Chapter 41
Nik woke up with a pounding headache that was only barely helped by the Advil he choked down and a cold shower. He had a busy day ahead of him and had to hurry to get his things out of his den and then head to his office. When he got to the den the door was closed, which he found odd. He opened the door and was assailed by an almost violent mixture of emotions which he worked hard to ride herd on. Oleg was sitting behind his desk, at his computer, watching the movie he had carelessly left behind when he had stalked upstairs in a drunken state to confront Natalie.
Oleg heard him and turned to look in his direction with a stunned and irate expression on his face.
What is this, Nikolai? Tell me I am not seeing this!
That is private, Papa. And we need to head to the office for the meeting with Gregorski.
Gregorski will wait. And dont tell me this is private in my own home involving my own daughter-in-law my only remaining sons wife
Thats right, Papa my wife. MINE. Now I am respectfully asking you to leave it.
What are you going to do about it?
Papa
Nik!
Its already taken care of?
If that whore is still able to walk and if that bodyguard of hers is still in this house then it isnt taken care of. He has led her astray I knew it the moment she spread her legs for the world to see at that premiere -- it was for HIS benefit and apparently he accepted her blatant invitation!
Papa, I am telling you, this is my business and I have taken care of it my way and will continue to
How long have you known? How were they able to get away with this? Who set it up?
It was my idea and I arranged it.
Oleg was floored at this admission and Nik couldnt help enjoying the rare feeling of victory over his father that hed been able to surprise him. And all it took was pushing his wife to make a porn movie with her bodyguard.
You arranged why on earth would you do such thing?
I had my reasons
Your reasons?! And what reasons could possibly
Papa! I dont want to discuss this any more and I need you to stay out of it!
Stay out of
Yes! OUT of it Some things have to be off limits like my marriage. I have never intruded on your reasons for treating my mother the way you did, and Id appreciate the same courtesy
I turned down your offer to have Natalie I have kept my distance from her out of respect for you and then you give her away to to her bodyguard. A non-Russian at that?
Papa, let me ask you is it really that noble that notable that you elected not to sleep with your sons wife that you have not forced yourself on her?
I exercised restraint which you know I seldom do on YOUR behalf and now
Now, you will continue to do so as if nothing has changed because it has not. I love you and respect you Papa. I would die to protect you. But if you touch Natalie I will have no compunction in killing you. I will absolve her bodyguard of it as well I will consider that he will just have done his job. And if I have to officially inform him of that I will. Please dont push us to that point, Papa. That night, five years ago, I proved myself to you. I pushed my wife into your arms and would have let you have her. I then raped her in front of you and others to prove my mettle. And since then I have treated her like a second class citizen and my possession to continue to prove that I have my priorities in order. If anything, this pornographic experiment should further prove the relative regard in which I hold my wife. I shouldnt have to prove myself to you on that point any more. And I shouldnt have to ask no, WARN my father to stay away from my wife. I have destroyed the fundamental nature and intimacy of my marriage to please you to prove myself to you. I have no qualms about having done so. I am at peace with that decision. But given what it has cost me, I am adamant about my desire that this issue remain a private one between me and my wife, and that you stay away from her. Now lets go.
Oleg looked long and hard at his son and he was angry. But he was also impressed. He ultimately couldnt argue with the way Nik had handled him or with his assertions. But he also felt in his bones that his time with Natalie would come maybe not soon, but eventually. He was a patient man. Hed already waited five years, and even if it took five years more but maybe he could figure out something a way to have her without Nik knowing but for now, hed go along hed been warned.
Upstairs Natalie woke up to the feeling of being in Johns arms, her back pressed tightly against his solid chest, and his legs bent behind hers. His breath was even and warm against her neck, and she knew he was asleep. Her mind kept turning over the events of the previous night and she still found them hard to process to make sense of. She couldnt remember ever seeing Nik so out of control angry, yes, but always in a coldly calculating and cutting way. And what he was going to do to her she almost laughed when she realized she had totally discounted what he HAD done to her. He had slapped her around, held both a gun and a knife against her, and then forced his way into her body in an assault that was not a case of typical marital relations. But some how none of that shook her. It was normal in this world. She was already moving past it. What continued to rattle was the image of the gun under Johns chin he was almost killed defending her, and yes it was his job, but when he took it did he think it was her own husband his employer whod be the biggest threat?
She felt him stir and turned around in his arms, struck again by the intensity of his blue eyes, yet how soft they had become when they looked at her. They melted her. She stroked his face and said quietly, Im so sorry, John
Sorry? For what?
You had a GUN pointed at you last night by the man Im married to. Im pretty sure that isnt anything you expected when you signed on for this job
John expelled his breath and said, Natalie, honey, it wasnt the job that brought me down there last night I wasnt a bodyguard I was a man trying to help the woman I love and I didnt do very well at that
How can you say that?
It hurt him to choke the words out, Natalie, he still he raped you, Natalie. I know you have been desensitized to all of his, his abuse but thats what he did. And its worse that it was your husband that did it, not a stranger
He is a stranger. But it was almost so much worse she shook when she said that when she thought about it and he wrapped her in his arms. He felt the sting of tears in his own eyes as he rasped against her hair, I now understand the true definition of absolute impotence. Not knowing what to donot able to do anything
She whispered against his chest, There was nothing more you could have done he had a gun a knife
If it had just been me in danger if he was just threatening to shoot me, but the knife against your neck a shudder ran through him as he remembered.
And Id rather it just be me in danger, John maybe maybe you should, should quit She was trying to be strong but her voice broke on that last word.
He pulled away to look in her face, stunned. Why would I do that?!
Because if anything ever happened to you because of me
And you dont think I feel the same? How could I possibly leave you here alone? If I ever go it will be because you are with me and maybe it really is time that we plan for that I can make some calls
I dont think theres any running from him from the Kirovs. I think its going to require him letting me go and maybe hes pushed it so far that hell have to. Im not sure he can forget now John, he was out of control in a way Ive never seen what he needs more than anything is to be in control. If he thinks hes lost that over me in some way if he thinks hes misplayed his hand. Maybe
I dont think hes the type to just let anyone go whos to say he just wont make the game worse?
I guess well just have to see. I heard him leave. Hes gone to work hell be out all day, and I think he has a dinner meeting. Hell bully a bunch of people to get his way today, make a bunch of money, squeeze out some of his competitors and hell be in a much better mood.
How have you done it, Natalie?
What?
Survived. Im not trying to make you feel badly or force you to, well to face anything because I know you have not been in denial about your life but how have you done it? All this time? Ive never met anyone stronger than you ever.
Natalie felt tears well in her eyes and then slide down her cheeks. To have someone bear witness to understand her and her life and not to judge her weak or insane for it
John kissed her gently at first, but the first touch of their lips was always guaranteed to inflame and their mouths opened against each other so their tongues could join as completely and deeply as possible. John finally broke away so he could look at her. I dont want to hurt youwhere he, where he hurt you
You wontyou make it better
Natalie moved her hands to the bottom of Johns tank top and moved it up and off his body. She kissed his neck and his chest and then moved her hands to the waist band of his boxers and pushed them down his legs until John could kick them off. He reached down and unbuttoned his shirt that she was wearing and pushed it off her, and then held her close to him as they lay on their sides, face to face. Natalie sighed at the contact. She loved the feeling of his hot skin against her. Their mouths moved slowly together, taking time to communicate their feelings and their need, and then John moved his hand to Natalies right thigh and pulled it up over his hip so he could carefully glide into her body, giving her time to adjust to him along the way.
Natalie smiled softly at John when she felt him come to rest deeply within her she felt warmed by his presence. They made love slowly to each other, their climax rolling almost gently over them like the slower waves of a calm ocean, not the overwhelming intensity of a roiling hurricane-whipped sea.
As they held each other after John asked, What did you want to do today? Much as Id like to we cant stay here, like this. I have a feeling wed both be shot if Nik came home to that
Maybe a long walk and then Im meeting Nell later on so I have to go get her chocolates
As always, Natalie enjoyed her visit with Nell and she and John got along quite well, as had become their usual style. When they said their good-byes, the women shared their normally tight hug, and Nell said, Thanks, as always, for the chocolates! You know thats the only reason I meet with you.
Natalie winked at that and they promised to meet in a week.
As per usual, the morning after Nell met Natalie she headed to The Hudson Hotel and headed to a suite but a basic one, not the flashiest -- on the fifth floor. She gave a discreet knock on the door and it was immediately opened by a distinguished older gentleman.
Uncle Evan great to see you, as always. We have to stop meeting like this.
Well, perhaps in a few weeks therell be no need and great to see you, too, Nell.
Uncle Evan was Evan Chadwick, Director of the FBI.
Heres Natalies latest delivery.
Evan opened the box of chocolates and took out the thumb drive. As always he had to fight the urge to immediately see what was on it. He would only let himself do that in the tight security of his own office, on his own personal lap-top that was locked away in a safe in his office he was the only one with the codes and keys that it took to open it. Natalies life depended on the tightest security and secrecy.
Do you have time for coffee or tea, Nell?
Unfortunately, not this morning. But Ill come to see you and Aunt Vivian for a proper visit soon I promise.
They said their good-byes and Evan made a dash to Penn Station he could catch an earlier train. He was dressed so simply that no one would ever guess who he was that, too, was critical.
