enforcement.

So am I Johnny. I'm no cop, and I never will be again.

John looked at the business card, Bulletproof Inc. What is this?

Bill Kelson, he was a cop for over twenty years, a good one too. He got burnt out, needed a leave of absence and they ended up screwing him out of his job. He didn't sweat it though. He's from old money so he's loaded. He started this company. He's run it for about ten years now. I found out about him because one of his guys were protecting a witness in a crime I was working. Eli and I became friends and he convinced me to go in and talk to Bill.

So your what...a bodyguard?

Pretty much. Hey don't knock it. It's good work and it's a good cause. You know how many kids I've protected from being kidnapped for ransom? Bill's got a lot of contacts, makes more with every case he takes on. People trust him and when they need help, they call him. Look his number is on there, give him a call. Unless you plan on wandering around from town to town and state to state forever.

I'll think about it.


A month later John had become a part of Bulletproof Inc. Chase was right, it felt good knowing people stayed safe because of him, because of them. He'd guarded over two hundred people in the last six years, well almost six and he loved what he did. Not to say he didn't miss being the one to find the bad guy and put him away. He did miss it, all the time but...that part of his life was over.

His latest client had been a client from hell. She was seventeen and the spoiled daughter of a senator. There had been threats against her and John had been sent to make sure nothing happened to her. The girl was shallow, completely and totally shallow and she drove him nuts day in and day out. Chase had worked the assignment with him but not as her guard. He'd investigated and found the man making the threats and then turned him over to the proper authorities.

John had breathed a huge sigh of relief when he was released from that job. Bill did occasionally call on them to work investigations, people would hire his company when they didn't trust the feds or local law enforcement to get the job done. But John stuck mostly to guarding.

He got out of the shower and pulled on a pair of shorts, it was only May and already it was hotter then hell. He finished off his beer, grabbed himself another, and went into the living room. He turned on the television and settled himself to watching the game and drinking his beer. It was only the bottom of the fourth when the phone rang and he saw Bill's number on the I.D. He answered, It's my day off.

Sorry John, not anymore. I need you to come in.

I swear to God Kelson if this is another Veronica Anderson I'll kill myself.

Bill chuckled, teenager from hell huh?

You have no idea.

I've had dinner with her and her daddy, I have a little bit of an idea. So can you come in?

Won't tomorrow be soon enough?

This is big John. An old friend of mine has called in a favor. I owe the man everything I have today, hell I owe him my life.

John sighed, give me twenty. He hung up and with a sorrowful look at his television he clicked it off and went to get dressed.

He got to the old warehouse Bill had renovated into there offices less then twenty minutes later and knocked on Bill's door and then went in. His boss was sitting behind the desk. Alright, here I am.

Thank you for coming so quickly. Have a seat. I'm waiting for Chase to get here and then we'll get started.

You called us both in for this?

Yes.

The door opened again a minute or so later and in walked Chase Adams. He gave them a lopsided grin and drawled in his unique southern accent, I was in bed with an extremely gorgeous blond, I hope this is good.

Kelson chuckled, whenever your not working your in bed with a blond. You'll live. Have a seat. Once he was seated Kelson stared at them both for a minute and then said, the two of you are the best I have. Not that your co-workers aren't talented, they are, but you two...your special.

Aw shucks Kels, your blowin my head up. Chase replied.

Kelson rolled his eyes but went on, when my friend called me I knew before he told me what was going on that I would help him any way I could. Eons ago we were in the war together and he saved my life, I mean that literally. Without him I would have died. We've kept in touch all these years, though we've both led full and busy lives. His granddaughter is being stalked. It started out simple, a few cards attached to flowers or candy, she thought it was a secret admirer. It went on for over three months and then she started getting phone calls where the caller wouldn't say anything, she started feeling as though she were being watched. It's escalated now to the point where my friend fears she is in danger. The man stalking her has broken into her house and taken things, personal things. He's done quite a bit and the local police have no idea who it could be. He leaves no evidence whatsoever.

How long has it been going on? Chase asked. The jokes were over now and he was in his serious mode.

Nearly six months.

Why wait so long to call us in? John asked.

Up until now his granddaughter has refused guards. Was convinced the patrolman outside her house at night was enough. My friend is stubborn, very strong minded and his granddaughter is just like him. This afternoon my friend finally got her to agree so he wants to move quickly before she changes her mind. I already have the plane fueled and ready for you boys, assuming you'll take the job.

Have we ever said no to a job Kels-man? Chase asked.

Hold on wait, the granddaughter? She isn't another one of those rich, spoiled princesses is she? Cause honestly boss I don't think I could take it.

She's rich but not a spoiled princess. Kelson responded.

John noticed his boss was acting weird. He also realized he had yet to tell them where they were going or his friends name, or the clients name. So where are we going and who do we report to when we get there?

Kelson took a deep breath and replied, Llanview, Pennsylvania. And you'll report to Asa Buchanan.

Alright. Chase replied and then stood. He started to walk toward the door but when he realized John wasn't following he stopped and looked over. You coming Johnny?

John? Kelson asked looking right at him.

Your kidding me right...your bullshitting me?

I assure you, I'm not bullshitting you.

John sighed, his first thought after hearing the name was it had to be Jessica. Not that he wanted Jessica to be in danger but...it couldn't be Natalie. But Bill had said stubborn and strong minded and while Jessica wasn't perfect she didn't beat her sister in the stubborn department. She would take guards if she was in danger, Natalie, at least the Natalie he knew would fight it tooth and nail.

Bill was watching him and John knew his boss had known about the connection before calling him in. You know the history? He asked.

There is very little about your life before you came to work for me that I don't know John.

This is conflict of interest. It goes against every rule you have. Hell it goes against every rule I have.

As I said, I owe Asa my life.

John shook his head, he won't thank you. Asa Buchanan won't want me anywhere near Llanview.

Your wrong, he requested that I send you.

What's going on? What's the connect? Chase asked looking back and forth between the two men as they spoke as if he weren't there.

Bull. John replied.

Why would I lie about that John?

Why would he want me there? And how did he even know I was working here?

He made it his business to know where anyone in his girls past was and as for why he wanted you, well he says you've handled her well in the past. If there are any other reasons behind his request he didn't share them.

How about you two share some of this with me? I'm in the dark here.

So it's her? It's not her sister?

It's her.

John sighed again, you know the history...and your still doing this?

Yes, I know the history. Which is why I agree with Asa that you would be the perfect man for the job.

If you know the history then you should see why this wouldn't work. He shook his head, it'll never work.

Are you refusing the job?

I can't go back there. He left Llanview because he felt as if the entire city was closing in on him. He'd started having panic attacks, he drank himself into oblivion day after day. I can't.

So you are refusing?

Chase and Kelson watched him awaiting his answer. John wanted to refuse the job more then anything. He'd left Llanview years ago and he'd never returned. His brother, his mother, hell even Marcie had begged him to come for a visit but he always had some excuse or another. He'd missed holidays and birthdays, he'd missed the birth of his first niece, he'd missed his nephew's official adoption when Manning had finally agreed that Tommy would have a better life with Michael and Marcie.

Not that he hadn't seen them, they came to visit him. His mother came at least three times a year and Michael came with his family as often as he could. He'd never thought about going back...being there was to hard. His entire world had crashed down around his feet there...But she had gone back, apparently, though he didn't know when or why and she was in danger. Natalie. God if he was to say no and something happened to her he would never forgive himself. He couldn't say no. I'm not saying no.


An hour later he walked toward the plane in the small airstrip behind headquarters with Chase, both of them carrying there things. Chase hadn't asked him about what had happened in the office yet but John knew it was coming. His best friend rarely left things unsaid. They got onto the plane and chatted with the pilot for a few minutes before he went to the cockpit. Chase said nothing as they settled into there seats, he just grabbed the file Kelson had promised would be awaiting them and started looking through it.

John was beginning to get antsy. He's expected questions way before now. He finally looked over at his friend, would you say something?

Chase looked up acting very nonchalant, about?

Oh come off it Chase, you know you want to know what Kelson and I were talking about.

I already know that partner.

John gave him a surprised look, you do? But, how?

Chase pulled something out of the folder and then passed it to John. He gave his friend a few minutes to stare down at the picture and said, I brought you home one night after a particularly heavy night of drinking. Helped you into your room. Her picture is on your nightstand. I figured she had to be pretty special to you...and maybe you lost her because you had her hidden in your bedroom while pictures of your family were displayed in your living room but I never asked. I figured if you wanted to talk about it, you would.

I don't.

I'm thinking...now you don't really have a choice...you know? Someone is stalking her and you have a history with her. Kelson's main rule can be a pain in the ass sometimes, especially when your guarding a supermodel whose all over you every chance she gets but...it's a good rule. You let your personal shit or your emotions get in the way and someone can get hurt...even die.

I don't...it's not...nothing will get in the way.

Sure about that Johnny?

Look Chase I can almost guarantee you that we won't be here very long.

Yeah? Why is that?

Na...she may have agreed to have a bodyguard but once she sees it's me...it's not going to stick. The last person she ever wants to see again, is me.

She's beautiful, I thought so the night I saw her picture at your place too. Big differences in the pictures though.

John stared at the pictures, they were different. His picture, the one he kept in his room at home was the one from when they first met. The one he'd kept even after the FBI sting had ended. She looked young and full of life, ready to take on the world...she was exquisite.

In the picture before him she was also smiling but she looked...sad? Yes, sad. He could see it in her eyes, it was a look he recognized. A lot of years have passed between the pictures, she was just twenty three in the one I have. She's thirty three now.

Younger then you.

Only in age. She went through a lot, both as a kid and as an adult...she's beyond her years when it comes to life.

Tell me about her John.

That's what the file is for.

I'll read it. But that stuff won't tell me about her.

John sighed, he was quiet for a long time as he stared down at her picture. I met her in 2003, under false circumstances. I was undercover and unfortunately I had to get her involved in order to bring down my mark.

Did it work?

Not the way it was supposed to. She'd just gotten married...to a man that she'd told me over and over again was her true love. They were married one day when everything went wrong. She got kidnapped, he traded himself for her and was presumed dead a day later.

Ouch.

Yeah. She uh...she hated me and...somehow...someway...it changed. She stopped blaming me for it and I we became friends. We had a lot in common I guess...she'd lost someone and so had I, and then there was AC and pool and...there was this connection between us, neither of us could explain it but it was there. Anyway said husband turned out to not really be dead and then turned out he was dead and the man who'd come back only looked like him, add another twist and hey, he didn't just look like him it really was him.

I'm confused.

John explained everything to Chase, about Paul, Evangeline, Cristian, the whole John and Natalie story. You remember I told you I was dead for a while?

Chase chuckled softly and nodded, yeah, everyone thought you were dead but it was actually a lawyer or something right? They all thought you were him?

Yeah. I found my dad's killer and...man for the first time in longer then I could remember I was okay...I really thought I was going to get the chance to be happy. And then the accident happened and I felt...God I thought I was going to go crazy, all these people would talk to me thinking I was Hugh and I couldn't tell them I wasn't. And then a guy, a friend I guess...of Natalie's, he realized I wasn't Hugh and that I was John, that somehow we'd been mixed up. They took me for another surgery and when I woke up from it, there she was and...she said my name. She knew me and I...I told her I loved her. Before the accident I'd asked my mother to bring me her ring, the ring my father had given her. I was going to ask Natalie to marry me.

Chase listened as John talked about everything that had happened between him and the woman he obviously still cared a great deal about after he got out of the hospital. He listened to John replay the fights and the constant battles between them. You were pushing her away. Why?

I don't know. I mean we fought all the time. I'd tell myself that we weren't going to fight, that I wasn't going to start anything but...I'd end up doing it anyway. I guess...in the end I just couldn't change. And she deserved better then someone who was going to hurt her over and over again. Somewhere along the way we lost sight of who we were. She changed so much, I mean she used to accept me for who I was and...it doesn't matter now. You know I think...it was the accident, that's what changed her. She was always so scared after that...

John she lost her first husband the day after they got married. And then she's with you and in love and probably thinking that everything was finally going to be alright. And then bam your dead too, only your not. That's got to change a girl.

Yeah I know but...I couldn't take it. Her worrying and her hovering and...like I said, it doesn't matter. It's over...it's been over for a long time.

You broke up with her?

It was actually the other way around. And then I missed her like crazy. I asked her if we could try again, I wanted more then anything to try again. But...she walked away. A couple weeks later...she was pregnant. We were having a baby. We worked on getting it right...and I think...I think we were happy...I know I was. I had her, I had this amazing kid...

You have a kid? Chase asked amazed.

No. John said softly. No. I don't have a kid. I don't have anything. I lost them both.

I remember...the day we ended things...she was on the docks and I was so angry at her. She'd uh...she told someone something about something she overheard in my office. I was so mad about that because the guy she told nearly killed a kid because of it. I think about it now and...she was right to tell him, I mean he had every right to know.

"Anyway I found her on the docks and she didn't know I was there. And she was crying...she was crying her eyes out and instead of doing what I wanted to do, instead of wrapping my arms around her and telling her I loved her...I yelled at her. Then we got into everything that had been happening and it went downhill from there.

What do you want me to say Natalie, what do you need? Just...tell me.

The same thing as you do... space.

Hey... uh, are you, uh, are you saying you think we... we should break up?

I love you. And I believe that you love me.

You know I love you.

I used to think that that was enough... hearing you say it cause I knew how hard it was for you...but... but it isn't.

I uh, I walked her home...back to the place we had shared. She packed her stuff up and... John smiled to himself thinking of that night. Thinking of the dream he'd had while holding her in his arms for what he thought would be the last time. Anyway she left the next morning.

Your going backwards now. What about the kid John?

Natalie. John said surprised to see her standing outside his door. What are you...is everything alright?

I'm pregnant. I uh...I thought I was and then I did a home test but it was negative. But I hadn't gotten my period and...anyway I went to the doctors and I'm pregnant.

Wow...

I understand if you don't want...I mean I don't know how you feel about... I just want you to know I'm keeping the baby John. I've always wanted kids and I already love her so much.

Her?

I don't know for sure yet...I just...

We're having a baby. He said softly. He grinned and kissed her. He released her lips, We're having a baby. He laughed.

Your...your happy?

I'm happy. he said with a nod.

We got back together a couple of weeks before she was born...it was never perfect...we still fought all the time. But I had her and she's all I ever wanted. And the baby..the day she was born was the happiest day of my life. Erica...that's what we named her. She was...four months old...God four months. She was so smart...she was beautiful...amazing. Like her mom.

What happened?

Natalie had to work late...I was supposed to be home with Erica but I got called in. She was sick and we never left her when she was sick but I had to go in...it was my job. The sitter called me a few hours later, she was at the hospital. She'd gone in to check on the baby after she put her down and her body was on fire. She took her in right away. Her temperature was to high... I got there just as Natalie did.

Michael, what's wrong with my girl? John asked his brother, his voice showing how desperate he was. Tell me please...tell me she's going to be okay!

We can't get the fever down Johnny. It's high...it's to high. If we can't get it under control...

No! Natalie cried out. No Michael! She can't...we can't lose her.

John held Natalie close to him, We won't baby. We won't lose her. She's going to be okay.


She died a few hours later. John replied running his hand down his face. She had a serious infection...God we thought it was a cold. She didn't have a fever...just a runny nose and...she died. Four months old and her life was over.

Wow...Johnny why didn't you ever tell me before?

There are just some things you don't talk about. That night I lost my daughter...I lost myself and Natalie too. We couldn't...we couldn't get back from that...

You left her?

No...once again she left me.

We got back together for...for the baby and now...she's... she's..."

She's gone. John finished for her. But we're still here. I love you. We were a family Natalie, we can still be a family.

No. Natalie said softly. We can't be John. All the problems we had before we had her...they're still here. We still fight all the time...we just had her to level us. But we don't anymore and I can't pretend...

What Natalie? You can't pretend that this isn't all my fault? Well don't damn it! Yell at me! Hit me! Do something but don't walk away. Not from us...not again.

I don't blame you John...you blame yourself and that just makes this harder.

Look your emotional right now. We buried our baby girl...any decisions that need to be made should not be made right now.

Its already made John. I'm leaving. Look we can still be friends right? We've always been friends first...

That's when she left town?

No...that was a few months later. We uh...we got into it, I tried getting her back, it didn't work. But I tried.


Natalie knocked on his door and barely a second later he opened it, I got your message.

John nodded, come in. He held the door open for her and then shut it when she was inside.

So...?

I uh...I found some of Erica's old clothes...her newborn clothes. I wasn't sure if you'd want them.

Oh...you can probably just give them to the church. If uh, if that's all...

Hey wait don't...I miss you.

John...

You said we could be friends, didn't you?

Natalie shook her head, I was wrong...we can't...we can't be friends.

Don't you ever just want to talk about her Natalie? I know I do...I want to talk about her with you...

Natalie shook her head, I don't...it's to hard.

You can't live the rest of your life never saying her name, acting as if she didn't exist!

Natalie slapped him, his hand touched his face, stunned, don't ever say that to me. I think about her every day, every minute, every second!

I'm sorry. He said softly. I...I do too, I think about both of you.

Really? I find that hard to believe. Natalie looked away for a second and then met his eyes, I...I saw you last night.

John closed his eyes briefly and then opened them and shook his head, it's not what you think. I...she asked me to dinner and...look I don't feel-

You don't owe me an explanation. We broke up. Your allowed to date other people. But look it's...it's never been easy seeing you with other woman.

It's not exactly easy seeing you with other guys either. You've been spending a lot of time with Jones.

He's a friend. I do have those you know.

John sighed, dinner with Marty...she suggested I try and...look it didn't work alright. It didn't work because she wasn't you.

John...don't do this. She said her eyes watering up.

I love you Natalie, that hasn't changed.

There was a time that I thought just hearing those words from you would make everything okay. But I was wrong. She wiped the tears from her eyes angry at herself for letting them fall in the first place. I love you too...but I can't be with you anymore. We've already gone through this.

You were wrong. You belong with me, we belong together. Don't throw that away.

Me? Come on John! Be honest with me, with yourself! You gave up on us a long time ago. The only reason we held it together was because of the baby.

That's not true. I love you. Look we love each other isn't it you who said it didn't get more perfect then that? He asked softly.

Yeah well...I was wrong. Maybe I'll always love you...I probably will. But I don't feel it anymore John, we used to be connected, we used to get each other better then anyone else and that's just gone. It's been gone for a long time now...since the accident. I realized something the day I moved out of here...I was sitting alone in my room and...I realized I don't know who I am anymore, and the person that I've become...I don't like her very much.

We can fix that, figure out who the hell we are, and still be together. We can...we can have another baby...we'll never be able to replace Erica but-

No. We can't. Look what we had...it was amazing while it lasted but it's over. It has to be. I have to go.

She was at the door when he said, don't do this, I love you.

Natalie opened the door and saw Marty standing there about to knock. Sorry if I interrupted something. Marty said. I uh...I needed to speak to you...about Cole. She said looking at John.

Now's not a good time. John replied glancing at her and then back at Natalie.

Now's fine. Natalie said, I was just leaving. She looked up at John, loves not enough. Trust and acceptance goes with it, it has to be there and it's not anymore.


John sighed, man I actually came close to begging and she still left.

Was that the last time you saw her?

No...no. That was later, two weeks later.

John knocked on his brother's door and a second later Marcie opened it, oh John, hi. Uh...

Hey Marcie, John was about to say something else when he noticed Natalie and Michael. Oh...I just came by to see if you wanted to grab a beer Mikey. Natalie was holding Tommy and it took everything he had to keep his eyes off of her and on his brother.

Sure bro but first...don't you want to know why Nat's here? Michael took Tommy from Natalie and put him on the floor with his toys.

Michael. Natalie said in a warning voice. Don't.

Michael turned to her, why not?

What's going on? Why are you so mad? John asked his brother. He looked at Natalie, why are you here? Neither of them answered him and he looked to Marcie.

Marcie sighed, Michael is mad because...I guess he feels like he's losing a friend and...and Tommy's losing his Godmother.

Marcie! Natalie said quickly. Tommy is not losing anything. Just because I won't be here all the time doesn't mean I'll forget about him.

I know that, but Mike's a McBain, he's a little hard-headed.

What do...what do you mean you won't be here? John asked.

Natalie finally met his eyes instead of concentrating on Michael, or Tommy. I...I'm leaving town John. I just came by to tell Michael and Marcie. To...say goodbye.

To say...goodbye. John repeated slowly. Your... He stared at her for a minute, completely dumbfounded by what she was saying. He tried imagining Llanview without her and...he couldn't. were you even going to tell me? John shook his head quickly, never mind. You know what...I don't want to know. John turned to head for the door.

Hey Johnny, you still wanna grab that beer?

Another time Mike.


You know I never really thought about it before but I think she was the only real reason I stayed in Llanview. If she hadn't been there...I don't think I would have stuck around as long as I did.

So you never really got closure, did you?

Oh, we got closure alright.


John heard the door open and knew it was her. He didn't move from his chair, he didn't look to meet her eyes though he knew she was staring at him. He just looked straight, into the sky. I'm sorry. She said softly.

Are you?

I said so didn't I?

Yeah but...you didn't want me to know you were leaving did you? Jesus Natalie after everything we've been through you...you were just going to go without so much as a goodbye?

I wasn't sure yet if I was going to tell you. I leave in two days...I still had time I just...I wasn't sure.

You said we can't be friends but you...you were wrong. We were friends first...

I can't be your friend John. To much has happened. To much...to much history.

Is that why your leaving?

Part of the reason yeah...yeah I guess it is. I'd be lying if I said no. I think about you all the time and I see you and I think about her...I just...I want it back. I can't stay here and not be with you.

Then stay and be with me. He said softly. It's all I want.

I can't be with you. I can't. We don't work...and I don't...I don't want to be with you. So I have to go. I have to go and be me. Not John's girlfriend or Er...Erica's...mommy...just me. I have to find out who that is and...I can't do it here, with you.

"You need time to heal...we both do. You can barely say her name and it shouldn't be like that! Let me help you Natalie."

"I don't need you to save me John. I need to save myself."

I should never have left her Natalie...if I had only stayed I would have known something was wrong.

I knew she was sick and I worked late anyway. Blame goes both ways John.

So that's it? Everything we've been through and your just...your just going to walk away?

One of us has to. I always thought if it ever came to this point it would be you to be the one to walk away but...I guess it has to be me. Natalie walked over and crouched down in front of him. I will never...never forget you and everything we've been to each other. She kissed him then, slowly on the lips and the kiss didn't last nearly long enough. Goodbye John.

John stared at her, saw the tears on her face, felt the wetness on his own face and then he turned his head, he wouldn't say goodbye, he couldn't.


Wow...you guys were pretty intense. Chase said softly.

Yeah...she left two days later and I never...I never said goodbye. I hung around for a while trying to move on with my life but I just...I couldn't stay there.

So you left.

John nodded, so I left.

You never checked up on her? You never tried to find out where she was or what she was up to?

I thought about it. I knew from people we both knew that she'd gone to New York and back to collage but...she made it pretty clear that she no longer wanted me to be a part of her life. You know she was right...we couldn't be friends...you don't have something like what we had and then go back to being friends. And this...me showing up now...she's going to go crazy. It'll bring all that old pain back again, it's not fair...to either of us.

Chase motioned toward the file on the seat next to John, you going to read it?

No...not yet.

You should man, there are things in there that you should know.

It makes me feel as though I'm...spying on her.

What are you hoping for John? Are you hoping she'll agree to let us stay and help or...are you hoping to be back on this plane tomorrow afternoon?

I don't know. We'll see when it happens.

Natalie kept her smile pasted on until the three gentleman walked out of her office and shut the door. As soon as the door shut she kicked off her heels and leaned back in her chair. It had been a hellishly long day and the last thing she'd wanted to do was sit in a three hour meeting with those corporate assholes kissing her ass and telling her how they could be of help to her.

All she wanted was to go home but because of the impromptu meeting she had another hour of paperwork before she could leave. She knew she could delegate, hand off the files to someone else, that was what she had an office assistant for. But she rarely did that, she didn't want anyone saying she got to where she was because she was a Buchanan.

Janet walked in then and smiled when she saw her boss kicking back, was it hell?

Worse.

Janet chuckled, yeah well that's why you get paid the big bucks. Can I get you anything before I leave?

No. I'm good. She told her secretary. Go home.

Alright. Hey don't stay to late tonight huh? You do have a life outside of this place.

Natalie smiled, yeah, I try. See you tomorrow.

Tomorrow is Sunday Natalie, do not be in this office tomorrow because no one else will be.

Natalie smiled, Relax, I forgot it was Sunday. I won't be here tomorrow. I'll see you Monday. Janet left and Natalie got started on the work she needed to finish before leaving for the day. She was twenty minutes into it when the intercom buzzed, Yes?

It's Peter from security, you've received another package.

No name?

Same as the others.

Call the LPD someone there will come and pick it up. Natalie clicked the button off with a sigh. She didn't even want to know what it was this time.

God she was so tired of this. It had been going on for six months now. For the first three it didn't bother her to much. But now this sick freak was breaking into her house, touching her things...violating her life in ways no one had before. And the worst thing about it was she couldn't do anything about it. She didn't know who he was...no one did.

The phone rang again and she shoved the file away, that was it. She was done for the night. She ignored her work phone put her heels back on, grabbed her things and headed out. The security guard downstairs walked her to her car. Have a nice night ma'am.

You too Peter, I'll see you Monday. Natalie turned her car on and the phone rang. She sighed, but ignoring the work phone was one thing. She couldn't ignore her personal one. Yeah? She asked letting her annoyance show in her tone.

Hey darlin.

Hi Grandpa. What's up?

You still at work?

Just leaving.

Good, great timing then. I need you to come over. I need to speak with you about some things.

Can't it wait till your party tomorrow?

No it can't. Indulge me honey I'm not going to be around forever you know.

How many times you think you can use that line before one of us calls your bluff?

We'll see.

Natalie sighed, this better be important.

It is.

Fine. Natalie didn't bother with a goodbye. She hung up.


She's on her way. Asa said hanging up the phone.

Pa? You left a message for... Bo trailed off when he saw John standing there. What's...

Hey Bo. John said.

Bo smiled, he couldn't help it. John had been a good friend and he'd missed him. He shook his hand, it's good to see you again John. But...why are you here?

I asked him to come. Asa replied wheeling himself over to the table to pour himself a drink.

You asked...what? As far as Bo knew John and Asa had never spent any time together. And Asa had wanted to kill the man when Natalie left town figuring it was all John's fault. Pa what's going on? What are you up to now?

"I haven't done anything without Natalie's permission. She agreed to let me hire guards.

Yeah? A second later Bo got it. He looked at John, your a bodyguard now?

John nodded, Bulletproof Inc.

I got to say, I never pictured that.

I couldn't be a cop forever. John replied. At one time in his life he thought he would be a cop forever. It had never been just a job to him, it wasn't just what he did, but who he was. But he'd been wrong. He couldn't do it.

Bo nodded because he understood and looked back at his father, does Nat know?

She will in a few minutes, she's on her way here now.

Pa. No! What were you thinking?

I was thinking that a regular bodyguard would never be able to handle our girl. McBain can. She's your niece boy, you should be just as worried about her as I am."

Bo sighed, "you know I am. But...she's not going to like this. Not at all."

"I'm doing what's best for her and I'll make her see that.

This isn't going to be pretty. Bo said shaking his head. What am I here for, to protect you?

Asa grinned, Natalie will see things my way, you'll see.

I wouldn't be to sure about that. Bo replied. He looked at John again, you prepared for her reaction?

John nodded, yeah.

Why did you come?

It's my job. The boss tells me where to go and I go.


Natalie opened her grandfather's front door and walked into the house. Asa had tried getting her to move into his place with him and Renee when she first came back and she'd stayed all of two days before telling him it was not going to work. But it had been nice to know he wanted her there.

They'd spent a lot of time getting to know each other better since she came back a few years ago and they were pretty close now, though that butted heads frequently. She walked into the library, alright grandpa, what's so damn important? And make it quick I've been nonstop all day and I want to go home. She stopped in front of him and kissed his cheek. She noticed Bo and smiled, hey Uncle Bo. What are you doing...did something else happen? What's-

Calm down honey. Nothing else happened. Well nothing your not aware off. Pa summoned me here as well as you.

Alright so... Natalie realized they weren't alone in the room. She turned to see the two men standing there and her eyes widened. It was John. No. John was not here. John had left Llanview almost six years ago and never looked back. This was a dream. It wasn't John.

Hello Natalie.

Her eyes flew to a picture that held a special place on her grandfather's mantel, her baby girl. She looked back at him again, it wasn't a dream. It was John. He was back. He looked as if no time had passed at all. His voice, his hair, his face...it was all the same. He was here. John. What's going on? She asked turning to her grandfather.

John and his friend, Chase Adams are here from Bulletproof Inc. It's a business owned and run by a very old friend of mine. They're-

You've got to be kidding me! She said realizing what her grandfather was telling her. She turned to Bo, you knew about this?

Bo shook his head, not until ten minutes ago. Nat, you do need the protection.

Not by him. She turned her anger on John, what is this some kind of reminiscing gig for you? Natalie's in danger, let's go save her? Sorry but I'm not in the market for a God damn white knight! God your a bodyguard, a freaking bodyguard! That's just priceless, you get paid to do what you love to do, to be the hero. Well I don't need a hero McBain, I can take care of myself just fine.

Alright honey calm down. Bo said going to her. I know you hate this but...

No buts Uncle Bo. I didn't want the damn guard in the first place. She pointed an accusing finger at Asa, he manipulated me into accepting, but there is no way in hell I am doing this.

Your mother went to the doctors Thursday. I know because I was there too.

What? She asked turning to Asa.

We both have bad hearts darlin`. How much more of this do you think we can handle? What if this guy gets his hands on you? I don't think either of our hearts could take it.

Don't pull this shit on me Asa! Natalie told him furiously. You forget, I know all your tricks old man.

You also know what I'm saying is true. Asa wheeled himself over to her, we couldn't take losing you girl. This family has faced enough loss. And think about Aiden, think about what something happening to you would mean for him.

Son of a bitch. She said softly.

Your only angry because you know I'm right.

That's enough Pa. Back off. Bo told his father seeing how upset his niece was getting. His cell phone rang before he could say anything else and he pulled it out and answered it. Buchanan. What? When? What happened?

Natalie turned to her uncle, she knew that tone. He talked for a moment longer and then hung up, what happened? Is it Matthew?

No...that was Sarah...Nat...Rex is in the hospital.

What? What happened?

She's not sure. She went to your place and found him by the garage. He was unconscious. Apparently...Nat honey, Aiden saw everything. They had to bring him in too. Natalie grabbed her purse off the table she'd dropped it on and headed out the door.

Hey slow down! Your not driving yourself there. You'll come with me. Bo told her following her out. John looked at Asa and he nodded and he and Chase followed them out. This was going to be a very long night.

Natalie ran through the emergancy room front entrance and nearly ran into the information desk because she was moving so fast. Aiden Turner and Rex Balsom, where are they?

Natalie!

Natalie turned to see Sarah coming toward her, oh God. She said hugging her cousin tightly, are they okay? What happened?

Aiden is fine, they wanted to call in there on-call doctor but I made them call his doctor. She's with Aiden now.

Thank God. And Rex?

There are some officers in with him now. He came to in the ambulance. I'm not sure of anything else, I stayed with Aiden.

Thank you so much Sarah.

Hey, they're both going to be alright.

Natalie sighed, I feel like this is never going to end.

It will honey. Bo told her giving her shoulder a slight squeeze. We're going to catch this guy.

I know Uncle Bo. I just...

Listen I'm going to go listen in on the rest of the interview. Why don't you ladies wait in the waiting room. I'll find out what's happening with Rex and make sure someone tells you.

Sarah and Natalie walked into the waiting room, you don't want to check on A?

I need to see about Rex. He'll be fine with his doctor. I'll go see him as soon as I know what's happening with my brother.

Hey why are those two...oh my God.

Natalie looked up to see John and his friend, she wasn't sure if she'd been introduced to him or not. Oh. Right.

Isn't that...

That's him alright. She replied not letting Sarah finish.

But whats he doing here?

Ask Grandpa.

What? Sarah shrieked and both the guys turned to look at her. Natalie shook her head and rolled her eyes. Sorry. Sarah said softly again. Nat what the hell does Grandpa have to do with this?

He hired them.

Who?

John and his buddy.

Hired them for what?

To be my bodyguards.

Sarah's eyes widened, And you accepted?

I was in the middle of refusing when you called uncle Bo. After the call the guard thing didn't seem as important as getting here did.

The television in the corner was playing the news and Natalie looked up to see her house on television. Damn it. She said softly.

Oh man. They said Rex's name, I better go call Roxy, I'll call your mom and Jess while I'm at it in case they're watching.

Thanks Sarah. Natalie replied. Natalie looked up at the television and then went over and shut it off. She was sick of the news lately, it seemed she was almost always in it. Whether it was something to do with BE or her damn stalker.

She went and stood by the window staring out at the now darkened sky. She was exhausted. She barely slept since the night this guy had broken into her house. He'd been in her room, in her things, on her bed...the things he'd done...she was sick with fear. Not that he would get to her, she could take care of herself...but if he got to Aiden...

Considering all that has happened tonight...you should accept your grandfathers offer of protection.

You have no right to tell me what I should or should not do.

John sighed, Natalie, you need protection.

Not from you. She said turning around. Why are you doing this? Why are you here? Why now? I know for a fact that your family has tried getting you to come home on numerous occasions and never once have you come. So why now?

John looked away and then met her eyes, it's my job.

Natalie laughed sarcastically, it's always your job John...it's the only thing that's ever been really important to you isn't it?

You know that's not true. Her words hit him like a knife to the chest, it was his job that had taken him away from there daughter.

Do I? She asked softly. I'm not so sure.

A young doctor walked into the room then, Mrs. Turner?

Natalie turned, yes? Is my brother alright? She asked walking away from John and over to the doctor.

Turner? Turner? What the hell was that? He looked at Chase and saw his buddy watching him, he wasn't surprised. It must be in the file that she was married. Married. There was no ring on her finger, but maybe she just didn't wear one. Damn...he really needed to read that file.

Your uncle asked me to come and speak with you. Rex has a concussion from being hit over the head and he has some bruising on his ribs but otherwise he's going to be just fine.

Are you sure?

I'm sure ma'am.

When my cousin found him he was unconscious.

That can happen with a concussion.

Natalie stared at the doctor, he was awfully young. An intern probably. where's Dr. McBain? I'd like him to have a look at my brother before we take him home.

I'm afraid Dr. McBain is not on tonight. Ma'am I assure you that your brother is just fine. He-

Nattie leave the guy alone. We don't need a second opinion, I've been a lot worse off then this before.

Natalie saw her brother standing in the doorway, Bo beside him and grinned. She walked over quickly and the siblings hugged. Thank God your okay. She said softly.

Rex put her at arms length, I'm fine. Just sore. That son of a bitch got me from behind, or else he'd be in custody tonight.

I don't care about that. If he had hurt you... Natalie stopped. There were way to many people in the room. She took a step back and looked him over, you shouldn't be out of bed.

My sentiments exactly. The doctor said. Mr. Balsom I told you I wanted to keep you here for observation.

Yeah well I'm not staying. Like I said, I been a lot worse off then this before.

The doctor obviously having had enough of both Rex and his sister threw his hands up in defeat and left the waiting room. You should stay, if he wants you too.

I'm fine. How's Aiden? Bo said they brought him in. He saw everything?

He's with the doc. I'm not sure what he saw.

I'm so sorry Nattie. I should have been more careful. I saw this guy sneaking around and I tried to sneak up on him but he figured me out and ended up sneaking up on me instead. I'm such an idiot.

Hey it's not your fault. Natalie told him quickly.

It's nobody's fault. Bo told them both.

Natalie's phone rang then and she answered it, hello? He's fine, not that you really care. What? No. Damn it! Natalie walked out of the room to have her argument in private.

What was that all about? Rex asked Bo.

Asa.

Rex smiled, what's the old man done now? He watched as Bo's eyes moved towards the windows. He looked over and saw John and another man standing there. He brought him here? Seriously?

John works for the company Asa hired the guards from. Bo responded.

Rex turned to John, so your like a...bodyguard? Rex seemed to think that over and then erupted with laughter. At Bo's look he shook his head, I'm sorry Bo but...come on, the guy was born for the job. What with his hero complex and all.

John ignored the barb and asked, did you see anything useful about the guy, anything identifiable?

I already gave my statement to the real cops. You want to know, find out from them.

Rex. Bo said in a warning voice.

What? Rex asked turning to him again. The guy stepped all over my sister's heart without a thought in the world. She lost her..." Rex took a deep breath knowing he couldn't say more on that. "I'm not helping him with anything.

He's trying to help Natalie. Bo replied. You may not like him but you know he's good.

Nattie has enough help. Rex said holding his ground. He and Bo stared for a few minutes and then he sighed, fine whatever. But... he turned to John. My sister sheds even one more damn tear over your sorry ass and I swear I'll make you regret ever coming back to Llanview.

Fair enough. John replied.

You didn't tell me you were so well liked Johnny. Chase said from beside him.

John glared at him, go to hell. He replied and his friend laughed. John pulled Bo to the side, who do you think is going to win this fight between her and Asa?

My bet's on the red head. Man she's got attitude. Chase said obviosuly impressed with Natalie.

Bo smiled at Chase's comment and said, you never know with those two. The butt heads more then...well more then you two used to. They both have a chance of winning this one. Let's just hope for her sake that it's Asa who wins this time. This guy has never hurt anyone before...but now Rex...who knows what else he is capable of.

John wanted to ask about the doc calling her Mrs. Turner. He wanted to ask about her husband but he didn't think he had the right. No, he definitely didn't have the right. They kept mentioning someone named Aiden, maybe that was her husband. She uh...she hasn't changed.

Bo smiled but it was a sad smile, yes John, she has. More then you can imagine. But then I'm sure you have too...when you lose a child...it changes you forever. But you know in some ways she is still the same as she was then. But changes, no changes she's still amazing and she's done very well for herself. She's the person I always knew she could be. We're all very proud of her.

A little boy walked into the room then followed closely by Marty Saybrooke. She gave John a surprised look but didn't act on it when Rex approached them. Rex crouched down, hey tough guy, you okay?

The kid put his thumb in his mouth and looked around the room, his big blue eyes were wide as he searched for someone. She's not in here, she'll be right back. Rex said gently. The little boy held out his arms and Rex lifted him up. Aiden wrapped one arm around Rex's neck and laid his head on his shoulder. He's okay, right? Rex asked Marty.

We've taken a few steps back but we're going to work on that, isn't that right Aiden? Aiden stared for almost a minute before giving a slight nod, Marty beamed proudly, that a boy.

I'm sorry you had to see all of that tough guy. Rex told him gently. But I'm okay. Your uncle Rex has such a hard head it takes a lot more then that to keep me down.

Aiden smiled slightly. Sarah and Natalie walked back into the waiting room together. Aiden held his arms out and Natalie pasted on her best smile, there's my brave boy. She said taking him from Rex. She gave him a hug and kiss. Mommy has to talk to Dr. Marty for a few minutes alright? Will you go with Uncle Rex and Sarah out into the hall? Aiden held on tighter. I'll be real quick, I promise baby.

Sarah walked over to him, come on A, we'll go see if there's any good junk food hidden in Uncle Mike's desk okay? Aiden went to her and the three of them left the waiting room.

Natalie looked at Marty, how bad a set back is this?

I managed to get a few nods, Rex managed a smile...we are set back but not as much as you might think.

This morning, I swear he was going to talk to me. He wanted to...I saw it on his face. And when he didn't I almost lost it right in front of him. This son of a bitch isn't just messing with me now. All the progress we've made with Aiden-

Natalie. He's going to be alright. Marty told her. We'll keep working with him and he'll be talking up a storm before you know it.

Bo grinned, you'll be begging him to be quiet.

Never... Natalie said shaking her head. I swear when he speaks again...I don't ever want him to stop.

Bo hugged her gently. It'll happen honey. So how did it go with Pa?

I should have stayed in New York. She responded.

Bo smiled, So Asa won this round huh?

He's... Natalie shook her head, I swear if I didn't love the old man so much I would shoot him.

Bo chuckled, it won't be that bad Nat.

Natalie turned to John and Chase, I have no choice but to accept your help...just stay out of my way.