Chapter 42
Evan Chadwick sat back in his seat on the train to DC. In keeping with his efforts to fade into the anonymity of the non-descript, he sat in the economy car rather than business or first class. He opened his Time magazine but paid little attention to it. The instincts he had honed over a 35 year career in the Bureau that had led to his ascendancy as Director five years ago told him they were very close. After four long years of amassing the pieces in a painstaking fashion they had almost enough. Those instincts also told him that everything they knew and the way things seemed to be shaping up said the Kirovs were on the cusp of a major move that could finally tip them over the edge. They would have enough to take them ALL the way down gut their organization and their power their sprawling network and empire. Which would free Natalie and ensure her familys safety.
After his meetings with Nell he typically found he couldnt stop thinking of Natalie Buchanan Kirov and all she had had to endure these years. He knew it helped her a bit was important to her to know she was not living her horrible life in vain. To know she was going to help take the Kirovs down in fact, shed play a lead role. But she still had had to get through each and every day. Evan had been able to keep some distance from that reality, but Chase had shared that McBain had told him several times how bad things were for Natalie how much he feared for her safety and wanted to get her out. It was hard to have the nature of her situation validated and not be able to do anything. He knew, of course, that Natalie would not have gone along with any plan to save her. She was in for the duration which neither John nor Chase knew at this point.
Evans first meeting with her was pure happenstance. And from it from it came one of the most important relationships the FBI had ever had with an asset with one of the most deeply embedded assets. Of course, he was the only one in the FBI who knew it. Through Nell he had set up a way to continue things in the event something happened to him she was to share everything with Chase but unless and until that, only he, Nell and Natalie knew what was going on.
Start Flashback
Four years earlier
Evan had come to New York City for a law enforcement conference and taken Nell, his favorite niece his sisters daughter to dinner. She had moved to a new apartment that she wanted to show him, so they had decided to have coffee and dessert at her place the second floor of a great Upper East Side Brownstone.
Meanwhile, Natalie Buchanan Kirov was a year into what she thought of her captivity on Park Avenue, and sincerely doubted she could continue. The only thing keeping her there was fear for her familys safety. She thought shed be able to suck it up but two nights earlier Nik had dragged her to the dungeon club Pytka, where he had kept her for hours of what to her was sheer torture. She was still in pain throughout her body. He had left town that morning for an overnight meeting and she had snuck out of the apartment without her security detail, needing to break free hoping shed be able to convince herself to take the risk and flee back to Llanview to her family. She had actually walked into Penn Station and towards the ticket counter, but playing continuously in her head were all of Niks warnings from the other night when she had threatened to leave and she recalled Olegs threat the night everything had changed the year before. Wandering around, with nowhere else to go, she had found herself on Nells doorstep, and when she wasnt there she decided she might as well just sit on the steps and wait where else did she have to go. And even if she didnt tell her anything, just being with a friend someone who knew her and cared
As Evan and Nell approached her place and noticed the figure on the steps, she was stunned when she recognized Natalie.
Natalie?!
Nell! Oh you have company oh, um, Im sorry, I was just well in the area and thought Id pop by, but, I should have called or not waited you have company She stood up as if to go but Nell could tell something wasnt right.
This is my uncle Evan, and we were just about to have coffee and dessert theres plenty, why dont you come in please
Natalie was torn. She knew she should leave, but couldnt bring herself to she needed to be with a friend with someone normalAre you sure?
Of course. Come on, Buchanan!
The need to observe was so deeply ingrained in Evan that he found himself studying Natalie closely. She looked like she was upset but trying to hide it. She held herself like someone who was being or at least had recently been abused beaten. There was an undercurrent of vulnerability that she was trying hard to contain, and that made her tense. She was wearing clothes that covered her up even though it was quite warm out and he would bet money that she was hiding bruises. He knew she must be about his nieces age, but she looked so much younger at that moment, her face devoid of makeup. She also looked vaguely familiar to him perhaps he had met her at some party at the Whitfields when Nell was home from college and had brought her friend Natalie
Once they got inside and Nell started the coffee maker, she made formal introductions. Natalie, this is my uncle Evan Chadwick. And Uncle Evan, this is my good friend from LU, Natalie Buchanan well, Kirov now
Evan barely managed to hide his surprise. Of course! He had seen her pictures heard the descriptions of the young, beautiful but chilly Ice Maiden who was married to Nik Kirov. The Bureau had been studying developments in the Kirov family and organization with avid attention since Oleg IIIs death and Nikolais highly unanticipated involvement and elevation in the family firm. He had always stayed away seemed to lead a totally separate life, and suddenly, he was in the middle of everything. Stories had also swirled about things that had happened to his wife things he had done what the life of a Kirov bride most especially a non-Russian one was like. As he glanced at Natalie now, he knew it all to be true and as hardened as he was, he found himself angry and sad. She could be his niece. She was someones daughter.
It was ironic because a personal mission of his since he had become Director a little over a year ago was to figure out how to take down the Russian mob in the US or to weaken them significantly. He knew it would take a long time, but they needed to start somewhere. They just werent sure how to position or cultivate an asset close enough and who would be able to remain in position for the long haul and here he was about to have coffee with Natalie Kirov.
Natalie, Nell asked. Are you OK?
Im fine
Did something happen? Nell didnt know much she understood that Natalie needed a friend from her past, separate and apart from her life now. But she also had been friends with Nik with them as a couple, and she didnt need the rumors to tell her how much things had changed that something had gone very wrong she could see it clearly for herself.
Honestly, Im fine. Niks hes out of town, and I just decided to get some air... went for a walk found myself here she knew she was rambling nervously.
Without your security detail?
They dont exactly know Im out they thought I went to bed for the evening by now they have had plenty of vodka and are playing cards
Natalie, if something is wrong if you need help well, Uncle Evan here... hes head of the FBI
Natalie recoiled in shock and found herself torn. She wanted to flee immediately, but at the same time wanted to tell him everything and beg him to help her. So, everything but her face froze her emotional battle played vividly across it. Evan noticed this he understood it. So he gently said, Natalie tonight, its just two friends and one uncle. Totally off the record. If you need advice just want to unburden yourself to people who care about youwhat you say stays here, and I promise I wont then morph into FBI mode and try to make anything of it And he meant that when he said it.
And so it began. Over coffee fortified with whiskey she told them a lot. Not everything. She couldnt tell them about the night Nik had taken his rightful place. She couldnt tell them about Pytka. But they understood the severity of her situation. Evan tried to convince her to leave to trust that her family had the resources to keep themselves and her safe. But she pressed him hard and finally he felt he owed her the truth. The Kirovs would be a threat that would be hard to hold at bay. It was only if they were destroyed that she would truly be safe and free. So Natalie steered the subject to what it would take to bring them down. Evan tried to dissuade her from even thinking of getting involved but she explained how much access she could get to things how Nik was very security conscious but often left his things unprotected around her for hours at a time. He clearly thought that was safe she knew where he his hid codes and passwords if she got a bit at a time which was what it would take
By the end of that night, the plan was in place. It was perfect because no one knew of the Nell-Evan connection they even had different last names. She had a pre-existing relationship with Natalie, and Nik knew it new her. If it ever seemed like he was suspicious, Natalie would stop dead. But until then and then never came. Evan amassed the information and he used none of it they were going for all or nothing, and using any of it until they could bring them all the way down would tip their hand and possibly expose Natalie. They were passing by pennies to ultimately grab a complete fortune.
At the end of the night, Evan had pulled Natalie into a hug. It surprised both of them, but he was affected by her her plight, her willingness to do this her.
Are you sure, Natalie?
Yes. I have to stay anyway now at least Ill know Im not some sad, helpless victim its for a reason. Even if it takes years
End Flashback
Evan sighed as they pulled within range of Union Station in DC. It had taken years. And he knew it had taken a toll on Natalie. But they were getting close. What they had gathered already was virtually enough in and of itself, but it also suggested that something big was about to happen, something that would sew it all up for them. He could feel it taste it. He also felt better knowing that they had a good undercover agent in place to get her out of there when all hell started breaking loose.
Within the next two weeks theyd know where they stood. Please God theyd all get there.
Chapter 43
Two evenings after the dramatic show-down in Nik and Natalies bedroom, they were seated in the dining room having dinner with Oleg, John and Maksim. It was an even tenser affair than usual, with only Maksim trying to make some sort of conversation regarding the rapid approach of spring and security for some upcoming trips. Marina came in and informed Nik there was an urgent call for him and he went to his den to take it.
Oleg waited until he was sure Nik was out of earshot and then he said, So, tell me Tasha which was your favorite part? When John fucked you on the counter while you were tied to the pot-rack, or after hed cut you down and ripped into you from behind? Of course you riding him backwards on the side of the bathtub well, that was special, wasnt it?
Natalie had gone deathly pale as she looked at him in shock, and John wasnt much better. Poor Maksim had begun to cough on water he had inhaled down his windpipe.
Nothing to say, dear? Well, given the intensity of your screams, Id say, hmmm, tough call, but Im thinking the bathtub So whos better? My son or your bodyguard? Id be happy to toss my hat in the ring and join the competition these youngsters dont really know what theyre doing Oh, they can get you off, have you cry out their name, but an old-school man like myself well I know how to handle a spitfire like you how not to let up until I know you wont be able to walk for at least 2 or 3 days
Papa! Nik exclaimed from the door. That is enough. Are you forgetting our conversation of the other evening?
Not at all permit a man a little fun. Theyre just words Im not going to touch your who I mean your wifeAnd on that note, Im going to retire for the evening. He didnt bother to hide his smirk as he sailed out of the room, and couldnt help one final shot Ill see you in my dreams, Tasha.
Maksim had remained studying the tablecloth and then said, I think Ill head to my office and go over a few things and he literally fled from the room.
Natalie was shaking when she said, You SHOWED him
But Nik cut her off. NO, I did not. He found it in my office Anyway, I need to let you two know that a major initiative we have been working on for over a year is coming to fruition. Papa and I will be leaving tomorrow Maksim will be with us for probably 2 weeks. We will be traveling to Miami, LA, Russia, Thailand, Hong Kong, Shanghai, Italy and London maybe a few other stops. You two should keep a low profile dont stray too far from home for now Tasha, Id like us to retire for the evening now
Natalie didnt even look at John because she knew it would make it harder and likely piss Nik off. Shed cling to the thought that Nik and Oleg would be leaving for 2 weeks
When they got to their rooms Nik turned to Natalie. I know you showered just before dinner Im going to do so now to unwind some, then we can go to bed.
Natalie just nodded. As soon as she heard the water turn on she walked over to the bar and poured an almost full glass of vodka screw the shot glasses, she thought. She gulped it down praying it would take effect before she had to lie with Nik. She poured another half glass for good measure and felt its warmth flow through every part of her.
By the time Nik stepped out of the bathroom she felt a definite buzz, and she had decided not to fight the inevitable. With the result she was waiting for him, naked in their bed when he came out of the bathroom similarly un-attired.
Apparently were on the same wavelength, Tasha.
Apparently.
The lights were low, and the alcohol had created a delicious veil between herself and reality. With her vision a bit hazy she could pretend he was a stranger someone she perhaps had seen across a bar and thought handsome It made it a lot easier to disengage her mind, heart and soul and hold them back in a safe place one where John lived. All she offered Nik was her flesh and blood and she let them respond to him. Tonight he took his time with his hands, fingers, tongue, penis she was careful not to cry out too loud into the air, but fed her noises back to him, down his throat, into his neck and chest, or the soft bedding depending on their position. He hadnt been gentle, but neither had he been rough, and she felt she had performed as a reasonable facsimile of an involved sexual partner. Given that he would be leaving for two weeks two weeks in which she would be virtually alone with John she could find it in herself to be magnanimous aided of course with a healthy dose of vodka. His third orgasm proved the charm for him and he was out like a light.
Natalie fell asleep soon after and didnt reawaken until she felt him kissing her naked shoulder. She looked up and saw he was already showered and dressed for the day.
Were heading out now, Natalie. See you in two weeks.
Safe travels, Nik. I hope your business goes well.
Im sure it will. Ill call.
The ensuing two weeks were the happiest Natalie had had since before Oleg III died and she and Nik came to New York.
John and Natalie, for all intents and purposes, were living together. They were always careful to keep their distance and a certain detachment in front of the staff, and said their good-byes in the hall outside Natalies door but then shed head right to the spiral staircase and to him again. During the day they would get out and explore New York, usually making sure to stick to places and neighborhoods where it was unlikely theyd run into anyone who would recognize Natalie, because even with their best intentions sometimes they couldnt help falling into a hug or kiss over lunch or dinner.
Sometimes John would wake up in the middle of the night and just look at her, still unable to believe she was in his bed in his life so deeply in his heart. Hed wonder about the Directors asset who it was, were they close He had spoken with Chase and the Director was now estimating 2-3 weeks until extraction and he was going to figure out how to take Natalie at the same time. Chase had told him that Mason, with the help of Igor Stravinsky, would likely signal him when it was time let it be soon, he thought.
The night before Nik was due home, John and Natalie made love all through the night and into the morning. They were passionate, emotional, possessed with an air of desperation, and even as they grew exhausted they pressed on as if to ensure every cell of their bodies had made contact and been branded by their love and desire for each other. Their physical connection and pleasure was almost beside the point this was a merging of selves a promise of a future to come.
As the sun began to come up, Natalie realized she had to go they werent exactly sure of Niks arrival time and wanted to take no chances. They were reasonably sure hed at least consider it likely the two would not have kept their distance in his absence, but if he was clinging to the notion that they had spent all their passion for each other in that film well, better for everyone to help maintain that illusion. After one final soul-bolstering kiss, she headed downstairs.
Natalie believed that her inner voice was an actual guardian angel at times, and it whispered inside her to muss up her own bed before she headed to the shower and her whole body shook in relief for that small token gesture when she turned around a few minutes later to find Nik getting into the shower to join her.
Oh! Youre back! I knew it would be some time today
Yes, we had a good tailwind you are a sight for sore eyes, Natalie unfortunately I dont have time to reconnect with you the way Id like I have a meeting in the office in 45 minutes but perhaps this evening
Well, then, Ill leave you to it Im done welcome back, Nik.
He pulled her against him for one kiss. We were very successful, Tasha beyond our wildest dreams. We are going to have a big party at Caspian on Saturday to celebrate invite some of our partners and colleagues we are really taking things to a whole new level Ill have to come up with something magnificent for your to wear
Natalie expelled a sigh of relief at being able to escape unscathed. And tonight well, the vodka trick worked so well before
In fact, that night Nik also had his share of vodka which suited Natalie fine. She actually set out to seduce him with it so she could drink openly, since he had wanted to get right into their activities and she needed time to anesthetize herself. She suggested they relive a bit of their past and play strip quarters using vodka as opposed to beer it had been a favorite game of theirs back in they LU days. When they were both naked and a bit snockered she poured some of the vodka over her breasts to entice him to get a move on she had other plans she was anxious to get to. The thought that the end might finally be near spurred her on and she fucked him with abandon to exhaust him and ensure that his spent desire would combine with the vodka to keep him out of it for a little bit.
Just before he passed out he slurred, Wow, baby we need to drink together more often you were one hot little sex kitten tonight
Aw, well, I missed you Nikkie you were gone a long time
When she was sure he was asleep she made her way to his laptop, which hed brought upstairs he often did, thinking it safer than leaving it in his office. She had perfected her technique. Rather than spend too much time opening and copying documents which would show a time stamp as to when theyd last been opened she launched a web browser and logged into a secret yahoo account. She emailed a ream of attachments done without opening them to another secret account, then quickly logged out and erased the internet history. She knew it wasnt fool-proof, but he had no reason to suspect her and would have to go looking for something in order to come close to figuring it out. Within 6 minutes she was finished, and back in bed beside him.
The next morning, Nik left for work and she went to her own laptop out in the open since she knew that Nik ignored anything that was left carelessly about, but was always doing a spot check to see if she had anything hidden from him. As she quickly opened the documents she had emailed to herself she felt a mixture of emotions flood through her. Horror first and foremost because of this newest, massive business triumph but then a bit lightheaded because she was now sure this would be her passage to freedom. It was too big it alone would be enough, but added to everything else she downloaded everything to a memory stick she kept a supply hidden in empty lipstick tubes which Nik never touched and then erased her emails and purged her computers history. She would meet with Nell later today Tuesday and then just wait for the final act to play out.
Chapter 44
Natalie and John had gone down to breakfast they were mercifully alone and he could tell she wasnt quite herself. Her face looked a bit pinched and she made a bee-line for coffee, her hands a bit shaky.
Hey, are you OK?
Yeah just a little hung over
He looked at her in surprise, since she was not one who typically drank to excess and always seemed to know her limits.
She sighed and said, Some things are just easier to take when youre comfortably numb
Oh right. He knew, of course, what she was referring to, and hated everything about it. Natalie
Its OK, John. It is what it is nothing to be done right now
The next few days went slowly. Natalie was nervous as a cat since she was sure the time was coming soon when she would get the signal when she would be taken away from all this. She knew she would be brought to some sort of safe house where she would remain for a good while, and where she would help build the case based upon the evidence shed gathered against the Kirovs. She didnt love the idea of sequestration shed already spent enough of her life in a cage, albeit gilded but at least it would be in service of something important and with an end in sight.
Several times she found herself on the verge of telling John, especially when he spoke about figuring out a way to get her out but there were so many reasons not to at least not yet. What if it didnt work what if there was a major delay? And she would be making him complicit, and he would know something so dangerous that he could be killed over it and so could she, of course. She trusted him more than anyone shed ever known yet full trust was difficult for her because of her experience. The woman shed thought was her mother a lousy one at that had never let on she was adopted. In a million years she could not have guessed that the Nik she married could morph into the monster who seemed to take delight in hurting her. Never in their first years together had he ever been anything but kind and loving, cherishing her and making her feel safe. The little bit he ever spoke about his family always had an undercurrent of distaste he had greatly distanced himself from them. Yet literally overnight up became down, black became white. She was 98% sure she could trust John but that 2% could kill her if she made the wrong choice.
Thankfully Nik was working such long hours, and coming home so late and tired that he did not reach for her as an outlet he was too exhausted. Yes, big things afoot at the Kirovs. He even had to work most of Saturday, so she and John were going to meet him at the Caspian party and having seen the information shed forwarded to Uncle Evan, she wasnt surprised by the guest list, though some certainly would be. It represented a veritable whos who of domestic and international crime syndicates their top echelon of leaders though all of them had legitimate businesses whose cover they hid under. Of course for many that cover was completely transparent, but others others were pretty deeply hidden. There would be movers and shakers from all over the world, Russia, Italy, Asia, the Middle East, Europe, even Africa. And of course US compatriots of all. Natalie had been to a number of parties where the guest list was similar, but never to this extent before. She knew that security would be tight everyone would bring their own and elaborate tenting would once again be set up to shield identities.