It doesn't work that way Natalie.

Make it work. She replied.

Nat. Bo said his voice holding a slight warning in it.

Natalie sighed, fine. How does this work?

We'll stay with you. John replied. Update the security at your place, make it as safe as possible. One of us will be with you at all times when your outside the house.

Do I get to pick which one? Natalie asked sarcastically.

Chase chuckled, unfortunately you don't. I'm Chase by the way. You won't have to worry about anyone getting to you or your boy Mrs. Turner, Johnny and me are the best our company has.

It's Natalie. She replied. She looked at her watch, I have to get my car from grandpa's and then get Aiden home to bed. Uncle Bo can you give me a ride?

Of course honey. Bo replied.

John started to follow everyone out of the room but Marty stopped him, long time doc.

Yeah, welcome back.

Thanks. So if I didn't just see all that with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it.

What? That Natalie has a kid or that Natalie and I had a civil conversation?

John shrugged slightly, both I guess.

What are you doing here John?

What?

Why are you here?

I was hired.

Natalie...don't hurt her. I know you never intentionally hurt her before but...she's been through a lot. To much. She doesn't deserve more.

She never did. John replied softly. I'm not looking to hurt anyone... I can't believe this either. Your defending her. What are you friends now? You know what, never mind. You know that she's the one that left me right? The last two times?

I know. I'm not trying to be a jerk just...

I'm just doing my job.

Natalie was never just a job to you. Can she be this time? Marty didn't wait for an answer. She turned and walked away. John stood there for a second and then jogged to catch up to everyone else.

You could have told me she was a married and had a kid. John said as the followed Natalie's car to her house.

It was in the file, you didn't want to read the file so I figured you could learn it on your own.

Any other surprises?

You should read the file.

Where's the husband? Why wasn't he at the hospital?

Why don't you ask your girlfriend?

Damn it Chase.

Chase chuckled, alright then, since you asked so nicely. Chase was going to tell him but then his phone rang. He grinned, guess it'll have to wait, it's the boss man.

John pulled up behind Natalie in the driveway, he was surprised to see she was living in the old cottage, the one she'd lived in when he first met her. The one she'd shared with Cristian. He left Chase in the car on the phone and followed her up the walkway to her front door. She was carrying Aiden who was asleep on her shoulder. I'd like to check inside before you go in.

Natalie didn't meet his eyes or say anything at all as she handed him the key. John took the key being careful not to touch her as he did. He was afraid to touch her, afraid that just one touch would bring up all those old feelings again. He unlocked the door and then signaled to Chase to keep an eye on Natalie and the boy. He went inside to check things out. He came out a few minutes later, you can go in now.

Natalie put Aiden to bed in her bed knowing he wouldn't have any nightmares that night if he slept with her. She sat on the edge of the bed and stared at her perfect little boy. She was failing him again, as she'd done before. She failed him as completely as she had failed Richard. I'm so sorry baby boy. I'm going to make this okay...I'm going to make sure your okay. I promise. She placed a tender kiss on his temple and slipped from the room. She left the hall light on and the door open and proceeded downstairs.

Chase and John were conversing in the kitchen. They stopped when she entered, there's a spare bedroom right through there, she said pointing to a door off the kitchen. It's the only guest room we have but I have an office upstairs with a fold out couch in it. Clean sheets and blankets are in the closet in the hall. If your hungry or whatever, help yourselves. That said she walked over to the fridge and took out a beer and then left the kitchen.

Chase looked at his friend seeing on his face how hard this was for him. I'm sorry Johnny.

Yeah. Me too. Why don't you do the security check? Make a list of things that need to get done and we'll call it in tonight to have it ready for morning.

Sure thing. Chase said and then turned to start touring the house both inside and out. John walked into the living room. Natalie was sitting on the couch, beer in hand, staring off into space.

Asa shouldn't have sprung us on you like that. I'm sorry he did it that way. He walked over to a desk and lifted a picture. Erica. He had pictures of her still but they were all put away, it hurt to much to look at her everyday.

It doesn't matter. She replied. Your here and there's nothing I can do about that now. She stared at the picture he was holding. The picture she looked at every morning when she came down the stairs and every night before she went up. She wanted to ask him if he still missed her as badly as she did. She wanted to talk about her baby girl, talk about her to the one person she knew hurt as much as she did when they lost her. But she couldn't...that would mean opening up to him and she could not do that again.

What's...what's wrong with him?

She pulled herself from her thoughts and tensed when she registered his question. He was talking about Aiden, nothing. There's nothing wrong with him. She said defensively.

Could of fooled me. He's what...three, four? Why doesn't he talk?

That's none of your business John.

I'm going to be spending time around him, I don't want to do or say anything to upset him.

Just stay away from him. I can take care of my son. I'm going to bed. I trust you'll lock up? She didn't wait for an answer as she headed up the stairs.

Natalie. John said when she was almost all the way up.

What? She asked not turning around.

You can't just pretend as though I don't exist. We need to talk.

No. We don't. She continued up the stairs and went into her room quietly shutting the door.

You said you guys were intense but...damn. Chase was standing in the doorway.

Yeah. John said softly.

You sure nothing else happened between you two that you didn't tell me?

I told you everything.

Doesn't explain it.

Explain what?

She's angry with you. She's the one who dumped you. She's the one who walked away...yet she's angry. Why?

John shrugged, that's Natalie. You know what really bugs me? Coming back here is like entering the freaking twilight zone. When I left I was always the one running away and Natalie was always the one wanting to talk. Now it's the other way around. Not to mention she's married, her husband is God knows where, and they have a kid. And you know the shrink? The kids doctor? We were...friends I guess, nothing more but I started out not liking her at all. Anyway Natalie hated her...I mean spit fire whenever the woman was in the same room with her hate. And now she's the kid's shrink? John shook his head and sighed, The freaking twilight zone."

"Johnny you sure you can do this man?"

"I'm fine. We might as well get some sleep. I'll take the couch upstairs, you stay down here.

Get as close as you can to her?

Chase...

Look just...be careful John. Don't let your feelings get in the way here.

They won't.

You sure?

This isn't new to me Chase. Natalie has been in bad situations before...look lock up alright...I'm going to crash.

John didn't pull out the couch, he grabbed a blanket from the closet and his file from his bag and laid down to go over it.

Natalie had married Richard Turner just eight months after leaving him, and Llanview behind. Eight months. So much for loving him forever. After seeing that he didn't want to read anymore. But if this file told him where said husband was now he needed to read it. He'd seen plenty of signs of her and the kid in this house, but none of the husband. He continued reading and learned just what he'd wanted to know. He tossed the file down and shut the light.

Turner had died a year and four months after they were married. He'd died of cancer. How had she handled it? Losing yet another person she loved? Had she been happy with him?

They had a kid and he could see she loved the kid. Aiden. Aiden with his big blue eyes...that could have been his son. She could have been his life. If only he hadn't screwed up so badly. If only he'd paid less attention to what in the end didn't matter at all and more to the only thing that had ever really mattered.

Finding out Spencer Truman killed his father had helped him deal with his father's death...but that's also where everything had started to go wrong with Natalie. Spencer, the accident, then more Spencer...he knew if it wasn't for her getting pregnant they never would have gotten back together that last time.

He should have fought for her after they lost Erica, she always did stupid things when she was hurting. But he'd been hurting to and...he hadn't had any fight left.



Chase walked into the kitchen the next morning and smiled at Natalie, morning.

Good morning. She replied. Help yourself to some coffee.

I will, thank you. He said. Hey buckaroo, how are you this morning.

Aiden stared up at the big man for a minute and then looked back at his bowl of cereal and continued eating. He uh-

It's alright. Chase replied. You don't have to explain. He's a cute kid, how old is he?

Uh...five. He's five. Aiden this is Mr. Chase, can you say hello? Aiden stared. Say hello Aiden. Natalie told him but when he looked away and started eating again she didn't push it. Marty had told her to encourage him to speak but not to force him. So your accent is southern, where are you from?

Texas. Born and bred. It's a beautiful place, you ever been?

A few times with my grandfather. He owns a large spread out there and there's a branch of our company Buchanan Enterprises there too. Aiden loves it there, don't you babe?

Morning everyone. John said walking into the room. He looked at Chase, Bill just called, the guys will be here this afternoon to put in the new security system.

What time? Natalie asked.

Around two probably. Is that going to be a problem?

Aiden scares easily with loud noises. I'll have to take him out of the house. She replied.

Alright. I'll make sure it's done when he's not around. John told her. Chase? John motioned for his friend to follow him and they stepped out the back door.

Her house phone rang then and she grabbed the cordless from the counter. Hello?

Hey there, did I wake you?

I was awake. What's up?

I uh...Nat I have something to tell you. Brace yourself okay? And don't kill the messenger. I got a message on my voice mail last night and...damn I don't want to tell you this."

Natalie laughed already knowing what he was going to say, I bet I know what your going to say.

Oh I don't think so.

John's in town."

Michael was silent for a minute and then, you saw him?

Oh I more then saw him Mikey. Natalie told him the whole story and when she finished he let off a few words to show how annoyed he was. Yeah tell me about it.

This is crazy. Why would you agree to it?

Because I had no other choice. Grandpa...he kind of made me see that.

Aiden?

He was doing better Mike and then just...nothing. He knows something bad is going on and he's scared all the time again. Not to mention Rex being hurt.. Maybe having them here will help him. If he knows there's no danger...hell I don't know.

But what is having him there going to do to you? Can you handle this Nattie?

I have to.

Are you going to tell him?

What's the point?

Michael sighed, I guess your right but...don't you think he would want to know?"

"It doesn't matter...drop it okay?"

"Sure. You know...maybe this will be a good thing.

Forget it Mike. That ended a long time ago.

You never stopped loving him.

You don't know me as well as you like to think McPain.

Michael chuckled, I know you better. So he's like there with you? I got a few things I'd like to say to him.

Natalie smiled, John walked back into the kitchen, actually he's right here. I'd be happy to let you talk to him. The thought of anyone giving John hell cheered her up. She held the phone out, it's your brother.

John sighed, Hey Mikey.

Six years Johnny! Six years and not once have you come for a visit. And work brings you back?

I've been busy. And it's my job Mike.

And we're your family. Damn it John if you do anything to hurt Natalie I swear I'll disown you as a brother! And don't tell me it's just your job because you and I both know that Natalie was never just a job.

I love you too Mike. John said sarcastically. Look that's not what this is about. We'll talk later alright?

Sure, whatever. You planning on spending anytime with your family while your here?

I'll get time off. I have something for Tommy, I'll try and bring it by later today.

Great he can finally put a face to the person that mails him gifts all the time.

Low blow bro.

You deserve it. Put Nat back on, Marcie wants to talk to her.

John handed Natalie the phone and gave her a look when he saw her smile, she was actually happy, hell, delighted that Mike had yelled at him. Hey Mike.

Not Mike.

Marcie, hey I didn't think Michael was at home. It was so quiet there.

Marcie laughed, he asked me to be quiet I think he expected to be having a very serious conversation with you about John being back in town.

I see. So what's up?

Are you really okay with him being there Nat?

No but...I'll deal. I always do.

Your a fighter. How's Rex? I heard about last night.

He's going to be alright. Sarah took him home and I'm sure he just ate up all the sympathy.

I don't even want to think about what he had that poor girl doing. Listen I have to go, I'll talk to you soon alright? Call me if you need to talk.

I will, by Marc. Natalie hung up and put the phone back on the counter. She turned to Aiden, hey babe you done? At his slight nod she said, run upstairs and get dressed alright? We've got a big day ahead of us.

Aiden smiled and climbed off his chair. He grabbed his bowl and put it on the counter by the sink and then ran out of the kitchen. What are you plans for today? Chase asked her. We kind of need to know your agenda.

Sunday is my only full day with Aiden most weeks. We usually do whatever he wants to do. They'll be the park and ice cream, probably lunch at Rodi's, anything else is up in the air.

How...

What? She asked turning to John. How do you know what he wants to do?

She stared at him, she wanted to be angry for the question but she knew he was honestly curious. I just do I guess. I ask him and...he tells me, without words, in his own way. I can't really explain it.

How long has he been like this Natalie?

Natalie gave him a look, he's not like anything. He just doesn't talk.

Kids don't just stop talking. John replied. He had to have had a reason. What's he like three? Four? He should be taking up a storm.

This isn't really any of your business.

He's five. Chase put in.

What? They both asked turning to him.

I said he's five, you asked if he was three or four, he's not.

Before they could say anything else the back door banged open and all three adults turned quickly. John and Chase both moved to stand in front of Natalie. Natalie moved past them knowing the person coming in wasn't a danger. Brennan Buchanan you better not be here by yourself.

Bree looked down sheepishly, but Lisa was busy with Jared and I was bored.

Sweetheart, you know your not aloud to come over by yourself. We've all talked to you about this.

But I always do.

You can't anymore, not right now.

Bree sighed, sorry Auntie.

Natalie gave her a kiss and picked up her phone, she made a quick call to her sister's house which happened to be right next door and told Jessica's nanny where her little escapee was. She promised to bring her home in a little while and then hung up. Hey Auntie! You gots boys in your house!

Yes I do. Natalie replied.

How come? Boys are yucky, well `cept for daddies and I guess baby brothers.

Natalie smiled, they are pretty yucky aren't they? She asked humoring the girl.

Yeah but...I don't think your posed to think they're yucky. Your posed to wanna marry them.

Oh I am huh? How would I ever find the time to get married? She asked with a wink.

Bree sighed and shook her head, grandma says your married to your job, I didn't think someone could be married to a job but grandpa said-

Okay, okay, enough of the he said she said. Natalie told her knowing her niece could go on all day, your as bad as your mom sometimes you know that?

Thanks. Where's Aiden?

That wasn't exactly a compliment little one. And Aiden is upstairs getting dressed.

Oh. He was sad yesterday. Is he still sad?

How do you know he was sad? Did your mom tell you about Rex?

Rex? He wasn't sad cause a Rex. Bree said looking confused. He was sad cause you was sad and he thought you was going to cry. And it was his fault.

Natalie's eyes widened in surprise and she crouched down, Bree...how do you know that? Yesterday morning she'd been doing her normal thing, getting herself and Aiden ready for the day and trying to coax him to talk. Normally around him she was able to act like it didn't bother her at all that he didn't talk. But for some reason yesterday she couldn't hide it.

Bree shrugged as if her aunt was asking a stupid and obvious question, he told me silly.

Bree...that's not funny.

I'm not being funny. He told me.

Brennan. Natalie said her voice a warning. Aiden doesn't talk.

Bree crossed her arms and stared at her aunt with a defiant look on her face, he does to talk Aunt Natalie, he talks to me and sometimes to Tommy even but more to me. The little girl looked so stubborn at that moment Natalie didn't know what to say.

Aiden walked into the kitchen and took in the situation. The two men standing by the kitchen counter, his mom crouched down talking to his cousin, and then she turned to look at him. She looked...confused and maybe a little sad. Aiden, tell Aunt Natalie that you can talk. Aiden just stared at his cousin. Tell her A! Bree said getting upset now. She thinks I'm lying. Aiden stuck his thumb in his mouth and turned away. Aiden!

No more Bree. It's okay. Natalie told her gently. She knew her niece wasn't lying. How else would she know about Natalie being sad yesterday? Aiden talked to her, and to Tommy. He talked to his cousins...so why not to her? I believe you. She said softly. Natalie stood and looked at Chase, can you bring my niece home? She lives in the white house right beside this one.

Sure thing. Come on little bit.


Natalie crouched down in front of Aiden, he stared out her with his big blue eyes looking solemn, you told Bree you made me sad? Aiden looked down at his feet, Aiden...why won't you talk to me? She asked softly. You can tell mommy anything. Aiden looked at her and slowly shook his head.

Please baby. Aiden reached out and touched his small hand against her cheek, he cocked his head and as if he was about to say something his mouth opened. But then he turned and went out the back door. Natalie stayed where she was for a second. She closed her eyes wishing with everything in her that he would have said what it was he'd wanted to say. She didn't understand any of this. She'd once had a happy, rambunctious, talkative three year old and then she lost him...he was returned to her but in so many ways he was still lost.

Natalie? Natalie had forgotten John was in the room, she stood quickly and turned to him, What happened to him? Why won't he talk?

Natalie found herself wanting to tell him. She wanted to tell him everything, but she couldn't. She could not let herself lean on John McBain again. Nothing but bad came from it. It's personal. She said as Aiden walked back into the house carrying a soccer ball. So the park today? She asked. He smiled and she smiled back, alright then, the park it is.

John watched from a few feet away as Natalie and Aiden kicked the ball back and forth between each other. The ball had come his way a few times and he'd gently kicked it to the boy but Aiden always stopped cold and stared up at him with suspicion for a second before returning his attention to his mother and ignoring him again.

He had planned on being the one to stay at the house today while a few of the security guys installed the new alarms but Chase had convinced him to go with Natalie and Aiden.

They'd been at the park for a few hours now bouncing between the ball and the playground. Aiden didn't play with any other kids, he stayed mostly to himself or played with Natalie.

He'd asked Chase if what was wrong with the boy was in the file but Chase had said no. He thought about calling up Bill and having him get someone to dig around but...his boss wouldn't do it. Not when it wasn't pertinent to the case.

Natalie caught a high kick from Aiden and collapsed onto the grass, okay tough guy that's it. You've tired me out.

Aiden smiled and ran over to her, Natalie caught him in her arms and laid back on the grass holding him up in the air. Aiden was smiling, almost laughing, but no sound came out.

She sat back up and placed him on her lap wrapping her arms around him, I love you baby boy. She said resting her cheek against his baby fine hair. That sat like that for a few minutes and then Natalie asked, you ready for lunch?

Aiden nodded and stood. He grabbed his ball and started running for the parking lot. Aiden! Natalie stood and started chasing after him but John was already beside him. Aiden stopped short and stared up at him until Natalie caught up with them. The three of them walked to the parking lot.

John noticed the front tire first and then the other front one, he walked around the car and saw a knife sticking out of the back driver's side tire. He looked at Natalie who'd noticed the tires too when he started inspecting. Natalie heard someone call her name and turned as Matthew ran over. Hey Nat, hey Aiden, you kicking the ball around?

Aiden smiled at Matthew and Natalie looked at her cousin, Matthew I need you to take Aiden to Rodi's and wait for us there. Can you do that for me?

What...yeah of course. What's happened? Has that creep done something else? You want me to call my dad?

I can take care of it. She said keeping her tone even and glancing down at Aiden to hint to her cousin not to make a big deal. Can you just bring him to Rodi's?

Sure. Matthew held out his hand and Aiden took it. He looked worriedly up at Natalie and she smiled, her smile tight and forced and told him she'd see him soon.

John walked over as he stuffed his cell back into his pocket. Chase is going to meet them at Rodi's and your uncle is on your way with a tech. He left the knife in the back tire.

He's never done anything like this before.

He was angry when he did it.

How do you know?

The way he slashed the tires. He didn't just puncture holes in them. Every tire has a pretty large slash in it. The knife in the back tire is in all the way to the handle. He was angry.

I uh...when this first started I thought it was someone with a crush. Then I realized it was more then that, an obsession, the small gifts started escalating into large ones. Then I started feeling someone watching me and getting cranks at home. I got fed up one night and started yelling at him on the phone, I called him a sick freak...the next day while I was at work he broke into my house. He went through my bedroom...they uh...they found...

What? John asked.

He...masturbated on my bed. That's the only evidence he's left and they couldn't get anything from it. I swear I find out who he is and I'm going to kill the bastard. Now he's hurt my brother and slashed my tires...what next?

He won't get to you Natalie. Or Aiden. I swear to you I won't let that happen.

Natalie stared at him and found herself getting lost in his eyes as she had so many times in the past. She could see his promise and other promises he had yet to voice in those eyes.

A car pulled up and a second later her uncle was beside her. She hugged him but didn't break eye contact with John. Bo let her go, everything okay here?

Natalie finally looked away from John and at her uncle, besides the fact that I now need four new tires? Every thing's fine. We ran into Matthew and I sent him to Rodi's with Aiden.

Bo turned to a cop car that had just pulled in, the officers were getting out, canvas the area, talk to anyone around. I want to know if anyone saw this guy. I'll stay with the car until Rogers gets here. He looked back at Natalie. Aiden alright?

As alright as he can be. He's scared, I know he's scared and...there's nothing I can do about it.

Have you talked to Marty today?

She does get days off Uncle Bo. A has an appointment with her tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully she'll make some progress.

Bo nodded, alright. Why don't the two of you head to Rodi's, I'll take care of things here.


Natalie walked into Rodi's to see Matthew, Aiden, and Chase sitting at a table. Matthew had gone ahead and ordered lunch for her son. She crouched down beside his seat, hey tough guy, you okay?

Chase says he's your bodyguard. But I wasn't leaving till you got here. Matthew told her.

Thanks honey, Chase wasn't lying but I'm sure Aiden wouldn't have been very comfortable if you left. You hungry?

Matthew shook his head and stood, I have to get going. I was on my way to a game when I saw you.

I'm sorry Matthew.

Hey don't be. This was more important and I can still play I probably only missed a few innings. Matthew hugged his cousin. Dad's gonna find this creep Nat.

Natalie smiled, I know. Get to your game now.

Matthew started walking when he saw John, wow...John.

John smiled, you know I didn't even recognize you at the park.

Yeah well, I'm the same height as you now so I can understand that. Matthew said with a grin. Your helping Natalie?

That's why I'm here. John said with a nod.

Then I know she'll be alright. See you around.

A waitress came over and took there lunch order and Natalie settled in the seat beside Aiden. This was awkward, sitting here with Chase and John. Aiden didn't talk so it wasn't like she could have a conversation with him to relieve the awkwardness.

They all ate there lunch when it was brought over in almost complete silence. John and Chase talked a little bit about what the guys were doing at her house. She listened at first but then tuned them out. When she finished eating John looked at her, you wanna play a game? He asked motioning to the pool table.

You play? Chase asked. Tell me you can beat him, I've yet to find someone that can.

I don't play. Natalie replied.

John looked at Natalie surprise clear on his face, you don't play?

Not anymore. She replied.

Before John could say anything else a guy walked over, he was smiling but his smile looked forced, Hey Nat, you checking up on me?

Do I have reason to? She asked returning his smile.

Everything is running smoothly. There are some things I'd like to go over though, can you give me a second?

You can have five. She replied standing, she looked at Aiden, I have to talk to Julian about some things A, I'll be right back okay?

Aiden nodded and John watched as she disappeared into the back of Rodi's. What was that all about?

She owns this place. Chase said shaking his head, man you really need to read that file.

I glanced over it last night. Hey Aiden? You like pool? Aiden looked behind him at the pool table and shrugged a little. You ever play? The boy continued to stare at him. I can show you how, if you want? John got up and stared at the little boy, he held out his hand.

Aiden stared at his hand. John could see in his face that he wanted to play. After a minute Aiden stood, he didn't take John's hand but he did walk over to the table with him. He worked with Aiden while his mind raced with what Natalie was doing in the back room.

The guy had looked at her as if she was his. Could he be the stalker? She owned Rodi's, he hadn't seen that coming, though he hadn't seen much coming since he got to Llanview.


Who're those guys Nat?

Bodyguards. She replied as she finished looking over the months invoices. Everything looks good Julian. You know you don't have to prove to me your doing a good job, I hired you because I knew you would.

I just wanted to get you alone for a minute. He said with a wicked grin. Come here. He pulled Natalie to him and kissed her. I've missed you.

I've been busy. You need a girlfriend Julian.

That's what I've been telling you. he replied. But you keep turning me down.

Try for someone more your age.

Come on Nat, you talk as if your over the hill.

Compared to you, I am.

No your not. Besides I don't want someone my age, I want you.

We've talked about this.

I know and I told you I wasn't giving up.

Your a great guy Jule. But your wasting your time on me.

I don't think so.

Natalie sighed, I have to get back to Aiden.


John watched Natalie walk back out of the back room. She'd been doing a lot more then going over things with him. He knew how she looked when she was thoroughly kissed, he'd seen the look enough to know it. She had a thing going with that kid? He couldn't be more then twenty one.

Natalie was shocked to see Aiden with John at the pool table. Her son did not normally play with people he barely knew. He was shy. She looked at Chase as she sat, Aiden wanted to play?

It looked to me like he did. John asked and after a minute he got up and walked over there with him. John's not so bad with him for someone who doesn't have any kids. Chase closed his eyes, damn I'm an insensitive bastard...sorry.

It's okay. He uh...he told you about Erica?

We've been best friends for years now but he only told me on the way here. I could tell how bad it hurt him to talk about her...and about you. You know...John never really got over you. He's pretty much just been going through the motions of life for years now.

Natalie looked away, you don't know anything about that...about us. John was over me long before we ended...he was just to afraid to admit it.

That's not true. Natalie...is Aiden his? Chase asked. Natalie's eyes widened a little shocked by his question. I only ask because his age and, he's got the blue eyes and dark hair...

First off, that's none of your business and second, you don't know me well enough to be asking such personal questions.

Natalie! Hey I heard about what happened last...whose..." Her sister has stopped at the table and was now staring at Chase. He looked up at her and his eyes widened slightly. Jessica stared back at him.

"Jess? You alright?"

"What? Oh. Yeah."

Chase held out his hand, "Chase Adams."

Bodyguard. Natalie replied as Jessica shook his hand. Her sister and Chase seemed to be acting strange.

Jessica looked at her sister with sympathy, snapping out of the daze she seemed to be in. you caved?

I caved. Natalie said with a nod.

Sorry. Jess replied.

You have no idea. Natalie replied with a sigh.

Hey Jessica, long time no see. John caught there conversation as he and Aiden had headed back to the table.

What the hell? Jess said staring at him.

Other bodyguard. Natalie replied dryly.

Is grandpa still alive? Jessica asked Natalie not expecting an answer as she turned back to John, it hasn't been nearly long enough. When did you crawl back into town?

I drove actually. John said clearly amused.

Your a bodyguard...that's kind of ironic.

Rex seemed to think so. Natalie said. Chase, since she didn't introduce herself this is my sister, Jessica Buchanan.

Chase stared at Jess, his eyes intense, nice to meet you... Jessica.

You too. She replied a little stiffly.

Natalie stared for a second before saying anything. Jessica was single and Chase was...well...hot. Her sister never missed a chance to flirt but she seemed uncomfortable with Chase. She shrugged it off and asked, So what are you doing here?

Grabbing something to eat before I head to Thornton's trial. Lisa told me Bree went over your house this morning. You talk to her?

Yeah.

Jess! Your orders ready.

Thanks Scott. I have to go, I'll see you at Grandpa's party right?

I'll be there.

Good, we'll talk then. Jessica kissed the top of Aiden's head, bye sweetie. She told her nephew and then with a glare at John and a stiff smile at Chase she walked up to the bar to get her food and pay for it.

When did you buy Rodi's? John asked Natalie as he and Aiden sat back down.

When I first came back to town. Mac was sick and his wife was selling it, he called me frantic because the woman who was going to buy it planned on turning it into a tearoom.

A tearoom... John looked around, that would be...

Yeah. That's why I bought it. She replied. You ready to go tough guy? We have to get ready for grandpa Asa's party tonight. Aiden smiled and nodded. John and Chase looked at her, what? she asked them.

You never said anything about a party. Chase told her, we kind of have to know these things.

I thought I mentioned it. My grandfather is throwing a party tonight. He and his wife Renee are leaving Llanview in a few weeks to go to Texas for the summer. He wanted to get the whole family together for one last time before he goes.

Country Club? John asked.

Yes. She replied. Will those guys be done working on the system?

If they're not they can stop until we leave. John replied. Chase and I will both be going with you tonight. Asa's parties usually draw a big crowd and anything could happen.

Aunt Natalie!

Natalie turned and smiled as Tommy ran up to her, hey sweetie." She said hugging him back when he wrapped his arms around her waist for a quick hug. You picking up lunch?

Yup.

Where's your mom?

In the bathroom. I seen you over here and I didn't wanna go in the girls room so she said I could come say hi. Hey Aiden. Tommy said smiling at his younger cousin.

Natalie looked up at John who was staring at Tommy in awe. Hey Tommy, you know who this guy is?

Tommy stared up at John and after a few seconds he grinned, hey Uncle Johnny!

John grinned and crouched down, man you got big.

Last time we saw you was a couple years ago, daddy says that's cause your a real busy man. I grew a lot. I got the plane you sent, dad and me was flying it in the front yard and dad crashed it into a tree. He broke it. But it was really cool to play with before he did.

John grinned, our dad used to break are toys all the time, Mikey must be like him.

Marcie walked over then and Tommy grabbed her hand, look whose here mommy! It's Uncle Johnny.

Marcie smiled slightly, I thought he looked kind of familiar. She said dryly.

Funny Marcie. John replied. We were just heading out but I have some things for you little man. I'll bring them by soon okay?

Tommy grinned, cool.

John messed his hair a little and looked at Marcie, good to see you again.

Yeah, say bye to your uncle Tom, you never know if he'll be around tomorrow.

Ouch. John mumbled, I'm not going anywhere. I have a job to do.

That's true. If your family can count on anything it's that you always do your job. Marcie turned to Natalie, how are you doing?

I'm alright. Where's Becky?

With Eve. They're shopping. Tommy was devastated that he might have to go with them so I took him for lunch instead.

Natalie smiled, give her a kiss for me. I have to go home and get ready for Asa's party. I'll see you guys.

John pulled Chase aside before he got into the car, "what the hell was that with Jess?"

"What?"

"Don't play dumb. I know you and you never miss a chance to flirt, especially with a blond. What's up?"

"Nothing Johnny. Just drop it." Chase replied and then got into the car.

Natalie walked into the country club holding Aiden's hand, a bodyguard on each side of them.. Aiden spotted Bree and took his hand from Natalie's, he looked up at her and she smiled, go ahead. You two stay inside though, no running off. Aiden smiled and ran toward where his cousin was playing.

Natalie pretending as if John and Chase weren't there, walked away from them. She walked over to her mother who sat with Asa, Renee, and Clint. Hey mom.

Vickie smiled, hello darling. She replied. She looked over Natalie's shoulder to where John and Chase stood, there eyes surveying the room. He looks good.

Natalie rolled her eyes, your not surprised.

Asa told me about his plans. Vickie confessed.

Mom! How could you not tell me?

Don't be angry honey. Clint told his daughter. Your mother and I agreed with your grandfather that if anyone could protect you from this guy it would be John McBain. Your to stubborn for a normal bodyguard, you'd have him wrapped around your finger in no time.

Thanks dad. She said dryly.

How's it working out? Vickie asked.

I'd answer you but I'm not sure if I'm speaking to you right now. I can't believe you didn't at least warn me what this old man was trying to do.

Asa grinned, you'll thank me for it someday darlin.

Natalie looked at her grandfather and after a second her eyes widened, your setting me up! You old coot, your playing matchmaker!

You've been alone far to long. Since you broke up with the man- don't tell me you had Richard, we all know what that was really about. Your heart stopped beating when you left McBain, the light left your eyes... we all just want to see it back again. You deserve to be happy.

Did you ever think that maybe the light left my eyes because my daughter was dead? Natalie asked her tone harsh. She sank down into a chair beside her mother, I can't believe this. You all... Natalie shook her head, she didn't even know what to say.

Honey we know losing Erica was a big part of the reason you left John. You had no idea how to deal with everything you'd been feeling. You had faced loss before but never one that big. But that was a long time ago. And you need his help right now. Clint told her.

Natalie started to say something but stopped. She stood up again and walked away from them. I've been betrayed by my own family. she said sitting down at the table, joining her sister, Sarah, and Rex.

What'd grandpa do now? Jessica asked. Natalie filled them in and Jessica shook her head, I can't believe him. You know he acts so tough but he's such a softy.

This isn't sweet or cute Jess. I don't need the stress that John McBain brings to my life. I left him because we weren't happy anymore. We didn't work together. How would you feel if someone did something to bring Antonio or Nash back into your life without your say so...or you, how would you feel if someone brought Adriana?

Hey don't bring this on me. I agree with you. Asa should have kept his nose out of your business. All John ever did was hurt you and the last thing I want is for him to have the power to do it again. After what happened in New York-

Rex! She said cutting him off quickly. I don't want to talk about New York. She said softly.

Nat does John know? Sarah asked.

No. It's over, there's no reason for him to know. There was nothing he could do about it then...and there's nothing he can do now.

It's not over sweetie, it never will be. Jessica told her gently. You know that as well as I do.

Rex said something stupid then to break them both out of there sadness. Sarah changed the subject and Natalie smiled and nodded, pretended to laugh when the others did but she honestly didn't hear what they were saying.

She glanced over her should to where John stood, Chase was across the room now and John was standing by the door talking to Bo. He was still completely alert, searching for people that didn't belong. Her savior, her white knight...damn it, what was Asa thinking?

She'd waited for John to come to her in New York, to at least call or maybe write. When Michael told her his brother left town she thought for sure he'd come looking for her. But he'd never shown up. He'd never even looked.

Michael had wisely told her that she shouldn't expect him to, she'd made it clear that she didn't want him in her life. But for once...just one time she wanted John to fight for her, the way she'd fought for him.

Erica had kept them together, but she had torn them apart too because when she was gone...Natalie saw no reason to be with him anymore. There daughter was what made them happy and without her...Natalie didn't feel as though she deserved to be happy. Why should she live and laugh and be happy, when her baby girl would never be able to again?

Richard had helped her through that, he'd helped her through so much. He was twice her age, old enough to be her father but he'd saved her, from herself, from sinking into the black hole she'd begun digging the second Michael had pronounced her baby dead.

Natalie looked up as the man sat down on the couch across from her. She came here all the time because no one bothered her. She sat on this same couch, and drank her tea, and read. Normally she didn't have to worry about people. The man smiled at her, how far along are you?

Excuse me? Natalie asked.

My son's wife is pregnant, she's six months along and always rubbing her belly the way you are. I recognize the signs.

Oh...uh, I'm almost two months.

That's great. Kids are a joy. Is this your first?

Natalie had no idea what got into her. His words brought a stream of tears. He quickly moved from where he sat to sit down beside her. Please, I'm sorry...don't cry.

I...I'm sorry. She said trying to control her tears. He handed her a handkerchief from his pocket and she wiped her eyes with it. I...

I know the signs for this also. How long ago did you lose your child?

Natalie stared at him, who was this man? I...

I'm sorry. I'm being nosy and I'm a stranger and you don't have to answer me if you don't feel comfortable. But the way I see it is, everyone needs someone to talk to. I see you in here all the time, and your always alone.

It's better that way. She said softly. If your alone you can't get hurt.

But it's awful lonely. He replied. I'll leave you to your drink and your book now.

No. Natalie said quickly not sure why she was stopping him. Please...don't go.

He smiled and sat down again, I'm Richard Turner.

Natalie Buchanan.

It's very nice to meet you Natalie.

You too...it was...it was only two months ago. She was sick, they couldn't get her fever down and...she died.

I'm so sorry, how old was she?

Four months...she was just four months. And she was my whole world. When she died I thought I would too. And then I moved here and I found out I was having another one. I...knew I had to be okay, I had to be okay for him.

Nattie are you listening? Rex asked again.

What? Oh, yeah...what did you say?

You haven't heard a thing we said have you? Jessica asked her.

I have a big meeting tomorrow morning. Natalie said covering. I was mentally preparing. I'm going to go check on the kids and then say hello to Uncle Bo. Natalie got up and walked away before they could stop her. She knew from all there eyes that they didn't believe she was thinking about a meeting.

She sat down beside Matthew who was sitting and watching the kids. Hey, you excited about the trip? Matthew was going to Texas with Asa and Renee for a couple of weeks and then he and a friend were going to travel for the rest of the summer before they started collage.

Yeah I am. He said smiling. I graduate next week and then I'm out of here.

Your going to miss all of us like crazy.

Matthew stared at her and then nodded, you know, I really am. Sometimes I think about how it was before I found out I was a Buchanan. I was young but I still remember. I had Jen and Will but...being a Buchanan it's like...

Something beyond your wildest imagination. Natalie said. I know what you mean.

Matthew nodded because he knew she did understand. He looked over at the kids, does Aiden talk to Bree?

Why do you ask? Natalie asked instantly alert.

I don't know. I was talking to Uncle Clint and when I turned to check on them it looked like she was listening to him, he had his thumb in his mouth but they were staring at each other and I swear I saw his lips move.

Natalie stared at them for a few minutes and then said, Bree said he does, he talks to Tommy too. But...not to me.

Maybe he's afraid...I mean after all he's been through...

Yeah...I was supposed to protect him and all I did was fail him.

Hey no way Nat. That kid loves you. You did everything you could to protect him. What happened wasn't your fault. And in the end you got Aiden back.

Natalie nodded, I'll never let him go again. I'll talk to you later okay? Natalie stood up and walked through all the guests and out the balcony doors. She needed some air.

She sat down on a bench and stared out at the garden. She needed to get John out of Llanview...out of her life. Him being here was bringing so much back. She'd become so good at hiding her feelings, controlling her life...and all of that was unraveling with his return.

He's a good looking guy. Your husband?

No. We never married. She said slipping the picture back into her purse. She hadn't seen Richard come in. They'd been sitting together at the coffee shop for over a month now and he'd become a good friend. He asked me...right after Erica was born but I said no.

You love him?

More then my own life.

Then why say no?

Because I'm screwed up. She said with the best laugh she could muster up.

Hey, stop being so down on yourself. I'm sure you had a good reason to say no.

I uh...I thought he was just asking because of Erica and after everything else we had been through...I just didn't feel right about it. You know?

He the daddy of your new little one?

Natalie nodded, yeah, but he doesn't know.

Why not?

I don't know. I pick up the phone to call him, to tell him and...I just can't do it. I want him to come to me...I want him to look for me and find me and fight for me...I want him to be with me. But not because of a baby.

You want to be loved for you.

Is that so much to ask? She asked softly.

No. It's what you deserve. You know what you need Natalie?

Natalie laughed, a new past?

No, a new present and perhaps future. You talk to me all the time about going back to school, so do it. Stop spending all your time here and at the park and go to school. Meet people...you say you moved here to figure out who you are but sitting in this coffee shop is not going to help you do that. Come on.

What? Where are we going?

To get you an application to NYU. I'll go over the courses with you if you want. Help you to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life.

You a shrink now?

Richard grinned, that's the first time you've asked what I do. And actually you have it right on the nose. But I don't practice. I teach. At NYU. Now come on, let's go.

Richard had gone through the course books with her and helped her pick her courses, he'd helped her register and within a week she was taking classes at NYU. Despite there age differences he'd become her best friend. She felt she could talk to him about anything. He listened and only gave advice when she asked for it. He talked to her too, about the trouble he had with his son and other things in his life.

She smiled remembering the first time Richard had met people from her past. Rex and Michael had shown up at her door. She was six months pregnant by this time and neither of them had known about it. The only people she'd told were her mother and Jessica.

After getting over the shock of her belly they'd explained that the two of them and Marcie had decided to come and see her but Marcie had to stay with Tommy because he'd gotten sick. She had no food in her house so they all went out to dinner.

Michael had spent most of dinner trying to convince her to get in touch with John about the baby. It was evident to her by this time that John wasn't coming to New York and she knew Michael was right so she'd promised him she would call his brother soon. They were walking back to her apartment when they ran into Richard.

Natalie, hi! Richard said with a smile. Friend's of yours?

Rex and Michael both looked at her waiting for an introduction. Actually no, they've been following me around for a while, I took pity on them and bought them dinner.

Richard looked stricken for a second and then smiled, sometimes I can't tell when your joking.

Natalie laughed, Guys this is Richard Turner, he's a professor at NYU and a good friend of mine. Richard this is my annoying little brother Rex and our friend Michael.

It's nice to meet you both. Richard said. Natalie's told me a lot about the both of you.

I should you warn you most of it was a lie. Rex said seriously.

Only the stuff about him. Michael said pointing to Rex. All the stuff about me was true. Well the good stuff anyway.

You guys are impossible. Natalie said shaking her head. A look came over her face then and she got dizzy, she grabbed Rex's arm.

Nattie? Nattie what's wrong?

My...I'm getting pains...I feel like...Oh God...I don't think...I don't remember feeling the baby move today. Her eyes found Michael, what's happening?

Calm down Nat...we're going to figure it out alright? Michael looked at Richard, closest hospital?