When Natalie went to get showered and dressed for the evening she was truly pleased when she saw the dress Nik had selected. It was lovely and covered a decent amount of her. It was creamy silk and looked like something a Grecian goddess would wear. She would wear her hair mostly up, with a thick tendril falling down her back, and would wind her rope of diamonds around and through her hair in keeping with the Grecian theme. She chose golden sandals and a matching purse and was done.
John was waiting for her in the sitting room when she came out, and as always she was struck by how handsome he looked in his dark navy suit and crisp white shirt. Between dinner and their showers she had snuck up to his room and he had made love to her in a way that took her breath away and filled her heart. He just did something to her they shared a private, knowing smile and then headed out for the big event. They had no idea that would be their last real moment of calm and peace for quite some time to come.
Natalie spent much of the early part of the night by Niks side as they welcomed their guests John stood discreetly off to the side with Maksim. Unfortunately Oleg was standing on Natalies other side, and occasionally his hand would stray to her bottom but she wouldnt even so much as glance in his direction. At one point when Nik was absorbed in conversation Oleg stepped closer to Natalie and put his arm around her, saying against her ear, Tasha, I havent been able to stop thinking of your movie would you like to come to the back office with me? Theres a few things Id love to do to you do you feel what you do to me? and he pressed his hardness into her hip. She felt tears of disgust well in her eyes and at that moment Nik turned and noticed this saw his father. She saw a spark of anger in his eyes before his icy shield came down again, and he spoke softly, Papa perhaps you should go get yourself a drink
Oleg merely smirked, but he did move off of Natalie.
The evening wore on and no one seemed inclined to leave and why would they since the Kirovs had spared no expense in the food and libations, not to mention the fantastic band that was playing. The official reception line was now disbanded so Natalie was able to mingle with others, always with John by her side. That said, they were very careful to seem like they had a boss-employee relationship, though a friendly one. No one would ever be able to guess the truth of what was between them. Nik noticed and appreciated this when he didnt think about the movie and all that had happened he was much better off. At some point he realized he would have to take some sort of action such as fire John. He was not a stupid man and though he didnt let himself think too much about this, either, he knew it highly possible they were now having a full-blown affair under his roof. He didnt have the time to deal with it, plus given this pivotal period for the Kirovs business, security was very important. He knew that no one would place more importance on Natalies safety than John, and for now that would come first. But a day of reckoning would come. He would not be sharing his wife much longer.
Around midnight Nik asked his father to join him in the back office. When they were inside he pulled Oleg into a tight hug and kissed both of his cheeks. Papa, this is such a big day for us. Years in the making.
Yes, my son, it is. And I am so proud of you. Under your leadership, we have reached heights I never could have imagined. After young Oleg died I had worried about the future, but you have proven yourself so fully.
Lets have a drink to celebrate, Papa. I had someone send me an advance bottle of our special collection vodka very smooth, Papa.
Nik bent down in front of his liquor cabinet and after a few moments stood bearing two glasses. He handed one to Oleg, raised his own in salute, and then they both drained the bracing, healthy pours. Nik sat down and Oleg followed suit and the two men smiled broadly at each other.
So, Nikolai when are you getting rid of John Maxwell.
Soon, I suspect. I have had other things that have taken precedence arent you the one always reminding me that Natalie shouldnt interfere with whats really important?
Yes. But you cannot let her make a fool of you either. Do you not think they are still fucking each other every chance they get? They were left completely unattended for two weeks
I will take care of it Papa but you need to stay away from her, too.
Bah! I like to tease Ive heeded your warning.
Oleg was starting to feel clammy and a bit sick to his stomach he loosened his tie and collar and pulled out a handkerchief to wipe his brow.
Are you OK, Papa?
Yes I believe his face twisted in pain as he felt a tight constricting in his chest and pain shooting down his arm. He struggled for enough air to form his words. Nik something is wrong my hearthelp
Nik knelt in front of his father and smiled an icy, cold-hearted one. Ah, Papa that is what people will think. There will be nothing to suggest otherwise. How sad on such an important night for the Kirovs that Papa Oleg passes away perhaps all this recent travel and tonights excitement was just too too much for him for his heart
Oleg looked horrified and Nik laughed gleefully. Nik?!
Ah, I see youre surprised, Papa well, I can understand that. I have been such a dutiful son. But youve had your days in the sun, Papa. It is my turn now. My vision for the Kirov future with me fully in control and not having to worry that your old ways your debauched and diseased soul will fuck it all up. How many times over these years have I had to clean up your messes always involving some young girl and having to pay off her family in large sums, or make some of them go away because you cannot control yourself and understand that this is a business we are in How many girls have you defiled? How many have you killed because you took things too far? And how many ways have you insulted my wife and therefore me? Did you really believe you would never have to answer to me for that night? Yes, I stepped up and did what I had to do and to this day I dont regret making that decision. But I DEEPLY regret HAVING to make it and THAT was all you, Papa.
Oleg was sweating profusely now and was in great pain. He also had a look of a man who knew he was going to die there would be no one to save him. How? he gasped.
We have some very talented chemists on our staff and you have a lot of enemies, even in our happy family I will take our family, our interests, to places you could never fathom, wiithout you in my way I only wish I could tell Natalie that I killed you for her not that it would make any difference between the two of us at this point but Ill know, Papa. Ill know. Oh, and I am sure Mama is laughing from heaven as she looks down safe in the knowledge she wont be seeing your dark soul again Nik took Olegs face in his hands and placed a hard kiss on his lips, then backed away.
Dasvidaniya, Papa!
Nik felt a heady sense of freedom as he walked from the office. He knew Oleg would be dead in moments, seemingly of a heart attack. He headed into the restroom not his private one, so that if anything was ever found, it would not lead directly to him and into a stall. He poured the remains of his designer poison into the toilet and then wiped the vial off. That, too, went into the toilet and with one flush, it was all gone. It would not show up in an autopsy, but why take any chances
While Nik was living his own private drama with Papa another one quietly played out.
Natalie had gone into the ladies room and John was standing outside the door waiting for her. He glanced up and felt his insides squeeze in surprise coming directly towards him was Mark Mason, dressed exactly like all the other large, burly security men. He even looked Russian, John thought.
Thankfully the hallway was empty since the crowd had finally begun to thin out. When Mason got within a foot of him he said softly, Its time.
Im not leaving without Natalie!
Mason looked at his friend in a bit of surprise given his vehemence, and said softly, You dont have to its Natalie.
What do you mean John trailed off as comprehension dawned.
Yep, shes been the asset all along
At that moment Natalie stepped out of the restroom and almost collided with John. She looked between the two men and then Mason said softly to her. Uncle E sent me
Natalies eyes widened and she could only manage, Oh.
We have to go, now. But without drawing much attention
Im not leaving without John
Mason was again a bit surprised but this would actually work to their favor no need to explain who he really was and muck everything up right now for now he could just be her trailing bodyguard
OK OK for now but well sort it all out later
Mason walked a few steps ahead while John and Natalie tried to look as normal as possible as they nonchalantly walked towards the door though their hearts were knocking against their breast bones. No one seemed to pay them any notice and quicker than they could have imagined they were stepping into an SUV that looked like any in the Kirov fleet except it was FBI all the way.
They pulled quickly from the curb and the process of extraction had begun.
Moments later Nik walked out of the restroom and glanced around, looking for Natalie. After walking around Caspian for 10 minutes he was waylaid constantly by lingering guests he realized she was no where to be found. He finally asked one of Maksims boys and felt his blood run a bit cold when he was told, She left with John a while ago I think they were with some big blonde Russian I thought he was extra security or something
Nik pulled out his cell phone and dialed Natalies and then Johns, while he was walking around. As he neared the front vestibule he heard a phone ringing and followed the sound to the small wastebasket in which were both of their phones. Son of a BITCH! he gasped. But before he could think another thought an ashen Maksim had run up to him. Its your father! Hes dead, Nik. Hes DEAD!
As Nik was dealing with the craziness that ensued after the discovery of Olegs body, John, Mason and Natalie were boarding an unmarked helicopter. They were all subdued for their own reasons. Natalie was trying to grasp that this was finally happening the die was cast and there would be no turning back. She was squeezing Johns hand after whispering, Ill explain this all to you when I can, but were free John or will be, finally! John was trying to stop the spasms of dread that were gripping him as he thought of telling Natalie who he really was. Mason was still trying to process his own surprise that Natalie was the asset hed only been told 30 minutes before extraction. And, he was also thinking about the obviously close relationship that had developed between John and Natalie and what this was all going to mean. But for now, all that mattered was getting away, and to the place they would all be sequestered. Because close quarters over a long period of time would help everything sure
Chapter 45
The helicopter landed on a massive yacht that was sailing about five miles off the coast of New Jersey. After much thought and planning the Director believed having them sail around in a basically random way would be much safer than keeping them sequestered in a single location. Of course there was plenty of space for crew members and it was chock full of some very good agents along with a number of US Marshals. In all about 25 people would help guard Natalie. They had considered whether to dispatch a coast guard ship as an escort, but soon realized that would attract far too much attention. When they landed the helicopter powered down it would remain in the event they needed a quick escape and John helped Natalie out of it. They were greeted by the captain an FBI agent who had been in the Navy and was an avid sailor.