Follow me.

Natalie's heart clenched at the memory. She couldn't go further...she had to stop thinking about it. She had to keep the past where it belonged.

John got sick of waiting for Natalie to come back inside. He'd been standing by the door for a while watching as she just sat there. He glanced over to look for Chase and to his surprise his friend seemed to be in a slightly heated conversation with Jessica. He thought about going over there but changed his mind and slipped outside.

Natalie? She looked at him and the look in her eyes tore at him. I uh...

Please John...just...just go inside.

I'm sorry. He said softly. I'm sorry all this is happening to you. I'm sorry that my being here hurts you so much. If it's that bad for you then...I'll call my boss and tell him this isn't working. Chase will remain here and he'll send someone else.

You'd do that? She asked after a minute.

Despite what you obviously think...my job isn't everything. My job stopped being what mattered most to me the day I met you. I know I didn't always act like that but...it's the truth. So if you want me to go, I'll go. But I need something from you too.

Natalie looked up at him, what?

You've been angry since you saw me at your grandfather's house last night. Why?

Natalie stood, I can't...I can't do this right now.

Natalie please...it just, it doesn't add up. That last night, on the roof...when you said goodbye, you weren't mad. I haven't seen or talked to you since but the second you saw me here you've been mad.

I've been out here to long already. I have to go back in.

We are going to talk about this. We have to. He said as she walked back inside. He sighed and sat down on the bench, she'd been deep in thought when he came outside, she'd looked as if she were about to start crying. Was he making her cry again? That was the last thing he wanted to do.

Natalie walked into the gym and stopped short when she saw John in there. She'd come home, put Aiden to bed and then listened to Chase explain how to use the new security system. She'd gone up to her room after that and stayed until the house settled.

The last thing she had expected was to find anyone in the renovated basement. She'd gotten accustomed to having a gym in the house. Richard had owned a large house in New York complete with it's own gym. Renovating the basement had been the first thing she'd done when she decided to move back home. Half of it was a gym and the other half a game room. It was her favorite spot in the house. She wasn't aware that the guys had been in the basement.

John stopped hitting the heavy bag and looked over at her. Hope you don't mind. Chase and I saw this last night, I thought I'd get in a workout.

It's fine. She replied. She turned to go.

Natalie wait! Please...don't go.

Natalie turned, what John?

Do you hate me that much that we can't share this space for a few hours?

Natalie stared at him for a minute and then replied, I don't hate you at all. I never have...I never could. Even when I wanted to.

Why does it seem like you do?

It's stupid John...and it was a long time ago.

What? John asked moving closer to her. Do...do you...do you still blame me...

I never blamed you John. Maybe for a second but...never seriously. I blamed myself. She was my baby, a part of me and I should have known that there was something seriously wrong.

How could you-

I don't blame myself anymore. I haven't for a long time. Ri...someone made me see that it wasn't my fault, or yours, or the babysitters...it was no one's fault. It was a horrible tragedy...and there was no one to place the blame on. It happened and there was nothing either of us could do to stop it.

John stared at her, he'd never seen her like this before. I still think about her everyday...she would be turning seven if she lived.

Natalie nodded, next week.

John stared at her and then smiled slightly, you always were better at moving on then me.

I had too...it was move on or drown...that's what it felt like. Living everyday without her...I felt as if I was drowning. One day I decided to stop.

Had another kid, got married...good for you Natalie. At least...at least one of us was able to. She started to turn and leave at the bitterness of his words. He grabbed her arm to stop her from going. You told me once that you'd love me forever...was that a lie?

Natalie turned to face him again, what good is it to bring all this up? ...It only brings on more pain.

Eight months. That's how long it took you to marry another man. Did you love him?

Richard was...he was kind and gentle, funny and loving...he...

I didn't ask what attributes he had. I asked if you loved him.

It was complicated. She replied. But yes...I loved him.

John ignored the pain that shot through him at her words, what about Aiden?

What about him?

I was watching him tonight at the party. He's the right age and he...he doesn't look anything like Turner. Turner had green eyes, blond hair. Aiden has dark hair, almost black, blue eyes...

What are you asking me John? Are you asking if Aiden is yours?

That's what I'm asking. A part of him was dying to hear her say he was, if the kid was his then she hadn't moved on as quickly as he thought but that also meant she had kept his child from him. And if Aiden wasn't then...

No John, he's not yours. Do you really think I would have kept your child from you?

I don't know anymore Natalie. In the end...after we lost Erica...I feel like I didn't really know you at all.

I didn't know me. She replied. I lost myself when she died. When I left here...when I left you...you know I always thought you would come for me. I waited...for months I waited. But you never came.

You made it clear that you didn't want me in your life anymore. I was respecting your wishes.

Yeah that's what Michael said and it made sense but...at the same time I wanted...needed for you to fight for me and you didn't.

John realized then that this was the reason she'd been angry with him. You couldn't have waited to long...you married someone else.

I waited...I waited everyday. I wanted you to find me and I wanted you to make me believe in myself again, to make me believe in us...in anything. I just wanted to believe again. But...things happen and I couldn't wait anymore.

We both changed when we lost her...I had nothing left in me to fight. You say you were lost, well I was broken...I couldn't do my job, I couldn't...I had no idea what to do or how to handle everything I was feeling. How could I find you and make you believe when I didn't believe myself? I left town because I couldn't work and I couldn't associate with anyone...all I did was drink and think about... I did nothing for months and then I met up with Chase and he got me this job.

And you threw yourself into it to forget about the past. Vintage John McBain. She smiled slightly when she said the words.

John smiled, yeah...well we all need ways of coping right? Tell me something Natalie...how did you do it? How did you learn to believe again?

Haven't you?

I believe in my work but other than that...

Natalie shrugged, it took a long time but...Richard helped me. He helped me find myself...he brought me back from the hell my life had become.

John couldn't comment on that. He didn't want to hear what a great guy the man who had replaced him had been. So he let it go. Look we don't know how long this is going to take. I'm sure your boy can sense the tension between us and that's no good for him. You know after you left town I thought a lot about all the things you'd said to me. You were right...we couldn't be friends. Not then. To much had happened...there was to much pain. But it's been six years now so maybe...maybe now we could be friends, at least call a truce for the kids sake.

Aiden has been through a lot and I know he's uncomfortable with you being here...maybe it is because of the tension. So uh, I guess we could try.

Good.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy. All that old stuff, the pain...it's still there. Time didn't make it go away it only dulled it. I have to be up early...Goodnight John.

Hey wait...one more thing.

Natalie turned to face him, what?

You said you didn't play anymore yet you have a pool table in the next room. Why?

Michael and Rex got together and bought it as a house warming/welcome home gift. I've never used it.

Why?

Natalie stared at him for a second and then replied, because it lost it's appeal...it just wasn't any fun anymore. She turned and headed up the stairs.


Natalie was searching through Aiden's bedroom for his lost sneaker when she heard the doorbell ring. A second later she heard Aiden running to the door. She got up and moved quickly to the top of the stairs, Chase smiled up, I got it.

Thanks. She replied. Aiden come help me find your shoe!

Aiden gave a longing look toward the door and then ran up the stairs. Chase opened the door to see Jessica on the other side. She was carrying a little boy, maybe two years old and Bree was standing beside her. Hey little bit. Chase said smiling down at the rambunctious little one. I see you brought company with you today.

Bree frowned, mommy won't let me come over here anymore less I bring her. It just ain't fair.

Chase smiled at her and looked at Jessica, he stared at the baby in her arms, I didn't realize you had another kid.

John walked into the hall. Morning Jess.

Jess looked at him, she must have been arguing with herself about whether she should be nice or not because after a minute she said, good morning. She walked into the house and into the living room. She put Jared down on the floor and he immediately got up and started walking around the room.

He's a new edition. John said watching the baby.

That's Jared. He's my baby brother. Bree told him. How do you know my mommy?

I used to live here a long time ago. John told her. I knew you when you were just a baby.

You did?

Sure did.

Natalie came down the stairs then, hurrying, Jess, sorry. I'm running late. Aiden is getting his shoes on now and then he'll be down. I'll be late tonight but if there's any-

I know, I know. Go already. Jessica said laughing. I'll see you later.

Natalie sighed, thanks for taking him today, after what happened the other day I didn't want to leave him at daycare. Aiden came running down the stairs then and smiled when he saw Bree. Give mommy a kiss baby, I have to go to work. She hugged and kissed him and then stood again, be good for Aunt Jess.

Say bye to your mom Aiden. Jess said from her spot on the couch. Say bye Aiden. She said again but Aiden didn't reply. Jess smiled and messed his hair. Ready to have some fun today?

Whoever is tagging along today lets go. I'm already late and I'm not waiting for anyone to get ready.

Chase looked down at his bare feet and grinned, guess that leave me out. Have a good day at the office you two.


John was surprised when she pulled her car into Buchanan Enterprises. He always felt uncomfortable when his clients drove, he felt it was safer for him to drive. But driving was the last thing he wanted to start an argument over, especially with there new found truce. You work at BE?

Yes. I was working in a similar place in New York when the position of CEO opened up here. Asa had finally decided to retire and my dad wasn't interested in being CEO. I applied for the job under a false name so I wouldn't be hired because I was a Buchanan. When I made it through the second interview and they called me to the third, this one with Asa, I knew I was there new CEO, hardly anyone makes it to the interview with Asa.

John smiled, so you scammed your way to the top?

Only so I wasn't riding on my name. Asa's face when I walked into the office was priceless. His interview was only a formality. If he liked the person and got good vibes, they got hired, if he didn't, they didn't. Obviously I got hired. She turned the car off after pulling into her parking space. You know this isn't anything like the police station...it's pretty boring here.

John smiled, actually I'm relieved you don't work there. I'm not to keen on hanging out in cop shops anymore. John followed Natalie through the front of the building and onto the packed elevator. Her office was on the top floor and they rode in silence. She said hello and goodbye to people as they walked on and off but otherwise she said nothing. He saw a complete change in her as she walked off the elevator. It was like she shifted, she was no longer herself and in her place was a business woman.

Hello gentlemen, I'm running late this morning so if you'll give me just ten minutes I'll be ready to begin.

Not a problem Mrs. Turner, we're always happy to wait for a beautiful woman.

Natalie held in her groan and managed not to roll her eyes until she turned away from the men. Janet smiled knowingly at her and then followed her into the office. I saw what happened on the news the other night. Everyone alright?

For now. Janet this is John McBain, my new bodyguard. John, my office manager Janet Dooley. Jan can you get me the files I'll need for this morning's meeting? Oh and reschedule my two o' clock, Aiden has a appointment and I need to be there.

You got it. Janet said and with one last appreciative glance at John she left the room.

Are there any other entrances to this office? John asked Natalie.

Just through the roof but all the other doors on the roof are locked so no one can can up there.

Alright then. I'll stand outside this door. If you need anything, yell.

Actually...it would help if you were to stand inside for this meeting. Jeremy Pointer, well he's a bit of a...let's just say sometimes he doesn't know when to keep his hands to himself. You'll be kind of intimidating standing here by the door.

John smiled, no problem. You deal with guys like him all the time?

I'm a woman in a man's world, I never realized it until working here but it's the truth. I deal with him and a lot worse but I can take care of myself.

You always could.

Janet walked in then and handed Natalie what she'd asked for, would you like me to show them in?

I'd like you to make them go away. Natalie said with a sly smile.

No can do.

Well I had to try, thank you Jan. Keep an eye on the time, if I'm in here longer then an hour, call me with some sort of emergency.

Janet grinned, that I can do.

John watched her throughout her meeting. She was impressive. He didn't know much of what they were discussing but he could tell she knew what she was doing. She had a take charge attitude and wasn't afraid to speak her mind. She'd transformed into another person when those men had walked into the room and he was only now starting to see what Bo had meant by her having changed.

She was the same as she was then only now she was stronger, not so insecure. As much as he enjoyed watching her in action he was relieved an hour later when her office manager buzzed her with an urgent matter that needed to be handled. He watched and Natalie didn't skip a beat, she stood and showed the men to the door even as they tried making excuses to stay. We'll talk again soon gentlemen, I really have to handle this situation.

Natalie, how would you feel about discussing this more at dinner later?

Thank you for the invitation Mr. Pointer but I'm afraid I can't make it to dinner tonight.

Jeremy didn't give up, another night then?

I'm pretty sure the lady is telling you she's not interested. John said from his spot by the door.

Pointer barely glanced John's way and ignored his words, Natalie smiled kindly, I'm afraid he's right.

Oh I see. So your seeing someone.

I am. She lied.

My bad luck then. Until next time.

Natalie shut the door and groaned as she kicked off her shoes and walked over to the beverage bar and poured herself a cup of coffee. I think you should have something a little stronger after that guy. John said his voice tinged with jealousy.

Natalie smirked, I deal with him and many like him all the time.

Anyone check that guy out?

Natalie rolled her eyes and sat back down at her desk, Jeremy is a bit over the top, and has an ego the size of Texas but he isn't a stalker.

Really? Your sure about that? Cause you know once upon a time we all thought Haver was just a shrink, and Hayes just a-

I get your point. Whatever, check him out. But it's not him.

Bo called earlier. I forgot to tell you. The knife came back clean. No prints.

Figures.

When you have some time today I'd like you to make a list of anyone you can think of that this could be.

You think uncle Bo hasn't already had me do that?

I'm sure he has but I'd like to check them out again.

Natalie sighed, fine but I can't do it now. I have a conference call with my brother in London and an important investor, that I need to prepare for. Then I have to meet Jess at the hospital for Aiden's appointment.

That's fine. Just one question.

Yeah?

What's going on between your sister and Chase?

Natalie remembered there first meeting and realized she'd forgotten all about it, why do you ask that?

Just the way the act around each other. Chase can't be in the same room with a woman like Jess and not flirt with her but I haven't heard him do it once. And they were in a pretty heated discussion at your grandfather's party last night. Is it possible they know each other?

Any thing's possible. But...I don't know. I'll find out though. Natalie turned to her computer and brought up the things she'd need when speaking with Kevin and the investor. She stared at the screen and did what needed to be done but her mind wandered.

It was a boy...right? She asked softly not looking at any of the three men that had walked into her hospital room more then a half hour before.

Yeah Nattie. Michael said softly. It was a boy.

Did they...did they say why? Why did this happen? She looked up at Michael, why Michael?

It just did. He said wishing like anything that he wasn't the one who had to do this. I don't know why Nat, they don't either. Sometimes it just happens. It could have been stress.

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be Nattie. Rex said sitting beside her.

How could you say that to me? I know you hate John but-

I don't hate McBain, I don't. I don't think he's good enough for you. He doesn't know how to treat you and you deserve better. All he ever did was make you sad. And I'm not saying maybe it's a good thing you lost this baby, I would never say that. But Nattie it's so soon after Erica and...I just think it was to soon. You can have another baby, one with a man you'll be in love with, one that will love you back just as much. That sis, is what you deserve.

Maybe I'm not meant to have kids...first Eri...now this... Fresh tears flowed down her face, was I a bad mom?

God Nat no. You were the best. Michael said taking her hand. He pulled her close to him and hugged her. You didn't do anything wrong, not with this pregnancy and not with Erica. Sometimes bad things happen, you know that more then anyone. But you get through those bad things and your stronger for it. Your a survivor Natalie, you can survive this.


Richard had said goodbye not long after that and Natalie knew he'd felt uncomfortable there. Michael and Rex stayed with her for the whole night and brought her home the next day after she was discharged. It took her a couple hours but she finally got them to agree to go home.

Natalie watched as Rex walked out to the street to hail a cab. They'd already said there goodbyes and she'd promised to call him soon. Michael touched her cheek gently, you going to be alright?

I will be. Like you said...I'm strong.

Michael smiled slightly, you going to call Johnny Nat?

What for? She asked her face stricken.

Natalie...don't you think he'd want to know?

No Michael...he can't know. He already blames himself for Erica. If he finds out about this and that he wasn't here...please, promise me you won't tell him.

Michael sighed but nodded, I don't like it and I think he should know but that's not my choice. I promise he won't hear this from me. But you have to promise me you won't lock yourself up in this apartment alone. You shouldn't be alone Nat.

I promise. Thank you for coming and...give Tommy a big kiss from me okay?

Natalie pulled herself out of the memory and almost cursed out loud. She looked over at John who she'd felt watching her but he was staring down at a magazine as if he was completely interested in the article. Damn it why did she keep thinking about the past? The past didn't matter anymore...it was over and done with and she had made peace with it a long time ago. Hadn't she? Something wrong? John asked.

What? She asked looking at him again.

You look mad or maybe confused.

Nothings wrong. She replied grateful when Janet buzzed her about the conference call. Damn him for bringing this all back again.


Natalie crouched down and gave Aiden a hug, have you had a good day with Aunt Jess? At his slight nod she smiled. He was nodding and shaking his head more and more every day but still it made her feel so good inside.

There was a time when all he would do was stare, no smiles, no frowns, no signs of emotion, no signs that he heard or understood what anyone was saying to him.

Marty came out of her office and smiled at everyone, well I didn't get an invitation to a party.

Natalie smiled, sorry we're crowding your waiting room. I had to work and-

No need to explain Natalie. Marty told her. She looked at Aiden and crouched down so she was eye level with him. There is a piece of paper and some crayons at the table in the office. How about you go draw me a picture while I speak with your mom for a minute? Aiden stared at her and Marty smiled, draw something that you've done since the last time I saw you, something that made you happy. Aiden nodded and with a quick look at Natalie he went into the office. How was he yesterday?

Normal. Natalie replied. Less nodding but with what happened to Rex I understand that. He seems better today.

Good, that's good.

I did find something out though. Marty he talks to Bree.

Are you sure?

Natalie nodded, yes. I can't see her lying to me about something like that. Jess and I wanted to talk to her but I wanted to see what you had to say first.

Well...if he's talking to her then she's obviously a sort of safe place for him. If she opens up to you about what he says to her and then he finds out it may set us back to the beginning again. I can't tell you not to talk to her but, I will advise against it.

Natalie sighed, okay. I was just hoping...if we had some insight into what happened that night...hell that month...

Then we could wrap it all up and pronounce him cured? It doesn't work that way Natalie. He has to come around in his own way. And he will as long as we're patient.

I know.

Marty smiled, your doing great by him and he adores you. Now I thought I should warn you, I plan on broaching the subject of Scott and Amber today.

Are you sure? It's not to soon?

I won't force it but I think it's time.

Okay. I'll be waiting out here. Natalie watched her go into the room and stared until the door shut. She felt her sister's hand on her shoulder, I hate this.

I know honey. Jessica replied. But it's our best bet of finding out why he closed up.

Natalie walked with Jess over to the other side of the waiting room but where they could still see Bree coloring, where's Jared?

With mom. She was going to take Bree too but my little devil insisted on coming. She said Aiden needed her. I have to admit he did look relieved when I said she could come.

You heard what Marty said?

Yeah. I think she's right. I also think if Aiden were to ever tell Bree something very serious she would tell us.

They sat in silence for a while. Natalie watched the clock as she normally did during these sessions. She hated when he was in that room, the door closed and she she had no idea if he needed her or not. Not that...not that he'd voice it if he did.

She closed her eyes and wished the same thing she wished every time they were here. She wished with everything in her that the door would open and Aiden would come out and tell her he was all better and that he loved her. A fantasy and she knew when he started talking again it probably wouldn't happen like that but...she still wished it every time.

Mommy? Bree looked up. Will Aiden's daddy come and get him like my daddy does?

John was standing with Chase listening to his friend tell him about his day so far. He'd spent the whole day outside with Jessica and the kids while John had been locked up in an office. Both men stopped and looked over at the woman when Bree asked her question.

Why would you ask that sweetie? Jessica asked as Bree sat down in the chair beside her mom.

I told Aiden that daddy would be coming to get me on the weekend. He asked if I was afraid. He got upset cause I laughed at him. I think I hurt his feelings but I didn't mean to. I told him that I like when my daddy comes cause we have lots of fun together. He was really scared that his daddy would come for him too. I don't think he likes him very much. Is his daddy bad?

Jessica looked to Natalie and Natalie took a deep breath and said, his daddy...he wasn't a very nice man Bree. But Aiden doesn't ever have to worry about going with him. He won't ever have to see him again.

Oh. Why? Is his daddy in heaven?

No. He's not in heaven.

This seemed to satisfy Bree and she nodded, At least I can tell A that he don't have to go with his daddy. Then he won't have to be afraid no more. She turned and walked back over to where she was coloring.

Like a man like him would ever be in heaven. Jessica said softly so Bree wouldn't overhear.

No. Natalie said shaking her head. There is definitely a special place in hell just for him. Natalie stood suddenly impatient. They hadn't even been inside for more then twenty minutes. She walked a little ways down the hall to get herself some coffee and when she came back she sat down again next to her sister ignoring the feel of John's eyes on her and stared at the clock.


Your staring Johnny. Chase mumbled so the woman wouldn't overhear.

John sighed and looked away, Turner isn't the kids real father? Or is he and the guy was a prick? She told me she loved him, I can't see her loving someone that she could talk like that about. But then she also told me it was complicated...what the hell is going on Chase?

I only know what's in the file. And it doesn't get that specific. If the kids father isn't Turner and he's not dead then we need a name. He could be the stalker. She's not going to share that info with me Johnny.

And you think she'd share it with me?

You have a better chance then I do.

John sighed again, I'll talk to a few others first, maybe I'll be able to find out from someone else. Don't look at me like that. We called a truce and I do not want to be the one to end that.

Natalie closed her eyes. She'd been trying hard to hear what the two men were talking about but it wasn't working so she decided to take a cat nap and hope the time went by faster.

Natalie! I didn't expect you today. Should you be up and around?

I was told I could resume my normal activities. It's not to easy though. Seems like I have no idea what normal is anymore.

Richard smiled kindly, I understand. You take it one day at a time. You go to school and do the things you did before this happened and eventually, you'll start living again.

You know what, I don't want to talk about me. How's that beautiful grand baby of yours?

Rickard looked upset by the question, I don't think that is something we should be discussing.

Is something wrong?

I just...Natalie in less then a year you have lost two children. What kind of friend would I be if I sat here bragging about a child in my life?

A good friend Richard. Your a grandfather now. Your expected to brag. And hiding the way you feel would only make me feel bad. It seems we always talk about me and I need a vacation from that. She said with the best smile she could. Let's talk about you for a change.

Richard smiled, has anyone ever told you that you are incredibly strong and brave?

I've heard those words a few times yes. Now where are the pictures? I know you have some.

Sorry to interrupt Professor but I have those papers you needed. Someone said softly from behind them.

Oh yes, of course Preston. Preston have you met Natalie Buchanan? She's a student here and a dear friend of mine.

I've seen you around. He told her with a shy smile.

Natalie smiled, well next time you see me say hello. It's always nice to meet new people.

He blushed and nodded, sure...I'll uh, be going now.

Natalie turned back to Richard, he's cute.

My student teacher. He does an excellent job but he's a bit shy with people.

He'll grown out of it. So pictures?

Nat.

Natalie opened her eyes dragging herself out of yet another memory, what? Oh. I must have fallen asleep.

It's alright. It's just...you didn't look...you looked upset.

I'm fine Jess. Hey...have you and Chase met before.

Sure. Jessica said quickly. At Rodi's.

Before that Jessica. Something is going on with you two. I thought that first meeting was weird but then I forgot about it."

"If you forgot about it then why are you asking?" Jessica mumbled.

"I forgot about it. John didn't. He has noticed it too.

Jessica sighed, we met. A few years back.

Seriously? Wow. Why didn't you say anything?

It wasn't a very good time for me. Nash had moved back to California and he had Bree for the first time, remember? Three weeks in the summer?

Natalie nodded, you were lost without her. You said you needed to get away while she wasn't around.

Yeah. I met Chase then...it was no big deal.

Natalie started to argue that comment with her sister because frankly it didn't seem like no big deal to her. But the office door opened and they came out. She stood up and walked over to Aiden, are you okay? He smiled tentatively and looked up at Marty.

The doctor nodded and Aiden walked over to John. Natalie watched in surprise as her son held up a piece of paper.

I suggested he give it to John, I didn't expect him to do it but it's a good sign that he did. She murmured softly to Natalie.

John crouched down and took the paper from Aiden, what's this? A picture? Is it for me? Aiden nodded shyly. John smiled and looked at the paper he was now holding, hey, this is us right? Playing pool. Another nod from Aiden. You know, that looks just like me. Great job.

Natalie couldn't believe it when Aiden gave a wide smile...he beamed at John with the man's praise. Her son hadn't smiled like that in years. She looked at Marty and she looked at John. I asked Aiden to draw a picture of something he has done in the last few days, something that made him happy and that was the outcome.

Playing pool made you happy huh? Your like your mom then, it used to make her happy too. I'm glad playing with me was fun for you buddy, it was fun for me too.

Another smile and then Aiden turned and moved over to his cousin. I can't believe that. Natalie said not able to stop her own smile. He...

Marty nodded, today was good, probably one of the best sessions we've had. Come on into my office and I'll show you what we have.

Just give me a minute. Natalie walked over to Aiden, hey babe, I have to go back to work. Aunt Jess is going to take you back home alright? Aiden nodded, you be good and I'll see you later. I love you.

Aiden wrapped his arms around her neck and hugged her tightly. He was normally affectionate but usually the other person had to prompt him. She held him as tight as she could without hurting him and blinked back her tears. It must have been a really good session. She kissed the top of his head and then walked into Marty's office before Aiden or anyone else could see her tears. Marty shut the door and she collapsed into a chair. He's coming back to me.

She nodded, that he is.

Thank you...I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you-

Natalie seeing that smile was all the repayment I will need. Well that and when I finally get to hear his voice. Aiden reminds me of why I got into this business in the first place. Now, let's get to these pictures.


Natalie sat in her office at home staring at the picture Aiden had drawn today. She felt someone come to the door and knew without looking it was John. Do you need something?

To talk to you. You've been quiet since we left Marty's. Did something happen in there?

Natalie sighed and picked up the drawing Aiden had made, Aiden won't talk so Marty does most of the talking. Aiden draws while she talks and on good days he draws the things he's thinking or feeling...or the things she is speaking about.

So what did he draw? Natalie showed him the picture. It was of a little boy, obviously Aiden and two taller people, one a man and the other a woman from what it looked like. There were tears on the boys face and he'd drawn harsh lines coming from the adults mouths, they both looked angry and John figured the lines meant they were yelling. What does that mean?

Natalie sighed, it could mean anything. Did you need anything else? I'm beat.

John walked in and shut the door. Natalie I overheard you talking today in the waiting room.

Yeah?

John had already spoke to his brother and Jessica about Aiden's father but neither of them would tell him anything. He took a deep breath and continued. Was your husband Aiden's father?

Natalie looked up at him, why...what does it matter?

It matters. If Turner wasn't his father then I need to know who is. If he's anything like what you made him out to be this afternoon then it is a real possibility that he is the one stalking you.

He's not.

How can you be sure?

Natalie looked away,

Natalie let herself into Richard's house, he'd called her frantic and she'd come as fast as she could. Richard? She called out but his house was huge and if he wasn't downstairs he'd never hear her. A second later though he called back and she followed his voice into the den. She smiled when she saw the playpen, oh you have the baby! Natalie walked over and peered in at the sleeping boy. He's gotten so big.

Natalie...oh God Natalie.

Natalie looked up from the baby and met Richard's frantic gaze, Richard, what's going on? What's wrong?

God I can't believe I am doing this. It's only been two months since you lost your own child. But I didn't know what else to do, who else to call.

Richard! Calm down. What is going on?

Cassandra's dead, she swallowed a bottle of pills last night. She'd dead and now the baby is here! What do I know about caring for a three month old? I can't do this!

Natalie. John said again and this time he saw her respond. She moved her head and then turned to face him again.

Aiden's sixth birthday is in two months. Do the math John.

John's eyes widened, so...God Natalie how could you? How could you keep my child from me?

I told you, Aiden isn't yours. I wasn't lying. She said softly from where she sat.

You had to have been. You didn't...you didn't cheat on me. That's not who you are...you wouldn't have.

I'm glad you feel that way. Your right, I never cheated on you. But Aiden's isn't your son John...and biologically he's not mine either. John's eyes widened in surprise. The was the last thing he'd suspected. Aiden's father is Scott Turner. Richard was his grandfather.

Scott left, said he couldn't handle it, her death or the baby. He just left him here with me. Cassie had no family, it's just me. How could he do this? How could he just leave his child? What kind of man did I raise?

Aiden's biological mother committed suicide when he was three months old. His father dropped him off with Richard and took off.

Aiden...he knows?

Natalie nodded, yes. But I've been his mother...I've been his mother since the day Scott left him at Richard's.

You don't have to do this. Richard said as he watched Natalie from her couch. She was packing things into a box.

If you don't want the help just say so.

Of course I want the help. Richard replied. And that house of mine is damn lonely sometimes so I'm happy to have you there. But if this triggers-

I'm fine Richard. I love Aiden and your convinced you can't take care of him on your own. No child should be raised by nannies.

So you moved in with him?

Yes.

And married him?

A few months later. Natalie replied softly. The point is Aiden's father is not the one doing this.

How can you be sure? Where is he now?

In prison. Natalie replied and then stood and left the office. She walked down the hall to her own room and shut herself inside. The past was the last thing she wanted to be discussing with John. Hell she didn't want to discuss it at all.

What's going on Richard? You've been quiet all night. Did something happen today? Natalie asked after Aiden was settled for the night.

Richard took a deep breath and then let it out slowly, I went to the doctors today Natalie.

Because of those headaches? she asked instantly concerned. What did they say?

They ran several tests and...I have cancer. Richard gave her a second to register his words and then went on. There aren't many options for me. The tumor is in a delicate part of my brain and is inoperable. They can do chemo and try and shrink it but even then...

What do you mean even then? Natalie swallowed the lump in her throat, the...the chemo will fix this right? You'll get better?

The doctors said I shouldn't lose faith but...this isn't the first time I have been through this.

Are you telling me your dying?

I don't know how long. He said not giving her a straight answer. but I saw the look on the doctors face and...he's not very hopeful. The chemo will give me more time, but it won't save me.

God Richard...this can't...this can't be happening.

It is happening. I can't hide from it. I have to start making plans. I've taken a leave of absence from the university. I need to think about Aiden now. We're all he has. Scott has only been back twice since Cassie died and it's been about money both times. I've filed abandonment charges against him and once that goes through I'll officially adopt Aiden.

Okay. Natalie said not sure where this was leading.

I need to make plans for him. I need to make sure he's okay...when I'm gone. The only way I know how to do that is...you. He loves you Natalie. He loves you and you love him and your amazing with him. I want you to raise him, I want you to be his mother.

Richard...I can't...I don't know...

He'll be safe with you Natalie. I have complete faith in you. Your the only one I would trust with his life.

Natalie was scared. She'd been helping him with Aiden for two months now and while caring for a baby again made her think so much of Erica and her child that had never gotten a chance to live...she loved that little boy as if he were already her own. What do I do?

Richard smiled, you marry me.

Natalie curled up on her bed thinking about how shocked she was at his proposal. But he'd had it all planned out. Every last step. They'd gotten married less then a week later. The abandonment charge went through and Natalie and Richard officially adopted Aiden.

It took a lot less time then Natalie had expected it to but Richard had called in a lot of favors to get it all done. Before he became so sick he could barely get out of bed, his will had been changed leaving the house to her and everything else to Aiden. She held his power of attorney until Aiden was twenty one. A little over a year after there impromptu wedding Richard had died at home, in his own bed, with Natalie by his side.

Your an amazing mother. But he's going to need a daddy.

Would you stop? Go to sleep. You need to get your rest.

I have plenty of time to rest. Find love again Natalie, find love again and don't let it go this time.

I don't think I can. I don't think I can ever stop loving John.

Richard smiled weakly, then find him. Tell him you still love him. Tell him you want to hold him and never let him go. Raise Aiden to be a strong and decent man...always protect him Natalie.

I will. I love that little boy as if he were my blood. I always will. Go to sleep now Richard.

Natalie wiped the tears from her eyes, Richard had died that night. He'd gone to sleep and never woke again. She'd tried to do as he'd asked her. She'd gotten John's number from Michael and she'd picked up the phone so many times but...she could never dial the number. She left him. Days after they had buried there little girl...she'd left him. She'd broken his heart, what right did she have to call him almost two years later and ask for another chance? And even if she'd gotten up the courage to do it...she knew it would never work. How could she be happy with John again when there little girl could never be a part of it? How could they be a family without her?


Tales? It's John McBain.

John, how's it going man? You on assignment?

Yeah. Listen I need you to get me everything you have on Scott Turner. He was born in Manhattan and is supposed to be in prison right now.

You want to know if he's still there?

Yeah. Call me back and let me know what you come up... John saw Aiden standing by the office door. Call me. He said into the phone and then hung up. Aiden? What's up buddy? You okay?

Aiden turned and walked away from the office but turned back to look at John, John felt like the kid was asking him to follow so he did.

Aiden stopped in front of Natalie's bedroom door. He was about to say something when he heard the crying inside. He crouched down, you heard her crying? Aiden nodded. She'll be okay A. John promised him. Aiden looked at the door and then back at John, you want me to go make sure? Another nod. John sighed, I'll tell you what, I'll go make sure but you have to get back into bed okay? I'll...I'll find out why she's crying and try my best to make it better.

A small smile and then the little boy walked away from him and back into his own room.

John knew he should just leave her be and go back to the office. But he couldn't. He knew the moment she'd realized he was in the room. She sat up, stiff as ever and quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks. Why are you in my room?

I uh...I heard you crying.

Just go John.

I can't do that. I promised a certain little boy I'd see to it that you were alright. I'm not leaving this room until I do.

Why? Why John? Why do you care? After everything-

That's why I care. Because of everything we've been through. I've seen you cry enough...I've made you cry enough. The distance between us will never change that...six years or sixty I'm always going to care and I'm always going to hate seeing you cry.

I don't cry. I'm not a crybaby.

John smiled, you've said that to me before. And I know your not. You never have been. But sometimes things get to hard to handle and crying is the only way out of it. There's nothing wrong with a little tears.

Really? When is the last time you sat down and had yourself a nice cry? She asked sarcastically.

John smirked, touche. He edged his way a little more into the room and sat down in a lounge chair by the window. I'm sorry I brought up so much old stuff. Not...not just tonight but...by coming here.

I'm not...seeing you did bring back some things but... She couldn't tell him that seeing him made her think about the child they had lost, the child he knew nothing about. Seeing him again made her feel guilty for never telling him and she hated it. Do you remember when you accused me of not being able to say her name? John knew she was talking about Erica and he nodded. She'd slapped him after he said it. You were right. For a long time I couldn't say her name. Not to my mom and dad or any of my family, not even to myself. Then one day...I did. I said it and I told someone all about her and it felt good to talk about her again.

I still...I think about her all the time. It hurts to see her pictures and to talk about her but I can't just erase her from my mind. Every time I see a baby...I think about her and the life she never got to live.

You can't...you can't just never talk about her John. That's like what you thought I was doing and it's what I did but it hurt to much holding her inside.

I talk about her sometimes with my mom but...to just tell someone I meet about her... John shook his head. It's like...I don't want to share my memories of her with someone else...they're mine...

Natalie smiled, greedy.

John laughed, yeah. Was it hard...taking care of Aiden?

No. She said shaking her head. He made me think about her and the ba...I loved him though. She said covering quickly. I loved him the second I met him.

Is he why you were crying tonight?

A part of the reason. I started thinking about...about losing him and-

Natalie your not going to lose him. I swear to you I won't let anything happen to that little boy.

I didn't actually mean now. I mean...in a way I have already lost him. You should have seen him before John...God he never shut up and he was always so happy. If I showed a hint of sadness he would do these crazy little things to make me laugh. He was amazing. I promised Richard when he died that I would always protect him and I didn't. I didn't protect him and because of that I haven't heard his beautiful voice in two years. You know sometimes ...sometimes I just feel myself losing patience and I want to shake him and yell at him to just say something...anything.

What do you do when that happens?

I usually leave him with my mom for the night and go out. But that makes me feel guilty too. If it wasn't for me he wouldn't be like this, yet I get frustrated at him for it.

What happened Natalie? John asked softly.

The door bell rang and Natalie looked up in time to see Aiden running by, Aiden, honey wait for me!

Doorbell mumma! I get it, I get it!

Natalie laughed and then followed him to the door. He opened it and her eyes widened when she saw Scott standing there. Scott.

Hello step mommy dearest. How've you been?

What are you doing here?

I came to see my boy of course.

Who they are mumma?

Natalie crouched down, go get ready for your bath A. And pick out three books, you can have three tonight. I'll be upstairs in a few minutes.

Don't send him away. Scott said his voice hard.

It's late and he's got to get ready for bed. Go on now Aiden.

Okay mumma. Aiden sent the man and his woman friend a curious look but ran up the stairs anyway.

How dare you show up now! God you couldn't even be bothered to come to your own father's funeral!

Don't lecture me! You have it all now don't you? The old man cut me from the will and left you everything. You've got his money, the house, my kid!

You left him! You left him when he needed you most! You have no rights to him Scott. Richard made sure of that!

My wife killed herself. I was distraught. Don't make me take this to court Natalie because you won't win.

What do you want?

My son. Amber and I are married and we just want to raise our boy.

I let him down, that's what happened. She replied softly.

You can tell me...I'm not going to hold anything against you.

I know. I know that I just...I really don't want to talk about it. Seems like the past is all I can think about so making it all I talk about is the last thing I want to do.

I can understand that.

The phone beside Natalie's bed rang then and she looked at it a little worried about answering it. She looked at John, no one ever calls me this late...

There are traces on the phone along with recorders. If it's him, we may be able to get him from this call.

Natalie nodded and then reached over and answered the phone, hello?

Natalie...

Who is this?

Natalie...

Please...just tell me your name. Your never going to get anywhere unless I know who you are. Natalie sighed when he hung up.

John sighed, not long enough. You did good though. Did he say anything?

My name, twice but I think he used something to distort his voice. It sounded electronic.

I'll call and have my people try and break through it, once we get a voice I'll play it for you. It's possible you'll recognize his voice.

You can do that?

My boss has people that can do just about anything.

Natalie smiled and then sighed again. She looked around and shivered slightly, you know the other night when you guys got here was the first time I slept in my room. I could barely even come in here before that. Just the thought of him going through my things and...doing what he did...I hate this. Do I like...have a sign on me that says victim? Why does it feel like it's always me?

Your... John sighed, how did he say this without pissing her off. Look your beautiful and your fiery and tough...your smart, book smart and street smart, and you don't take no crap from anyone. Your uh...somewhat irresistible.

Natalie stared at him with a hint of a smile, I am huh?

John smirked, don't let it go to your head.

Irresistible to psycho's...gee just what every woman wants.

John stood and went to sit next to her on the bed. He reached up and pushed a lock of her hair out of her face, not just to psycho's. He said softly.

John... Natalie meant it to come out sounding like a warning but instead it sounded as if she was asking him for something. He didn't give her a chance to make it clear that she wasn't...or maybe he did and she just kept her mouth shut. His lips touched hers gently at first and she slid her hands up his shoulders and around his neck as he deepened the kiss.

John wanted her, he wanted her now more then he ever had before. It had been so long since he'd been so close to her and he was aching with it. He pulled away before the kiss went further, before it got to the point where pulling away wouldn't be an option. He rested his forehead against hers and caught his breath.

Natalie opened her eyes to find him staring at her. She didn't say anything as he moved away or as he stood up. He said goodnight to her and left her room. She fell back on her pillows and took a deep breath. She'd kissed him. Well, he'd kissed her but she kissed him back...and if he hadn't just walked away...so much more could have happened.

Natalie managed to avoid John the next morning. She wouldn't meet his eyes and she kept herself busy getting herself and Aiden ready for the day ahead. The four of them drove to BE together and Natalie brought Aiden to the daycare located on the third floor.

She crouched down, you have fun today alright? If you need anything Chase will be right outside. Aiden nodded and started to go inside, Aiden? He turned back toward her, no sneaking out today to come and see me. You have to stay here. I'll come see you at lunch and we'll eat in my office alright? But you have to promise me you'll stay here. Promise?

Aiden nodded and then turned and ran over to where a few boys were playing. Natalie stood and looked at Chase, he's forever sneaking out of here. He always finds his way to my office but I don't want him wandering around the building alone right now.