Let me give you a quick tour and Ill also show you to your assigned staterooms. Clothes and other personal items have been stowed for you already
The yacht was 350 feet in length with five decks, two swimming pools, six lavish staterooms, 10 smaller bedrooms with double bunks, a large gourmet galley, dining saloon, game/media room, a large office with conference table, and a great room with a large stacked-stone fireplace. Natalie felt like she was walking through the Four Seasons Hotel in Manhattan, it was so opulent.
They were each shown to a gorgeous stateroom each like its own master bedroom/sitting room two of which were next to each other and the third across the hall, to which Natalie was assigned. It was approaching 3am but they were all clearly wide awake on adrenalin, so immediately headed back to the great room so they could get started there was much to discuss. If Natalie had not been so keyed up it might have struck her as odd that everything was in place for John as well as her, as if theyd been expecting him, but that thought didnt even register.
Mason headed right to the bar and asked them what they wanted to drink and Natalie chimed in, Anything but vodka which drew a laugh from both men.
John and Mason had a beer while Natalie opted for a glass of red wine. They all took seats in the conversation area at the center of the room two large red leather sofas and four large brown leather club chairs made a big square, in the middle of which were several massive steamer trunks serving as coffee tables. John sat next to Natalie on one couch while Mason sat on the other couch directly across from them.
OK, to get started, Natalie, Im Mark Mason a Senior US Attorney. I am going to be building and prosecuting the case against the Kirovs based upon the evidence you have gathered and your testimony. The Director has been sketching ideas for this all along the way, which should allow us to pull together what we need to seek indictments relatively quickly. By that I mean 2-3 weeks minimum. After that, we are hoping that those indicted will see the wisdom of pleading this out, but we also have to be prepared to go to trial. That would extend time horizons considerably and Im not sure what it would mean in terms of keeping you sequestered for the period leading up to and during the trial it would be an awfully long time, but perhaps necessary for your safety. But for now, well focus on the indictments if I do my job with those, hopefully we wont have to go to trial at all I must confess that at this moment I know essentially nothing about the information you have gathered and what the charges will be. Director Chadwick was scrupulous about the secrecy of your efforts so I will have to go by his notes, thank goodness hes an attorney by background, and the information he put in my staterooms safe. Tomorrow well, today I will look through as much as I can while you rest up a bit, because starting the next day you will be working with me on this and helping me fill in the blanks. Any questions?
Not at the moment she said softly, but then turned to John. This must all seem so strange I can explain
Natalie he said with his stomach clenching. He should probably tell her
But then she turned to Mason and said, You know, it just hit me was it a bit odd that they just sent you to get me? I mean, I dont know much about how this stuff goes, but what if youd needed helpthough I guess there was the driver
Mason said carefully, not daring to look at John, Well, I wasnt really alone. Natalie, the Bureau has had someone on the inside for a while to be in position for when it was time to take you out
Natalie looked shocked. But Evan swore no one would know my identity!
And he we didnt. They were just in position to wait, but we all only found out that you were Evans contact immediately before you were taken out.
So there was someone near, well, in our home?
Yes Mason said simply. You know, I think Im Im really tired all of a sudden, you two feel free to well, Ill catch you guys later He had been so torn over whether to stay or go he didnt want to desert John, but his gut told him this was a conversation better for them to have in private.
Wait! Natalie replied. Youre leaving like that? Dont I get to know who? Do YOU know who?
Uh, you do have a right to know
John broke in quickly, ripping the proverbial band-aid off. Natalie, it was me.
Natalie heard her blood rushing into her ears as she turned to face him, What she whispered, her face ashen.
I am Special Agent John John McBain.
McBain I didnt even know your real name? She looked positively stricken.
Natalie John said with the anguish clear in his voice.
Mason stood up to leave and Natalie turned in his direction, Where are you going?
I think this is a conversation for the two of you to have
I think you should stay.
Natalie John said again and she whirled to face him.
Dont Natalie me! Is that all you can say? I think we should have someone else present to hear this a witness someone who can maybe help me make sense of this! She knew she was sounding like she was losing it and making little sense mostly because she was losing it and needed to hear everything but for some reason couldnt bear to be alone with John right now and that hurt her heart. She hated herself for the tears that welled in her eyes.
Mason sat back down and waited for the drama that was clearly going to play out, and he had his first real inkling into what had happened over these long months since John moved into the Kirov Park Avenue apartment,
So, Special Agent McBain I was I was just a job to you?
No
Are you telling me that you didnt become my bodyguard because that was your FBI assignment?
It was my assignment but
But your main assignment was to be in place because Evan Director Chadwick was going to be extracting his long-term contact?
Yes.
And you had no idea that I was that contact?
None.
When did you finally find out?
Tonight when Mason approached me when he told me it was time and I told him I wasnt leaving without you. And he told me that wouldnt be an issue because you were the asset after all
Those words registered with Natalie that he had been concerned about taking her along, but she hardened her heart against them.
So, all these months, I was simply a diversion something to pass the time a cover job for your real job?
John said nothing.
Well?
At the start, yes, but it didnt stay that way you know
Oh, youre right it didnt stay that way. Not at all no you became much more than my bodyguard and extraction team in waiting, didnt you. DIDNT you?!
Natalie
She jumped out of her seat and walked over by the bar to pour herself a glass of vodka. To put some distance between her and John.
Again with my name so, is part of your job description to do whatever it takes?
Yes, within reason
Ah, reason would what happened between us everything we did would that fall within the confines of your job description? Within reasonable limits?
Mason shifted uncomfortably in his seat, wishing he had a big glass of vodka about now. His mind was working overtime on what they might have done and it also occurred to him that Natalie was doing a bang-up job cross-examining John shed make a good litigator
It wasnt about the job, Natalie it ISNT about the job
No, Id guess not...not all of it anyway. I mean some of it was probably a way to pass the time keep boredom at bay. Must have been a challenging assignment for a Special Agent such as yourself. Im betting Evan would only have sent in one of his best men after all the real action youve seen in your career it must have been stultifying to be stuck babysitting a pampered mobster wife, huh? Of course then Nik started dragging you into our twisted mess, didnt he? And you know, that seemed to perk you up a bit hmmm, interestingly revealing character moment, huh? And what were your choices you either had to go along with the depravity that was Niks and my marriage, and the way he drew you in, or youd have gotten fired and you couldnt let that happen, could you? No, you HAD to go along for the job not for me not to save me but to save your cover
Natalie
She leaned heavily on the bar and said sharply, DAMN it will you stop with my name?! So, will you have to list everything on a report? All that you had to endure to keep your cover role in the Kirov household? Will you get a medal for it? A promotion? A bump in pay?
She poured more vodka.
I suppose I have to be fair the first time we really crossed the line you were REALLY doing your fake job as my bodyguard. She turned to Mason at that moment, You may not have heard but someone tried to assassinate Nik and Oleg and then grab me ah but John here, he has skills he used all his creativity and wits among other things to get me out of there and safely onto the Kirov plane, locked into the bedroom with me
She took a sip of her vodka and looked at John again, And so it began shall we start the list? Not sure if Ill remember everything Lets see, you fake-fucked me twice once in a bedroom and the other up against the wall of the house first time I was naked the second I had your shirt on and then you finger-fucked me at 30,000 feet. Hmmm I think that only gets you an associate membership in the mile-high club Then we behaved for a while, huh? Until the torture session and your very personal and Ill admit, enjoyable way of administering first aid. You do have a magic tongue, agent. Of course I returned the favor, didnt I? And we didnt actually consummate our relationship until the evening my husband ordered you to fuck me while I was bent over his desk, while he watched. Now that must have been a first-time experience even in your illustrious career!
John was dying inside as he listened to all this saw and felt the pain in her but he was also getting tired of it this was not how they should be talking about this and certainly not with Mason sitting right here.
OK, enough! We dont need to do this this way its not whats really important
Not important?! Oh, I beg to differ. This was one of the most important periods of my life Agent McBain. Nik was the only man whod ever touched me before you and you know what HE was like to me how pathetic I must have seemed so abused so desperate for kindness that I fell for you believed you were on my side really there for me. And why wouldnt I? I mean you were willing to make a hardcore porn movie with me to save me from torture in a sex dungeon and then the way you were to me when we were alone but all of it... her voice broke for a moment.. all of it was a way to pass the time and solidify your place in the debased drama of the Kirov household God, I trusted you I let myself love you and I should have known why on earth would I have thought you were any different I mean you are a man
She took another big gulp of vodka while John just looked at her wanting to take away her pain, but knowing he was the cause. He took a step towards her and she yelled, You stay away! She took another swallow and said, It really is my own fault I knew better. I have far too many object lessons in my life that men will use you in any way that helps their cause Mitch Laurence he kidnapped me from the Buchanans and gave me to a drunken, gambling bimbo and I didnt even know who I was until I was 17. Two years later I meet my prince charming and we had two wonderful years until the night he handed me over to his father to rape me because it helped him win the top-son spot in the Kirov Dynasty and now you and you played your role to the hilt, didnt you? Had me believing the only thing you cared about was my safety.