I won't let him get away. Chase promised her. Don't worry about him.

Thanks. She said with a smile and then picked up her briefcase off the floor and headed for the elevator.

You two get into a fight or something? Chase asked John before he followed her.

I'll tell you if you tell me.

What's that mean? Chase asked warily.

Jess? John replied and then at his friends glare he turned and jogged to get onto the elevator with her. He was glad they were alone and before she could stop him he reached out and pulled the emergency stop button.

John what are you doing? I need to get upstairs.

No you need to look at me. He told her. Hey...look at me. She finally did and he nodded, thank you. What happened last night...I...look I'm not going to say it was a mistake and I don't want to apologize for it but...I am sorry that it made you so uncomfortable with me again. That's not what I wanted.

What did you want John? Why did you kiss me?

For the same reasons you kissed me all those times when we weren't together...because I couldn't help myself. You were hurting and I only meant to sit close and try and make you feel better. I never meant to make anything worse. I don't want things to go back to being awkward between us.

I don't know if it could ever really be anything else. We can fake it all we want but we're not the same people anymore.

John smiled slightly, I don't know...for a little while there, last night...it kind of felt like old times.

Yeah...for a little while. She replied. She smiled, can we go to my office now? John chuckled and pushed the button back in. A second later the elevator started heading up again.


Natalie spent most of the morning on the phone and defusing situations when someone came knocking. She spent lunch with John, Chase, and Aiden, the two men took turns making the little boy laugh. Instead of enjoying it though she found herself wishing not just to see the smile again but to hear the sound that came with it.

When lunch was over and Janet announced that her mother was coming in. Natalie stood and walked over to Aiden, grandma's here. You be a good boy for her alright? Aiden nodded and gave her a hug and then turned and ran to Vickie as she walked in the door.

There's my big boy! You ready to play with your cousins? Aiden smiled wide and Vickie looked at Natalie who beamed at her.

Aiden's in a good mood today. Thanks for watching him mom. I have a couple more hours here and then I need to check the books at Rodi's. By the time I'm done there-

I know the routine darling. Don't worry. I'll drop this little guy off at daycare in the morning. Vickie turned to Chase, you must be John's friend.

Oh sorry. Mom this is Chase Adams. And you already know John of course.

Vickie smiled toward John, it's very nice to see you again John. I didn't get a chance to speak with you at Asa's party. How have you been?

Good Mrs. Davidson, thank you. How about yourself?

I'm doing very fine. And it's Mrs. Buchanan...again. Vickie replied with a smile.

Natalie smiled, mom and dad got remarried a few years ago. After mom got Dorian Lord out of the way.

Natalie. Vickie said shaking her head. She ended the warning there and kissed Natalie's cheek. Don't work to late tonight. You go out and have a good time.

I'm working mom.

All you ever do is work.

Not true. I have Aiden too. Who is looking more bored by the second.

I know when I'm being pushed out. Vickie said goodbye to John and Chase and then took Aiden's hand and led him out.

Natalie watched them go and Janet came into the room, your brother is on line one. There was a confusion with Garrett Donnelly and Kevin wants to clear it up.

Alright, thanks Janet. Natalie looked at the guys, I guess one of you is free for the night. She walked over to her desk and picked up the receiver and then hit the button for line one. Kevin? Hey big brother, what's up?


Should I split? Chase asked John.

In a hurry for some time off? What's so important?

Chase shook his head, your not going to let this go are you?

Probably not. How do you know Jessica?

I don't...I thought I did but...man I really don't. You staying or what?

No I'm going to head over to my brother's house, give my nephew a few things I got for him and meet my niece. I'll probably go and have a few beers with Mikey after that. You watch Natalie. Don't let her give you the slip Chase.

I'm not a rookie John. Get the hell out of here.

John smiled and then with a nod toward Natalie to say goodbye he left. He stopped by Natalie's to get the things for his brother's kids and then walked the few blocks down to Michael's house. He rang the doorbell and a second later he heard feet running for the door. Thomas John McBain don't you open that door, unless you know who it is! John heard his brother yell out.

Who is it? Tommy called from the other side of the door.

It's Uncle Johnny little man.

The door swung open as Tommy yelled, It's uncle Johnny! Did you bring me presents?

Tommy! That's rude! Marcie told him.

But mommy he said...sorry. Come in Uncle Johnny. Tommy waited till John was in the living room and sitting down before asking, so, did you bring me presents? He was eying the bag beside John's feet.

John chuckled, of course I did. You want them now?

Yes! Please.

Marcie shook her head, you spoil him. It doesn't make up for you not being around you know?

John stared at Tommy as he ripped into the presents, yeah I know...but it at least makes me memorable. So where's this niece of mine?

Marcie grinned, she just finished eating and now Michael is cleaning her up.

You never met my sister huh? Tommy asked spinning the wheels on his new remote control car. Does it have batteries?

Of course, in the bag. And no, I've never had the pleasure of meeting Becky. But I've seen plenty of pictures. You like your sister?

Tommy shrugged as he pulled the batteries out of the bag, she's okay I guess. She cries a lot and she smells real bad a lot of the time too.

John held back his smile and said as seriously as he could, I heard babies were like that.

Marcie rolled her eyes, he's trying to be cool for your benefit, he adores his baby sister and she adores him. When no one else is around-

Mom!

John laughed, it's okay bud. I was the same way when your dad was a kid. I couldn't stand the thought of anyone knowing I actually liked the little shrimp. I think pretending you don't actually like your little brother or sister is actually part of the job title.

Johnny? Your advice stinks, stop giving it to my son.

John looked up and smiled, hey bro. He stood and stared at the little girl in his brother's arms. Well, this is a relief.

What is? Michael asked seriously.

She looked like Marcie in the pictures but I was still afraid she might somehow resemble you in person. John gave a shudder and Tommy laughed while his parents rolled there eyes. John touched Becky's hand, hey little one, I'm your Uncle Johnny.

Take a good look at him Beck, it may be years before you see him here again. Michael said with a smirk that matched his brother's.


Natalie walked into Rodi's with Chase who she'd convinced to walk at her side. She hated having people follow her and had made it clear. She knew he'd only agreed so he wouldn't have to argue with her. Chase stopped her though, by the bathroom door, look I uh...the last thing I want to do is butt heads with you but...can you just promise me not to pull anything tonight? If anything happens to you on my watch, John will kill me.

John's an idiot. Natalie replied. What the hell did he tell you about me to make you think I would pull something?

Actually it was your sister who told me some stories. Something about a music box and a cross bow? Oh and some letter to John about a pretend kidnapping but-

Natalie rolled her eyes, I get the point. Look the thing is...back then I honestly had nothing to lose. And it wasn't like I was looking for trouble...it just seemed like it always found me. Anyway I have plenty to lose now, if I didn't I would have kicked you and John out the night you arrived. No offense to you of course.

Chase nodded, None taken. Chase said with a grin. I'm glad to hear that too. See, John's my best friend. I'd hate to lose that friendship if I was responsible for letting the woman he loves get hurt or worse.

John does not...you know what? Never mind. I have to much to do. You can come with me and check out the back room and the office, make sure the door is alarmed and secure and then come out here and wait for me.

Uh, if it's alright with you, I'll just stay with you.

It's not alright with me. It's bad enough I have to go over to books I really don't feel like doing it with someone standing there watching me. If you check back there and see anything amiss you can stay, otherwise I am banning you to the bar.


Natalie was alone in the office for no more then ten minutes when the door opened and Julian walked in. Hey stranger. I thought you were here. I saw your shadow sitting at the bar.

He's a bodyguard Jule.

Right. Anyway I thought...I thought maybe I should apologize for the way we left things the other night.

You have nothing to apologize for.

Yeah I think I do. You made it clear that there were no strings when we started this and I promised I wouldn't push for more. Yet pushing you is exactly what I have been doing.

Natalie sighed, your twenty three years-

Twenty-four and I told you, age doesn't matter to me. And it shouldn't matter to you either. You were with a man eight years older then you and you married a man what...more then twenty years older then you? Don't pull this age shit on me anymore Natalie. I know you don't want a relationship right now and I'm willing to wait. Things can just go back to the way they were before. That's what I want. I want things to be the way they were before.

Natalie stood and walked over to him. He was a good kid, really he was. But he was still just a kid. Twenty four or not he was a kid. She had known that when she started this, when she let him start this.

He was fresh out of business school and looking to start his life. He had big dreams and hadn't yet realized how hard it was to build on your dreams. He was sexy as hell which is why she'd given in and slept with him the first couple of times. But he was nice too...which was why she couldn't sleep with him anymore. I don't. She said softly touching his cheek with her hand.

Don't...don't what?

I don't want things to be the way they were.

For just a moment a smile appeared on his face, you want more. He said staring at her and then his smile faded and the hopefulness died in his eyes. Your...your ending this?

I have to Jule. I'm never going to be ready for more with you. I told you from the beginning that I was done with relationships, done with love.

But that...woman say that. They say that but your never just done with love! Please Nat...don't do this.

Julian I don't love you. I'm not ever going to be in love with you.

Because of him? Your guard?

What? Natalie asked looking startled.

Scott and Tracy were talking after you guys left the other night. You used to date the guard...pretty seriously from what they said. You had a kid with him...but not Aiden...another kid, a girl. Everyone thought you were going to get married.

That was a long time ago. A lifetime.

But you still love him.

I don't...I'm not going to discuss John with you.

You know...people...they warned me. They said I should stay away from you. They said you would only hurt me. I knew from the beginning that you were cold...not, not to Aiden...it's like he's the only one you can love. If it wasn't for him you'd be a cold-hearted bitch.

Natalie took a deep breath reigning in her anger at his words. He was hurting and she knew better then anyone the impulse to lash out when your hurting. I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't know what else to say Jule...I don't know how to make this okay for you.


John walked into Rodi's with his brother and headed straight for the bar when he spotted Chase. what the hell are you doing here? Where is Natalie?

Relax dude. She's in her office in the back. No one can get in through the back door and I've been keeping my eye on this one. She needed to breath, a break from eyes on her constantly. She's safe.

John sighed, sorry I just...

I get it. So, this the little brother?

John smirked, yeah, Mikey, my partner Chase Adams. Chase, my brother Mikey.

Michael shook his head and Chase's hand, Mike or Michael will do. Nobody but Johnny and Nat call me Mikey and it's a real pain when they do. I feel like I'm five years old again.

Well if it isn't the McBain brothers. Should have left big brother at home Mike.

All three men turned to see Jessica and Marty. It was Jessica who had spoken. John leaned back on the bar looking bored. You know Jess, I kind of get the feeling your angry with me.
.
Really? Jessica asked sarcastically. Whatever gave you that idea?

It could be all the sarcastic remarks.

So what, I'm supposed to throw down the welcome mat and give you a big welcome home hug? Get over yourself McBain.

Michael and Chase couldn't help but laugh, and John glared at them and then turned back to Jessica, I think you got your history a little messed up in the head Jessica. I'm not the one who left your sister...she left me. Twice. John turned to the bar, can I get a beer? Once his beer was placed in front of him he turned again. I tried getting her to stay, she wouldn't. What the hell else was I supposed to do?

Everyone was looking at him in surprise. No one had expected any of that from him. Jessica stuttered on her words for a minute and then said, you could have gone after her. You should have gone after her...she needed you...more then she ever had before.

Hey Jess...a table just opened up, we should grab it. Marty said quickly.

What do you mean she needed me...why? Because of Erica? She made it pretty clear she didn't want to share that pain with me...we were on our own with it.

Not because of Erica you idiot...I mean not just Erica...

The door to the back slammed open and John and Chase were both on there feet in a second. But no one was going in, Julian was slamming out. Hey boss man you ready to take over for... The bartender trailed off when Julian ignored him and slammed out of Rodi's.

Michael raised his eyebrows Jess's way, trouble in paradise?

Looks like my sister just kicked Junior to the curb. Jessica replied dryly. About time...though he is pretty cute.

Cute? He's like twelve. Michael replied.

Hey you know, Natalie has enough big brothers, she really doesn't need your input.

Michael shrugged, but she gets it anyway.

Jess, can you keep an eye on the bar? Roger, the bartender asked.

Sure Rog. Jessica replied. Got any rat poison back there? I know a drink or two I wouldn't mind spiking. With a pointed look at John she rounded the bar and took Roger's place.

John turned to Marty while Jess was busy with other customers, she's...changed?

Marty smiled, Oh yeah. After leaving both Antonio and Nash, Jessica took off and decided to do what her sister had done. She went to find herself. She needed to figure out exactly who she was, something she never got a chance to do after her integration. And she did. She's sort of a mix between Jess and Tess.

Michael grinned, She and Natalie are closer now, I think because Jessica isn't such a goody goody anymore.

What was that Mikey? Jessica asked standing behind them. They all turned and Jess grinned, Natalie thought I was a goody goody before?

Compared to her? Michael asked.

Jess shrugged, you have a point.

Hey where are your kids?

My parent's. They have Jared, Bree, and Aiden tonight. They decided that Natalie and I needed to get out and have some fun.

And Nattie's working? Michael asked. Figures.

John listened to them talk for a minute and then turned to Marty, so how's Cole? I haven't heard from him in a while.

He's been pretty busy. He's in his last year at LU and the coach is really pushing for a championship this year. Not to mention his impromptu wedding.

Say what?

He went on spring break with a bunch of friends. They went to Las Vegas and he came back married.

To Starr?

The one and only. Todd hit the roof but I figure this has been going on since they were sixteen and there not out of each others system's yet so maybe it is really love. He's happy so...I'm trying to accept it. You know you writing him meant a lot to him. It was good of you not to forget about him.

He's a good kid.

Natalie walked out of the back room and watched as Roger grabbed his stuff. He was late picking up his kids, Julian had promised to cover the rest of his shift. Everyone was looking at her and she knew they all must have seen Julian storming out. She ignored all but her sister. She looked down at Jessica's feet and then back at her sister. What? Jess asked.

Let's go. Natalie grabbed Jessica by the wrist and pushed her gently through the door to the back room, Mikey make yourself useful and watch the bar. She shouted before disappearing into the back room with her sister.

What was that all about? Jessica asked once Natalie shut the door to the office.

Unless you plan on spending the next five hours behind the bar and another hour or more cleaning up...take off your shoes and your pants.


John looked over at Michael who was now standing behind the bar. Tell me something Mikey, when did you and Natalie get so close?

We've always been friends...I mean once we got over the whole hating each other thing, and then when you died we became closer.

But not this close.

Michael stared at his brother, you were gone John and...things happened.

Things...are you talking about whatever it was that Jessica was talking about? What the hell happened after I left here? I mean Natalie wasn't even here.

No she wasn't. She was in New York. She went through some things...

Like what Michael? John said thoroughly annoyed with his brother.

You weren't here Johnny and you sure as hell weren't there. If you want to know so bad...ask Natalie because it's not my place to tell you.

John stared at his brother for a minute and then shook his head, grabbed his beer and walked over to the pool table. He ignored all three of them though he could feel there eyes on him.

Coming back to Llanview was worse then he'd thought it would be. Everything was different.. Marty and Natalie were, well they seemed like friends, Natalie had a kid, his brother was basically telling him to go to hell and taking Natalie's side. That was what got him the most. Michael knew how messed up he'd been when she left him, and then left town. Michael knew how badly he'd wanted her, needed her back. And now along with everyone else Michael was acting as though it was all his fault.

John looked up from his game to see Jessica coming out of the back with Natalie. Jessica was wearing her same top with Natalie's gray slacks and heels. He looked to Natalie, she had on her sister's jeans and canvas shoes, and a black t-shirt with Rodi's on it. For a minute, he was blasted into the past remembering all the other times he'd seen her dressed just like this. He smiled slightly, finally something from the past.

Michael came and sat down at the table closest to the pool table and John glanced at him and then joined him. He looked back at Natalie, I'm sorry Johnny. I'm sorry it seemed like I was taking her side over yours. That's not it...I know what hell you went through when she left you. I know how hard it was for you. But it wasn't easy for her either and...you stayed gone John. You never even attempted to find her...God you should have tried!

Why Mike? So she could tell me we weren't meant to be again? So she could kill me inside all over again? What would have been the point?

Everything could have been different today Johnny. Everything. Michael said his words softly and then looked toward Natalie who was shotting daggers at him. He sighed, his brother needed to know about the baby. He deserved to know. But he couldn't tell him. Only Natalie could do that. Look just...don't push her, take it easy and hopefully she'll open up to you.

Like before?

She's not all that different and...she's never stopped caring about you.

Could have fooled me. She moved on Michael. She moved on when I never could. Maybe she didn't love me as much as I thought she did.

Your wrong Johnny...your so wrong.


Natalie watched Michael and John as closely as possible as she ran the bar. They were talking so serious and she knew by the way Michael kept glancing her way that it was about her. She wanted to scream for him to stop. He wouldn't tell his brother would he? John would hate her...she'd lost there baby, there second child and she had never even told him she was pregnant. But she'd done it for him, to save him from the pain she felt.

It was years ago...there was no point in telling him now. Natalie...Michael is not going to tell him anything he knows you don't want him to know. Jessica said softly leaning over the bar so her sister could hear. Stop staring them down.

Natalie sighed and finally looked away. Jess was right. Michael wouldn't do that to her. He'd push her to tell John herself but he would never go against her wishes and tell John himself. She feigned a smile, I know that. So you ladies want another drink?

We're alright. Marty replied. You know I don't think tending the bar is what your parents meant by go out and have fun.

Natalie shrugged, don't really have a choice. I own the place, I either shut it down for the night and lose money or work myself.

That's bull. You could call Scott or one of the others and they would cover for you in a second. Jessica replied.

Hey am I complaining? I don't mind doing this.

Natalie we've talked about this. You can't live your life just for Aiden and your work. Marty said gently.

Hey back off. Your A's doctor not mine.

I'm not talking to you as a doctor. I'm talking to you as a friend. Marty replied looking a little hurt.

Natalie sighed, I know...look just give me a break alright? With everything going on right now work is what I need most.

Marty stared at her for a minute and then asked, is John being back here going to be a problem with us being friends?

Why would it?

Jessica and Marty gave her a look and Marty laughed slightly before saying, because there was a time you hated my guts for even talking to him.

That was a long time ago. Besides...he was mine then and you had a thing for him. I was a bit territorial.

Jessica laughed, like a Pitt Bull.

Which hey, I understand and if the situations had been reversed I would have reacted similarly.

I wasn't that bad. And John's a free agent, you want him now, he's all yours. The words sounded forced even to her.

Really? Marty asked surprised. Your sure about that? She asked sending an interested look John's way.

Natalie was gritting her teeth, of course I am. What we had ended years ago...and it wasn't soon enough.

Okay...well I have been single for a while and John is still...well John.

Natalie could not believe this. She wanted to jump over the bar and pull Marty out by her hair, but she wouldn't and she didn't. She said, Right. He's still John.

Marty shook her head, Give it up Natalie. I'm not going after John. I gave up that idea a long time ago. And nothings changed, he still only has eyes for you.

John watched as more customers filed into Rodi's. Natalie had less and less time to talk. Chase had already joined him and Michael at the table and now Marty and Jessica were heading there way. John groaned, Rodi's used to be nice and quiet.

It's the scenery, check out all those guys sitting at the bar. Chase replied.

Hey this is a guy thing you can't just sit down. Michael told the ladies.

Jessica rolled her eyes, to bad doc. There's no where else to sit, in case you haven't noticed all the tables are taken. And my sister owns this place so that gives me special privileges to sit where I want.

Marty laughed, aren't you always going on about not wanting special privileges because of your family.

Nope that's Natalie. I'm the spoiled one remember? I like the special treatment.

John sighed, I'm getting a headache.

You know John...you haven't changed. Jessica said staring at him now.

Yeah? Well you have and I think I liked you better then. You got a smart mouth now, you remind me of-

Natalie. Michael said for his brother. It's hell bro. You have no idea. I thought one of Nat was bad but-ouch!

Jessica grinned, oops.

Laughter went around the table and John just shook his head and drank his beer. He watched the bar carefully only half listening to the chatter at his table. Chase watched too but less subtly then John. If your still so hung up on her, why did it take you so long to come back?

John looked away from the bar and realized Chase and Jessica had left the table and Marty and Michael were watching him closely. What? I'm not...hey you know I came here to have a few drinks, not be analyzed.

Michael chuckled, she was just asking a question John. A good one too.

You know the answer to that. John told his brother. And you do too. I wasn't going to come back or stay for someone that didn't want me anymore. Where the hell did Chase go? He's supposed to be watching Natalie.

If you had been paying attention you'd know. Michael pointed out.

Just answer the damn question Mike.

Chase said something and Jessica got up and left. He followed her out. What's up with those two anyway?

I don't know. But I'm going to find out. John glanced at Natalie again and she reached to answer the phone. He watched as all the color drained from her face.


What do you want? Natalie asked refusing to let her voice show any fear.

You. I want you to make them go away. I don't want them here Natalie. Make them leave, you don't need them.

The electronic voice gave her the creeps. See I think your wrong. I think I do need them. You've been stalking me for months and then you hurt my little brother. And these calls? There getting tired.

I love to hear your voice. I would never hurt you Natalie. Never. I care to much about you.

What do you think your doing now? What do you think you've been doing for the last six months? If you care about me, if you don't want to hurt me then turn off your little toy and let me hear the real you.

It took doing all this to get your attention. I never could before...as much as I tried. You just didn't see me! You never saw me! You looked at me as if I wasn't there, as if I were a mere prop!

Natalie froze, she knew him? Her uncle had told her it was a good probability that she did but...she had never expected it. I...what do you mean I never saw you? I know you?

You know me, you have for years. Not that it mattered to you.

I'm sure it did. Look if you just tell me who you are-

No! Not yet, the time isn't right yet. But it will be... and when it is we can be together. You and I. The way I have envisioned it for years. You were supposed to be mine...not his.

Not whose? Natalie asked but he'd hung up. She carefully placed the phone down and stared at it. She felt them in front of her but she didn't look up or acknowledge them in any way.

Nattie? You okay? Michael asked gently coming around the bar and putting his hand on her shoulder. What did he say?

John watched his brother, he was so familiar with her. So gentle and caring and...they really were close now. But what had happened to make them that way? During there time as a family, the two of them and Erica, Natalie and Michael had been friends but...not like this. He and Marty watched as she looked up at Michael. He wanted me to get rid of John and Chase. He said I didn't need them, that he would never hurt me...he cared about me. He said he was doing all of this to get my attention, something he never could do before.

So you know him? Michael asked.

Apparently. He said that I never saw him...that I just looked at him as if he wasn't even there. He said he's known me for years and I was supposed to be his...not someone else's.

Someone else's? John asked. Did he say whose?

No. He hung up. She rubbed her arms the goosebumps she'd gotten while on the phone were still there. Somehow knowing that I know this person...it's worse.

Natalie you should go home. Marty told her. This is the last place you need to be right now.

No I...

Sorry your outnumbered. Michael said reaching under the bar and putting her purse in front of her. Go home. I'll take care of closing up for you.

You don't have to do that Michael.

Go Nattie. Michael demanded her. Get some rest. I'll call you tomorrow.


John had seen Natalie like this before, years ago but it still bothered him. It didn't mesh with the person she seemed to be today. She was calm and quiet and he knew she was scared. He also knew the fear would turn to anger sooner or later and hopefully she wouldn't do something crazy as she would have in the past. He walked her upstairs and stopped outside her door. You going to be alright?

Yeah... She replied leaning against the door but not opening it. I don't think I can...

What?

I don't want to sleep in there tonight. I've been having these nightmares and...

John took her hand and led her down the hall to her office. He opened the door, the bed was made up already from this morning. He hadn't had time to close it and put the sofa back together. She sat down on the edge and stared at the floor. He left the room and went into her room. He found a long t-shirt and stared at it for a second. It looked an awful lot like one of his old shirts she used to wear all the time. But...it couldn't be. She wouldn't have kept it all this time. He brought it into the office and put it in her lap. Get comfortable, I'm going to make you some tea.

Natalie said nothing as she watched John leave the room. She looked down at the shirt and was surprised to see it was his old t-shirt. She closed her eyes and remembered.

Don't you have your own clothes? He teased from the bed.

Natalie smiled, I haven't had time to do laundry. Besides, yours are more comfortable.

John grinned and pulled her back onto the bed with him, I have to admit, it looks a hell of a lot better on you then it does on me. He pulled her into a kiss.

She had taken the shirt with her unknowingly and when she realized it she hadn't had the heart to throw it out. It was still her favorite thing to sleep in. She stood and stripped out of her sister's jeans and her black Rodi's tee and pulled the shirt over her head. John walked back into the room a couple of minutes later and she was standing by the window looking out. He placed the cup on the desk and stared at her. He had no idea what to do now...so he went with his gut and did what he would have did years ago when they were together. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. After a few stilted seconds she leaned into him.

John walked into the kitchen and started opening cabinets. Chase walked in, he had just gotten home. What are you looking for?

John ignored him and continued to look. He finally found what he was looking for, (he knew she had to have had some here somewhere) on the top shelf on the cabinet over the fridge. He pulled a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels down, grabbed a glass and then rethinking he grabbed another and sat down at the table. What the hell happened after I left? Chase asked as John downed the small amount he'd poured into his glass.

Forget that right now. I need to talk about something else other then this damn stalker, and Natalie. What the hell is up with you Chase? And don't tell me nothing. Just tell me the damn truth!

Chase stared at him for a few minutes, assessing the situation. He'd never seen John so agitated. He finally relented knowing he needed to talk to someone about it anyway and John was his best friend. I have a son. Chase said softly and then reached for the bottle and poured a quarter glass of the whiskey for himself.

John stared at him in a state of shock and semi confusion. You have a son. He replied not asking but just repeating what his friend had said.

Chase nodded, I have a son.

Okay. How the hell did that happen? Chase gave him a wry look, and John shook his head, obviously I know how it happened but who did it happen with and where's your kid?

Jessica. And my kid is having a sleepover with his sister and your red head's son right now.

Holy...Jared is your kid?

Jared Slade Buchanan.

Slade as in your grandfather?

The one and only.

You should start at the beginning my friend. John said pouring them both a little bit more of the whiskey.

Chase sighed but started talking. You remember I took a month or so off about three years back?

Yeah your grandfather past on and you had to settle his estate and all that.

Chase nodded, yeah well, one night several days after the funeral I got damn sick of looking over all the papers at the ranch and I decided to drive in to town and have a few drinks. I got a few miles away from the ranch and I see a car on the side of the road. I stop of course and a woman was standing by the car looking as if a part of her wanted to run and another part wanted to kiss the ground at my feet for stopping."

"Hey, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. I used to be a cop and i only stopped to help. I own the ranch just down this road."

"Okay..." She said watching him wearily.

"I'm Chase Adams and you are?"

"Stuck on a deserted road with a strange man. My car died."

Chase grinned, "I can try and help you with that."


"I finally reassured her that I was no murderer and took a look under the hood of her car. It was fried so I offered to call for a tow truck only he didn't answer, he was out on another run. Anyway I waited with her. It took me some time to get her name out of her but she finally told me.

It was Jessica. John said shaking his head. This was unbelievable.

Chase sighed, she said her name was Tess.

"So...you going to tell me your name or what?"

"Well...you seem harmless enough." She said with a flirty smile.

"Sweetheart I am anything but harmless...but I won't hurt you."

"Your..."

"Charming? Gorgeous? Sweet?"

"I was going to say nice."

"Ouch. Nothing worse then being called nice."

"What's wrong with nice?"

"Ever heard of nice guys finish last?"

Jessica laughed, "I get it but your not getting any compliments from me, seems to me like your head is big enough."

"You know, I get that a lot."

"I believe it." She laughed again, "okay you win. My name's...Tess."

"Well it's a pleasure to meet you Tess."

Tess...Jessica had... John shut up. He had no idea how much Jess had told him. He'd also had no idea Tess had resurfaced at any time after her integration.

Don't worry. She told me everything tonight. I been trying to get her to do it since the day I saw her here. I know who Tess was, is...damn it's all so complicated you know? Anyway she wasn't actually Tess when we met she just...she said she was trying to get away from herself for a while. Bree was away at her dad's for the summer and she was miserable. She was still so stuck between Jess and Tess...

Long story short buddy, how do you go from helping her with her car to having a kid with her?

I took her to town, we ended up having a few drinks and then I brought her to the only hotel in town. It was completely booked. I offered to take her to the next town over or told her she could stay at my place, even got the sheriff to vouch for me. She stayed with me. One thing led to another.

And she became another blond in your bed.

No Johnny...it was more."


"Anyone ever tell you your amazing?" Chase asked softly as he cradled her in his arms. They were sitting on the front porch enjoying the amazing view.

"I've heard it a time or two but...I just don't see it. I'm nothing special Chase. Far from it."

"No. That's not true. I've known you four days and you...you blow me away Tess. I don't want this to end. I don't want us to end. Your car should be done soon and you can go on your way...but...I don't want you to. Stay. Stay here with me."

"Chase I...I can't. You...you deserve better then me. I'm screwed up and I don't...I can't...please don't do this. What we've had the last few days it's been great but it can't ever be more."

"Grandpa Slade used to say that can't was the worst word there was. We can Tess. No other woman has ever made me feel this way."


"She kissed me then and...well I'll save you from the details but the conversation ended. I...we spent four days together but...I wanted more. I needed more. We went to town the next morning and she said she was going to check on her car while I was in a meeting with Gramps lawyer. When I came out I went to the auto shop and she was just...gone. She'd paid for the repairs and left town.

And the first time you saw her again was the other day?

Yeah. I could have looked for her but I figured if she could leave me that easily then our short time together couldn't have meant as much to her as it did to me. I finished up what I needed to do on the ranch. Hired a foreman and went back home. And then tonight she tells me all about the DID and explained why she left and all of that. And then she tells me that I am Jared's father.

You believe her?

Chase nodded, I don't think she would lie. Not when I could easily prove it with a DNA test. She made his middle name Slade in memory of Gramps...she did that for me. She knew how much he meant to me.

Why didn't she ever tell you?

She said she was scared. Hell I don't know...what I do know is I came here to do a job and ended up with a two year old son. A son. Jesus man I'm no father.

It's not as hard as you might think. John said softly.

Were you scared when...damn I have a big mouth.

Don't worry about it. John replied. And yeah...man I was terrified. The thought of having to shape that little life...of having to protect her and...I was terrified. But it was worth it and I knew it was worth it the second I held her in my arms.

I'm sorry you lost her John. No one should have to go through something like that.

I'd do it all over again for just those four months. Having her for that little bit of time was better then not having her at all. Look I know you must be feeling a hell of a lot right now but let me clue you in on something Chase. When that little boy looks at you...his eyes filled with trust...I can promise you that there is no greater feeling in the world.

Thanks bro. Chase said with a nod. You know Jess doesn't expect me to hang around. She says she doesn't want or need anything from me.

She's probably right. She doesn't need your money and maybe she doesn't want anything from you but...I bet your son does. No boy should grow up without a father.

Yeah..." Chase sighed and shook his head. It was his turn to get answers. His turn to change the conversation. "So tell me what happened tonight. What did I miss that sent you down here searching for our good friend Jack?

John told him about the phone call and then about bringing Natalie home. He told him about comforting her and then later helping her into the bed and her soft plea with him not to leave her alone. I sat with her until she fell asleep...but I wanted more then anything to get into the bed beside her and pull her into my arms.

You should do it then. Don't let this opportunity go to waste Johnny. You want the girl...get the girl.

John smiled slightly, you know she was angry at me when she saw me again because it took her being in danger to get me back here? She said she waited for me in New York...said she wanted me to fight for her. She wanted me to make her believe again. It kind of pissed me off when she told me that but maybe she was right. Everything we went through...thinking back now it was always her doing the chasing...the fighting for us to be together. Maybe it is my turn.

Chase grinned, go for it Johnny. Fight for her...she's worth it bro.


John sat beside the bed watching her sleep. He'd come back upstairs almost an hour before and had contemplated crawling in beside her or even sleeping in her bed but he ditched both ideas. Sitting here, being next to her, watching her sleep...it was enough, for now. He couldn't stop thinking about the things Chase had said...he couldn't stop thinking about how right his friend was. Natalie was worth fighting for.

He should have done it years ago. He should have followed her to New York, he should have made her listen, made her see that they were meant for each other...he should have made her believe.

John?

John had been staring at her but he was so lost in thought he hadn't realized her eyes had opened. Hey...you need something?

If I was to ask you for something...just for tonight...would you understand that it's just...just for tonight?

Ask me anything Natalie.

Will you hold me?

John smiled, yeah...I'll hold you. He got onto the couch bed beside her and pulled her into his arms. Is this okay?

This is per...it's okay. She replied holding him tightly. Where did you go earlier?

To talk to Chase. I thought you were asleep.

I was. I woke up. I keep trying to think of who he could be...I can't come up with anyone. I don't know anyone who would do the things he's done. Natalie was trying so hard not to cry but she was failing miserably. A tear escaped from her eye, why is this happening?

John held her tighter, I wish I could tell you. I wish I could stop it. I'm sorry.

Natalie was quiet for so long he was sure she'd fallen asleep. He rubbed her arm gently and closed his eyes. He was tired but he didn't want to miss a second of this, having her willingly in his arms. He didn't want to sleep through it. Why did it take you so long to come home? She asked softly.

I thought you were asleep.

I was thinking.

About that?

Among other things.

She was quiet again and John knew she was waiting for an answer. He sighed and leaned down to kiss the top of her head, I didn't think I had anything to come home for. I thought...I thought it was what you wanted and...I wanted to do right by you...for once. I just wanted to do right by you.

Do you ever regret being assigned to the case in Vegas?

No. He answered right away. How could I? It gave me you.

But...there was so much pain.

I'd do it all over again...every second of it, if it meant I could be with you again...even for that little amount of time. The only thing I regret is what a mess it made of your life. They were both quiet for a long time again. John wasn't sure if she'd finally drifted off but he wanted to ask anyway...even if he didn't get an answer. Do you regret it?

Natalie shook her head, how could I? She asked and moved her head so she was looking up at him. When it gave me you.

John sucked in a breath, Natalie. He said softly. Don't...

Don't what? She asked softly. Don't say how I feel? You...you were everything to me at one time John. You were my lover, my best friend, my heart and soul. We made a beautiful daughter together...how can I not feel that way?

John sat up, moving her off of him gently. He swung his legs over the side of the couch bed and sat there. You can't...I never stopped thinking about us being together. I never stopped loving you. I have spent every day of the last six years trying to forget you, trying to forget the way you made me feel...the way you made me be alive again. I tried drowning myself in booze, I tried burying myself in work and nothing worked. I'd see a woman on the street with red hair and imagine it was you, looking for me. While all of that was happening you were married to another man. You were in love with someone else. I could never...

Natalie sat up, you hurt me. You hurt me more then anyone else in my entire life. I mourned you...I thought you were dead and I mourned you. And then you weren't dead anymore and you said you loved me. Do you have any idea what those three words meant to me...coming from you? I thought...I thought everything would be okay then. I thought we would be okay. But we weren't. You said you loved me but you acted as if I was an inconvenience...an afterthought. You made me believe you were going to ask me to marry you. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? To know that after all we had been through...after everything...marriage wasn't what you wanted.

I asked you...you said no.

You asked me because of Erica John. You asked me because you felt obligated. I wanted you to love me and marry me because you couldn't imagine your life without me in it. Because that was how I felt.

John stood, angry now, how you felt? How can you say that to me? You married another man Natalie! Eight months after our daughter died! Eight months after you left me! You told me you'd love me forever and you married him!

Richard was good to me. He loved me. He helped me get over losing Erica and...he helped me. He helped me and he loved me. He made me see that I could be anyone I wanted to be, I could do anything I wanted to do. He-

Stop! Just stop! I don't want to hear how great he was! I don't want to hear how happy you were with him! Don't you understand? I couldn't find that! I didn't even want to. If I couldn't be with you, if I couldn't have you...if I couldn't be happy with you...then I didn't want to be happy.

Neither did I. She said softly. but I made myself...for Aiden's sake. Richard was amazing and he was one of the best friend's I could ever ask for- John was heading for the door now and Natalie knew she had to stop him. She knew they had to finish this. But I was never in love with him.

John's hand froze on the doorknob. What?

I said I was never in love with him. Natalie moved to the edge of the bed and looked down at the floor, and he was never in love with me.

John was floored by her words. She'd said she loved him. She told him that. And she'd married the man. Was she lying? He looked at her, she wasn't lying. She was telling him the truth. He sat down. Not on the bed again but on the chair he'd occupied earlier. You told me you loved him.

I did. I met him at a time when I didn't think I had anyone. He sat beside me in a coffee shop one day and we just clicked. He convinced me to go back to school. He helped me...he helped me with a lot. And in return I helped him.

With Aiden...when his father left him. You told me about that but I assumed it just developed into more.

Natalie nodded, I loved spending time with Aiden. The first time I met him I fell in love with him, and helping Richard with him every day...I loved him more and more. Richard...he had cancer and he found out he was dying. There was nothing the doctors could do for him. Scott had been around a few times since leaving Aiden but never to see him. Always for money...the money was all he ever cared about. Richard was terrified that Scott would take Aiden back only for the money. I told him I would help any way I could.

So you married him.

Natalie nodded, so I married him. We were friends, good friends, but we had separate bedrooms, nothing ever happened between us...never. We legally adopted Aiden and he changed his will leaving everything to us. Richard was a wonderful man and you shouldn't try walking away when I say it...his last conversation with me had everything to do with Aiden...and you.

Me? John asked looking at her.

He wanted me to call you. He...he wanted me to be happy and to give Aiden a daddy. He was rooting for you on his death bed...and he'd never even met you.

Why are you telling me all of this? John asked softly.

Because... She wanted to tell him she still loved him. She wanted to tell him it was because she wanted him back. But the words wouldn't come. Because I hate that my marrying him hurt you and I don't want you to think that what we once had meant so little to me that I could fall in love again so quickly after we split up. That's not how it was. My marriage was a ...convenience, for both me and Richard. We loved each other but we were never in love.

What did it mean to you?

What?

You said you didn't want me to think that what we had meant so little to you. But I don't know what it meant to you...you left...you left and I practically begged you not to. So what did it mean to you?

Everything. She whispered softly. It meant everything.

And now?

John...don't.

Don't what?

Don't do this. What we had was...look it's over now. To much has happened. There was to much pain...to much...it's over.

It doesn't have to be. I still love you. You know that.

Those words come so easily to you now.

Only with you.

Natalie shook her head, love wasn't our problem. I never doubted you loved me, even when you couldn't say it. We had so many chances to get it right John and we just...we couldn't. It wouldn't be any different now. She shook her head, I don't have it in me anymore.

What?

The strength...the strength to love...to be in a relationship. I have everything I need in my family and my son. I don't want more...

You've always wanted more.

Things change. I've changed.

More then I realized. He said softly. How can I...

What?

I don't know how I lived the last six years without you. I guess a part of me always knew you were out there somewhere and...maybe just maybe someday we'd get another chance. I don't know how to live the rest of my life without you. I don't want to know. So I'm going to do what I should have done six years ago.

What? Natalie asked looking weary.

John stood and walked over to her, he leaned down and placed a tender kiss on her lips, he felt her gasp more then heard it and pulled away slightly so she could feel the breath of his words on her mouth. I'm going to fight for you Natalie. I'm going to change your mind.


Several days went by and nothing happened. Not with the stalker and not between Natalie and John. Chase was enjoying himself mostly at John's expense making comments here and there about how attentive John was to there client.

John made sure he was the one with Natalie as much as he could but a few times she'd gotten by him and ended up bringing Chase to work with her or on some errand or another. John didn't mind much though because he used the time to hang out with Aiden.

Both he and Chase were pretty good at understanding the boy after living in the same house with him for the week. The more time he spent with him the more he wished Aiden had been his child.

Chase had yet to speak to Jess again. He'd gone with her once when she had Aiden but from what John could tell he had kept it completely professional. Yesterday Jessica and the kids had come over for dinner so Natalie and Aiden could say goodbye to Bree, she was going to California with her father for two weeks. John had caught Chase staring longingly at his newfound son.

Tales had finally gotten back to him to let him know that Scott Turner was still in prison. He'd also finished checking into all the men on the list Natalie had supplied. It was an extremely short list though John had added a few names himself. Pointer, her business associate had come back clean and so had the boyfriend Julian. They were no closer to finding the stalker.

They'd been able to trace the call he made to Rodi's but it was made from a prepaid cellular phone. A thought came to him during breakfast and he looked at Natalie, what about Vincent Jones?

Natalie looked up from her coffee and a spreadsheet she was studying, what?

Jones. He still around?

Sometimes. What about it?

What about him? As I recall he had a certain...fondness for you.

That's right. He did. And he still does. Vincent and I are friends.

Has anyone checked him out?

It's not Vincent John. He wouldn't do something like this.

Really? Because as I recall there was a whole lot he would do. Jones was trouble back then and I'm sure he's not much different now.

You'd be surprised. Natalie looked at Aiden who was watching them with wide interested eyes. Finish your breakfast tough guy. Uncle Rex and Sarah will be here shortly to get you. His eyes brightened and she smiled, no daycare today. I took the day off. Your going to spend some time with them and they'll bring you to your appointment with Dr. Marty and then I'll pick you up from there, okay?

In that case, I'll hang with Natalie today. John, you can go with Aiden.

Natalie laughed, Rex had come for dinner a few nights earlier and Chase had unintentionally flirted with Sarah. John had tried explaining to a very annoyed Rex that his friend flirted with everyone, Natalie backed his words up because she had seen it, she'd been on the other end of his flirting.

Rex had still been mad, even after Chase had apologized and the rest of dinner had been uncomfortable. Rex is over it by now I promise you. He's pretty easygoing. Plus...I kind of need John with me today.

John looked at her in surprise. It was the first time she'd asked for it to be him guarding her and he was a little shocked. He didn't say anything about it though afraid she would change her mind. Within an hour Rex and Sarah had shown up and John and Natalie were backing out of the driveway.

He had relented and let her drive though she'd been letting either him or Chase drive lately, it seemed important to her to do the driving today. He was surprised when she pulled into a florist shop parking lot. She didn't give him any idea why she was there and he didn't ask as he followed her inside. He stood by the door and when she walked toward him carrying her purchase it hit him what she was up to. Natalie. He said softly his eyes glued to the pink Teddy Bear with it's arms around a vase of carnations. What...

Natalie didn't say anything until they got into the car, when is the last time you went to her grave?

John sighed, before I left town. After the funeral...it was the only time I went.

Then it's about time isn't it?

Natalie... He said again, softly.

John I wanted...I needed you to come with me...to say happy birthday to our baby girl.

John sighed in resignation, okay.

Less the a half hour later he was standing beside her looking at the small heart shaped headstone they had picked for there daughter. Her name on that stone sent pains to his chest and made his gut clench so tight he thought he would vomit.

He looked away as Natalie crouched down, hey baby, mommy's here, I brought daddy with me today. Natalie placed the flowers and teddy bear down in front of her daughter's headstone. Happy birthday Erica, I love you angel, and I miss you. Natalie kissed her hand and touched the headstone before she stood again. She looked at John, I noticed something since you've been back. You hardly ever say her name...it bothers you to talk about her. You've told me that you have no pictures of her displayed in your home, that it was to hard to look at her everyday. You told me once that I couldn't live the rest of my life never saying her name, acting as if she never existed...but that's what your doing. John you have her hidden away as if your ashamed-

That's not it!

I know. I know it isn't. But I noticed something else to. At the mention of her name you get this look in your eye...this pained look and I know what it means.

You a shrink now?

No...but I used to have the same look in my eye. You still blame yourself. You think if you hadn't left that day she'd still be alive and it's just not true. We could have both stayed home for her and the fever still would have hit her as quickly as it did...as hard as it did. We would have gotten her to the hospital in the same amount of time as the babysitter did and the doctors still wouldn't have been able to do anything. It wasn't your fault.

I...Natalie. His words were choked and Natalie touched his arm gently. He looked at her as if pleading with her to stop.

I'll be waiting in the car. She squeezed his arm for a second and then turned and headed for the car.

John stood where he was for a long time, not looking at his baby daughter's tiny grave, not talking...just standing there. He thought about the things Natalie had said. He thought about the way he felt every time he saw a baby. Or how he'd see a little girl around the same age as Erica would be and wonder if his daughter would be anything like that little girl.

He always shut his mind off after that thought, he never allowed himself time to think to long about her. It just hurt to much. He finally looked down at the tiny headstone. He crouched down so he was eye level with it. He reached out and traced her name, Erica Elizabeth McBain.

Hi baby girl...I'm sorry I haven't been to see you in a long time. I've been bus... He stopped before he finished the excuse he gave everyone else for why he didn't come home. He couldn't do that to Erica, not to her. I've been avoiding coming here, not just here but to Llanview. Your mom and me...we made a real mess of things didn't we? I guess we just couldn't do it without you. But I'm going to try to fix that now. You have a little brother. His name is Aiden and...he needs a daddy. I'm going to try and be that for him, I'm going to try to make things right with your mom. I love her so much Eri. I made a real big mistake when I decided to leave Llanview and not go after her. I'm going to fix that, I promise. The next time we come here...we'll be together, really together. I think...I think about you everyday. I love you. John stood and swiped at his cheeks, he was surprised to feel the wetness on his face. He hadn't even realized that he had started crying.

He turned to find Natalie standing there. Some bodyguard he was, he hadn't even heard her walk up. Natalie stared at him, she saw the torment in his eyes and closed the space between them wrapping him in her arms. It wasn't your fault.

I'm getting that. But a part of me...I'd like to think if I had just stayed home I would have been able to do something...anything to stop us from losing her.

I thought that to but it's just not true.

John held onto her tightly, thank you. he said softly. Thank you for letting me come with you today.

Natalie smiled, you mean making you come with me today?

I probably wouldn't have come if you told me right away what you were doing. I'm glad you didn't. I'm glad...thank you.

Your welcome.

Do you come here often?

As often as I can without seeming...maudlin. I come on her anniversary, on her birthday, around the holidays. I don't ever want her to think I've forgotten her.

I'll never forget her. John replied finally letting her go. He felt strangely alone without her in his arms. He reached out and took her hand in his and with one last look at the place that they set there daughter to rest for the final time, he led her to the car. He sat in the drivers seat this time but he didn't start the car. He pushed the seat back to get comfortable. Do you ever wonder what she'd be like?

All the time.

She'd be beautiful. I know that much. She'd have your beautiful smile and hair...the sparkle in her eye just like yours when your up to something.

But she had your eyes, the color and shape...I loved that she had your eyes.

She was truly the best of both of us.

Natalie laughed, remember how hard she would cry when we didn't get her bottle fast enough? Man...she had one great set of lungs.

I remember, especially at three o' clock in the morning. John said with a smile. She was...perfect. She was taken to soon...we didn't have enough time...

No. We didn't. But I cherish the time we did have. You know taking care of Aiden...Richard, he thought it would hurt me to be around Aiden, but he helped so much. He's the one who taught me to open my heart again. He became my son...in every way that matters.

He's an amazing kid. John replied. I'd love to hear his voice.

Soon...I can see that he wants to talk...I just...know. You know? He'll look at me and I can see it in his eyes. Marty thinks it's a matter of being afraid to talk now, he's been quiet so long. She thinks that's why he talks to Bree.

Like, practice?

I guess. I don't know. I just wish he would talk to me.

John didn't know what to say to cheer her up so he smiled slightly and asked, tell me something, how the hell did you and Marty Saybrooke end up as friends? I got to say, it's strange. I mean there was a time you couldn't stand her, to the point of not wanting to be in the same room as her.

Natalie laughed, I was a little...possessive wasn't I?

John laughed, just a little.

I hated that you were friends. I hated that she would call and you would go running. I guess I got a little taste of what Evangeline felt when you were with her and coming to my rescue all the time. But I think...I think most of all I hated that it seemed like the two of you shared a connection of sort...

John stared at her for a minute and then took her hand, hey. Look at me. Natalie looked at him and he looked back seriously, I have never in my life shared a connection with anyone. Except you. Other people have tried but it just wasn't there. With us, we didn't have to try, hell at times we tried to make it go away and it just wouldn't. Marty and I were friends, it never went more then that, it couldn't have. I could never care about her the way I did you. Compared to you she just...hell there was, is no comparison.

Natalie bit her lower lip. Who was this man sitting beside her? He was being so open, so honest. She didn't doubt for a second about his honesty but it still floored her. This was not the John McBain she had known. I think between the both of us, you have changed the most.

Why because I can hold an actual conversation now? He asked jokingly.

It's more then that. We used to talk all the time...about other things. Never about us, whenever that subject came up you closed up.

I made a lot of mistakes with you. I'm trying not to repeat them. After my uh...rise from death I screwed up so much. The only right thing I did was telling you that I loved you. Everything else was... Look you were scared all the time and I hated that, but I get why you acted the way you did. If I had gone months thinking you were gone, mourning you...I probably would have acted the same.

You would have been worse. Natalie said with a knowing look in her eye. You were hell to get along with every time I got hurt or was sick.

John laughed, yeah well. So you never answered my original question. You and Marty.

Right. I don't know. When I came back to Llanview I needed to find a shrink for Aiden. We tried out several and most of them just made him worse. He'd cling to me for hours and sometimes more after his appointments. I was complaining about it to Jess one day and she suggested Marty. I of course said hell no but Jess convinced me to at least try. One appointment with her and Aiden came out and made eye contact with me. I know it doesn't seem like much but he had been so unresponsive for months and then all of a sudden he was looking at me, letting me know he understood what I was saying. That meant the world.

And bam you became friends?

It wasn't that easy. Jess and Marty came to Rodi's one night while I was there. I had gotten really frustrated at Aiden and he was with mom. I was trying to unwind. Anyway Marty calmed me down, explained that I wasn't a horrible person for being frustrated and how most likely it would happen again. After all that was said the conversation was pretty stilted.

Would the two of you stop acting as though we are all strangers and talk!

Marty and Natalie looked at Jessica, Jess-

No Natalie. Damn it, you don't like Marty and I get that but she's my best friend and Marty I know your not crazy about my sister but she is my sister. It would be nice if the two of you could at least try and get along.

Jess left in a huff and I suggested to Marty that we place all our cards on the table. We talked about you and we both made some apologies and then we spent a little time getting to know each other. Over the last few years we just became friends.

So Jess kind of pushed you guys into it? She's a lot different, your sister.

She so is. But...she's herself now. For a long time she wasn't.

John nodded, no more needed to be said on the subject. He wanted to tell her about Chase and Jessica, he wanted to tell her that his best friend was her nephew's father. But it wasn't his place He looked back toward the headstone above where his daughter was laid to rest over six years ago. Where do you think we would be now, if she was still here? He asked out of the blue. He wasn't even sure where the question had come from.

I'd like to think we'd still be together but...I just don't know. She was our glue John...she was the only thing holding us together. I don't think that would have lasted very long.

I loved you then you know. If there is something then that you doubt, don't let it be that. I wanted to marry you, you Natalie. Not because of Erica. Not because it was the right thing to do. But because I was in love with you and wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

Then why...

What? John asked turning back to her again.

The palace...why...

I felt like I was being pushed into it. He replied. He didn't need her to finish the question. He knew what she was asking. I wanted to marry you before the accident. But I planned on asking you in my own way, in my own time. Then I wake up and there you are...and everyone is expecting us to be engaged and...I just needed time. You don't know how many times I wished that my family had just kept what they knew to themselves and not given you the ring. I really believe everything would be different if they had.

You felt pressured.

Yeah. But then when Erica was born...I looked at her and I looked at you and I knew that the pressure was gone...and I wanted to marry you. For better or worse...forever.

And I wouldn't give you the time of day. She said softly. I thought you were asking for Erica.

No. I was asking because I love you.

Love. Not loved. Not past tense. Natalie took a steadying breath and replied, Aiden's appointment is soon, I uh, I'd like to head there now.

John was about to say something but apparently gave up because he started the car and headed out of the cemetery and toward the hospital. The ride there was quiet, he said nothing until they both got out. He looked at her from above the roof of the car and said, you can pretend as if this isn't happening but it's not going to work. I loved you then, and I love you now. With that said he put out his arm motioning for her to go and they walked into the hospital and headed toward Marty's office together.


Natalie hugged her brother and then Sarah, thanks for watching him today guys. I had something important that needed to get done.

With him? Rex asked not looking to happy while he glared at John.

Natalie rolled her eyes, yes.

Damn it Nattie. Rex said looking back at her. He is the last person you should be doing anything with...today of all days.

Will you stop worrying about me? I am the older sibling remember? And as for today...he is the only person I could have gone with, today of all days. Rex he is the only one in the world who knows exactly how I feel. She was his daughter too.

Leave Natalie alone. She's a big girl and she can make her own choices. Sarah told him.

Rex sighed in resignation, fine but you know just cause your older doesn't mean I can't or don't worry. I just don't want to see you get hurt again.

I'm fine. How was A today?

Great as always. Sarah said with a smile. Hey...what's Jess doing here?

Natalie turned to see Jessica approaching John and Chase. Chase was staring hard at her...no not at her. He was staring at Jared. Natalie turned to Rex and Sarah, I'll explain later. You guys should take off now. They left and John walked over to Natalie. They had discussed Chase and her sister on the ride over here. Natalie knew from talking to Jess that she was going to let Chase spend time with Jared but she had no idea she would show up here.

She's introducing Jared to Chase. At least...I think that's what she'd doing.

Jess turned to find Natalie and walked over to her, Auntie Nattie!

Jess handed her son over to her sister, give me a minute alright?

No problem...you okay?

I'm fine. Jess walked back over to Chase. I'm tired of the cold shoulder. I made a mistake, a big mistake but I can't change that now. If you want to know him, then I want you to know him. Regardless of what you think the six days I spent with you did mean something to me. But we couldn't hide out on that ranch forever. And our lives didn't intertwine, I was from here, this is my home and you...you didn't really have a home. And Chase...I didn't even know who I was anymore. I was trying to figure that out when I met you. I was confused. So I left.

I still deserved to know.

I know you did. Hey I screwed up, I don't know what else to say. I know I may never be able to make it right but I want to try. But you can't spend time with him, he can't know unless you plan on being a permenant part of his life.

I have a job.

I get that. But Bree's dad lives across the country and he still takes care of his daughter, she still knows him and she loves him. If you promise me your not going to disappear from his life...

He's my son. I'm not disappearing.

Okay.

Just like that?

You've never given me any reason not to trust you. Jess walked over to Natalie and took Jared. Natalie gave her a reassuring smile and Jess walked back over to Chase. Jared, baby, this is your daddy.

Jared stared at the man before him, Jawed have no daddee, onwy Bwee does.

Jessica smiled, everybody has a daddy. And Chase is yours.

Jawed has a daddee wike Bwee?

Yes.

You Jawed's daddee?

That's right. I'm your daddy. Chase held his arms out and Jared stared at him for a second before grinning and going into his arms.

Natalie smiled at the scene before her. Her sister looked like she was about to cry and her nephew was beaming. If she hadn't lost her baby...would there have been a scene like this one with John and there child?

No...she had to believe she would have eventually got up the courage to call him. And after watching this she knew...John needed to know. She should have told him six years ago, but she didn't. She had to tell him now. Michael was right, no matter if the baby was gone, John had a right to know. It was his child too.


Natalie walked up the stairs and over to Aiden's bedroom door. They'd spent the rest of the day after his appointment, at the arcade and then had dinner with John at Rodi's. Her son was becoming extremely attached to John and vice versa. She stood in the doorway and watched as the two of them worked on Aiden's latest puzzle. He loved putting puzzles together. Hey, this was supposed to fit. John said as he tried to fit an obviously to big piece into a smaller one.

Aiden shook his head. He took the piece from John and placed it where it actually fit. John cocked his head and Natalie watched in amazement as Aiden copied his movements. Hey, it does fit there doesn't it?

Aiden giggled. Natalie's eyes watered. He giggled. Not just a smile but a real giggle, sound had come out of his mouth. John looked up at her and met her eyes, he knew how much that tiny sound had affected her. He looked back at Aiden, just a few more piece's left, where do you think this one goes?

Aiden reached for it and put it in it's proper place. A few minutes later the hundred piece puzzle of sponge bob was finished and Aiden smiled at John. Better get into your PJ's now babe.

Aw...but I'm not tired. John complained.

Aiden giggled again and shook his head, oh...she was talking to you not me wasn't she? Aiden nodded. Well I guess you got to listen, she's the boss after all. Aiden jumped up and grabbed his spiderman pajama's from the bottom of the bed and ran past John and Natalie and into the bathroom.

Thanks for spending time with him. Natalie said still by the door. He's really taken to you.

You know...I've really taken to him too. He's an awesome kid. John stood and walked over to her, you okay? At her confused look he added, I saw your face when he laughed the way he did.

It was sound John...real live sound and...it sounded beautiful, there is nothing in the world I would rather here.

John smiled, it'll happen more, I think sooner rather then later.

God I hope so. She looked up at him with a smile. Your...

What?

Never mind. She replied. Aiden walked back into the room then and she smiled, ready for your story?

Aiden ran over to his bookshelf and pulled out a book. He brought it over to John and held it out. You want me to read to you? Aiden nodded, is that okay? John asked Natalie.

It's fine. I'll be in soon to say goodnight. Aiden shook his head and took her hand, he led her over to the bed.

John smiled, I think he wants us both. he told her.

Seems like it. Okay babe, let's get you tucked in. Natalie cuddled with Aiden while John read him the story he'd picked which proved what she was beginning to think, her son was playing matchmaker. The book he brought was entitled, The Family and was all about two different families combining into one. John's eyes met hers over the top of the book.

He's out.

Natalie looked down and realized John was right. Aiden had fallen asleep. She placed a gentle kiss above his eye and tucked him in. Sleep well angel, I love you. John shut Aiden's door gently after Natalie turned on his night light and walked into the hall. You know for a kid who doesn't talk...he sure as hell says a lot.

John. Natalie said softly. Don't...

Don't what? Tell you that your son wants us together as much as I do? I don't have to, it's pretty obvious. We were made for each other Natalie. I can see it, he can see it...why can't you?

It won't work! It never works! I won't do it again. No matter how hard you push! It isn't just my heart I have to think about anymore.

You know what's funny? I always told myself that we would never be. After the whole Paul fiasco...I just told myself it wouldn't work so why should we put ourselves through it? But I was wrong. And your wrong to. This could work Natalie. And it's going to. I'm not going to break your heart again, and you never have to keep that little boy's heart safe, not from me. I'm not giving up.

Your infuriating. She said shaking her head. The doorbell rang before John could reply and Natalie moved past him and walked down the stairs. She knew he was behind her but she pretended as though he wasn't. She looked through the peephole and smiled. She quickly disarmed the alarm and pulled the door open. Your back!

John mentally groaned when Vincent Jones wrapped his arms around Natalie and pulled her into a hug. What the hell was he doing here? I am and I have gifts for my little man. He sleeping?

Just went out. I'm so glad to see you. She said giving him another hug, a quick one this time.

You too. He said with a smile. But you've been holding out on me in our e-mails.

What? Natalie asked with an innocent look.

Don't play that game with me. Even if I hadn't heard it from half the people in Rodi's, him being here would have given me a clue.

Natalie had almost forgotten John was there. She turned and saw the way both the men were staring at each other. Okay stop right here. No pissing contests. No rulers to measure whose is the biggest. John is here because he works for the company that grandpa hired to protect me and A. Nothing more.

It's always something more with you two. Vincent replied. And I don't want to see you hurting again. You've been hurt enough.

There is no hurting happening here Vince. Honestly. Now come in, sit down. I want to hear about your trip. Was it productive?

I got what I needed from it. He said weary about talking around John. He followed Natalie into the living room and gritted his teeth when John also followed. Forget about the trip. Someone said Rex was attacked? And you got some kind of freaky call and this guy actually broke into your house? Why the hell didn't you call me Nat? You know I would have helped. You told me it was some shy guy with a crush. Sounds more like some sicko with an obsession to me.

Calm down. I didn't want to worry you and I didn't want you to come home for me. Besides I had plenty of help. Uncle Bo has every available cop on this, Rex is working on it, everyone is on the lookout. I promise, I am as safe as possible.

And what about the kid? What about A? He know what's going on? He okay?

He's fine. I've been able to shelter him from most of it. And he likes having John and Chase here.

Who the hell is Chase?

Where were you the last few weeks Jones?

Vincent sent him a bored look, what? You haven't checked me out?

Of course I have. I've checked everyone out. But I couldn't find where you have been.

Well don't worry I haven't been here skulking in the shadows torturing Natalie. I unlike someone else in this room make it a point not to hurt my friends.

Look Jones-

Enough! John...back off. I told you it wasn't Vincent. And Vincent...lay off the cracks. John...we're friends again and he has been a big help. Not just dealing with the stalker either, he's helped a lot with Aiden. Natalie took her old friends hand. He laughed today Vince. Really laughed...and it was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

The frown on Vincent's face melted away, that's great Nat, really great. I knew he'd come around. I mean with you for a mom how could he not?

Thanks. That means a lot. Now I'm going to get us a couple of beers and your going to tell me how it went with Layla in Philly. Vincent shot a look toward John and Natalie looked at John, will you please let us talk alone?

John sighed, yeah. I'll be in the kitchen.


You sure your alright with him being here? Vince asked her as soon as the door shut and there beers were open.

Yeah. I'm sure. It as awkward at first and...it's complicated.

Vincent grinned, name one time when something between you and that guy wasn't complicated.

Natalie chuckled, you have a point.

You tell him about the baby?

No. She said quickly. But I'm going to. I have to. He has a right to know.

I agree. What do you think he is going to say?

I don't know. But I have to tell him. We uh...we've discussed the past a lot. Said a lot of things we probably should have said a long time ago.

And?

John...he says he still loves me. He wants us to be together.

You never stopped loving him.

I never will. She said softly. But we don't-

I know I know. You don't work, I've heard it before. But think about this Natalie...the only time in your life you've ever been really truly body and soul happy is with that guy. It didn't work then but...maybe it could now.

Seriously? Your telling me to be with him? You hate him.

You love him. And you know I love you and I want you to be happy. John can give you that. Look Nat, your the best friend a guy could have, this guy anyway. And...because of you, because of your stubbornness and your pushiness I just might get my chance at happiness. I want the same thing for you.

Are you serious? Layla? It worked out?

She's coming back. She's going to take Antonio up on his offer to buy Capricorn and we're going to make this work. I love her and she loves me and we figure as long as we got that going for us...we can make everything else work too.

Natalie hugged him, I am so happy for you.

Me too. So...you going to give McBain a chance?

It's not the same thing Vincent. Not at all. I like my life. I'm happy.

Your content. There is a difference. And you've admitted you still love the guy and that you always will. Don't just be happy Nat...grab the life you have always wanted...grab it and this time don't let go and don't let anything get in your way.

Natalie was working at her desk, John was lounging on the couch reading the newspaper, he looked completely at ease. He was driving her crazy. He hadn't asked even one question after Vincent had left the night before, he'd acted as if he was going to kiss her before she went up to bed and then just as she moved toward him, he'd pulled away.

He'd been infuriatingly happy all morning and she had a raging headache. On a brighter note her sister had picked Aiden up this morning smiling brightly, with Chase beside her. They had apparently 'talked' well into the night so Chase had crashed on her couch. She still wasn't sure if she bought the story but her sister was happy so she wouldn't push for more. Yet.

The intercom lit up and Janet's voice came through, Nat, Michael McBain is here.

Send him in Jan. Natalie replied.

Michael walked through the door, shot his brother a smile and then walked over to Natalie, hey sweet cheeks.

Natalie rolled his eyes, why are you in such a good mood?

Come on over here Johnny. I figured you'd be here too and I could kill two birds with one stone.

John walked over, what are you talking about?

Check it out. Michael handed each of them a slip of paper a little bigger then a wallet sized photo and Natalie's eyes widened. You can't really tell in that thing but, that's a baby. He said with a wide grin.

No way! Marcie's pregnant?

Congrats bro.

Thanks. He replied and then looked at Natalie. You up to one more Godchild?

Natalie jumped up and ran around her desk. She hugged Michael tightly, I am so happy for you guys. And I would be honored to be the Godmother. But you know at the rate you and Marcie are popping out kids these days I'm going to go broke.

Michael chuckled, well you get to share the expenses. He turned to John, Marcie and I would like you to be the Godfather of this new little one. If your interested.

What about Rex? I mean...he's Tommy and Becky's Godfather...you don't want to ask him? John asked thought he was really glad his brother had asked. He didn't blame them for not making him Godfather of Becky considering he wasn't ever around.

Rex understands. He's cool with it. So...you up for it?

I'd be honored Mikey. John replied.

This is so great! Are you guys hoping for a boy or girl? Do you have names picked out? Hey how long have you known she was pregnant? Natalie asked pushing him slightly.

Michael laughed, calm down. Okay...let's see if I can answer all this... Doesn't matter as long as our baby is healthy...no names yet, and we've known a few days but needed to bask in it before sharing.

I guess I can give you that. A baby...I really am happy for you guys Michael.

Michael looked at her, his eyes clouded over and John watched with surprise as his brother became very tender, hey I-

It's okay. Natalie said quickly. This is great news.

Nat...

Seriously Michael. Chill alright? You talk with your brother, I need to discuss a few things with Jan about a meeting I have later today.

What the hell was that all about? John asked when Natalie walked out into the hall.

Nothing Johnny...nothing. Michael replied with a sigh. He really wished Natalie would come clean. He hated lying to his brother. The brothers spoke for a few minutes and were just saying goodbye when Jan ran in.

John, Natalie just got a call and she ran out of here like she was on...fire. John was already out the door. Jan looked helplessly at Michael, I tried stopping her...

It's okay. Michael told her and then shot after his brother. He saw John disappearing down the stairs and figured Nat had gotten onto the elevator. His brother had the stairs so he waited for the elevator.

John ran out the front door of BE, yelling at the guards who were following behind him. They should have stopped Natalie. They knew all about the danger she was in. He looked around quickly scanning the area for signs of her. He spotted her red hair in the parking lot and ran as fast as he could when he saw she wasn't alone.

Stop! Let her go! He screamed. The man pulling an unconscious Natalie along with him stopped and looked up. He had a black mask on so John couldn't see his face. He dropped Natalie and turned and ran. John started to run right by her to catch him but he couldn't just leave her there. Go after him! He yelled to the BE security guards.

John dropped down onto his knees. Natalie! Natalie...baby...come on...be okay, be okay, be okay. He cradled her head in his lap, she wasn't bleeding anywhere...what was wrong with her?

John! What the hell happened? Michael asked as he to dropped to his knees. He started checking Nat's pulse. He leaned close to her, he used chloroform...she'll be okay Johnny.

John stood and then leaned down and lifted her into his arms. She need to go to the hospital?

No. She'll be awake in a few hours. What are you planning?

Leave her car here...drive us back to her place would ya Mikey?


Chase went into the house, Jessica behind him carrying Jared and holding Aiden's hand. He looked at John who was waiting for them. What happened?

John crouched down beside Aiden, hey buddy, Aunt Jess told me on the phone that you hadn't had lunch yet, that true? Aiden nodded. Well I made you your favorite and it's at the table in the kitchen, can you go sit and eat while I talk to your Aunt and Chase? Aiden stared at him wearily. I promise A, I'll talk to you soon, but I have to talk to them first. Please?

Aiden sighed and nodded and then walked slowly into the kitchen. Where is my sister?

Chase took Jared from Jessica and went into the living room to put him in the playpen Natalie had set up in the corner. He walked back over to Jessica, there as support if she was to need it. He could tell whatever had happened was bad and John was worried. She's upstairs with Michael. She uh...I almost lost her. God he came so close. John turned away so they couldn't see the emotion on his face.

How?

I'm not sure why but she ran out of BE. By the time Jan got into the office to let me know she'd run off she was already on the elevator. I took the stairs hoping to catch her at the door but I didn't. She was in the parking lot...with him. I couldn't see who it was, he was all in black and wearing a mask. She was unconscious...I couldn't just leave her there lying on the ground. I ordered the security guards to follow him and I stopped to help her. Mike said he used chloroform on her, he also said she's going to be okay.

Thank God. Jessica smacked him in the shoulder, you scared the hell out of me!

I'm sorry...it scared the hell out of me. If...

No if's man. She's okay.

Yeah well he came way to damn close and he's not going to get another chance to do the same.

What do you mean?

I've already spoken with Asa and Bill. I'm taking Natalie and Aiden out of here tonight. Asa is going to quietly let your parents know, but no one else is to know. You have to keep this to yourself Jess.

I would never put my sister in danger. I won't tell anyone.

What can I do? Chase asked.

I need your ranch. Can you set it up?

Done man.

Thanks. Also your staying here. Bill wants you working the investigations part of this. I want histories and alibis on every man Natalie has ever had any contact with. I want this son of a bitch found.

Hey, calm down. We'll find him Johnny and until we do you, Natalie, and A will be far away from here. Have you told her yet?

She's still out.

She's going to fight you. Jess said with a sigh. She won't leave her company.

John sighed, I know. But she'll see reason. I'll make sure of it. And your dad is coming out of semi-retirement just to run the company while we're gone. Her life is a hell of a lot more important then a damn company.

I agree. How can I help?

Can you pack for Aiden? Clothes, toys, anything special you know he will want to have.

No problem. I'll take care of Natalie too.

Thanks Jess. John said softly.

Jess stared at him for a minute and then asked, you still love her, don't you?

I never stopped.

Then don't let her go this time John.

John smiled, I don't plan on it.

Good. I better get packing.

Aiden walked back into the room then, smears of fluff and peanut butter on his face. John sat down on the couch and Aiden sat next to him. Your pretty worried aren't you buddy? Aiden nodded. You know there's a bad man after your mom...and I know that's been bugging you. But Chase and I are here to make sure this bad man doesn't hurt you guys. You know that too right? Okay...so I think that it would be safer for you and your mom if we went away for a while. What do you think about that? Aiden shrugged slightly. Well, it would be like an adventure. We'll fly on planes, visit a couple different places, and then we're going to go to Chase's place, he's got horses. Aiden's eyes lit up.

So what do you think? You ready for an adventure? Another nod and then the little boy looked towards the stairs, she's going to be okay A, I'm going to take care of her, I promise. I...I'm always going to take care of her, and of you. You know why?

Aiden smiled and crawled onto John's lap, he wrapped his arms around John's neck and hugged him laying his head on John's shoulder. Because I love you both. John whispered playing with the hair on the back of Aiden's head. More then anything. He felt Aiden hug him tighter and knew it was the boy's way of saying he loved him too.


John walked upstairs and nodded to Jess who was in Aiden's room. He stopped outside the door to Natalie's room. She was awake and in his brother's arms. He stared at them, they were...so familiar with each other...more so then they had ever been before. I'm scared Michael. I don't want to... She said softly.

I know Nattie. God I know. But it's the right thing to do. You know it in your heart, you've always known it. Listen to me. Nat, look at me. Natalie let go of him and looked into his eyes, I love you, you...you mean so much to me, you know that?

I know...the same goes for me.

Michael smiled, I know. When we first met you were a serious pain in my ass and also the last person I wanted with my brother. But...you grew on me and you know why? Because I came to realize that you could do anything...you are so brave and strong and you don't let fear hold you back. Your amazing. You can do this too...and it might not be pretty but it won't be as bad as you think.

Promise?

Michael smiled, promise. He hugged her again and then heard someone clear there throat. He turned his head to see John standing there. Hey Johnny, look whose awake.

So I see. John replied his voice almost cold.

Natalie looked up, I'm...I'm sorry...I shouldn't have left like that...I wasn't thinking and...I'm sorry.

John nodded, explain later. Right now you need to listen.

Natalie stared at John. He was acting like...like...a professional. Like he wasn't her friend...why was he being like this? Was he that angry at her? John...

He came to close this time. John told her. Ten seconds longer and he would have gotten you. This can't happen again. Your father is going to take care of BE for the foreseeable future, Jessica is packing a bag for Aiden now and one for you next. As soon as the bags are ready we're leaving. Don't. He said when she started to say something.

You used to know when to argue and when to let it go. In case you don't anymore, this would be the time to let it go. Your coming, willingly or not, your coming. I've already talked to Aiden and he's fine with it, he's excited. I have to discuss things with Chase, I just wanted to let you know. John turned and walked down the hall and down the stairs.

What the hell was that all about? Natalie asked. And who does he think he is to talk to me like that?

Nattie, I think he's right. Just this once...ignore the fact that he ordered you around and just do it. Okay? Please?

Natalie sighed, what's his problem?

Michael knew his brother and he knew jealousy when he saw it. He hated the fact that there arms were wrapped around each other. How long had he been standing there? Michael sighed, with Johnny...who knows? I'm going to go talk to him. Find out if there is anything I can do to help. I want you to stay in bed. It's to soon for you to get up right now.

Yes doctor.


Michael saw Jared was a sleep in the playpen. Chase was sitting on the couch talking on his cell phone and he knew Aiden was upstairs with Jessica. That left John alone in the kitchen. He stormed in there, what the hell is your problem?

John turned from the window he was staring out of and faced his brother, I don't have a problem.

Really? Could have fooled me. You just came upstairs acting like a complete ass John! Why the hell would you do that?

You had your damn hands all over her Mikey! Jesus! You didn't even attempt to hide it! The God Damn door was wide open! My God what about Marcie? You think about her when your with Natalie?

Michael stared at John for a minute and then laughed. He couldn't help it. Your a damn idiot bro. Michael's laughter subsided and he looked at his brother again. John looked about ready to hit him. You know...I'm thinking maybe you don't know me at all anymore. I know how much you love her still, how much you have always loved her. You really think I would do that to you? Natalie is my friend. My best friend.

Sure about that? I mean you love her, she means so much to you doesn't she?

Your damn right she does. She means the world to me. She's the Godmother of two of my children and the one on the way. She listens and makes me see reason when I'm acting like a fool. We've been there for each other through a lot over the years. She's my best friend John and your damn right I love her. But I am in love with my wife and if you took your head out of your ass for a minute you'd see that. Now if you'll excuse me I am going to say goodbye to my friend and her son and then go home to my wife and kids.

John stared at the door his brother had just slammed out of. Chase walked through and gave him a look, John had no doubt that his friend heard every word. He ignored Chase and turned back to continue his staring out the window.

Michael had made it pretty obvious that all he felt for Natalie was friendship but...did she feel the same way? Was she harboring feelings for Michael? Hell did his brother know about it? When Michael told them about the baby Natalie had gotten sad and Michael had quickly tried to...comfort her. Did his brother know that Natalie was in love with him?

They made there escape out the back door and through the back gate leading into the alley. Chase had checked it out from every view point and knew that nobody was watching. John loaded there things into the trunk while Natalie got Aiden settled into the back seat. The vehicle was a rental under an assumed name and couldn't be traced back to them. John pulled out of the alley through the back way and headed down the street. He took a lot of unnecessary turns at first to make sure they weren't being followed. Once he was sure he glanced at Natalie, we have a long drive ahead of us, feel free to get some sleep.

I slept all day. She replied making sure her voice was as emotionless as his.

Suit yourself.

Where are we going?

Virginia.

Why Virginia?

That's where Bulletproof Inc. is and I need to take care of some things there. It's about three and a half hours away.

John reached over and turned on the radio. He put it to a soft jazz station and concentrated on the road. Natalie took the hint and stopped talking to him. But he knew it wouldn't last forever. She was mad as hell and he knew she wouldn't hold it in to long.

Natalie woke but kept her eyes closed. It took her a minute to figure out where she was and why. When she did she opened her eyes.

The sun was beginning to set, she looked at the clock and saw it was almost eight o' clock. She glanced behind her to find Aiden sound asleep, his head resting on a pillow against the door. She'd slept over three hours, they had to be almost there. She hadn't expected to fall asleep at all. She knew by how tense he was that John had realized she was awake. But he didn't glance at her or say anything. I need to use the bathroom.

Can it wait? We're almost there.

Natalie sighed, fine.

John new it wasn't fine at all. Nothing about any of this was fine. He knew there was a gas station right off the next exit and he pulled off and pulled into the station. He looked over at her, go. I'll stay with Aiden.

Natalie said nothing as she got out of the car. She walked into the gas station to ask for the key to the restroom. When she came out a little while later John left the car and said he'd be right back. He came back a few minutes later and put three plastic bags in the trunk. When he got back in Natalie looked at him, would you mind telling me why your so damn angry at me? I'm sorry for running out of BE like that, if you'd let me explain-

It's not because of what happened at BE.

Then what is it?

It doesn't matter. I've got a job to do, that's all this is...my job. He replied and pulled out of the gas station.

Natalie sighed again. John had yet to hear what had happened to make her leave BE and she knew that had to be why he was so upset. What else could it be?

Chase had listened to everything she said, made her repeat it, made her promise to keep going over it again and again until she thought of something that would help. He had been upset about what happened to her but not upset at her. She knew if John would listen he would understand too. But he was to damn stubborn.

John pulled the rental car into the parking lot where Bulletproof Inc was located. He made a call and a few minutes later saw Bill and Kelvin Dupree coming out of the door and walking toward them. He got out and met them half way. How was the trip? Bill asked shaking his hand.

Uneventful. John replied. Everything in place?

Kelvin nodded, everything has been taken care of. Your staying at your place tonight right?

Yeah. I thought that would be best. Aiden...the boy was up for most of this trip, he fell asleep less then a half hour ago and he could use a full nights sleep before anymore excitement.

I'll take this car, drive it a few hours back toward Llanview and leave it there, just in case.

Get what they'll need from there bags in the trunk and I'll have the rest of it boarded on the jet. Bill told him.

John walked back over to the car. He popped the trunk and looked at Natalie, can you throw a bag together for the things you and A will need in the morning?

So your talking to me now? She asked with a frown.

John sighed, Natalie...not now...can you just do it please?

Natalie got out of the car to do as he asked. John walked back over to Bill and Kelvin. You'll call Chase and let him know we arrived?

Of course. What time will you leave in the morning?

Plan on it being around nine. John replied. I'll drive them back here with my truck, he motioned to his truck which had been parked in the lot since he left for Llanview. But I'll need a car to bring us to the airfield.

Already taken care of. You have company.

John turned to see Aiden walking toward him. The little boy lifted his arms and John picked him up, Aiden, these are friends of mine, Kelvin Dupree, and my boss Bill Kelson. Can you say hi?

Aiden surprised him by smiling and lifting his hand in a greeting. John smiled, that a boy. Bill and Kelvin are helping us out with our adventure.

Bill smiled at the scene before him. He'd never seen John so open, and this was the first time he'd seen him with a child. He knew all about the child his good friend had lost and he'd seen John shy away from other children because of that. But he seemed really taken with the boy in his arms. It's nice to meet you Aiden. Your great grandpa Asa has told me so much about you.

Aiden? Leave John to talk to his friends baby, come over here with me.

Bill walked past John and over to Natalie, we're done talking. I'm Bill Kelson, a very old friend of your grandfather's. I feel as though I already know you from the way he talks about you.

Natalie smiled, grandpa can talk a lot.

Bill laughed, that he can. That he can. You should know, your the apple of that man's eye. He's very proud of you. He goes on and on about how strong you are.

If he thinks I am so strong why did he hire you to send people to watch out for me?

Bill smiled, he liked this girl and he knew his employee did as well. Something was wrong though. John was paying attention to Aiden but every time he looked Natalie's way he seemed angry. Because as much faith as he has in you, he also has fear for your safety. He's just being careful, as well he should be. Well, I won't keep you folks any longer. You should all get some sleep before your trip in the morning.

Trip? Natalie looked at John. We're not staying here?

It would be to easy for him to find you here. He most likely knows who I am by now and where I live. We're going to stay here tonight only because there is no way he knows we've left town yet. We'll leave in the morning. John took the bag she had set at her feet and put Aiden down at the same time. You ready to go tough guy? I bet your hungry huh? It's been a while since your sandwich. Aiden nodded.

John I'd like to speak to you for a minute before you go. Kelvin why don't you bring Natalie and young Aiden to the truck.

No problem boss man. Kelvin took the keys from John, both his truck keys and the rental cars keys. Your chariot awaits. He said to Natalie and Aiden as he motioned them to go ahead of him.

Something wrong? John asked Bill.

I was about to ask you the same thing. From the reports I've been given it sounded as though things were going smoothly with your red head. But I sense a lot of tension between you.

It's nothing.