That is all I cared about I told you over and over that I would find a way to get you out! And YOU put the brakes on that and now I know why because you had a few secrets of your own, didnt you?!
Yes, I had a secret. A big one. A deadly one that would have put you in as much danger as me had you known. And after 5 years of torture I was in the home stretch. But shouldnt you be glad I didnt take you up on your kind offer to save me. What would you have done if I had? If I had begged you to take me away from it all right then and there?!
I WOULD HAVE DONE IT! Do you not get that I was going to throw everything away for you? EVERYTHING?! To get you away from that animal that prison I was willing to compromise the Directors case, trash my career, go on the run wherever we could if that was what it took. THAT is what I would have done!
Why?! Why would you do that?!
Because I LOVE you! I fucking love you!
Mason blanched at his friends stark admission.
No! Dont you dare say that to me you dont get to say that
Why? Because you know its the truth? Because you feel the same? Are you really walking away from that truth now, Natalie. I know I understand this is a shock and why you feel I betrayed you but underneath it all are you really walking away from what you know in your heart is the truth?
Truth. What the hell is truth any more? Just a better version of a lie for the moment How did I let myself I had protected myself from feeling for so long I am such a fool a fucking idiot maybe this is what I deserve in life for some reason maybe Nik was what I deserved for a moment I let myself think you were real that I could have someone like you who loved me that much but then again I thought I had it with Nik up until the moment he forced me into his fathers arms and then raped me instead and could find it in himself to literally torture me to kill my baby I guess well, Im the common denominator, right
She took another swig of vodka and was weaving a bit now, as tears had started to fall down her cheeks. All John wanted to do at that moment was take her in his arms but he couldnt and it was torture. He whispered softly, Natalie youveyouve had too much to drink
She looked up at him and gave him the saddest smile hed ever seen. This isnt drunk, John this is broken-hearted With that she turned and headed to her room.
Mason and John watched her depart, and then, saying nothing, Mason got up and grabbed a bottle of whiskey and two glasses from the bar, and walked back to the sofa. He filled both glasses and John sat across from him, picking one up and downing it in one. When he placed it back on the trunk Mason re-filled it.
OK, John. OK. How much of what she said was true?
John just looked at him.
I seeall of it, huh? Why dont you start at the beginning you look like you could use a friend you look like fucking shit
Over the course of the next 90 minutes and a shared bottle of whiskey, John told Mason everything. Since Natalie had already told her secrets about the night Nik was deemed the chosen one, and her baby, John didnt feel like he was breaking her confidence, and he knew his friend would keep everything to himself anyway. But he needed someone to know his truth the reality of what Natalie had survived alone for those years, and what hed endured himself as he fell for her and then wanted to save her. Mason was blown away. It went beyond anything he could imagine. Nik and Oleg had to be the most twisted people hed ever heard of. And in a short period of time he had seen enough to understand why John would have been so drawn to Natalie and vice versa. It would be a shame if they couldnt find a way past this after everything
When John was finally done Mason turned to him with a smirk on his face. Well, John, congratulations. Youve turned the Ice Maiden into the walking definition of a fiery redhead.
The sun was starting to come up when they headed to their rooms. John stood looking at Natalies door for a long moment, and Mason gave his shoulder a squeeze. Then they both went and collapsed in their beds, exhaustion and whiskey taking them down.
Chapter 46
Natalie tossed and turned but didnt sleep very much. Her heart ached and part of her wanted to do nothing more than go across to Johns room and crawl into bed with him so he would hold her make her feel safe. She was still so stunned to learn the truth about him but was it really just a relatively unimportant fact? Was her John what was real and therefore all that really mattered? Hed lied to her but was that lie the important thing if everything else was true? But what if shed made a mistake? What if she was really that pathetic and so desperate for someone that she believed when she shouldnt yet when she thought of the way John held her She also remembered the first time hed told her he loved her he had been so serious and so intent on making sure shed know it and believe it no matter what because he knew shed eventually learn who he was when he had to do his real jobShe felt a twinge of guilt that she might have been too hard on him, especially in front of Mason but she shoved that out of the way. She had to hold firm to something and her anger and feeling of betrayal seemed safest for now. They would protect her from opening herself up and being vulnerable.
Her head was spinning hell, all of her was spinning she was reeling. And her head was pounding intense emotions, lack of sleep and too much vodka was a deadly combination Natalie got out of bed and searched her well-stocked closet a little note shed found last night told her that Nell had helped pick out a wardrobe for her grabbing a cozy navy velour lounging robe that she had to pull over her head. She brushed her teeth and dragged a brush through her hair, and made sure she had no remaining smudges of mascara under her eyes. She had to go find some water or something maybe something for her headache.
She reached the galley and stopped short Mason was in there making breakfast, wearing cotton pajama pants and a sweatshirt. He noticed her out of the corner of his eye and without comment went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and then reached into a cabinet and grabbed a small bottle, removing two Advil. He handed these and the water to Natalie with a lifted eyebrow. She accepted them gratefully with a small smile and as she took them he poured out two cups of coffee and put one down in front of her.
Thanks Mark? Mason?
Most people call me Mason and youre welcome.
They sipped their coffee in silence while he began to make some breakfast, saying, I told the cook not to bother right now we can get on track come dinner time
Theres a cook?
What do you expect on a luxury yacht, Natalie? Hes also a pretty good agent, too
She nodded at that and then cleared her throat. I owe you an apology, Mason.
He looked at her for a moment and gestured towards the stools at the island, and they took two side-by-side.
Why do you think you owe me an apology?
I shouldnt have made you stay to listen to hear all that
Then why did you? Do you have an answer you want to share, or should we just put it down to too much vodka?
She felt she owed him an explanation. I was afraid to be alone with John
He looked at her with surprise at the nature of her admission and the fact shed admit it. Afraid?
Im Im not very strong right now Im weak when it comes to I
You wouldnt be strong enough to keep your distance? To push him away keep him away
She was relieved he understood so quickly.
Natalie I was going to say this is really none of my business, but you sort of made it that, didnt you?
She grimaced a bit and nodded.
So, I guess my question or thought for the day would be that maybe if its that hard for you to push him away for you to keep your distance well maybe thats because youre not supposed to. Or that you really dont want to
She swallowed hard but said nothing.
Natalie I am not even going to try to pretend I know the first thing about what it was like to be you these past five years to live your life. And as bad as it was its what you knew it became your normalDid you ever see the movie Shawshank Redemption?
She nodded.
Remember the Morgan Freeman character and how much trouble he had adjusting to the outside as much as hed wanted to get there and out of prison, he realized he wasnt sure how to handle it. He thought about doing something to get back in prison because that was what he knew he knew how to be his prison self. Well, I wouldnt be surprised if you experience a little of that maybe are already maybe youre a little thrown. You know how to be Natalie Kirov and now you have to figure out how not to be. Maybe you thought having John would help you figure that out and now well, there is the surprise of his being an agent
Natalie said nothing so he continued.
But in the end, how important is that, really? Yes, it is what got him in your front door its why he was there at first. But after that, isnt it what he became with you, for you that is really important?
But, how do I know whats true?
I think you do already deep down. Maybe not even so deep down. I can understand why youre afraid to trust that right now why you want to hold back a bit. But do the same in the other direction. Dont be so quick to write it off as untrue as lies
You know John. You know him well, right? For a while?
Yeah, I know him, Natalie. A long time. Really well. Hes one of my very best friends
She digested this and said nothing.
Go ahead, ask me. What do you want to know? To hear?
She looked at him intently, but couldnt bring herself to say the words.
OK, let me try to answer anyway. I believe without a doubt that John loves you very much. Frankly I didnt think he had it in him so that must make you someone very special. And the best proof of that is what he was willing to do his actions. Natalie, John was the FBI his career. The FBI WAS John and he was willing to blow it all up and not just to rescue you. To BE with you. He wasnt talking about trashing everything to save you and then seeing you on your merry way he was willing to go on the run with you So, yeah, I believe him. But it really doesnt matter what I believe.
I want to Im just
Afraid. Because youve been wrong before or worse, you were right for a moment and then everything changed I get that. I think even John gets that. He feels terrible about having had to lie to you but when that started, well, frankly you didnt mean anything to him and then you became very important. And since you two became close was there ever anything he said or did to shake your belief?
She shook her head.
You probably need more time to process this but even if you cant keep the door open right now, dont nail it shut
But
What?
What if he was just caught up in the heat of the moment there was a lot of drama but out in the real world
So, now do you doubt him or yourself?
I know how I
You know how you feel? Is that what you were going to say?
She said nothing. Which said a lot.
So, then the issue is your worried that what John thought were real feelings may not stand up to the test of time and realityThey may have been largely driven by circumstance
She barely nodded, but he saw it.
You have to believe youre worth it, just you, out here, no drama theres only one real way to find out, Natalie. You have to go for it and see.
I cant.
You cant?
She just shook her head. She couldnt bring herself to say anymore. To admit how she loved John so much she knew it was true but she was so afraid hed realize that his feelings were not as real as hed thought once they were back in the real world.
Mason watched her carefully and understood. So, wouldnt this have been an issue even if he wasnt an FBI agent even if he had, in fact, been just your bodyguard?
He could see how troubled she was by all this as she answered, I dont know its just such an added blow maybe he doesnt even fully realize I mean he had to remember who he was what he was as he was making certain decisions. And he was amazing to me for me but didnt he have to do what he did regardless in order to keep his cover? How does he even know, REALLY know his real motivations?
Well, I guess Id refer back to what he was willing to do just for you blow it all to hell to get you out of there and you have to add that to a basic belief in yourself, Natalie. That youre worth that
She just shook her head sadly and he realized that would be the toughest thing of all. Her life had taken a toll on her self-esteem how could it not. In some ways, out of everything hed heard last night, what had stuck with him was when shed talked about what she did and didnt deserve in life. She might have been wobbly about her belief in Johns feelings regardless once they were out of that hell but now she had something to use as a reason to back away as a protective wedge. In an ultimately misguided effort to spare herself, shed cling to that and punish John with it and herself, of course. And when would she if ever realize she was simply guaranteeing what she feared the most. Losing someone she obviously loved. And he damn well knew that John loved her that was not a doubt.
At that moment John walked in and he and Natalie locked eyes which more than anything were infinitely sad. Then Natalie said to no one in particular, Im going to get showered and changed
When she left Mason handed John a fresh cup of coffee and asked him how he wanted his eggs.
How is she?
Adjusting.
Adjusting to hating me?
She doesnt hate you John, quite the contrary actually. But I do think shes struggling to find her balance and she would whether she had just found out you were an agent or not.
But I want to help her through that
I know and you may get your chance. But, John, it hasnt even been 10 hours since she learned your real identityLook, you know her better than I do by a long shot so Im not trying to act like some expert. Its just you are so close to this situation now and you know how you feel I am an outsider looking in. The lessons life taught Natalie as she so sadly summarized them for us this morning is that she is someone to be used, and who perhaps doesnt deserve someone to really love her FOR her. She thought you did you and I both know that you do. But, now that shes learned the other reason you had to be there well, of course shes going to wonder if the need to remain in the Kirov household was more of your driving motivation than your feelings for her. The best thing you can do will also be the hardest give her time. And also suck it up and deal with the fact that she is going to push you away. Hard. Out of self-preservation because she cant turn off her own feelings like a spigot either so she has to keep her distance.
John took all this in. He understood it. He hated it. And he couldnt help the spike of anger because he thought that he had done so much to prove himself that that should outweigh the doubts But he would do his best to be patient he would
Chapter 47
Two days later Nik was on the Kirov plane heading to Russia. Olegs body was in the cargo area he was to be buried in the Motherland. That solved a lot of problems because Nik wasnt sure how to explain Natalies absence. He had thought she had run off with her bodyguard and was going to try to track her down once hed gotten Oleg safely in the ground so far no one seemed to think hed met foul play. He was telling everyone Natalie had an emergency at home and shed be less missed at a funeral in Russia than she would be in New York.
But just before hed boarded the plane hed gotten a call from a very special source and that person had heard a rumor that Natalie was in FBI custody and Nik was reeling. The thought that she could be telling them anything about him hed never suspected a thing wasnt even sure what she could possibly know. But he knew hed often been careless around her leaving things around she could see but never had he had an inkling This would change everything everything Damn it! Just when he was finally getting things where he wanted them he was fully in charge with Oleg out of the way. He could reach his ultimate goals. What should he do? Where could she be? He couldnt let anyone else even suspect that was where she was theyd freak out, feeling they were vulnerable, too, and all would be lost his business and relationships would all unravel had he done enough could it be sustained?
Meanwhile, Mason, Natalie and John were sitting down in the office to start the long process of combing through the evidence she had gathered led by Evans notes and deciding what made sense to focus most closely on. Mason had some general ideas based on the notes. Technically John didnt have to be there, but since Mason was probably going to end up using the more recent information for the indictments, it made sense for John to sit in since he had witnessed certain things most especially the various trips that Nik and/or Oleg took around the US and abroad.
Natalie was cordial to John, but that was about it and it reminded him of her aloof attitude when hed first become her bodyguard. That actually ate at him more than if shed been overtly angry and yelling that was preferable to indifference because at least she was engaged. He reminded himself it was only day two and tried to toss himself into the work.
Mason had spread out a number of documents that hed printed from the flash drives Evan had given him. OK, Natalie Im not sure how much time you had to study the information you were gathering before you sent it but are you aware of what the Kirovs were doing, and who else they were involving?
Generally I think I got the gist and it really blows everything else out of the water
Sure does anyway, Ill give you both my quick take based on Evans outline and my own fast read. Ill then have to dig deeper underneath to make sure its fleshed out and supported. This is still shocking to me what they managed to do and its only really been live for two weeks. Basically, the Kirovs brought modern business practices and technology e-commerce, if you will to what amounts to a worldwide slave auction
John sat back stunned.
The business world has been doing this for quite some time electronic marketplaces and exchanges for all sorts of products. And in some ways it makes perfect sense for the business of exploiting others, because you dont have to run the risk of moving people around unless and until you have a specific bid for them. And it gives you an easy way to showcase your wares plus the Kirovs act as the middlemen to smooth everything through. It almost boggles the mind it frankly seemed like a sick joke at first but it isnt, and on some level it is ingenious. There are buyers and sellers from all over the world but it is a dominated by the sellers who represent essentially every sort of exploited and subjugated human you could want. It includes sex-trade children in Thailand, possible teenage prostitutes from Russia and brides for purchase from there, too. Also, domestic help meaning not-so-glorified slaves or indentured servantsHispanics who could be captive migrant workers Almost every continent is represented in terms of a supply of labor or talent. Once a deal is struck, arrangements are then made to ship the product. The thing that makes this truly huge and a masterstroke on the Kirovs part is that almost every other major crime organization is involved as an active participant. This e-commerce exchange is basically being used as an official storefront by the other Russian families, the Italian Mafia, Asians, Jamaicans, I mean, everyone. And that is really what makes this huge we actually might have enough to bring down many of the top brass of all those organizations, too and then can spend years going after the people who were customers.
For now, well focus on the Kirovs since they are the ultimate creators and operators of this exchange. Once we have them tied up with indictments, we can go after the others and they may be very ready to make some deals when they realize what weve got. But, Natalie, this brings up something very important we are going to do all we can to limit how much exposure you get, but I know youve known all along that you would probably have to testify. This could put you in danger
I know. But my hope has always been that if I got enough to really bring them down, then they wouldnt have the power any more to really hurt me or my family maybe thats a nave thought, but it was a risk I had to take to minimize the threat but also to ultimately get out. I needed to get away from the Kirovs I couldnt stay my whole life.
I get it. And I hope you are right theres a good chance you are. But I want to be as up-front as I can be with you
I appreciate it.
OK, a few other things we took care of leaking very carefully to Nik alone that you MIGHT be in FBI custody. Again, a calculated risk, but so far we have not seen any indication that hes shared it with anyone, and we didnt think he would. The quickest way to put his own ass in danger and likely gut his business is for his cohorts to know that he may be in the crosshairs of the FBI, and could take them down with him. Scuttlebutt is that he has told people that you are tending to a family emergency
Natalie nodded and caught Johns eye in the process he was staring at her intently, and she wished she could read him at that moment. He seemed shut off, too and how could she blame him. She turned her attention back to Mason.
He resumed speaking, but this time in softer intonations. Natalie I just learned something else. The night we extracted you well, soon after we left Oleg was discovered dead of a heart attack in the back office of Caspian
John and Natalie were both stunned. She gasped in surprise and it almost didnt compute to think his malevolent presence no longer haunted the earth. She was glad. Are they sure it was a heart attack? I dont recall him having any heart problems I thought the bastard would live forever
Well, they did an autopsy. Nothing came up. And as we speak his body is on the way to Russia for burial.
Wow. Hes really gone. Big times for Nik, he loses his beloved Papa and his wife on the same night. Of course, Im not sure hell see me as a big loss. After all, one of the more recent things he called me was a faithless whore, so Im not sure hell be all that broken up over me being gone He can order one of those Russian brides on line and have her on stand-by in his bed now wont even miss me
Both men detected the note of bitterness she couldnt quite contain, but said nothing.
Natalie, the evidence you have gathered just on this exchange is incredibly damning. It includes some completed invoices with contact info and also we were able to log in using some of the passwords and download even more information. Nik like any good mobster was making sure he had the goods on his colleagues for his own future protection. It just obviously never occurred to him that it would be grabbed and passed on to be used against him. If we can get him for this, he and many of the other big names in organized crime will be going away for good. This may actually change the landscape of organized crime on a fundamental level and not just the Russians by a long shot. All the families across all nationalities may be put out of business or dramatically weakened for a long time to come. Simultaneously, we will begin to organize the other information theres plenty else the Kirovs were guilty of and for which you have gotten us proof. This way, if for whatever reason our main case wobbles, well be right there with the next round of charges. You have done an exceptional thing here, Natalie. Truly amazing.
Thank you. It really helped keep me going all these years
John found he had to ask a question that had been on his mind since the extraction. Natalie
She couldnt help the small quiver that ran through her at the sound of him saying her voice so softly and she felt like such an idiot. But still she turned to him and said equally softly, Yeah?
Im not sure if you can tell us, but how exactly did you connect with Director Chadwick to begin with?
Oh, hes Nells uncle
And you passed her the information in the boxes of chocolates
Natalie looked at him in surprise, Yes, thats exactly how we did it
Wow. Ingenious howd it all come to pass?