John...don't let this get in the way of doing your job. Her life could depend on it.

Nothing gets in the way of doing my job. John replied. Relax Kels...what's going is...it's personal and has nothing to do with the case.

Bill smiled, okay, be careful John.

Always. Later Kels. John said and then headed for his truck.


Are we staying in a hotel? Natalie asked as John drove down the street.

No.

A safe house?

My place. John replied.

Your...oh. She had to admit she was curious to see where he lived, how he lived. Is this your truck? She asked just for the sake of conversation.

Yeah. He replied stiffly. It was less then a ten minute drive to his apartment building and it had started to rain. He pulled into the closest parking spot and sighed, we can sit here until the rain lets up.

Its not cold out, a little rain won't hurt us. Aiden is hungry.

John nodded, suit yourself. If you can grab the three bags from the store I'll carry Aiden and your bag.

I can take my son.

I live half a block down and he's too heavy for you to walk quick enough so we don't get completely drenched. I'll take him. John turned the truck off and got out before she could protest. He slung the bag over his shoulder and lifted Aiden into his arms. We're going to make a run for it buddy. John told him with a wink. Try and dodge the raindrops. To his surprise Aiden didn't even crack a smile.

He headed for his apartment building with Natalie jogging beside him. The rain had started coming down faster and John knew they were going to get soaked anyway. He pulled open the door to his building and ushered Natalie inside.

The elevator had a out of order sign on it and Natalie looked at him, please don't tell me you live on the top floor?

Third. John replied.

Aiden let go of John honey, you can walk up the stairs.

It's alright. I've got him. John replied as he headed up the stairs. His door was at the end of the hall. He opened it and stepped in. He made quick work of getting them all towels and within ten minutes all three of them had changed into dry clothes. Aiden was wearing his favorite spiderman pajama's and Natalie had on a pair of pale pink pajama bottoms and a matching tank top. John stared at her for a second and then looked away. He grabbed the bags of food he'd bought and went into the kitchen.

Natalie looked around his living room, he was definitely a bachelor. The room wasn't exactly trashed but it wasn't the cleanest either. The living room was pretty bare. A big screen television, stereo, and couch were the largest things in the room. There was a table by the windows with pictures in frames on it. The pictures were all of his mom, dad, his cousin, and Michael, Marcie, and the kids. Other then that, the room was bare. She turned the television on and found a cartoon channel. I'm going to help John baby, you watch cartoons alright?

Natalie walked into he kitchen to see John scrambling up some eggs. Eggs and toast?

I didn't want to make anything to heavy this late at night.

Good thinking. She replied.

John grunted a response and continued what he was doing. Natalie started pulling the other things he'd bought out of the bag. She put away the milk and apple juice. Put the box of cereal on the counter, and left the bag with the snacks he'd bought for the plane ride on the table. Can I do anything?

No.

John are you going to stay angry with me forever?

I'm not angry.

Could have fooled me.

Look it's been a long day, I want to eat, take a shower, and go to bed. Save the conversation for another time.

Do you even care that he called me?

John sent her a sharp look, what?

The stalker. He called me. And he didn't use a voice distorter.

You can identify him?

Natalie sighed, no. But I knew him.

How do you know for sure?

Because he was familiar. I answered the phone and he said Natalie you have to get to the hospital quickly, Aiden's been in an accident. I dropped my phone and ran for the elevator. If I hadn't recognized the voice I wouldn't have done that. I know I knew it but I can't...I can't put a face or name to it.

You know...he took a big chance on doing that. He's getting sloppy, making mistakes. How could he have known you would run out there on your own? He's screwing up.

That's what Chase said.


Aiden fell asleep on the couch while John and Natalie were cleaning up the kitchen. John told her to make herself comfortable and went to take a shower. Natalie's curiosity got the best of her after a few minutes and she wandered around the living room. She looked at all the pictures on the table and then walked down the hall and stood in the doorway of his room.

Her eyes immediately focused on the picture on his bedside table. It was her. He had a picture of her, here in his room, by his bed. She was so focused on that and didn't hear him come out of the bathroom. She felt him standing behind her. You...

John moved past her and into the room. He was wearing a pair of pajama bottoms and nothing else. She'd always found him incredibly sexy and he was even more so now. He walked over to the table and opened the draw. He pulled out another framed photo and handed it to her. It was a picture of them together, he was sitting on a chair with Natalie on his lap, she was holding the baby. I uh...I used to have it out but...it hurt to much.

Do you have other pictures of her?

John nodded and went back to the draw. He took out a pink album with the words, 'Baby's First Year' written in purple. Natalie's eyes widened and she walked further into the room. She sat down on the bed, it looks just like mine.

Yeah. Marcie had bought it for us before Erica was born. After...I uh brought Marcie a box of things I thought you would want to keep.

Yeah, I remember. Michael brought it to me. The album was in it.

John nodded, before she gave it to you she copied all of the pictures, bought another album and put it together for me.

That's so Marcie. Natalie said with a smile as she stared at the first page of photo's. God I miss her.

Yeah. John replied softly. "I couldn't look at it for a long time after she gave it to me. Baby's first year...there should be a full years worth of pictures in there...I uh, I'll bring Aiden in here. You two can take the bed, I'll sleep on the couch.

His voice was back to being professional, emotionless. Natalie sighed, John...I didn't think when I ran out of BE. I heard Aiden was hurt and-

I'm not angry about BE Natalie. He said harshly. Jesus even if you didn't have a good reason for running out I wouldn't be angry. Seeing you lying there...I was scared to death. I'm not...it's not about BE.

Then what is it? What did I do?

It doesn't matter. We have an early morning. Better get some sleep.


Natalie heard John moving around in the house, she glanced at the clock by his bed seeing her picture once again. It was almost three in the morning. Why was he still up? She made sure Aiden was still sleeping soundly and got up. She shut the door gently so not to wake him.

John was sitting on the couch watching television with the sound practically off . John?

Is something wrong? He asked quickly turning to face her.

I heard you still up. Can't sleep?

A lot on my mind.

Do you want to talk about it?

No. He said shortly. Natalie sighed but didn't push. She turned to return to his bedroom. His voice stopped her cold. How long have you been in love with my brother?

Natalie turned slowly, what?

I saw the two of you today. At your house. I saw you...with him and...how long Natalie? And what, you figure you couldn't make it work with one brother so you'd try for the other?

Natalie stared at him, ready to explain but before she could get a word out the audacity of his question hit her. How dare he? What right did he have to question her like this? How could he even believe she could ever have feelings for his own brother? Go to hell. She said softly remembering another time she had said those words to him. She didn't mean them anymore now than she had then. But they were said and it was the last thing she would say to him...at least tonight.


John didn't say a word as they transferred from his truck to the car Bill had waiting for them. He didn't speak as they boarded the small private jet. He barely glanced at her after telling Aiden he would be right back and disappearing into the cockpit.

Aiden had been subdued all morning. He barely ate any breakfast and didn't answer them at all when they spoke to him. The smiles, the nods, the laughs, they were all gone.

Natalie knew it was because he could sense the tension between her and John but what could she really do about it? John was an ass. To even think she could be in love with his brother. She and Michael were friends, good friends, hell he was like a brother to her. But nothing had ever gone beyond that, Michael was head over heels in love with his wife and Natalie loved Marcie as much as she loved Michael.

John left the cockpit after the jet was already in the air. Natalie who he had noticed earlier due to the black smudges under her eyes, must not have gone back to sleep last night and was now sound asleep in her seat. Aiden had a coloring book in his lap and crayons beside him but was not paying attention to either of them. He stared at John as John walked toward him.

You okay partner? Aiden just stared at him. I talked to my pilot friend up there and he has a little problem. Aiden looked slightly suspicious but didn't turn away. See his co-pilot canceled on him and he's flying all alone. He needs some help but the thing is...I don't know anything about flying a plane. Now he says that he'll teach me but I'm not so sure I can learn something that difficult...being as old as I am an everything.

Aiden's eyes were wide by this time. Hey...na...that wouldn't work. John turned away. Aiden tugged on his shirt and he looked back, well I was just think you might be able to be his co-pilot but your kind of young...

Aiden shook his head repeatedly and John stared at him, finally he sighed, alright then. I sure don't want to do it so I guess it's up to you. Want me to bring you up there? Aiden shook his head and unlatched his seatbelt quickly. John smiled at his excitement and watched as he disappeared through the curtain. A second later the door opened and then closed and Aiden was gone.

Smooth. Natalie said from where she was lying. Apparently his voice had interrupted her sleep.

He hasn't been himself today and I...I promised him an adventure but it's been pretty dull so far. I figured this would make up for it.

Natalie sat up, he's not dumb John. He knows something is going on between us and the tension is bothering him. It has nothing to do with the trip being dull. John turned away from her as he sat down. He knew that but he hadn't wanted to say it. He didn't want to be responsible for Aiden slipping back into his shell. But then...you shouldn't care about that because this is after all, just a job to you, remember?

John remembered his words and he had regretted them the second they came out. That had always been his thing in the past, using his job as a barrier between them. Some things didn't change. You know that's not true.

Do I? How do I know? Because I know you so well? Bull...I don't think I know you at all anymore. The John I knew would never accuse me of having an affair with his brother.

I didn't. John said quickly. I never said you were having an affair. I said you were in love with him. There's a difference. Michael told me I was crazy but I have eyes Natalie. He's so protective of you, your so comfortable together, you held onto him as if he was the only person in the world.

He's my closest friend, like a brother to me...but I am not in love with him, I have never and will never be in love with him.

Then how do you explain it? The closeness between the two of you, it doesn't make sense. I mean I came back and Michael, who knows what I went through when you left me was sticking up for you and treating me as if I were the one who did something wrong! Natalie looked away from him with those words but John continued. And then there's this big secret that everyone seems to know but me! Jessica slipped on it and then Michael. But no one will tell me anything! My own brother is keeping secrets, secrets for you, from me! What am I supposed to think?

Michael's a good friend. You shouldn't be angry at him. Don't be...he wanted me to tell you, begged me to tell you, numerous times over the years but I stood my ground and didn't. Please, don't be angry with him.

For what?

For not telling you. Natalie's chin quivered slightly and she went on. Michael and I are as close as we are because he helped me through something...something you should have known about but I couldn't...I didn't want you to suffer like I was suffering, I didn't want you to hurt anymore then I knew you already were.

What happened Natalie? What could be worse then losing Erica and then losing you?

You don't have the flu Ms. Buchanan.

I don't? Are you sure? I've been so sick and tired.

That's the be expected during your first trimester.

My first...what?

Pregnant..." John said the words slowly and softly. He looked up at her, met her eyes, "you were pregnant?

Natalie nodded, yes. I didn't know before I left Llanview. I started feeling sick a week or so after and figured it would pass. When it didn't I went to the hospital to be checked and they told me I was pregnant.

I tried calling you...I did...I could just never seem to dial all of the numbers. I was so mixed up, scared...we had just lost Erica and I was expecting another baby. I went from feeling sad to happy on a daily basis. I needed time. Then Michael and Rex showed up. The only people that knew I was pregnant at that time were my mom and Jessica and the people I knew in New York of course. I hadn't told Rex or anyone else. They obviously knew by looking at me that I was and Michael started in on me right away about telling you. I reassured him that I did plan on telling you before the baby was born, that I just needed time and he left it at that.

So what...what happened? John barely recognized his own voice. He knew whatever came next was bad. Aiden wasn't there son. Natalie wouldn't have come up with a story like his just to keep him from knowing Aiden was his. It wasn't Aiden. And Natalie would never give her child up for adoption. Which left only one thing.

We were walking back from dinner and I started to get dizzy, then I got a lot of pains and...they took me to the hospital...I lost the baby. It was a boy and...there was no explanation. Michael said it could have been stress related, with all the change in my life, moving, losing Erica...he was gone. There wasn't going to be any baby. Michael still wanted me to call you but I couldn't. There was no way I could call you and tell you that I had been pregnant with your baby but I lost him. I wanted to save you from the despair I was feeling. John it was hell and I didn't want you to go through it...I made anyone who knew promise to never tell you. I wanted to die...I didn't care anymore and...I didn't want you to feel the same way.

I had the right to know. He said softly after a few minutes of silence. You not only robbed me of the chance to love our son...you robbed me of the chance to mourn him.

I'm sorry. She said softly. I don't...I don't know what else to say.

You once said you hated me for making choices for you. Do you remember that?

Natalie nodded, when you kept the fact that Cris really was Cris and he was in prison from me.

I didn't understand how that felt...for someone to take your choices from you. I didn't get it then. I do now.

What does that mean?

It means...I'm not sure how you ever forgave me. John stood up wishing like hell he wasn't on a plane right now wishing he could get away from her, far away. He almost had a son, a son that would be turning six soon...just a few months younger then Aiden. Maybe if she had told him, he could have done something to stop what happened to her. Maybe it was the extra stress of worrying about telling him that caused the miscarriage. The worse thing was...everyone knew. Michael, Jess, the rest of her family probably knew, Marcie...everyone knew...but him.


The plane landed on the small airfield a mile from Chase's ranch. There was a car waiting there to take them to the ranch. John got off first and shook hands with Travis Downing, another Bulletproof coworker. Everything is set at the ranch?

Yeah, hey what the hell is Chase doing risking his neck every damn day when he's got a place like this waiting for him?

Chase isn't a rancher. Don't get me wrong, he loves this place. He just doesn't want to run it.

Whoa. Travis replied staring as Natalie walked off the plane with Aiden in front of her. I love this job.

John clenched his jaw and tried stopping himself from saying anything. But it wasn't possible. Travis was ogling her and John wanted to hit him. Keep your eyes to yourself Romeo.

Travis looked at him in surprise, everyone knew John McBain played by the rules and Bill's main rule was not to get involved with the person your protecting. Something I should know?

Natalie and I have a past. Thats all you need to know. John went to say goodbye to the pilot and Travis started loading there things into the SUV.

John made a quick introduction and then opened the back door for Natalie and Aiden to get in. He got into the front and Travis started the truck and pulled out of the field and onto a road. John glanced at Aiden in his mirror and smiled at the kids interest in everything around him. He knew from previous visits what Chase's ranch was like and he had no doubt that Aiden was going to love it.

It took them less then ten minutes to get to the Lucky Ace. John jumped out to open the large wooden gates, Travis drove through and he shut the gates again. John got back into the SUV and looked at Travis, I want someone guarding the gate, Bill sent us enough people?

Travis smirked, put it this way, our buddy Chase paid out a whole lot of severance pay. With the exception of his foreman, the cook, and two old timers that have been here nearly all there lives everyone working this place is an employee of BI.

John glanced over at him. Everyone? Chase had close to twenty hands working this place.

Right. Anyone who knew anything about ranching was sent here, plus, Snyder, Lucas, Paulo, and Eli.

Eli? Great. Just what he needed on top of everything else. He and Elijah Mitchell were far from friends. They butted heads on everything and John could definitely do without him. Where the he- uh heck are all these people staying?

Mostly in the bunkhouse. Chase's foreman is loaning his spare room to two of us and the bunkhouse is large enough for the rest of the men.

John nodded, alright. We'll discuss everything else after we're settled in. I want to meet with everyone.

Figured that. I told the men to be in the bunkhouse after dinner. Until then we have people patrolling any possible entrances onto the ranch.

Good. I want someone at the front gate also. Twenty four hours a day.

No problem, your the go to guy on this. Bill said your the boss man.

Natalie had been avidly listening to the men talk up front until the house came into view. Her eyes widened. Jessica had told her a little bit about it but she hadn't imagined this. It was beautiful. The house was large. Not a mansion but still larger then she'd thought a ranch house would be. Her grandfather's not withstanding.

Travis stopped in front of the house and he and John got out of the car. Natalie turned to Aiden's whose eyes were wide as he stared not just at the house but all around him. He stopped on Natalie and smiled. Let's check it out. She said returning his smile. She got out and held her arms out to her boy, but he shook his head and jumped down by himself.

You three go on inside. I'll bring your things in. Travis told them.

That's rediculas, we can carry our own things. Natalie told him.

Travis squinted, she was like no heiress he had ever met, uh...

John nearly smiled because he knew what his friend was thinking, we'll take our bags Trav. Park the truck in the garage and take care of putting a guard on the gate.

No problem.

John was halfway up the steps when the front door swung open and a short, round old lady walked out onto the porch. She was wearing and apron and scowling his way, it takes a job to bring you to visit me boy?

John smiled charmingly, I tried to visit sooner but Chase wouldn't allow it. He's afraid I would usurp his place as your favorite. I tried explaining that I was already your favorite but he just got mad.

She cracked a smile, get on over here and give me a hug. She hugged him fiercely for an older woman that looked so frail, but John knew that with her, looks were definitely deceiving. You've gotten all thin again, don't you boys eat right?

John chuckled, is pizza and cheeseburgers eating right?

She frowned, what you need is some good home cooking. Now, stop hogging all the attention and introduce me to your friends.

John turned to Natalie and Aiden. Natalie looked shocked and he knew without a doubt that it was because of his easy going way with the old woman. Aiden's eyes were wide as if the little lady in front of him interested him as much as his surroundings. Miss Mary, meet Natalie Bu...Turner and her son Aiden. John looked at Aiden, Miss Mary helped raise Chase since he was just a little bit younger then you.

That's right I did. Miss Mary replied with pride. He was a spitfire that one. But you are the first little one we've had visit the ranch since his days here and I couldn't be more excited. I have a big surprise for you. You see we all wished Chase would come to his senses, have a few babies and bring them here to raise and because of that we never changed his old room. And he's asked that I make sure you get that room. Would you like to see it? Aiden nodded vigorously and took her outstretched hand. With a quick glance at Natalie he proceeded into the house.

Johnny you be a good boy, mind your manners, and show your lady around. I take it you still remember?

John smiled for her benefit, I think I can muddle through.

Natalie was staring at him when he turned to face her. She'd never seen John like that even with his own mother. But then the woman seemed to be as sweet as she was stern, she was what Natalie always imagined grandmothers were supposed to be.

Natalie stepped into the house behind John and her eyes widened, from the outside she figured it would be luxurious in here. But it was quite homey. This isn't at all what I expected.

You ain't seen nothing yet. John replied. He put his bags down near a set of stairs and motioned for her to do the same. Behind the stairs were sliding glass doors. John brought her there first. This was originally a normal ranch house, nothing special, two floors with plenty of space. When Chase's grandfather met his grandmother he wanted to tear it down and build something special for the two of them. One of her main desires was a place outside that could be shared by just the two of them, a place where they wouldn't have to worry about the hands popping up at them.

This is gorgeous. Natalie said in a whisper. The house wasn't as large as she thought. It was built around a courtyard. There was an in ground pool in the middle and Natalie briefly worried about Aiden being out here but she knew her son would not be careless enough to walk to close. To be safe though she would make sure he was not out here alone. There was a small patio with a grill and a table and chairs. Several lounge chairs were placed by the pool. There was another staircase across the pool opposite of where they stood and it led to a balcony, and two more sets of sliding doors.

John pointed to the left of them, the kitchen and dinning room is over that way. To the right is an office, living room, and a den. There are four bedrooms and two bathrooms upstairs. The entire left side though is Miss Mary's quarters. Those stairs lead to the master bedroom, and guest room.

John walked around the pool and over to the stairs and Natalie followed him. He brought her upstairs and led her to one door, opening it he led her in. This will be your room. He walked out into the hall, the master bedroom is there, that's where I'll be staying. The hall is closed off beyond there. Slade had it done when Miss Mary moved in so she would have her own space. The only way up to her quarters are through a private staircase in the kitchen. If you come right around here, John pointed to the room Miss Mary was now walking out of. That's where Aiden will be staying. Is he happy?

Seems to be. She said with a smile. He was fascinated by the GI Joe collection and is now spreading them all over the floor to examine each one. It shall keep him busy for a while. I told him where the kitchen was when he's ready to come down.

I should probably stay with him. This is a new place and all.

That's absurd. He's perfectly happy playing in there and he knows there will be someone downstairs when he's ready to stop playing. I'm going to start dinner now, all three of you look as though you could use some good feeding. I've changed the bedding in the master bedroom and the guest room. If you need anything don't hesitate to ask.

Natalie turned to John, why is it that I am slightly afraid of asking her for anything?

John smiled slightly, you'll get used to her. I'll bring your things upstairs if you want to look around some more.

He was treating her as if she were a stranger to him. His voice was so impersonal. As if he didn't...didn't care. She watched him walk away from her and then sighed and peaked in on Aiden. He really did seem to be alright without her. She walked back round the corner of the hall and into her room. She stood by the balcony doors and stared at the pool. The water sparkled, it looked so inviting. She'd have to take Aiden swimming, he loved being in the water. She backed away from the window and sat down on the bed, it was so soft. She wanted to close her eyes...just for a minute.


John stared into Natalie's room, she had fallen asleep hours ago. He'd told Aiden to let her sleep and the little boy had been following him around all afternoon. He was in the kitchen now helping Miss Mary prepare tonight's dessert. John stepped into the room, Natalie?

Natalie heard him calling her name and after a few seconds her eyes flickered open. Time is it? She asked as she stretched.

Nearly six, dinner will be done in ten minutes or so.

Oh...I slept all day. She sat up quickly. Where's Aiden? Is he alright?

He's fine. I showed him around the ranch, showed him where he could and couldn't play. He met the ranch dogs and cats, pet a few horses. He's in the kitchen helping Miss Mary now. John turned to walk out of the room.

John! Wait...

John turned, did you need something?

No I...never mind.

Dinner was quiet and very uncomfortable. Miss Mary had left them alone to eat saying she needed to run some errands. Without her to make some kind of conversation they were left pretty much in silence. When he finished eating John pushed his chair back and got up. He rinsed his dishes and then turned to Natalie, I need to go down to the bunkhouse and meet with the men.

Sure. We'll be fine. She replied. Finish up Aiden, we can play outside for a little while before bed.

Aiden didn't seem excited over the prospect of going back outside. He'd been withdrawn all day, barely nodding if someone asked him something. John stared at him a minute and then turned and left the house through the kitchen door.

He entered the bunkhouse a little while later and everyone was waiting for him. He was shocked at the number of men Bill had sent. The man had over a hundred men and woman working for him and at least a quarter of the were in the bunkhouse. He'd met most of them through the years of working at BI but there were a few unfamiliar faces.

John made his way over to where the two older hands that he was pretty sure had been on this ranch since before Chase was born, and the foreman Joe Donnelly stood. Joe, good to see you again.

You too John, just wish it had been under better circumstances. Chase filled me in on everything, anything you need, you let me know.

Thanks. John said with a nod. Hank, Gruff, hope your both doing well?

The old men said there hello's and extended the same offer of help that Joe had. I put the word out in town to gimmie a holler if anyone new shows up in town. If it happens, we'll be the firsts to know.

Thanks Hank. John replied. That's a big help. And John knew the people of the small town would come through. A new person in a town of less hen six hundred people was hard to miss.

John pulled a map of the ranch out and spread it on the table. He'd gone over it for nearly an hour earlier in the day while Aiden had been napping beside him. He'd put a star by all the places he wanted guards at. These here are the most common places someone would try and get in. I want someone there at all times. Deliveries into the...


Natalie looked out her bedroom window. John had come back almost an hour ago and had gone right into the pool. He'd been swimming laps since. She opened the balcony door quietly and slipped outside. She'd checked on Aiden earlier and he was sound asleep.

She sat down on the bottom step and watched as he continued to swim back and forth. He had to be exhausted by now. Hell she was tired just watching him. After a few more minutes his movements slowed and then he lifted himself up out of the pool and laid back on the ground taking shallow breaths.

She started to say something but stopped. The least she could do was let him catch his breath first. She was going to ask him something she had no right to ask.

John knew she was there. He'd caught a glimpse of her while swimming which was why he'd stopped sooner then he normally would have. She said nothing though, and finally he pushed himself up and walked over to the lounge chair he'd put his towel on.

He sat down. The first time I came here was the first anniversary of Erica's death. Chase knew something was eating away at me, he didn't know what but he knew I was hurting and we had just finished an assignment so we had a week free. He brought me here. I'd swim for hours at a time just so I could be tired enough to sleep without my thoughts keeping me awake. Some nights I was really lucky...I'd be to tired to even dream

John was quiet for a moment but Natalie knew he had more to say so she just continued to watch him. It hurt...every second of every day. I'd been in pain before...my dad, Caitlyn, but this...it was nothing I had ever experienced. I felt as though someone was ripping me apart from the inside...I'd hear her name or see a baby and...the pain would start all over again.

I know. Natalie said in a whisper, finally saying something. I felt it too.

I understand why you didn't tell me. I don't...I don't like it but I understand. He said after a few minutes. But you need to understand too. I had a right to know and I know I once kept something from you that you had every right to know...and you forgave me...but me..I'm not there yet. I need time.

Okay. She said softly. At first she was sure him forgiving her was where this was going but...

I saw the way Aiden looked today and he's been really withdrawn all day. I tried telling myself it was because of the moving around and all the excitement but I know it wasn't. He senses the tension between us and...I don't want to hurt him.

Thank you. She said softly. I was going to ask if we could call a truce...at least around him.

John nodded, yeah...I think that's a good idea. Goodnight.

Goodnight John. She said and she watched as he walked back into the house through the doors leading to the hall.

She'd thought there would be more fighting with this conversation. She hadn't expected for John to pour his heart out. She hadn't expected to feel responsible for all the pain he felt. She left him, adding to his pain. Instead of them leaning on each other, she'd left to start a new life...and he had merely existed in his.

A year after she died he'd still been feeling the same burning pain as the day she had died. A year after she died...Natalie had been raising another woman's baby boy and getting married.


After breakfast there first day John suggested that he and Aiden show her around the ranch. Aiden agreed happily and they all set out. Aiden's eyes widened as soon as they walked out the front door.

He went running toward a large dog...she wasn't exactly sure what kind of dog. John saw the look of panic in Natalie's eyes and touched her arm gently, Roscoe is harmless. He and Aiden met yesterday and they're old friends by now. He's fine.

Roscoe? Natalie asked.

John struggled to hold back a full fledged smile, he nodded, Roscoe, there are two other dogs, Duke, Jesse, and the barn cats name is Daisy. Grandpa Slade was a huge Duke's of Hazard fan.

Natalie laughed, "I guess so."

True to his word John acted as if nothing had happened between them. He treated her the same as he had back in Llanview. Only without the flirting. Aiden seemed better once he realized all was okay with them but every once in a while Natalie would catch him watching them with a look of wonder on his face.

They got to the barn and Aiden ran ahead of them inside. Whoa there little cowboy, slow it down.

Natalie looked at John who smiled as they walked toward the man and her son. Natalie this is Joe Donnelly, he's Chase's foreman. Joe, Natalie Bu... John sighed, sorry, Turner.

Joe shook tipped his hat and smiled warmly, nice to meet you ma'am. How do you like our spread?

It's beautiful here. My grandfather has a ranch a couple hours from here but it's nothing like this. He's more...showy. Aiden! Baby don't get to close.

Aiden sent her a look as if his over protective mother was embarrassing him. Joe smiled, he's fine Ms. Turner. That's Goldie, Chase's sisters horse. She loves kids and is real gentle.

Still...he's not around horses much. Natalie replied looking nervous.

John looked surprised, Asa hasn't gotten him up on a horse?

He's tried. she replied. She looked at Joe, and please, call me Natalie.

Why won't you let him ride? John asked.

He's just a little boy. She said forcing herself not to snap. She knew where John was going with this and it would happen only over her dead body. Her baby was not getting on top of a humongous animal that would squish him with one leg.

Ain't been a boy on this ranch in over fifty years, that didn know how ta ride.

Joe glanced at Hank who was brushing down one of the horses and then looked back at Natalie, I'd be happy to teach your boy. It really is safe and I wouldn't let anything happen to him.

Aiden walked over then, his eyes wide, Apparently he'd been listening closely to the adults conversation. He tugged on Natalie's shirt and she looked down at him. She knew that look, she knew how bad he wanted this. Hell he'd wanted to ride since the first time Asa suggested it. But he was so small and he...he was her baby. If anything happened to him...

John crouched down, give us a minute alright big guy? John grabbed Natalie's hand and pulled her away from everyone else. Let Joe teach him.

John...

Natalie look at him, can't you see how much he wants this? You know I've heard horses can be therapeutic. Maybe...
maybe it'll help him.

Your just trying to get me to agree.

Is it working?

Natalie looked over at Aiden, he was watching him with wide eyes barely concealing his excitement. She walked back over to them. Alright...but...nothing big...no jumping or anything...just slow...and-

Don't worry mom. I'll take real good care of him. Joe said with a grin. Aiden giggled and ran for the horses stall. Hold on there little cowboy, there are things you need to learn before you get on the horse. Come on, let's get started.

Natalie glanced coldly at John and then turned and walked out of the barn. A part of her needed to stay and watch every second to make sure her baby was alright. But Joe was a busy man and she knew he couldn't work with Aiden to long today, most likely he'd teach him about saddling the horse and a few other things and they would start tomorrow.

John watched as Natalie left the barn. Hank chuckled and John looked at him, what are you laughing at old man?

Your little lady is right pissed at you boy.

John sighed and took off after Natalie. He caught up with her in seconds and grabbed her arm to stop her from walking. What?

Would you calm down?

Natalie shook her head, no. No John I won't calm down! You put me on the spot back there. Aiden would be fine if he didn't get on that horse but you had to insist didn't you?

You could have said no.

And look like the bad guy? If you hadn't pushed, it wouldn't have been an issue.

He's a boy Natalie and he's on a horse ranch. Regardless of whether he talks or not and asked himself or not it was something he wanted to do.

He would have dealt with it. If anything happens to him...if he gets hurt...

John was angry now, gets hurt? He's a boy! He's supposed to get hurt. He's supposed to fall and scrape his knee, climb trees, and get into mischief. You coddle that kid and it's no good for him!

Natalie glared at him, anger burning through her. Who the hell are you to tell me how I am with my son? It's none of your damn business! He's my son! Mine! Not yours! If anything happens to him it's on you! Natalie turned and stormed away from him. She didn't care that people were watching them, she didn't look around to see who may have overheard. She slammed into the house, walked right by Miss Mary and up to her room.


John stood in the same spot staring at the house. He looked to his side when he heard someone walking his way. He mentally groaned to see Travis walking over with Eli. Everyone report in?

Yeah. You alright? Travis asked.

Hell no he isn't alright. Eli said with a grin. His lady just put him in his place. What's a matter McBain, losing your touch?

Go to hell. And stop calling her my lady, she ain't mine. John turned and walked away from them. He'd go to the barn and hang out with Aiden and Joe. Give Natalie time to cool off.

What's there story? Eli asked.

Not completely sure. There are some stories but I'm not sure what to believe or not. Someone said she was his ex-wife. Another said they never got as far as the marriage. I know they had a kid together, a little girl...she died...before a year old I think. Look man don't mess with John about her and for Christ sakes stay the hell away from Natalie. There is way to much history between them for you to start any bull.

Eli grinned, Now why would I do that?

Because making John miserable is your favorite past time. Leave it alone this time Eli.

Eli grinned, "but think of the fun I could have."


John took a deep breath and headed for the barn. He'd turned to do just that and had a shock when he saw Aiden standing in the doorway with a dumbfounded Joe right behind him. John walked over to them, hey Joe, can you hold off on the lesson for a few minutes?

Sure thing. Joe replied and then with a sympathetic glance he walked back into the barn and into his office.

Let's talk. John said and motioned for Aiden to follow him. They walked over the a couple of hay bales and John lifted Aiden onto one. I'm sorry you had to hear that. Aiden looked down at his feet. Actually you know what...I'm sorry it happened A. It shouldn't have. Your mom and I...well I'm not sure if you know but we've known each other a long time and we...we tend to argue quite a bit.

John lifted Aiden's chin so the boy was looking at him, it's not because we don't like each other, it's never that. We just...I think we care about each other to much...you probably don't understand that do you? Aiden shrugged and John smiled, well this you can understand, I love your mom, and no matter how much we fight, I am always going to love her. Aiden smiled and John lifted the boy and gave him a hug, and you too big guy, I love you too.


Natalie stayed in her room for hours. She knew she shouldn't. She knew she should be responsible and go to check on her son. But she also knew John wouldn't just leave Joe to take care of Aiden and she didn't want to be around either of the men in her life right now.

She didn't want Aiden to see how upset she was and seeing John would just make her all the more upset. She did not coddle her son. She didn't care what he said, what he thought...he was...he was nothing to her...someone who was working for her right now. That was all.

Natalie sighed because she knew she was lying to herself. That wasn't all, that would never be all between them...there was always more. There always would be. They couldn't be in the same place together and not have something there...there connection was to strong. It had survived so much through the years they knew each other...it had survived the death of there daughter and a long absence from each other. It would survive anything.

He was right. She knew he was right the second he'd said the words but...how could she not coddle her boy? After everything he'd been through wasn't it her job as his mother to make sure he was never hurt again? That's all she was trying to do. She was trying to protect her boy. But in a way...so was John. Only he was trying to protect Aiden from his overprotective mother.

Natalie sighed again, John was right. She coddled Aiden and it wasn't good for him...she'd do better. It wouldn't come easy and things wouldn't change over night..that instinct to protect him from any and all harm would always be there but...he needed to be a little boy. John...John could help him with that, he already was.


John rapped lightly on Natalie's bedroom door. It was dinner time and she'd spent the entire day in her room. After a minute he contemplated walking away, it didn't seem as if she'd be asking him in.

He started to turn but changed his mind and opened the door. He was surprised to find the room empty. She wasn't in the house...where the hell was she? John walked quickly downstairs and out the front door. Travis was on duty out front and he walked over to him. Where is Natalie?

She went for a run.

What? And you let her?

She was going stir crazy John, she needed it.

Why wasn't I told about this?

Whoa buddy. Calm down. I wasn't aware we had to let you know of her every move. She's not alone, Eli went with her.

Eli. John shook his head, that's just great. Go inside and hang with Aiden, he's by the pool. Which way did they go?

Travis sighed but pointed in the direction they'd run off in, they went on the trail.

I know it. Tell A I'll be back shortly. John took off in the direction of the trails. He didn't want Eli anywhere near Natalie, especially when she was as ticked off at him as she was right now.

The Natalie he remembered from the past did crazy things when she was angry and Eli would use that to his advantage. It didn't take him long to find them, he'd barely started on the trail when he saw them a distance away both sitting on a rock by the stream. He slowed his jog to a walk and approached them. Hey.

Eli turned, taking a walk? Eli asked, though he knew full well that John had come out here looking for them.

Something like that. You mind giving us a few minutes?

Maybe I mind. Natalie said turning to face John. Eli and I were in the middle of a conversation.

Yeah, like the lady said, we're busy.

John wanted to say something, anything to get that look off her face. She looked...lost. He didn't know how else to describe it. Before he could say anything else, she spoke, is Aiden alright?

He is now. He uh...overheard us outside. At her panicked look he held up his hand, I talked to him and he's alright now. He had a good day. Anyway I uh, I know he would be happy if you joined us for dinner. Miss Mary has tonight off so we're grilling steaks in the courtyard...wanna throw a salad together?

Natalie knew John was trying to call a truce once again and a part of her wanted to tell him where he could stick his truce. But she didn't. She looked at Eli, thanks for the run, and the conversation...but I haven't been with my son all day and I should go.

Eli nodded, I understand...hopefully we can talk again?

Natalie smiled, I'd like that. She got up and moved past John and started down the trail.

John stood there staring at her for a minute, his hands in tight fists, his jaw clenched, he turned to look at Eli, you don't want to get into this...stay the hell away from her Mitchell.

Eli stood, She don't belong to you McBain. You said so yourself. She ain't yours and that leaves her up for grabs.

John stood right in front of him now, she's not up for grabs, stay away from her...

Or what?

Go near her again and you'll see. Natalie and I have a history, one you can't touch with a ten foot pole. No one can. So don't try. Back off Eli...I won't warn you again.


John caught up to her just as she reached the house. She stopped before going in and looked at him, this morning...

Forget it okay? We both said more then we should have earlier. You were right...he's not my son." John shrugged as if it didn't matter and then said, "I spent the day in the barn and I want to grab a shower, you should too. Travis is with Aiden. He was sitting by the pool when I went looking for you, waiting to take a swim, I told him he had to wait for one of us.

Natalie nodded but said nothing and then turned and headed upstairs and into her room. She took a quick shower and changed quickly into a swimsuit, her sister must have asked Chase what to pack because all the essentials were in her suitcase...and a few extras. She stared at the lacy black nightgown that hid very little and almost groaned, she knew exactly what Jess had been thinking.

She opened the balcony door and Aiden turned to see her coming down the stairs. He smiled. Hey baby. She walked over to the lounge chair he was sitting on and sat down at the bottom of it. I hear your hoping to take a swim? Aiden nodded. Sounds good to me. John asked me to make a salad for dinner though, so I'm going to do that first alright? She looked at Travis, thanks for keeping an eye on him.

Not a problem. You guys have a nice evening.


John watched the two of them in the pool and continued as he had all day to hear Natalie's voice in his head telling him that Aiden was not his and therefore...none of his business. And it killed him. Because he wanted the boy to be his. He wanted everything about Aiden to be his business. He watched as they climbed out of the pool and Natalie wrapped Aiden in a towel and then put one around her own waist, sat down and pulled Aiden onto her lap.

They snuggled there together, Natalie speaking softly and Aiden giggling at whatever it was she said. God he wanted to be a part of that so badly...but could he be? Could he forgive Natalie for not telling him about there son? Even then, if he managed that, would she continue to fight him on it?


Natalie took a deep breath at the table and looked at Aiden, so...did you have fun today? Excitement clouded his eyes and he nodded happily. Did you get to ride?

Aiden shook his head and John said, he learned how to saddle a horse, mount it, and how to unsaddle and then take care of the horse after. Joe says he's a natural but the big test is tomorrow.

John stared at her to see if her feelings on the matter had changed. They hadn't but she managed to hide it well enough that Aiden couldn't tell. A, how about you help me clean up the dinner dishes and then...if it's alright with your mom you and I can play in the pool for a bit before bed.

That's fine. But you did most of the cooking so go swim...I'll take care of the dishes.

I can do it.

So can I. She said and then not giving him any more room to argue she got up and began gathering there dishes to bring into the house. Once she was finished and everything was clean she got her book from her room and went back to the courtyard to curl up on a lounge and read.

The courtyard lights came on as the sky dimmed and John helped Aiden dry off and then sent him upstairs to get ready for bed. He walked over to where Natalie sat and she didn't even glance at him, she was so engrossed in the book. He looked at the picture on the front of the book she was reading and smiled.

He wasn't surprised when he came back down from putting Aiden to bed a half hour later and found her still entranced in the book. That one of those trashy romance novels? You know the ones, all about happily ever after, true love and... it was shirtless men right?

Natalie looked up and it took a second for his words to register, her eyes widened slightly, you remember that? Wait, where's Aiden?

You seemed engrossed, I put him to bed and promised him you'd kiss him goodnight when you went upstairs...did I cross another line?

No...thank you.

John only nodded and then got back on the topic of the book, If I remember correctly you said Roxy gave you the one I caught you reading that night. You said they were addicting, I guess you were right. John crouched down beside the lounge and reached out to touch her hair, I'm not a pirate...and I don't know of any deserted islands to sweep you off to...your not a slave so I can't buy you away from it...and you told me before that you didn't want me to rescue you, to be your hero. What you don't understand is that it was never me who rescued you...it was always you who rescued me. When I met you I was already so far gone...almost emotionless, if I had lost you to Haver, or Hayes or anyone or anything else...I would never have recovered. You saved me Natalie. I was nothing...I wouldn't allow myself to love or feel...or even have friends...until you. You rescued me Natalie. Not the other way around.

John...

You were right when you said Aiden wasn't mine this afternoon, you were right when you said it was none of my business. But I wish he was...every second of everyday since the day I met him I have wished he was mine, my son, my business...my family. Everything else...all of it...none of it matters. You leaving me, not telling me about the baby, it hurts but its in the past and we can't do anything to change it now. All we can do is...do better. I love you Natalie, I love your son. I want you both in my life...front and center in my life... I need you, I need you both."

Natalie was crying. The tears had slipped by after he said he wished Aiden was his. She couldn't stop them. She wasn't sure where this had come from. One second he said he didn't know if he'd ever forgive her and now...now he was asking for forever. I don't...I can't...

You can. We can Natalie. John leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. Think about it. He stood and went upstairs and let himself into his own room.

Natalie closed her eyes and leaned her head back. Her book forgotten she fell into the past. She couldn't believe John had remembered all that, it wasn't as if the conversation had been an important one, he was on a stake out, she was alone in her room reading, he'd called her.

No serious talk, just joking and flirting. Yet he remembered even those senseless little things. She was beginning to forget all the reasons she couldn't be with him...all the reasons they just wouldn't work.


John flung his blanket back and sat up. It was useless trying to sleep. He tried to remember what he had said to her...had it been the right thing? Would she at least consider being with him again now? It had been hours since he said it to her and still he kept going over and over it in his mind. He had to do something to get his mind off it. He called Chase but his friend didn't answer.

He was about to leave the room when he heard tapping on the balcony door. He walked over and lifted the curtain, it was Natalie. Hope clutched him as he opened the door. Hey...

Did I wake you? She asked though she could tell he hadn't been asleep.

No. I was about to go raid the kitchen.

Oh...well...

Do you want to come in?

We should talk. She replied. She'd been trying to sleep since she came in a few hours ago and it wasn't working. She had to talk to him now, she had to get this straightened out. It was better to do it now when Aiden was asleep. She walked into his room and he shut the door. I...I thought about what you said and...John I know where your coming from but it's not that easy... It's not. Before, all the other times all we had to think about was ourselves. If it didn't work only our own hearts were involved.

I would never hurt Aiden. Natalie I love him.

I know. I know that. God John we never meant to hurt each other either. But it happened anyway didn't it? We could get back together and it would be great...maybe this time we would even get married. You would be Aiden's father, we would be a family. But then something would happen-

You don't know that.

Something always happens John. Always! Maybe...maybe we could ignore whatever it was for a while, try and make it work for Aiden but in the end we would end up fighting all the time...and possibly hating each other. I don't want that and I won't do it to Aiden.

What if this is the right time Natalie? What if this is our one chance to get it right?

Natalie shook her head, we had our chances and we couldn't do it. I'm sorry.

John couldn't...wouldn't accept this. He walked over to her and without giving her a chance to back away or protest he kissed her. Not gentle or kind but hard and hungry. Her fist clenched in his shirt and he was sure she was about to push him away.

John. He knew she meant it to come out as a warning but instead it sounded like a moan and he took it as that. He kissed her deeper, ran his hands all over her body.

Everywhere he touched burned and instead of pushing him away she pulled him closer so he was right against her. He backed her up into the wall and started kissing her neck. He nibbled on her earlobe and then sucked and she tried pulling him closer still. He put his hands under her and lifted her, she wrapped her legs around his waist and pushed against his arousal.

John groaned, he couldn't hold back another second. He ripped open her shirt and quickly slipped his hands behind her to unclasp her bra. He stared at her naked chest for a second, her nipples perked, begging to be touched, kissed. He followed through without another thought. Natalie gasped and pulled his head closer to her. John! She cried out, wanting, needing more.

John looked at her, saw his want mirrored in her eyes and knew that neither one of them were stopping this. He pulled her away from the wall, and over to the bed. She sat down and then scooted to the center. John pulled his shirt over his head and joined her on the bed, I've dreamed about this so many times...dreamed about you.


Natalie lay as still as possible. Why? Why did she let it happen? Why couldn't she have just said no? But she knew the answer. She could never say no to him...she wanted him to much, she always had. He'd made love to her tonight like he never had before. He was open and brutally honest and...she couldn't change her mind.

She couldn't walk into this when she knew what would most likely happen in the end, what always happened in the end. One or both of them would end up heart broken again...and so would her son. She started to move hoping he was asleep but his arm tightened around her, don't go. He said softly.

I have to. I...this...

Was amazing. John said for her.

It was...John it was but it shouldn't have happened. It was a mistake...one that can't happen again. She was sitting on the edge of the bed now and she felt John move. Please don't argue this anymore. John I...I can't fight you...

Because you want it as much as I do. Admit it...say the words.

Your right. Natalie turned to face him, she'd chalk this moment up to being one of the hardest things she'd ever have to do. "Since the moment we met there's been this connection and once I realized it was love...John it's all I have ever wanted.

Then take it! Natalie...I'm right here...

I know. I want us to find our happily ever after, I want to grow old with you...I want to have more babies with you, to raise Aiden and any other children, to spoil our grandkids...I want it all. But I can't take the risk.

It could be worth the risk. Nothing is standing in our way this time.

No John. Natalie stood up and grabbed her clothes from around the room. She dressed as quickly as possible and then walked to the balcony door. We were always the biggest obstacles standing in our way...Even if I could stand another broken heart from you...I can't and won't do it to my little boy. Goodnight John.

John closed his eyes when the door clicked shut. They'd made love, it was incredible, they were incredible together...but she was gone again. Was this his punishment? Payback maybe for all the times he'd hurt her in the past? If it was he had to admit...he deserved it. But he was done thinking she deserved better then him...they were it for each other and she knew it...they both knew it.

There was no one else in the world for him. He needed her...and he wasn't giving up until she let go of all her fears and let them happen...because this time would be different, he could feel it. They would be a family...they could finally be happy.


Natalie lounged by the pool reading a book. Well the book was on her lap, she wasn't actually reading it. She could seriously get used to these lazy days. Not that she did nothing everyday but it was nothing compared to her life back home.

She had all the time in the world to spend with Aiden, Miss Mary was teaching her some new recipes and Natalie was actually having a good time learning them.

Everyday around noon Aiden slipped off to the barn with John and Joe and she came out here to lounge by the pool. Sometimes she read, sometimes she napped. Mostly though...mostly she thought about John and the night they had spent together.

It had felt so right being in his arms again. Like everything was back to the way it was supposed to be. But she knew from experience that it wouldn't always feel like that...things would go wrong, they always went wrong.

What had John said? Nothing was standing in there way this time...things could be different. He was right but...was it worth the risk? Was it worth not just her heart but her little boy's? Your deep in thought young lady.

Natalie looked up, hi Miss Mary. I didn't hear you come out.

I thought not. What's got you so pensive? Natalie shrugged and Miss Mary smiled, you have the same look on your face that John has been wearing for days now. You two have another tiff?

Not really... She needed to talk to someone. Normally it would be her mom or Jessica but they weren't here. Miss Mary was and she was really nice. John and I were together before...did you know that?

I didn't know for sure but I thought it. The first time I met John he was quite sad. Chase told me John had lost someone he loved very much. That someone was you?

Not just me. We uh...we had a baby girl. She died when she was four months old. A few months later I lost the baby I was carrying...a boy. John didn't know about it, not until the day we came here. I told him then and he was angry but...I think he's let it go.

There is nothing that can be done to change the past. John knows that.

Natalie nodded, our past is the problem... we've tried...so many times, we tried to be together, to have a family and...it doesn't work. Not with us.

Honey if you love each other enough nothing should be able to get in your way.

Love was never our problem. I have always loved him and I know he has always loved me. Even when he couldn't say the words...I knew. We've had problems with trust, commitment...honestly there is to many problems to name. He seems to think everything is different now. He wants to try again, he wants us, and Aiden to be a family.

And you don't?

Natalie shrugged slightly, It's not that I don't want it too...I do. But I've told you about Aiden, all he's been through...I just don't want anything else to hurt him. I need to protect him... John and I...our track record speaks for itself.

Ah...so this time it isn't trust or commitment issues getting in the way...it's fear.

Natalie stared at the old lady and knew she was right, she nodded, yeah...yeah I guess it is. I don't know if I could survive losing him again and I know that I don't want my son to have to go through it at all.

Do you believe if things didn't work out again that John would disappear from Aiden's life?

No. Natalie said right away. John loves him as if he was his son. I don't think he would ever walk away from him.

Well honey, children go through there parents splitting up all the time...and Aiden is a strong young man. It would hurt no doubt but that's even if it happened. If you and John were to try again whose to say it wouldn't work?

Whose to say it would?

Miss Mary smiled, your very right, there are no guarantees. But can you spend the rest of your life never knowing whether or not it would have worked out? Can you really deny not just yourself and John, but Aiden, the chance to have a real family that loves each other? Can you do that Natalie?

I don't know...I guess that's what I am thinking about. I know John wants it and I am not blind, I know Aiden wants it...and it's what I want too but...

Your scared, honey it's understandable...but sometimes in order to get what we want out of life we have to overcome some fears, it's not easy but in the end, if your get the result you wanted...you'll look back and think about how it was all worth it. I see how much you love John and it's clear to everyone how he feels about you...don't give that up Natalie, don't throw it away.

Natalie smiled, you know...your making me miss my mom a whole lot. You remind me of her.

She must be an amazing lady then. Miss Mary said with a sly smile and a wink. Come on now, let's start dinner, you can learn to make a nice old fashioned Pot Roast.


Natalie walked outside looking for John and Aiden. She saw Eli coming toward the house and waved, hey stranger, I went for another run the other day but got a different partner, he couldn't keep up. Where've you been?

Eli grinned, John had me put on guard duty out by the front gate. I've been warned away from you.

Natalie looked surprised, John warned you to stay away from me?

That day by the stream. Normally I wouldn't listen but I've been on the receiving end of one of his punches and I'm not really up to a replay.

Why don't you guys get along?

No big reasons, we just rub each other the wrong way. No offense but I think the guy is a jerk and apparently the feelings mutual. But hey...can't get along with everyone right?

Natalie smiled, I don't think either one of you are jerks. Although all men are capable.

Eli laughed, ouch. So tell me something. there is some betting going on about when your going to put the guy out of his misery and give him what he wants. I was thinking about getting in on it but I only bet on a sure thing...

Are you asking me if I'm going to agree to be with John again?

Are you? Eli sighed at the look she gave him, would it help if I tried to change your mind? He grinned, why go for thirds when you can start something brand new?

You don't want me Eli. Your just trying to one up John. Besides...I never said we were going to be together. Now if you'll excuse me...


John had hurried into the corral when Ben, one of the BI guys fell off his horse. Everything was alright and besides a bruised ego, and probably a sore ass Ben would be just fine. When he turned to walk back out, Aiden was gone.

John hurried out and looked over to Hank who was whittling by the barn, you seen A?

Went into the barn to check on the new kittens, and say hello to Goldie a course.

John hurried into the barn but stopped short when he heard the new voice. His eyes widened as he crept over to the corner and looked around it. Aiden was standing by Goldie, the horse he'd taken a liking to, he was rubbing her down, and talking to her. Did ya miss me girl? Mr. Joe says we can ride later, he says I'm good nough now that he'll take me on a trail ride if it's alright with mumma, won't that be better then that stupid old corral? The horse made some noise and Aiden giggled, I think so too. Your my best friend ever Goldie...cept maybe for Bree but she's my cousin too. Do you hate being locked up girl?

Aiden stood and rubbed her on the chest where he knew she liked it most for a few minutes and then his voice a bit softer he said, I was locked up too...for a long time but not like you...not in a place. My doctor back home...she's not really a doctor, grandpa Asa says she's a head shrink, but I don't think that's right neither cause I always check my head and it ain't shrunk none. Anyway my doctor says I was locked up in myself, I heard her tell my mom that. She said I would come out when I felt safe nough.

Aiden walked over to a bucket that held treats for the horses and grabbed a couple. He fed them to Goldie, I don't' know if that's true. I feel safe with mumma and now with John too... My mom wants me to talk, she wants it real bad and I wanna talk to her but...I don't really know how. You suppose I should ask John? He could probably help...he can do anything. They're fighting again you know...they try and act okay when I'm around but I can tell.

Aiden went on and on and John stood there stuck, not sure what to do. Should he let the boy know he was there? Should he walk away? He wanted to let Aiden know, he wanted to ask him why he'd only talk to Bree and apparently the horse. But he was afraid of doing something wrong and pushing Aiden further into himself.

His choice though, was taken out of his hands, someone behind him dropped something and Aiden jumped and turned, he saw John and got a worried look on his face. Hey big guy. John said softly as he walked over to Aiden and crouched down in front of him, You...you were talking to Goldie.

Aiden nodded and waited for John to say more. John said nothing and after a few minutes Aiden sighed softly and spoke directly to him, "are you going to tell my mom?"

"I probably should. I think she'll be pretty mad at me if I don't."

Aiden's lower lip quivered slightly and he walked over to the closest bail of hay. He climbed onto it and sat down. "If mumma knows I talked to Goldie...and you...she'll be sadder. I always make her sad."

"No. Aiden no. You...you make your mom happier then anyone else possibly could. She loves you A, more then anything else in the world."

"You make her happy too. I can tell...she smiles a lot when she's around you...even when your fighting."

"I heard what you said to Goldie and...I'm sorry that your upset by what's happening between me and your mom but...we just need some time to work some things out. Grownups argue sometimes."

"I don't want you guys to fight...I hate it. They used to fight...all the time."

John took in the boy's words and then sat down beside him, "Aiden? Why did you stop talking?"

Aiden shrugged, "I was really little when they took me away and I don't think about it all the time now, like I used to. I don't member everything...but...they..."

"They what A?" John pushed gently.

"I think they didn't like me to talk. They said that...they said I was bad and...and if I kept being bad...they'd leave too...just...just like everyone else." Aiden nodded as if verifying that he had gotten it right. "When I got to go home with mumma I tried being real good...so..."

"So she would want you always." John said softly. "You know now that your mom would never ever leave you don't you? A she did everything she could to get you back when they took you away from her before. No matter what you do your mom is always going to love you."

"I know...Bree said that too. I think I always knowed that. But...everyone would want me to talk about it...about being there. And I don't wanna. I just wanna forget it all."

"Yeah..." John nodded. "I think I can understand that. I think maybe I would feel the same way..."

Aiden looked at John, "Yeah?"

John nodded, "you know a long time ago I used to keep everything inside of me...I was afraid to let it out, afraid to talk about how I felt about certain things...I did that for a long time. And then I met your mom and...well I continued to do it and I lost her because of it. I finally figured out what I was doing wrong but by then it was to late..."

"You think if I don't talk about it...I'll lose my mom?"

"No big guy, I told you, no matter what your never going to lose your mother."

"But you said...I don't understand."

"Okay...I'll put it to you another way. I think if you don't talk about what's bothering you and how you feel your never going to be able to let it all go...it's always going to be right here, inside you." John pointed to Aiden's chest. "Your going to carry it around with you forever and...it's not easy."

"Dr. Marty always wants me to talk about it...or draw pictures, sometimes I could draw the pictures but I always felt bad after I did."

"That's because you were bringing what bothered you out into the open but you weren't expressing how you felt about it."

"When they took me...I felt scared all the time. I hated it and I just wanted to go home with my mom. They were...they didn't like me, not even a little. They were really mean and...I don't ever want to go with them again."

"You won't have to. Not ever. I promise Aiden. No one is ever going to take you away from your mother again. I give you my word A, I promise."

Aiden thought about it for a second and then smiled, "I love you John."

John smiled back and reached out and hugged Aiden as tight as he could without hurting him, "I love you too big guy."

"I'm gonna go see if Miss Mary made any cookies...okay?"

"Sure...but A...do you think your ready now...to talk to your mom?"

Aiden stared at him, "I don't...what do I say?"

John smiled, "what do you want to say?"

"That I love her...and that...that I'm sorry I made her cry."

"Then that's what you say."

Aiden nodded, "okay...but not yet okay? I need...just not yet...okay?"

"Soon?"

"Soon. Promise." Aiden gave John another hug and then ran out of the barn.

John stood there torn between wanting to keep Aiden's confidence and wanting to find Natalie and tell her everything. For the second time in less then an hour the decision was made for him.

Natalie stepped out from around the corner of one of the stalls and he knew by the tears streaking down her face that she had heard everything. He stood up, walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. Natalie clung to him as if her very life depended on it.

She sobbed onto his shirt and he held her as close as possible and rubbed her back gently. He looked up when he saw movement and saw Joe coming out of the office. The look on the man's face told John he too had heard everything that happened in the barn. He pointed toward the office and John nodded slightly knowing the man was telling him to use it for more privacy.

John tried pulling away from Natalie so he could lead her into the office but she wouldn't budge. He lifted her into his arms as if she weighed nothing at all and carried her into the office. He kicked the door shut and brought her over to the couch, he sat with her in his lap and held her, once again concentrating on only her as she cried.

He wanted to make this go away for her, he wanted to make it go away for Aiden. He held her until her sobbing subsided and she slowly began to pull away from him. Hey...it's going to be okay. This was his first big step...it only gets better from here.

When I walked in and...I thought about going to him but I didn't know if it would make matters worse, then I turned to leave and knocked a bucket over...

I was thinking about walking away too. But before I could the bucket fell and he saw me.

I'm glad he saw you...it seemed to help him...talking to you.

I hope so. I was so scared I was going to say or do the wrong thing.

You were perfect John. Natalie looked at him, your...your really amazing with him and...he's needed that. He needs you.

John smiled softly and touched her cheek with the pads of his fingers, I need him, I need you both.

Natalie but her lip gently and nodded, I need...I need a little time alone...just...to think.

John nodded, he was getting through to her. He could see it in her eyes and telling her no now would only push that away. So he leaned in, kissed her gently and stood up. I'll be at the house...checking for cookies. He said with a smile.

Natalie smiled, I'll be there soon...then...we should talk some more...maybe even...with Aiden.

I'd like that. I'll see you in a bit.

Natalie watched him go but stayed sitting where he left her. She had a lot to take in. She'd known for days now how attached Aiden was to John and vice versa, but she'd had no idea that John would be the first adult he spoke to. And now that he had...hearing everything he had said to John...she just needed time to come to terms with it all.

Aiden had come home silent believing she would send him away. Apparently Scott and Amber had made the boy believe that everyone left because of him and not themselves. She'd never in a million years leave her baby and she was pretty sure he was aware of that now. She hoped he was anyway. She would make it clear to him sometime soon.

Natalie closed her eyes remembering how it felt when she heard his voice...when she realized it was his voice she was hearing. It had been way to long...years since she heard his beautiful voice and the sound mesmerized her.

And John...the way he was with Aiden it...it made her fall in love with him all over again. Not that she ever stopped but she had forgotten...forgotten the look in his eyes when he held there baby girl...the sweet way he would talk to her when she woke in the middle of the night and he snuck out of bed to give her the bottle. She knew if Erica had lived he would be with her the way he was with Aiden...sweet, tender, loving...perfect. They could be a family.

John was right. Nothing was in there way, nothing but her and her fears of yet another broken heart. But she would always regret letting him walk away, she'd always wonder what could have been if they had only given it just one more try. She and John had been happy together, sometimes...truly, completely happy. And she felt as though...she knew it deep down inside of her that they could be again...this time forever. She smiled and left the barn office.

She had eyes only for the barn door and tripped over something. At first she thought it was the bucket again, but not for long. She looked and her eyes widened, Oh my...Joe! She crouched beside him, he was out cold...he looked...her eyes widened even further because he looked dead.

She started to reach to check his pulse but something behind her stopped her. She heard the heavy click of the barn door being shut. She turned and her heart caught in her throat. Hello Natalie.

You? ...No...you can't...

You still don't get it do you? We belong together. You can't run from me...you can't hide. I will always find you, all it does is make me angry...and you have made me angry enough.

Natalie couldn't believe what was before her. She couldn't believe it was him, him of all people. Him being the stalker had never even crossed her mind. Never in a million years would it. He was...he was quiet and sweet, and...kind of geeky but a friend. A friend she hadn't talked to in so long because of how busy her life was...a friend that had called her not to long ago and told her Aiden was in the hospital...the familiar voice, was his.

Natalie stared at the man before her not sure what to say or what to do. She'd never in a million years thought he was capable of doing something like this...never thought he could hurt a fly but Joe lying right behind her...possibly dead...well it proved she was totally wrong. Why? She asked softly.

Why? Are you really asking me why? Don't you get it? Don't you understand? I love you. I have loved you forever and you never cared, you never gave me the time of day.

You never said... But Natalie could see it now. The attention he gave to her that he gave no one else. Except maybe Richard...but there were times when she thought he was angry with her husband, she'd been so sure they had fought or something but Richard had told her she was imagining it.

The anger she had seen when he stared at Richard hadn't been about some kind of argument...but about her. If you loved me...you wouldn't have done all of this to me.

Why not? How else was I to get your attention? Surely not just by asking for a bit of your time. I tried that...time and time again. You never had the time though. Your studies and then later you married a man more then twice your age. After he died I thought finally, here is my chance. But no...all your energy went to the boy, it was all about Aiden. And he wasn't even yours! So I removed that obstacle only to be pushed aside again with your lame attempts at getting the kid back. But I was okay with it...eventually you would have given up, saw that you had no chance...and then I would have my chance. Obviously Scott and Amber ruined any chance I had by screwing up the plan. I should have known Scott's drinking would land him exactly where it did.

You...you helped them get Aiden? He could have been killed! Scott was way above the legal limit when they tested him after the accident. Amber died! Aiden could have to and it would have been all your fault!

Only you never would have known. You never would have had any idea that I had anything to do with it.

Natalie tried to associate the man in front of her with the man she thought she had known but she couldn't. It was like he was two different people. Two different men. The sweet student teacher she'd met through Richard, and this psycho path that stood before he today.

Why don't you let me stay at the house with you? I can help you with Aiden, get up with him in the night so you can rest...

Aiden doesn't wake up in the middle of the night anymore. Besides...I doubt I'll get any sleep anyway.

You need to rest Natalie. Please let me help you.

Damn it I said I am fine! Natalie saw the stricken look on his face and sighed. She touched his arm gently. I'm sorry Preston. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I know you loved him too, I know your going to miss him but right now I just need to be alone with my little boy. Please understand.

You never have to be alone, you have friends, you have...me.

Natalie smiled, he was so sweet, especially when he was all shy. That means a lot. She leaned up and kissed his cheek. I'll call you soon. Goodnight.

After the night she had noticed a big change in Preston. He'd become more open with her, called her frequently to check on her. He'd asked her out several times, but he had always made it seem as if it was just hanging out, grabbing a bite to eat...never a date.

She had no idea he had some kind of crush on her...a crush that had turned almost deadly. He'd gone to serious lengths to get her. Her son had been ripped out of her arms, not because his biological father wanted him but because this man didn't want him around. Everything Aiden had been through...all of it, was because of this man. So why tell me now?

So you'll understand. That's all I want Natalie. I want you to understand...I want you to realize how much you and I could have together. We could be amazing together...I did everything I did to prove that to you. You don't have to run from me...you have to run to me.

And...and if I don't?

Preston's smile sent shivers down her spine, I'm afraid that isn't an option.

If I were to scream do you have any idea how many men would storm this barn?

Several, but you won't scream.

How can you be sure?

Preston walked casually over to a closet that held equipment for the horses. He opened the door and to Natalie's horror Aiden looked up at her, his eyes wide and full of fear, his hands and feet were tied. Run mumma! Run! The bad man's gonna hurt you!

Preston laughed at this, the bad man. You know he's always called me that? The bad man. he shook his head. Your very right Aiden.

Don't talk to my son! Natalie tried getting to him but Preston pushed her back, she fell onto Joe and as she started to get up she realized that he was not dead. He'd grabbed her wrist so Preston couldn't see. Obviously telling her to stay. Please...just let him go. You want me, not him.

Mumma no!

Shut up! Preston said to the boy and the closed the door firmly. Here's the deal. You go with me...right now. You walk out of here with me and the kid stays alive. You and I will finally be together. Who knows maybe he and your boy toy McBain can start there own little family. I don't care. All I care about is that you leave here with me.

You...you think my leaving with you means I love you? It won't. I'll only be leaving to save my little boy. It will have nothing to do with you.

I understand that it will take time. But before you know it you'll forget all about them and see only me...I'll make sure of it.


John opened the front door of the ranch house to see Hank standing there, got a call from Rena at the Snip and Curl, says there's been a sighting in town. A young`n like you, he's drivin a green car, not sure what kind, she said it was sort of a big boat looking thing.

John looked toward the barn, he started to look away when he saw the door was shut. You seen Aiden? Natalie?

The boy went running this way a while ago. Haven't seen him since. As fer Natalie, you left her in the barn when you came back ter the house. What's wrong?

Joe normally shut that door in the middle of the day?

Hank looked back toward the barn and shook his head, hell no.

Didn't think so. John pulled his gun from the back of his pants, go inside and call the sheriff, then find Travis, tell him I believe the stalker is in the barn...with Natalie and Aiden.

Joe's in there Johnny. Seen him go in myself, said he had some paperwork ter do in the office.

Well...let's hope to God he has the situation under control. John took off for the barn leaving hank on the front porch.


You were supposed to love me! You were never supposed to marry Richard! That wasn't in the plans! It was supposed to be me!

Please...please Preston, calm down. You don't want to do this alright? We... we were friends right? I can help you. None of what you've done matters right now...let me help you.

Make your choice! Does the boy die or are you going to be a good little girl and come with me?

Natalie saw the barn door starting to open. She needed to distract him before he too noticed it and whoever was on the other end got hurt. She ran toward the closet Aiden was in but froze when Preston pulled out a gun. Stop!

The door creaked and he turned the gun toward it. Natalie lunged at him but he was to quick for her. He caught her with one arm and pointed the gun to her head. A second later John slowly came into view. He stared at Preston, at the situation before him and Natalie silently begged him to turn around and get out.

It was bad enough her baby, and Joe an innocent in all of this was in here with her. She couldn't have John's blood on her hands...she couldn't lose John...she couldn't let anyone die... John we...we have this under control. You should go. Preston is an old friend of mine.

Really? John asked his voice a mixture between fear for her and coldness for Preston. Do all your friends hold guns to your head?

How about you don't go anywhere? I was hoping you'd join our party. I saw you, you know. I saw you watching her...staring at her as if she was naked underneath you. You shouldn't look at another guys woman that way...

Another guys woman... John shook his head. What do you say you let her go and you and I fight it out for her. If you win...I'll walk away?

I graduated from NYU second in my class, I have degrees in things you can't even spell, you really believe I am stupid enough to do something like that?

John! John! Mumma!

Natalie closed her eyes tightly, she hated hearing the anguish in her son's voice. Please Preston...let John take Aiden and go. I'll do anything you want...just don't...don't hurt them.

Natalie. John said his voice a warning. Then completely unexpected he smiled and said, go left!

Preston was confused for a second longer then it took Natalie to figure out what was going on. She threw herself away from him to the left. As she was falling she saw John rushing forward...and then she saw nothing.

John kicked the gun from Preston's hand as he and Joe struggled on the ground of the barn. give it up man...your all done. John said as Joe got the upper hand and wedged his knee into Preston's back.

Hey Johnny, nice a you to join us.

Anytime Joe. John replied. He grabbed a rope from a nearby stall and tossed it to Joe. Tie that scum up. He turned to Natalie, hey...it's over.

Natalie didn't move and John's breath caught in his throat. There was a pool of blood by her head. He ran over to her and turned her over. Her head was bleeding...God, there was so much blood. The barn door was kicked open and more men rushed in but John didn't take his eyes off of Natalie. She'd landed on a shovel...she was unconscious but as he checked her pulse his heart beat a little faster knowing she was still alive...still breathing. Natalie. Baby...it's over, open your eyes.

It's all clear! someone yelled. Get the EMT in here!

The sheriff must have arrived and he'd apparently brought an ambulance with him. Someone tried moving him but he flung them away. Sir? Sir please, let us help her.

Help her...I'm not...I'm not letting her go. John replied. She was bleeding so badly. Her pulse was getting fainter...

John! Johnny! Damn it John let them do there job!

John looked up to see Eli standing there, back off.

You want her to die? That's what could happen if you don't let them do what they got to do! Eli grabbed his arm and hauled him up and away from Natalie. Let them help her. Aiden needs you now.

John stared at him and then back at Natalie, he nodded. Then he heard Eli say Aiden's name again and he remembered Aiden's voice, he was in here somewhere. Joe! John looked around for Joe and found him near the closet. He was opening it up and reaching in. A second later Aiden came into view. He screamed for his mother, for John. John rushed over and took Aiden from Joe's arms. The other man untied the knots at Aiden's feet and then his hands. As soon as his hands were free he through his arms around John and held on tightly.

It's okay...your safe...it's over. John whispered thanking God and whoever else might be listening that Aiden wasn't harmed.

I was scared.

Me too.

You were? Aiden looked surprised to hear that.

More then I have ever been in my whole life. If I lost you and your mom...I'd have nothing. John told him and then hugged him again.

Where's mumma? Where is she?

John looked behind him and saw them loading Natalie onto a stretcher. She has a bump on the head buddy, it knocked her out...they have to take her to the hospital. Aiden's lower lip quivered, she's going to be okay A. She's strong, she's so strong and...she's going to be okay.

The bad man took me. He took me and he said if I didn't let him tie me up then he would hurt her...I let him tie me up but he hurt her anyways.

He's never going to hurt anyone else ever again. John saw the sheriff leading Preston out of the barn in cuffs. He looked for the closest familiar face and saw Eli. He walked over to him, there's something I need to do, can you watch A for a minute?

No! I wanna stay with you!

It'll just be for a minute big guy. I promise. I have to talk to the sheriff...alright?

Come on big guy. Eli said holding his arms out. Goldie and the others got themselves quite a scare with all that was going on. Think you can help me calm them down?

Aiden looked torn for a second and then sighed and allowed Eli to take him from John. John watched as the man brought Aiden toward the horses being sure to keep Natalie out of the little boy's view. He stared at Natalie again, she was on the stretcher and they were working on her.

He had a few minutes before they took her away too. He walked out of the barn and over to where the Sheriff stood reading Preston his rights. Who are you? How did you know Natalie?

She was supposed to be mine!

She never would have been yours... John said shaking his head. Your never going to get within an inch of her again, do you understand me? If anything happens to her...if whatever is wrong with her is serious and she...I'll kill you.

John. The Sheriff said in a warning tone. I need to take him in.

She's going to be alright isn't she? She's alright? He asked fear evident in his tone, on his face.

For your sake you should pray that she is. Get this piece of trash out of here. John turned and they were wheeling Natalie toward the ambulance. Aiden came running out of the barn after her and Eli was chasing him.

Mommy, Mumma, bring her back!

Sorry John, he caught a glimpse as they were moving her and I couldn't restrain him.

Don't worry about it. John crouched down. A...I told you, they have to take your mom to the hospital. They got to make her all better.

But...she's...she's all alone. I don't want her to be all alone.

She won't be big guy. I'm going to go with her alright? Your going to stay here with Miss Mary, ask her to call Chase and Aunt Jess to let them know what happened, can you do that for me?

I wanna go with you.

You can't. I...I got to concentrate on your mother for a little while but as soon as I know anything I'm going to let you know okay?

Kay. Aiden said softly.

Hey...look at me...that's better. You did good today. You were real brave and strong...just like your mom.

Yeah?

John smiled and nodded, yeah. I love you, I'll see you as soon as I can. John hugged him and then got up and with a look at Eli silently asking the man to take care of Aiden he ran off toward the ambulance. I'm riding with her. One look at his face and the EMT did not argue. John climbed into the ambulance and took her hand in his. She was going to be okay. They were all going to be okay. They had to be.

Natalie had been in emergency surgery for over four hours. John had called the ranch several times to check on Aiden but Miss Mary said he was doing fine...just worried. Travis had come through a while ago to update him on Preston and to fill him in on how the man got onto the ranch in the first place.

Apparently Joe and Eli had called all the men to come back in since the stalker was behind bars but two of them hadn't answered. Joe had rode out after that and found the two of them lying unconscious by there posts. They were both in the hospital but they were going to be alright. Natalie on the other hand...

John stood and walked over to the window, he hadn't been a praying man in so long. The last time he'd prayed it was to ask God to save his little girl and when that didn't work...he'd given up. Please...please don't take her away from me too.

Mr. McBain?

John turned to see one of the doctor's he'd met earlier standing there. It's done?

She's in recovery. I've already spoken to the family we were able to contact before her surgery... The doctor looked slightly amused, via conference call from the family jet?

John shrugged, Buchanan's.

He nodded, they asked that I fill you in.

How is she?

The surgery was a success. She stayed strong through the whole thing and we were able to stop the bleed. We had to shave a small portion of hair but it's not very noticeable. She'll be out of it for several days, we'll keep her heavily medicated and run various tests-

But she's going to be alright? John asked interrupting him.

Baring any complications she will pull through just fine. She's a very strong woman.

John closed his eyes and let out a sigh of relief. Okay...can I, I need to see her. I need to be with her, she shouldn't be alone.

She's in recovery right now and she'll be moved to a room in the ICU shortly. Only family-

I am family. Your talking about the woman I love, a woman I have gone through extremely hard times with, we lost two children together we...I am family. John said realizing he was saying to much. Look doc you let me in to see her or I'll sneak in...either way I'm going to be with her.

The doctor nodded and with a slight smile, her sister, Jessica, said you would say something like that. She's already given her verbal permission for you to be allowed in. I'll let you know as soon as she is moved to a room. The ICU is on the second floor, follow the signs and wait in the waiting room there.

Thank you. John found his way to the second floor, this hospital was a lot smaller then the one in Llanview. He walked by a few vending machines and stopped to get a coffee from one. He pulled out his cell phone once he got to the waiting room and saw there were no signs forbidding him to use it. He dialed the house phone at the ranch and a few seconds later Miss Mary answered.

It's John. She's out of surgery. The doc says baring any complications she should pull through alright.

Oh that's wonderful news. Hold on I think there is someone here who needs to hear that from you.

After a minute or maybe two Aiden's small voice came on the line, John? Is my mom okay?

John smiled, he didn't think he'd ever get sick of hearing his voice. She's sleeping right now big guy but the doctors are pretty sure she's going to be alright.

I knew you wouldn't let her die.

John chuckled, I didn't do anything A. I was just here...it was the doctors that saved her.

I wanna see her.

And you can. But not today...and maybe not tomorrow. They said she's going to sleep for a few days. The medicine they are giving her is going to make her sleep. But as soon as she's awake I will call and have someone bring you here alright?

Are you going to come home?

Home. John liked the sound of that. Home at the moment to Aiden was the ranch. Any other time it would be there house in Llanview...home for John was wherever Aiden and Natalie were. I uh...

It's okay if your not...if you wanna stay with mumma...

I do. Want to stay with your mom, I mean. But I want to see you too. I'll tell you what. I'm going to stay here tonight and then come home for a few hours in the morning, we'll have breakfast and maybe go for a quick ride. As long as I find someone to come and stay here...alright?

He could hear the happiness in Aiden's voice, okay! Can you...give mumma a kiss for me, okay?

I will buddy. You be good for Miss Mary and say a prayer for your mom alright? I love you.

Love you too John...I'm gonna say a prayer for mumma and I'm gonna pray that when she's all better...she'll let you be my daddy. Night John. Aiden hung up before John could respond.

He was till staring at his phone a few minutes later when a nurse appeared in the doorway. Mr. McBain?

John turned, can I see her now?

The nurse smiled, we've got her all settled into her room. If you'll just follow me, I'll show you the way.

John froze in the doorway, he'd seen her in hospitals before...to many times. But this had to be the worse. Her head was all wrapped but other then that she looked normal...only...she wasn't. Her brain had been bleeding. She could have died...he was supposed to protect her and he just left her there. She uh...the doctor said she'd be out for a few days?

The nurse smiled softly and nodded, because of the pain medication. She may wake occasionally, some of our patients do, but most often they don't remember and they make little sense if they speak. Mr. McBain, I understand that your worried, but she pulled through surgery amazingly. She's a very strong woman.

Yes, she is. The tubes...what are they for?

The nurse showed him the different tubes and what they were used for. She was hooked up to heart monitor, another monitor for her blood pressure and temperature. She had two different I.V's. Any another questions?

No...I'd just like...to sit with her?

Not a problem, talk to her, hold her hand.

That will help?

We don't know for sure but some of us believe it does.

I was in the hospital once...I felt people there...it made everything seem...

Better?

John nodded and then softly thanked the nurse and went to sit by her bed. He took her hand in his, hey beautiful. How is it that even lying in this bed...after a long surgery...you still look amazing? John smiled. Your going to be alright and when you wake up, you can take your little boy home and not have to worry about anyone hurting either of you. I...I'm sorry I left you Natalie. I should never have left that barn. I'm sorry.

John heard the tapping on the door and turned to see Jessica and Chase standing there. He stood keeping his hand in Natalie's and then leaned down and kissed her hand before letting it go. I'm going to step outside for a minute alright? I'll be back, promise. He kissed her forehead and then left the room. Hey...that was fast.

I feel like it took us days. Jessica replied. The doctor called while we were in the air, he said the surgery went well. How is she?

John looked back for a minute and then said, good...they said. She's just...she's really still and...

That's good John. She needs time to recover man.

Yeah...yeah I know...I just... John ran a hand through his hair and shook his head, so...where's the rest of your family? I thought for sure they would all be filing in.

I was able to convince them all to stay home and wait for my call. I promised to send the jet right home just in case they needed to get here. I called them after the doctor called me and they're relieved. I just figured Natalie would be better off without us all standing vigil.

We dropped the kids off at the ranch and headed right here. Chase told him. Aiden's talking.

Yeah. John smiled, he couldn't believe he had forgotten that, even if just for a little while. It just happened...he was talking to Goldie and I heard him, Natalie did too but he doesn't know she did. But he talked while...while it was all happening. He was in the closet...I don't even know how he ended up back in the barn...

I talked to Joe and Aiden while we were there. Chase told him.

Hey guys, I'm going to go in and see Natalie while you talk. Jess slipped past John and into Natalie's room.

Aiden apparently was headed back to the house when he saw that one of the kittens had gotten out of the barn. He was chasing it when someone grabbed him. He said he remembered the man from when the bad people had him.

The bad people.

Joe says Clark told Natalie it was him who got Scott to go after custody of Aiden. He wanted Natalie free to concentrate only on him. Anyway Clark tied Aiden up and tossed him in the closest, said if he opened his mouth he would kill Natalie. You know John, that kid had complete faith that you would save them. He really adores you man.

Yeah well, the feeling is mutual.

Chase nodded, I know.

So where is Clark now?

Lock up. He's going to be sent back to Llanview sometime tomorrow. Thankfully the son of a bitch didn't kill anybody. He's already claiming insanity. Says it's all Natalie's fault for making him love her. The guys a real winner.

Yeah. John said softly turning back to stare at Natalie. If-

Hey...no ifs. She's going to be alright. You got to have faith man.

I'm trying...I am. But when I saw that blood...I almost lost it. I can't lose her...not now.

Jessica came out then, I uh...I have to call mom and Rex, and Mike. I promised I'd call as soon as I saw her.

John stared into the room, when we first got here she was so angry at me...Jesus I accused her of being in love with my brother.

Why the hell would you do that you big idiot? Jessica asked.

Because I am an idiot and then she told me about the baby and I...I freaked out.

Jessica softened, she always expected you would freak out John. I mean...she lost your son and didn't tell you...she expected it.

Yeah well...the baby, the past...it doesn't matter. She matters...we matter.

It's about time you figured that out. Jessica rubbed his back gently and then turned to walk away. She had phone calls to make.


John finally fell asleep close to sunrise. He was in the chair by her bed and he just dozed off. He had no idea how long he'd slept but when he woke he had a sick feeling in his gut. He looked at her, she had moved slightly while he was sleeping but she looked...her cheeks were red, sweat glistened on her skin. He stood quickly and felt her forehead, his eyes widened and he turned to the monitor.

John walked quickly to the door, a nurse was walking by at a quick pace, excuse me? She stopped and looked at him. She has a fever...a high one, why hasn't anyone come in here?

I'm sorry Mr. McBain, we had one emergency right after the other and we're shorthanded. I'll come in now. The nurse moved past him and into the room. He knew it was serious when she reached for the phone and sent a page.

What's...is she...?

A slight temperature is normal but this is to high. I've paged the doctor, he should be here shortly. Mr. McBain? I'll need you to go int the waiting room. Someone will come for you once she's examined.


John paced back and forth in the waiting room. Five more minutes. He would wait five more minutes for someone to come out here or he was going back in. She'd been fine when he fell asleep. No fever...no nothing. She was fine. And now this...what did this mean? He was heading back for the ICU when someone came out. Mr McBain?

How is she? John asked quickly.

Mr. McBain...Natalie has an infection. It happens sometimes during surgery. We've started her on a high dose of antibiotics and...well all we can do is wait.

Wait? What do you mean wait? You said she would be alright.

I said barring all complications she would be alright. This Mr. McBain is a complication. The infection took her fast and...I'm afraid wait is all we can do.

My daughter...our daughter died from an infection that took her fast like this. They gave her the medication and it did nothing...

There's no reason to believe that the same thing would happen here.

But it could?

There's always that possibility. But you can't lose hope.

Hope? It has nothing to do with hope Doctor...it has everything to do with whether or not the medication works.


John saw Jessica and Chase once again standing outside the doors. They had left last night long before he woke to find Natalie had a temperature. He hadn't called this morning because he didn't want to scare Aiden. Jessica had no idea how bad it was. He got up, kissed Natalie, and walked outside of her room. Hey.

Hey, did you get any sleep? You look horrible John.

I'm okay. How's Aiden?

He didn't sleep to well last night. He ended up crawling into bed with us...uh... John smiled slightly catching the us. Anyway he's excited now. I promised to send you to him as soon as we got here. Chase said with a smile. He's waiting on you.

I can't... John looked back at Natalie again and said, she has an infection, her fever went over 104 this morning. 104... they gave her medication and the fever went down but back up again...the doc says it may take a few days before they break it...whatever... John shook his head and ran his hand worriedly through his hair. He felt someone touch his back and knew it was Jessica. She had to know how scary this was for him. She was there when Erica died...

She isn't Erica John. Erica was a baby, she wasn't strong enough to fight the infection. Natalie is. She's not going to die...she's not going to leave us.

John turned to look at her, I can't leave her. I promised Aiden I would go but I can't...I have to be here. I have to be.

And you will be. But first your going to go home, shower, change, spend some time with Aiden. A couple hours tops. We won't leave her side until you get back. Chase promised him. You promised him Johnny.

Alright...call me. Any change at all...you call me.

We will. Jessica replied and then turned and went to sit with her sister.

John stared at her for a minute more and then turned to leave. If I lose her again...like this...this time I won't recover... He gripped Chase's shoulder for a second and then left.

John was barely out of the car when the front door swung open and Aiden rushed out. John! he ran to him and leaped into his arms. John caught him quickly and held him tightly. Is mumma okay?

She's uh...she's hanging in there buddy.

Aiden looked at his face, you look tired.

Nope, just need a nice shower and then we'll hang out for a little while, alright?

Sure. Aiden said staring at John as the man carried him into the house. He found the others in the kitchen.

Hi John.

Hey Bree. John replied. You have a good time with your dad this summer?

Yeah, we had lots of fun. Is Auntie okay?

She's...hanging in. John replied and with his words Miss Mary looked at him with concern. I'm going to go change, I'll be back down shortly.

John was back in the kitchen and seated at the kitchen table with a full plate of food he knew he wouldn't be able to eat.

Miss Mary had insisted he eat something. Jared sat in a booster seat and Bree and Aiden sat across from John. Miss Mary was in her heaven with all the kids around the table. It's just been so long since we had little ones around.

John nodded and then motioned to Jared, Chase told you?

He did. It was a sight for these old eyes seeing him with these two kiddies and there mama. His love for them was so clearly on his face.

He and Jessica...

You couldn't tell? No...no they wouldn't want you to know, not yet anyway.

John knew what she meant. They wouldn't want him to know because they were in love and happy and the woman he loved, the woman that could make him happy was... It didn't matter. He was happy for his buddy, Chase finally had a family of his own and he was happy for him. And Natalie would be okay, no other option was acceptable. You want to go take a walk big guy?

Aiden nodded solemnly and told his cousin he'd be back soon. He and John walked the path Natalie jogged everyday. They said nothing as they walked along, only when John stopped at the lake and picked up a rock to skip it on the water did Aiden speak. My mom isn't okay, is she?

No. John dropped the last rock in his hand and turned to Aiden. He sat down on the rock so he was eye level with the boy. Right now she's not. She has an infection and it's not good but...the doctors are giving her medicine, we just have to wait and see what happens.

Infections aren't good right? People...they can die from infections?

They can. John agreed his mind immediately picturing his baby girls tiny body as she lay trying hard to fight her own infection. I don't think your mom will.

But you don't know?

No...I can't promise you that she's going to be okay Aiden. I want to, I want to more then anything. But I can only make promises that I can keep, you understand that?

Yes. Aiden walked over and sat beside him on the rock. He looked down at his feet and John heard him sniffling. John? He asked after a minute. John looked at him and Aiden was still looking down but he looked up and met his eyes, I don't want mumma to die.

John pulled Aiden onto his lap and held him, neither do I A. Neither do I.

What if she does?

What do you mean?

When my first mom died my dad gave me to my grandpa and he died and gave me to mumma. Who will take me if she dies?

I will. John said without thinking. He had no idea if that was even possible. He had no idea if her family would even allow it. He wasn't Aiden's father, biological or adopted. But he loved this little boy like he was his son and he would do whatever he had to make sure he stayed in Aiden's life for good. But we're not going to talk about that right now. We're going to keep hoping and praying. We're going to have a little faith in your mom.

Aiden nodded, okay. I'll pray real hard, I promise.

Me too. Let's get back now okay?

Your going back to the hospital?

I have to. I'll call you everyday but...

It's okay. You should be with mumma.


John arrived back at the hospital a little after noon. There was no change in Natalie's condition. The medication they were giving her for the fever brought it down but as soon as it wore it went right back up. The doctor had changed the antibiotics that morning to the strongest form they had and was hoping to see a change by the next morning. Jess was on the phone in the hall and Chase was sitting with Natalie. He knew by her words that she was talking to her mother. He slipped into the room, hey, the nurse said there's been no change.

Chase shook his head, not yet. Sorry buddy.

John walked over and kissed her hand, I'm back. He said softly. Aiden says to tell you he loves you and he hopes you get better real soon. I second that in case your wondering. John looked at Chase, how's Jess?

Scared but she has no doubt that Natalie will pull through this. She said her sister has survived to much to let some infection take her down.

She's got a point. John said thinking about all she had survived when he'd been around. Half of it he had brought into her life but she'd never held it against him. Aiden...he asked what would happen to him, where he would go if she died.

What did you say?

I didn't think, the words they kind of just came out. I told him I would take care of him. I shouldn't have. Natalie has family, family that have known him almost his whole life, family that loves him. But I...

You love him too. Jessica said from the doorway. Your the first guy in his life that he has ever looked to as a father. You were the first adult he spoke to after way to many years of silence. But I'm not going to sit here and make plans to let you take him when she dies. John looked crestfallen and Jessica walked over to him. I'm not going to make any plans involving my sister dying. Because she is not going to die.

John looked at her for a moment and then he nodded, okay.


John sat by Natalie for three days, he slept some but he was beginning to feel the way he felt when he was working an intense job. He knew if this went on much longer he'd be in a bed down the hall somewhere. But he couldn't leave her.

Chase and Jessica constantly tried getting him to go back to the ranch for a night but he needed to be here when she woke up. The fever still came and went and she woke up randomly but as the doctor had warned him she didn't make much sense when she did.

They lowered her dose of painkiller but the doctor told him the antibiotics were strong enough to also keep her drowsy. John was sick of listening to the doctor. He didn't want reasons, or explanations, he wanted to see her beautiful eyes looking back at him. It didn't matter to him anymore whether she decided on a life with him or one without him, nothing mattered but her coming out of this okay. She had to come out of this okay.

John finally dozed off around two thirty in the morning. He always knew what time it was...he spent so much time watching the clock. Counted the seconds, the minutes, the hours that she'd been asleep. It had been to long, he didn't count the seconds and minutes she woke because she would never be aware of them happening. He needed her to open her eyes, say his name...say anything. He just needed her.


Natalie stared around her, she wasn't sure where she was but everything seemed...strange. Not weird strange just confusing, unfamiliar strange. Hello? She walked through a heavily wooded path seeing a brighter area at the end of it. She froze when she got there.

There were two children playing by a swing, a little girl who looked to be around six, maybe seven and a boy not much smaller then her. The girl was kneeling beside the boy and he was running his truck at her shoe. There was no one else in sight, where were there parents?

The little girl looked up and when she saw Natalie she smiled. She's here. She said softly to the boy. She looked back at Natalie again, hello.

Natalie was uncertain about this, all of this. The last thing she remembered was being in the barn. Why wasn't she in the barn anymore? Where was Aiden? John? God Preston...had he hurt anyone? The little girl was waiting for a reply but before she could give one the boy stood and looked at the girl, is something wrong with her?

Shh JT, that's not polite. The girl replied.

But...she's just staring at us. Thats not very polite either.

She's confused. Your confused, right?

Where...who... Natalie's eyes widened, oh my God!

She gets it now. JT said shaking his head. They all say that when they get it. He looked bored.

Your not dead you know. The little girl said walking over to her. I mean...not yet.

Your...

The boy giggled, she doesn't know who you are Eri.

She does. She knows. Don't you?

Natalie nodded slowly, and you...before you...before I lost...I called you that...JT.

Well sure you did. That's my name.

You said...you said I'm not dead. But I'm here.

Erica smiled, you are. But whether you stay or go is up to you. You can stay. With us. Or you can go back to your other little boy.

Your... Natalie stared some more. This couldn't be real.

It's real. JT replied looking bored again.

I didn't say anything.

You thought it. This is like where your coming from, things are different. Erica told her. We didn't know how different until other people told us...we've grown up here.

I'm sorry. Natalie said softly. You shouldn't have grown up here. You should be with your father, and me. And your little brother.

It's okay. It's not bad here. And we can see you guys any time we want. JT said with a shrug.

You see us?

Sure. Your together again, that's good you know. Erica told her.

But we're not. Together I mean.

If you go back...you can be.

I have to go back. She said softly. Aiden...

He needs you. Erica replied.

What about us? Don't you want to be with us? JT asked.

JT, stop. We don't need her, Aiden does. And so does daddy.

JT nodded as if he agreed, and Natalie looked heartbroken, you don't?

Well it would be nice but...we have lots of people and we really just take care of ourselves. That's how it works.

So I get to decide? I mean if I want to stay or go? Did you decide?

JT shook his head, nope, it doesn't always work this way.

Why this time?

Cause there's be so much loss already. That's what he said so...your choice. But you have to decide now.


John. Hey...John.

John opened his eyes quickly and looked at Natalie, but her eyes were still shut. He sighed but then realized he wasn't alone in the room. Kerri, hi, sorry. I was...

Seemed like a very nice dream.

It was. I think...I was dreaming of my kids. I've had the dream before but this time it was...more. Anyway...wait you woke me. The nurses never woke him up. They hated that he was there all the time and were always telling him to get some sleep. Is she, is Natalie...

The nurse smiled, her fever's broken.

What does that mean? John saw Chase in the doorway but looked back at the nurse waiting for her answer.

It's been a full twenty four hours since she's had one now, that means it's broken.

I know but...what does it mean?

You'll have to wait till the doctor comes in around eight, only an hour.

Please just...a hint.

The loss of fever suggests that the infection is clearing.

John let out a huge breath, thank you. Thank you so much.

Kerri smiled, get some sleep. She turned and smiled at Chase, he was another regular at the hospital, along with Jess. Make sure he gets some sleep.

Chase nodded, I'll give it my best ma'am. He turned back to John who was kissing Natalie's forehead and talking softly to her. She's going to be okay, like Jess said.

John turned and with his first real smile in almost a week he nodded, she is. Where is Jess?

She and all three of the kids have come down with a cold. We got caught in the rain yesterday evening when we went horseback riding and they all woke up feeling sick today. We agreed it was better for her to stay home. No use subjecting Natalie to another infection. It's driving her nuts though. I was going to stay and help Miss Mary take care of them all but Jess insisted I come. When I left she was lying in my bed with all three kids watching a movie.

John nodded, you should go call her. Tell her the good news.

In a second I will. You gonna go home and get some sleep?

John looked at Natalie and then he smiled, nope. I'm gonna sit right here and watch her until her eyes open and then...you'll be lucky if you can ever get me to take my eyes off her again.

Natalie opened her eyes. This wasn't the barn either but...she was in a hospital. She blinked a few times getting accustomed to the light and then looked around. He was the first thing she saw clearly. He was smiling at her, he wasn't crying but his eyes were full of moisture. Hey you. He said softly. Welcome back.

Natalie smiled, your always here...every time.

John nodded, always will be. You gave me a scare...again. You got to stop doing that.

Natalie thought about what happened in the barn, oh God...Aiden? I saw him there, in the closet, he was all tied up and he called out for me...

He's okay. He's at the ranch with Bree and Jared and Jessica. They got caught in the rain last night and all came down with a cold but there being taken care of.

And Joe?

He's fine. Slight concussion. Stop worrying. Everyone is okay...you included. He took her hand and stared at her.

Stop.

Stop what?

Looking at me like that.

I can't help it.

I must look a mess.

You've never looked more beautiful to me. He replied and then his tone softer, you could have died.

Yeah. I could have. But I didn't. John...what happened to Preston?

He's right where he belongs.

He was...he was a really good guy, a good friend. I had no idea...I never even imagined...

I know. It's not your fault. You don't have to worry about him anymore. He can't hurt you or your son again.

I was so scared when you walked through that door.

I was too. But not for myself. I was scared for you, for Aiden.

Hey, look whose awake. Didn't I tell you it would be soon?

John smiled at the nurse, thanks Kerri.

Hey, I don't think it was the medicine that saved her. She looked at Natalie, your a lucky woman. I think it was his will alone that brought you back among us. She looked back at John again, but you have to go. The doctor has ordered tests and we have a few hours worth to keep her busy. You need to get some sleep.

No I can-

John...when is the last time you left this hospital?

John shrugged, doesn't matter.

Go. Sleep, for me okay?

Natalie-

I mean it. You look like hell and you heard her, hours of tests. Go home, kiss Aiden and sleep.

John sighed, Chase is staying. I'm not leaving you here alone.

Great, we let the guy sit by your bed round the clock- against procedure I might add- and all of a sudden, we're chop liver.

John smiled, you know what I meant. He looked at Natalie, I'll be back in a couple of hours.

I'm counting on it. She said softly.

John kissed her forehead and left. Chase was just coming back to the room. She's awake, they have some tests and I have been strong armed into rest. Watch out for her, okay?

I'll guard her with my life buddy.


John took a long hot shower and then because Chase and Jessica had taken over the room he was using he crawled between the sheets of Natalie's bed. Her scent enveloped him and he was torn between wanting to stay and wanting to run right back to her side.

He'd come in to find Miss Mary as usual in the kitchen, she'd given him a hug and sent him straight upstairs. He'd looked in on Jess and the kids but all four of them were asleep so he left the room quietly. He started to close his eyes when the bedroom door was opened slowly. He looked over and smiled, hey big guy.

Miss Mary said you was here.

I looked in on you guys but you were all asleep.

I wasn't. I heard you but thought you were Miss Mary. Are you home cause...cause mumma died?

John sat up, no. No Aiden. I'm home because your mom woke up and yelled at me to get some sleep. She's going to be okay, she's going to come home to us A. No one is going to die.

Aiden smiled happily for the first time in days, I wanna see her...but I gots a cold.

You'll see her soon. John lifted the blanket and Aiden didn't hesitate to run to him and climb onto the bed. He curled up next to John and both were asleep within minutes.

When John woke the balcony doors were open and Aiden was no longer in bed beside him. He got up and grabbed his jeans off the floor pulling them on over his boxers. He walked over to the door. Aiden was sitting on the top step staring down at the pool. John sat down beside him. He'd slept for almost eight hours and he felt pretty good. How long you been up?

I ate some soup with Auntie and Bree, Jared was still asleep. Then we started to watch a movie but I came back and laid down with you. You were really tired huh?

I haven't really gotten much sleep.

John?

Yeah bud?

Is she really gonna be okay?

John smiled and nodded, she really is A. I promise. She woke up and she was doing just fine. They're running a bunch of tests but the doctor thinks everything is going to come out normal. She'll be home in no time.

Okay. Aiden was quiet again but John knew there was more on his mind. He waited out just staring at the pool while the little boy tried to grasp his thoughts. Finally after a few minutes of comfortable silence he said, what happens next?

What do you mean?

Well, you came to us cause the bad guy was after mumma. You don't live in Llanview like us you was just working there. Now the bad guy is gone and...are you going to come home with us?

John sighed, I guess...I wish I could tell you with certainty that I am. But I can't do that A. What happens next is up to your mom. I love her and I love you and I want to be with both of you all the time. But I don't know what she wants.

She wants you. She loves you. Aunt Jess told Uncle Chase that mom was ascared to be with you again, she was ascared that her and me would get hurt. I don't get that? Aiden had called Chase Uncle, John smiled a that, the little boy was really opening up and not just to him or to Natalie. He saw that Jess and Chase were something now and he was accepting it easily. That was good for him.

Your mom and I hurt each other a lot when we were together before. We never wanted to, it just kind of happened. I guess she is afraid it's going to happen again only this time you'll get hurt too.

She thinks you'll leave us?

Yeah...I guess that's it. What do you think?

I don't think you'll ever leave us.

John smiled, okay. Here's the thing. If your mom was to give us a chance. If we were to be a family, well sometimes things happen that we can't stop. So it is a possibility that it wouldn't work and I would have to move out. But just because I wouldn't be living with you, doesn't mean I love you any less, and it doesn't mean I will be out of your life. You get that?

I think so. But I don't think it would happen. I think we would be happy. I think we would be a real family.

Me too.

What happens if mumma is to ascared to let it happen?

Well then...I try and change her mind. And if I can't...I still won't be out of your life. You mean a lot to me buddy and we can talk on the phone and e-mail each other. And I'll come see you as often as I can.

That would be nice. But I would rather you lived with us always.

Me too big guy. Me too. It started drizzling then and John watched the rain drops hit the pool water for a few beats before standing and easily lifting Aiden into his arms. Better get you back inside. He carried Aiden into the room. I'm going to get back to the hospital that way Chase can get back here. But you know what I'm going to do?

What?

I'm going to have your mom call you. I know talking on the phone isn't as good as having her here with you, or seeing her but it's the best we can do for now. Would you like that?

Aiden nodded eagerly, yes!


John returned to the hospital to find Chase sitting in the chair he usually occupied and Natalie had a phone to her ear. He looked at Chase, I was going to have her do that.

I suggested it a while ago. Chase said getting up and walking over to John. She was missing him like crazy. You look good man, rested.

I am.

Miss Mary said you and Aiden were sound asleep in Nat's bed when we called earlier. How is he?

Worried about what happens next.

He's not the only one is he?

I don't want to walk away from this Chase, I don't want to walk away from them.

Then don't Johnny. It's as simple as that. I'm going to get going. I'm going to tuck my boy into bed, then his sister and then give my lady a little bit of TLC.

You've never been a family guy before, you think your up to this?

I've been waiting for this all my life my man. All my life. Chase slapped him on the back and waved goodbye to Natalie and then left.

Natalie finished off her call to Aiden a few minutes later and John took the phone from her and hung it up. Aiden didn't want to hang up with me until you got here. He wanted to make sure you got here alright and that I wasn't alone.

John smiled, he's quite a kid.

Do you have any idea how amazing it is to hear his voice? I just wanted him to talk and talk...I never wanted to stop listening.

Yeah. John said his smile showing his understanding. He sat down in the chair and looked at her, she looked alright. She looked better then she had in days, which was obvious because she wasn't sleeping, and the bandage had been removed from her head. You look...

A mess? She asked with a laugh.

No. Amazing. He took her hand and kissed her knuckles lightly. Did the doctor come in?

He did. I'm being moved to a private room shortly and I should be okay to go home in a day or two. All the tests came back clear.

That's great.

Yeah. John...the doctor filled me in on what happened. The infection and...I can't even imagine how that must have been for you.

It was scary. He said softly. All I could think about was Erica and...it scared the hell out of me.

Erica. she said their daughter's name softly and smiled. This is going to sound crazy... John stared at her waiting for her to go on. I think...well I saw her...Erica...and the baby, but they weren't babies John.

You saw... John's heart accelerated.

Yes. I told you it was going to sound crazy. I was walking and they...they were just there. Erica looked like me and JT...she called him JT and that's...that's what I called him when he was still inside me. JT. He looked just like you and he was just like you. He looked bored throughout the whole conversation.

You...spoke to them? John asked a little warily, she couldn't have seen the same things he had...heard the same things...could she?

I'm not crazy. She told him looking offended.

John smiled and took her hand, I know your not. I don't...I don't know what to say. It's strange though.

Yeah. It was probably a dream. I mean, obviously it was a dream right?

It was a dream. He replied. I fell asleep and I had this dream about the kids, they were older, not babies. She looked like you, he looked like me. It was just a dream but it felt so real. I think maybe...maybe we had the same dream, you were there but...I wasn't.

You had it...

Hey no crying. He told her kissing the palm of her hand. I was right beside you, holding your hand and...hey we're connected right? Not so weird that we'd be dreaming the same thing. What matters is you came back to me.

They were so beautiful,whether it was a dream, fantasy, real...it doesn't matter. I know now in my heart that they're okay.

That's all that matters. John stared at her, he couldn't help himself. You know when he said infection I...God Natalie I thought I was going to lose you the same way we lost our baby girl. I don't think I could have survived that.

You would have. But I'm right here, so you don't have to think about it anymore.

John got up and sat down right beside her on the edge of the bed. He tucked her hair behind her ear, when we first met I never imagined a person could feel this strongly for another person. I never imagined that I could. Natalie these last years...without you...I haven't been whole and more then anything...I want to be whole again.

Natalie felt the tear trickle down her cheek, she reached out and touched his cheek tenderly, why is it that all our reunions happen in a hospital?

John started to laugh until he got what she had actually said. Is this...is this a reunion?

I love you John. I have loved you forever and it's never going to go away. I don't want it to. I'm afraid of getting my heart broken again yes...but I'm more afraid of living the rest of my life without you.

John smiled and then kissed her, you...your everything to me, and you and me and Aiden, we're going to make it. This time Natalie, nothing is going to get in our way.

Natalie smiled, It's different this time, we're different.

I love you and I don't...I don't want to just try this out. I don't want to see what happens.

You lost me John...I thought you wanted...

John smiled, I want it all, full force right away. I want to adopt Aiden, I love him and I want to be his daddy. I want to be his daddy Natalie as much as I want to be your husband. Marry me Natalie.

Yes. She said softly and right away. She then pulled him to her for another kiss. There is nothing I want more.

Two days later John was bringing Natalie home to the ranch. Aiden had been looking forward to finally being able to visit his mom all day and her coming home was a complete surprise. John helped Natalie out of the truck Chase and Joe had dropped off the night before, you alright?

John, I walked around the hospital almost all day yesterday with only a few breaks. I'm fine. You heard the doctor, I'm making good progress on my recovery.

Yeah well...your brain was bleeding Natalie. I just think you ought to take it easy.

What do you suggest? Six weeks bed rest?

Sounds good to me.

Natalie laughed, dream on McBain. I'd never last and neither would you. Now come on, I want to see Aiden. Natalie and John walked toward the house, Natalie stopped short to pet Roscoe and the other dogs. They had all run out to meet the truck as they did with everyone. She gave each of them a little bit of attention and then continued on to the house.

John opened the door quietly and smiled when he heard voices coming from the kitchen. He took Natalie's hand and they walked together to the kitchen. The kitchen was in chaos, controlled chaos but chaos all the same. Miss Mary and Hank stood at the stove arguing quietly, Gruff was chopping something at the counter, Joe, Chase, and Jess sat around the large kitchen table talking with the kids. Hey is there room for two more for breakfast?

Everyone looked up with smiled but Aiden turned in his chair so quickly if it weren't for Joe steadying it the chair would have toppled over. Mumma!

Natalie smiled and crouched down, easy. John said as Aiden flew toward her.

Natalie gave him a look, He's fine. But despite her words Aiden stopped short right in front of her.

Your okay?

I'm fine A, I'll be excellent once I get a hug from my favorite guy.

Aiden smiled and hugged her, he was gentle and Natalie closed her eyes savoring the feel of him once again in her arms. She could never leave this precious boy, he was her world. She looked up at John, they were both her world. Aiden finally let go and John helped Natalie stand. I was supposed to come visit you today.

You want me to go back? She asked teasing him.

No!

Everyone else came to great her then, Natalie gave Joe a tight hug, thank you. I'm sorry you got a concussion on my account.

Joe chuckled, I've had worse. I'm just glad your alright.

Auntie did the doctors cut you open? Can I see? Natalie laughed but crouched down beside Bree and moved her hair so the little girl could see the incision. Gross. She said though her voice sounded as if she were in awe.

So what's the big occasion? John asked. Joe and the older guys normally ate in the bunkhouse.

We're celebrating. Miss Mary replied. Unofficially of course since we thought the two of you couldn't be here. We planned to have a bigger celebration before you all leave.

Celebrating what?

Chase is gonna marry mom. Bree said. He's gonna be my step dad and he is Jared's daddy. He's gonna live with us and we'll get to come back here all the time.

John looked at Chase, your getting married.

Chase nodded, that I am.

Congratulations came from both Nat and John then and Jessica caught a look between them. what? What was that?

What? Natalie asked innocently.

That look. What's going on?

This is your day Jess, and Chase's.

Jess's eyes widened, Oh my God!

What? Several people who hadn't caught on asked at once.

They're getting married!

John and Natalie smiled and looked down at Aiden who was staring at them with wide eyes. Your...is Auntie right? Are you gonna marry John?

Natalie crouched down, yes I am. We're going to be a family A. Is that okay with you?

Are you kidding me? Aiden asked excitedly. This is awesome! I'm gonna have a dad! he looked quickly at Natalie, I love you mumma but...

Every little boy needs a daddy. Natalie told him. I understand and I am very glad that your happy about this.

Congratulations went around the whole room again and then Miss Mary called for order and everyone sat down to eat. Breakfast was pretty much everyone having conversations of there own. Miss Mary, Jess, and Natalie all discussed weddings while the men discussed baseball all arguing on whose team was the best. Aiden and Bree sat eating with there heads close together whispering. Natalie looked at John who was watching her from where he sat and he winked at her, she smiled. Everything was going to be okay. They were going to be okay.


Natalie spent almost a full week practically on bed rest, everyone in the house catered to her and it was driving her crazy. She woke from a nap- a nap she took not because she needed it but because she was damn near dying of boredom- and John walked into there room. Hey sexy. She said softly.

He was driving her the craziest of all. They slept in this bed every night and every night she waited for him to make love to her, she'd even suggested it a few times but he was holding back. She wanted him, she wanted to celebrate there engagement in there own way and he was being so cautious. Come to lie down with me?

John smirked, he knew what she was up to. She'd been trying for days to get him to give in and make love to her. And he wanted nothing more. But he wanted to make sure she was ready. She'd bluntly asked the doctor at her checkup this morning if it would be alright and the doctor had chuckled and said it was fine. But John was still scared, he didn't want to do anything to make her relapse.

Chase of course had called him an idiot and had not so nicely told him to plan a nice evening with his fianc and give her what she wanted. So he had. Aiden and Bree are going to a movie in town with Joe, afterwards Joe is going to camp out with them behind his place. Miss Mary is keeping Jared in her suite tonight and Jess and Chase are out for the evening.

Really?

John grinned, how about we take a ride?

A ride? You want to ride horses?

John stared at him for a second and then smirked again, Jess thought it was funny but she wouldn't tell me why. I think I have figured it out. You don't ride do you?

God no. Natalie said shaking her head.

Why not? Asa never-

Asa tries getting everyone in the family on a horse but I...I'm a city girl born and bred and horses are just not my thing. I still can't believe you ride.

Yeah well you should a been here to see me learn. Better yet, I'm glad you weren't. You would never let me live it down.

Natalie laughed, I can imagine. She got up out of bed and saw John eying her thighs, the t-shirt she wore rode high and she smiled and she purposely stretched to make it rise higher. So I guess that ride is out of the question.

John walked toward her, God your beautiful.

Scars and all? She asked playfully as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Scars and all. He confirmed and then he was kissing her. Before he knew it they were on the bed. Her shirt was off leaving her naked and she had already unbuttoned all but two of his buttons. Your good. He said his voice husky.

I can be better. She said with a wicked smile.

I wanted...I wanted this to be special, I wanted to romance you.

Natalie kissed him, I don't need romance John. That's not who you are and all I need is you, the real you. Make love to me...please.

John grinned, he should have known she would feel this way. This was Natalie, his Natalie, the only woman in the world who had ever accepted him for who he was. My pleasure.


Hey big guy, why so sad? John asked as they sat waiting for the BE jet to pick them all up.

Aiden shrugged, I don't know...I think I'm just sad to leave the ranch. I really liked it there and I'm gonna miss Goldie lots. Why couldn't we stay there forever?

The ranch was great A, especially after your mom was all better and we all got to be together. But that's not real life, not our real life anyway. Llanview is our home, where we belong. Don't you miss the rest of your family?

Well sure I do but...what if everything changes once we get home? What if you and mumma find out.... Aiden stopped and bit his lower lip nervously.

Find out what A? Natalie walked over then and she didn't look very happy. John looked at her, What's the matter?

Bree just informed us of why our jet is late.

Bree? How does she know?

Apparently she called grandpa and told him of our engagement and of Jess and Chase's and he decided to fly here and then fly back with us.

Why?

Maybe Aiden should tell us why? Natalie looked at her son who looked even more guilty now. The others walked over and Jess looked as unhappy as Natalie. Bree stood tall by her cousin.

We didn't do nothing wrong. She stated firmly. Grandpa did it all.

What's going on? John asked.

We've been played buddy, we've been played in the sneakiest dam...uh darn way. By and old man and two kids no less.

Just then Asa walked through the doors of the small airport and grinned when he saw them all together. Aiden and Bree ran for him and in not so hushed tones warned him that they'd been busted. Don't you pups worry about a thing. He said leading them back to Jared and the adults. So I hear congratulations are in order.

Grandpa when are you going to learn not to mess with our lives?

Hey I only did what you two little filly's couldn't do. And hey it all turned out well didn't it?

What is going on? John asked again though he was kind of starting to figure it out.

Aiden sighed, Bree and me slept at grandpa's and we was talking about stuff and grandpa came in and asked what we was talking about.

Wait a minute. You talked to grandpa? Natalie asked feeling hurt.

No. I talked to Bree.

But grandpa knew you talked to Bree? Natalie looked at Asa mad as hell that he had never shared that information with her. How long did you know?

The boy never stopped talking to Bree. From the second you moved to Llanview with him Bree wouldn't stand for his silence and he spoke to her. It was everyone else he wouldn't talk to.

Why didn't you tell me?

What could you have done?

Natalie sighed but told Aiden to go on. He looked really upset but she was so mad right now that she didn't do anything to ease it. Bree and me had been talking about a lot of things and...

I told Aiden how strong my daddy was and how no one could ever hurt me long as I had him. He said he wished he had a daddy like mine, a daddy that wouldn't let no one hurt him. And then I said how I wished my mommy has a husband like normal mommies so that she had someone to make sure no one hurt her. I told grandpa all this and he told us that he'd work it out and figure something out. But...it took a long time.

The bad guy came and grandpa said he'd finally figured out a way to do what we both wanted. He said he was gonna make our wish come true.

You knew! Jessica said glaring at Asa. You knew Chase was Jared's father!

I'm a Texan darlin and there ain't to many men by the name of Slade that own a ranch close to mine. I put two and two together and figured Slade's grandson must be that boy's daddy. Had some detective work done and once I saw a picture of the boy I knew damn well I was right. Damn coincidence finding out that both he and McBain worked for the same company. It just happened to be run by a very old friend of mine, and it just happened to be a bodyguard service. Something you darlin needed.

So you just happened to once again play God in our lives? Natalie asked.

What are you going to do to punish me? Break your engagements?

Both the kids looked fearful at this but John and Chase put the arms protectively around there woman. That's not happening. But you still had no right. John told him.

Your all happy aren't you? What else matters? Besides I wanted to see my girls living happy and full lives before I die.

You know you can't use that dying thing every time you do something to mess with one of us.

Why not? Works don't it? Let's go now, we need to get home. We have weddings to plan. Asa turned and walked toward the door out to the airstrip where the BE jet was waiting. Aiden and Bree both snuck looks at there mothers and then ran to follow there great grandfather.

Natalie and Jess looked at each other, John and Chase staring at them, both holding there breath, as if worried they might do something just to show there grandfather he couldn't run there lives. Finally the sisters just shook there heads and followed Asa and the kids out.

This family always like this? Chase asked as he grabbed hold of Jared's carriage to head out to the jet.

Always man, always.

Epilogue

It was a beautiful day for a wedding. The sun was shining brightly with not a cloud in sight. Llanfair was decorated to the max with white carnations and silky white streamers. Chairs for all the guests had been placed and the gazebo was ready for the bride and groom. The reception would be inside after the wedding.

John and Natalie stood at the terrace doors looking out at the beautifully decorated yard. Can you believe this is happening?

It's a long time coming. John replied. How you doing? You nervous?

Yes. She replied. She looked up at him with worry on her face, is that crazy?

John laughed, not crazy. He said shaking his head. I'm a little nervous too.

Hey mom, dad.

John and Natalie turned and Natalie's eyes immediately teared up, oh baby...you look so handsome.

Aiden smiled, hey, no crying. Not today.

I can't help it. My baby is all grown up. First prom, then collage, law school...now this. Sometimes I look at you and I still see my little boy...but your not anymore, your a man and...

What your mom is trying to say is, we're damn proud of you son.

Aiden walked over and hugged his mom, it's like you always told me mom...I'll always be your baby.

Natalie laughed, stop trying to make me feel better. I'm allowed to cry, I'm the mother of the groom.

You know, I am where I am because of you guys. I wouldn't be half the man I am today if it weren't for you. You taught me good, you taught me right, and if there was one thing never lacking in our house, it was love. That's how Maddie and me want to live.

And you will. You were twelve years old the day you told us you were going to marry her. You sure do mean what you say don't you?

Dad said the first time he met you he knew there was something there. That's what it felt like with Maddie.

John clenched Aiden's shoulder, she's been through a lot over the years son and you stood by her through it all. Your good for each other. You complete each other.

Like you and mom.

Okay, your killing me here. Natalie said shaking her head. I'm emotional enough without you making it worse.

The guys laughed, hey what'd I miss?

This was a private conversation brat. Aiden told his little sister with a playful smile.

Huh. Well just so you know, Maddie's a keeper. I've been upstairs trying to talk her out of marrying you for an hour now and she's not having it. For some reason she's determined to marry you loser. She smiled as she walked over to her brother and hugged him.

Aiden smiled back and held her, thanks Ari.

Ariana looked outside, everything is so beautiful.

Hey don't get any ideas. Your not getting married until you bring someone worthy enough home to meet us. Her brother said dryly. Meaning the guy can't be a complete loser.

And how wold you know whether the guys are losers or not, most of them don't last two seconds before you and daddy chase them off.

That's how I know they aren't good enough for you. If a guy can't hack me and dad for a conversation then he's not worth your time. You deserve the best and its my job to make sure you get it.

Yeah...your not so bad for a big brother.

Yeah well, you make it pretty easy. Having had enough of the mushy stuff Aiden still looked at his sister and motioned toward Natalie, You wanna take mom back upstairs? She's been down here crying all over my tux.

You promised no more crying. Ariana said rolling her eyes. I came down here to get you anyway. Maddie's having a hair crisis and Aunt Marcie is clueless as to how to fix it.

Oh. I better go. You two behave yourselves down here.

John took hold of his daughter's hand, you look gorgeous baby.

Thanks daddy. She pecked his cheek and followed her mother upstairs.


You nervous?

No. Aiden said shaking his head. Not even a little. I should be right? I mean, this is big, this is the biggest thing I have ever done, will ever do...so I should be nervous right? But I'm not...I'm so sure dad, she's it for me.

John nodded, she is. You know I always thought that marriage was the biggest thing that could ever happen and, in a way it is. But...for me...you were it. Meeting you, loving you...adopting you...your the biggest and best thing I ever did in my life. If it weren't for you I might have walked away and sent someone else to protect your mother...

Sometimes I don't even remember all that. Your my dad, it's like...you always have been, you know?

I feel the same way. I love you just as much as I love your sister. Someday your gonna have kids and...your gonna be a great dad Aiden.

Sure I will be, I learned from the best pop.


Natalie fixed Maddie's hair within a few minutes and then walked over to her purse, now for the something old. She took out a long box and handed it to Maddie. Eve gave this to me the day I married John. His father gave them to her.

No...this should go to Ariana. Maddie said shaking her head and pushing the box back into Natalie's hand.

No. Ariana replied taking the box from her mother and gently forcing it back into Maddie's hand. Grandma told mom it would be okay. Besides, I'm not real big on pearls. You'll look beautiful with them on. They're yours. And I got you these, to match, this is your something new.

She opened a box with a pair of pearl earrings, the something borrowed also served as something blue and it came from Marcie, it was a gold bracelet with three blue birthstones. Michael gave that to me-

I remember. Maddie said softly. It was your anniversary and the birthstones represent...

The birthday's of our children, who all happened to have the same color. Tommy, Becky...and you. We were never able to adopt you legally, you know that we tried, but that doesn't matter because in our hearts, your ours. And now you'll legally be a McBain. Today isn't about welcoming you to the family, because you have been a part of our family for years.

Thank you. Maddie said with tears. Oh...I'm going to ruin my makeup.

Natalie smiled at the scene before her, Ariana stood beside her and her daughter took her hand. We have the best family ever.

Natalie nodded, that we do. Michael had been the first of the family to meet Maddie, Madison Prince, a run away foster kid. Marcie had fallen in love with the girl as soon as Michael introduced them and less then a month later she and Michael became her foster parents. The girls parents who were both in prison had refused to sign away rights which meant Maddie couldn't be adopted but what Marcie said was right, she was a part of there family.

Someone knocked on the door then and John slipped into the room a second later. You better be alone. Marcie told him sternly.

At John's look Natalie laughed, A's been trying to sneak a peak all morning.

He's downstairs trying to convince Jared to wear his tie. I was helping but Chase took over. John looked around the room. Ariana, Bree, the others in the wedding party, Marcie, and Natalie, and finally rested on Maddie, my son is a lucky guy.

Maddie laughed, I'm the lucky one. Is he nervous?

Not one drop of sweat on his palms. He's ready to do this, how about you?

I'm ready.

Good, I'll let your dad know. John replied meaning Michael. Can I escort the mother of the groom to her seat?

Dad your so lame. Ariana said rolling her eyes.

My son says I'm the best and my daughter says I'm lame. He shook his head and the woman all laughed.

Escort away Mr. McBain. Natalie slipped her arm through his and they walked down the hall together. Michael came up the stairs and John told him his girl was ready. They watched Michael walk into the room and then John shook his head again. What?

He's not really that nervous. He's calm. If this was Ariana I wouldn't be calm. I'd be drunk.

She slapped him playfully on the arm, John!

Hey it's the only way I would be able to get through the day.

You'll do fine when she decides to marry. Let's get her through collage first.

John laughed, Aiden flourished in collage, I think she's just a little to much like you. She likes having fun too much.

Yeah because you did oh so well in school. She said as they headed down the stairs. She'll be fine. She justs needs to find her way...like I did.

How long did that take you again?

How long have we been married?

John smiled and leaned in to kiss her, they were standing in the middle of the staircase, twenty years this year...twenty years. Wow.

Well then I found my way twenty years ago.

No. You found it before then. We found our way to each other twenty years ago. And look, we're still okay, aren't you glad you took the chance?

Every single day of my life.

Even though I'm this old man and you still look every bit as pretty as you did then?

Natalie laughed, now your sucking up McBain.

Is it working?

Doesn't it always? She asked and then kissed him again.

Oh God, you guys make out like a couple of teenagers in heat. They looked to the bottom of the stairs where Aiden stood and laughed, I'm getting married you know? In like two minutes.

Well then, let's get this show on the road. Your mom and I want some grand babies to spoil.

Natalie sat beside John holding his hand as her son promised to love, honor, and cherish the woman of his dreams forever. She thought back to her and John's wedding and all of their happy days they spent afterwards. There were sad times too, there were fights, rough patches that felt as if they would last forever. But they didn't, they were still together, they were still in love...they were still whole. Twenty years ago she had yelled at him for always trying to rescue her, he'd claimed that it was she who had rescued him all those times. They were both wrong, they had rescued each other.