Natalie told them the story and she had to look away from John for most of it because she knew he was wondering exactly what had happened to her at Pytka to have her wandering around NYC, trying to figure out a way to escape from her life. That was the one thing they had never talked in detail about, but it really hadnt been necessary. He had been to Pytka he had seen the results of Niks home dungeon session to him that had seemed unfathomable, but to Natalie it was a fair trade off that told him all he needed to know about how bad things had been for her that one night.
Detecting the weightiness in the room, Mason suggested they break for lunch.
For the next couple of days, Natalie and Mason spent most of the time holed up in the office. John had opted out pretty quickly since he felt like a bump on the log, and Mason could call him in if he was needed. Instead he spent the time brooding, and growing more annoyed. And hurt. And he didnt much care if it was fair or reasonable. He was still getting mostly chilly vibes while it seemed like Mason and Natalie were becoming fast friends. He was the third wheel with his best friend and his recent lover a woman who supposedly had loved him and it just didnt sit very well with him. At all.
Natalie had detected that he seemed to be annoyed with her now which only served to piss her off more. HE was the one who had lied to her after all.
Mason had first watched this with indulgent amusement, but now he was growing tired of the tension. He hated being caught in the middle but most of all he wanted to bang both their heads together because any idiot could see they were dying to reconnect He decided for all their sakes to take matters into his own hands and push things to a head. He didnt even feel a twinge of guilt about it since they had put him in the middle. He told John he needed to talk to him and would meet him in his stateroom. Then he found Natalie in the galley.
Natalie, I need you to come with me
Where?
Just trust me, OK.... follow me
She did but when she saw him heading towards Johns door she said, Oh, no! and began to walk away.
So, Mason picked her up and hauled her over his shoulder and carried her the remaining distance to Johns room, opened the door and walked inside.
John was relaxing in one of the easy chairs in his sitting area and looked shocked when he saw Mason walk in with Natalie over his shoulder.
He put her down and stood back, blocking the door.
Natalie sputtered, What the hell are you doing?
Fixing this. Or trying to. You two are equally stubborn yet it is clear you miss each other and are dying to be together. Since neither one of you is doing anything productive about it and I am damn tired of all the tension youve left me no choice.
He held up a key. This is a captains key that can lock all doors from the outside. I am locking you guys in here until tomorrow morning you cannot escape. So dont go setting a fire or anything
They both shouted, Wait! at the same time, but though he was a large man, he was deceptively agile and in record time he was outside the door and turning the key. OK, I hope you dont kill each other then he walked away.
Chapter 48
Natalie tried in vain to open the door that Mason had just shut behind them and then she wheeled around on John.
You put him up to this, didnt you?
John jumped up from his chair and took a step towards her. Why the hell would I do that?
Because I havent been talking to you or giving you the chance
I have news for you sweetheart, I am so damn tired of your bullshit I dont even want to be on this boat with you let alone trapped in the same room!
MY bullshit?!
He stalked up to her and got in her face, Yes, YOUR bullshit!
Youre the one
Yes, Natalie youre right Im the one but what exactly is it that I did to you that is so awful
You LIED
Yes but only about the one thing!
ONE thing? It was everything!
Every wow, isnt that just overstating things a little bit?! I hid that I was an FBI agent and as it turns out YOU were my official assignment all along anyway!
But you didnt know that! You used me to
How did I USE you?! I did the job you thought youd hired me for, AND everything I said to you after that was the fucking truth, Natalie. How I felt about you the fact that I was more than willing to chuck it all destroy the Directors case, leave the asset hanging, leave everything in my life behind to take you away NONE of those were lies
But
But nothing! Why dont we talk about YOU instead your lies
What are you talking about?
The entire time you were the one building the case against the Kirovs you were the asset and every time I told you I loved you and would do anything to keep you safe would take you away feared for you every time you listened to that and not once did it ever occur to you to let me know an end might be in sight. You talk about honesty and trust, where the fuck was yours?!
Its not the same!
Why? Because you want sole claim on the moral high ground?
I spent five years in hell all by myself four of it trying to get the goods on Nik, Oleg and their empire my own husband handed me over to his father to be raped and did he deed himself when his father decided not to you wonder why I had some trust issues? Especially in sharing something that was guaranteed to get me killed?
But I was supposed to be different, right? Isnt that what you kept telling me? How much you loved me but you couldnt tell me what was really going on even as I was making plans to throw away everything else in my life on your behalf?
But I didnt know how much youd be throwing away you kept all that secret, didnt you?
Fine. Then why cant we just call it even? Why are you acting like every feeling we had was a lie?
She was feeling trapped because he was making too much sense and she missed him but she was afraid could she trust him could she trust his feelings were real and true? And she didnt even know who she really was at that moment. What was her life going to be like? As hellacious as it was her Kirov life had been real she knew it she knew that one day would follow the next and the next and theyd all be the same now she was at sea, literally and figurativelyshe didnt know how to be anyone else and she wanted to believe in him but he had seen all of her the worst parts of her and all along he was someone else entirely wasnt he? She had to protect herselfshe was afraid to stop fighting
I hid something I was doing from you you pretended to BE someone different
Except for my name and my other professional affiliation I was completely real with you more real than I have ever been but maybe the actual problem is that YOU were the one pretending pretending to be this brave, mature, strong woman when all you really were was the self-contained cool bitch everyone knew as the Ice Maiden
Natalie felt like shed been struck that was a low blow and it hit her hard.
How can you say
How?! Because thats how youre acting. And either its because thats who you are or its your defense mechanism your shield And youd let me behind that shield or at least pretended to let me in and it is an incredible insult after everything to shove me back outside. But whether its the real you or the mask, its tiresome and I am done with it. And I miss the woman I thought I got to know the one who had the courage to be honest and not hide from her feelings whod be honest about what she wanted!
He had gotten so close she could feel his breath on her mouth and she wanted to crumble and hated him for it
And you think you know what I want?
Yes, I know I do.
Oh, and what is that?
Me what we had us
He was hitting so close to home
I dont want you
Liar!
I dont
John grabbed Natalies hand and placed it tight against his rock hard erection and they both felt the fire race along their skin. He said with low intensity, a strong undercurrent of anger in his tone, Well I want you and Im not lying about it and I also know that right now, if I felt between your legs youd be wet for me
She tried to jerk her hand away but he wouldnt let her his eyes bore into hers his breath warm on her She shot back in an icy tone, Sex was never our problem, was it, John? Even as far back as LA when we got each other off without penetration no, sex was a strong suit but thats all
He felt a fury rise in him, and along with it rose his right hand, which reached out and squeezed Natalies throat, albeit gently, carefully. He said in a low, threatening tone, You be careful what you say be careful about the next lie you tell, because thats what it would be, but words have power, Natalie they cant be unsaid, even if proven false down the roadthey leave a stain a scar you be careful what you say
Natalie was panting a combination of anger, fear, and arousal, which was threatening to turn her anger into something white hotsomething once unleashed might be the end of her.
They were at a fork in the road. The beginning of each side would be a challenge in every way. But one would lead them over the edge to a place they couldnt return from past the point of recovery to sure and complete destruction. The other could eventually lead them to their future together. The problem was they both looked so similar from this vantage point, paved roughly with anger, hurt, fear, want, need
They looked at each other, blue eyes ablaze. Johns dropped to look at her mouth and when she involuntarily licked her lips he was done with words and control. The hand at her throat snaked around to the back of her head and his mouth claimed hers with an almost brutal aggression forcing her lips to part and allow his tongue to enter. The sound she made was somewhere between shocked anger and a moan of desire.
Natalie was rocked by his actions, wanting to fight and acquiesce at the same time, so she did both. First she hit him around the shoulders with her fists, but they were small and inconsequential, having no effect, so she moved her hands to his hair to pull it to pull him off her but at the same time opened her mouth wide for him, pushing her tongue aggressively against his. Wincing a bit at the tug on his scalp, John banded his arms around her back to hold her tightly to him while their mouths battled, and she moved her hands to his chest to push against him, but the relentless seduction of his lips and tongue took control of Natalies hands away from her, and she gripped his shirt and yanked it open, spewing the buttons wherever theyd land, and then she dragged it off him.
Natalie was feeling faint from lack of oxygen and the response he was setting off in her entire body, which was starting to shake. She ripped her mouth from his, gasping for breath and was glad of his arms still tightly around her when his hot mouth and tongue began sliding down her neck, since without them she might have fallen. She was only vaguely aware that his hands had slipped up her back and were now pulling the zipper of her dress down. His mouth once again taking hers, and he pulled away just enough to drag her dress down the front of her body until gravity took over and it fell to the floor, leaving her in bra and panties. The cool air on her skin shocked her back to reality and once again she tore her mouth from his, her chest heaving as she tried to take some air into her lungs. She shoved against him and turned around, angrily kicking her dress away, but she didnt even get a half step from him when his left arm was around her waist to pull her back against him, while his right hand splayed loosely over her throat, exerting just enough pressure to tilt her head back so her ear was against his mouth. You dont want to leave me now, do you Natalie? You dont want me to stop you really dont. She felt his hardness against her lower back and was powerless to move.
Her head fell back against him, in the crook of his neck. John moved his hand to her chin and tilted her head so he could align his mouth over hers in an open-mouthed kiss. Then he moved it to the nape of her neck and down between her shoulder blades, groaning against her in satisfaction when he felt her knees buckle a bit. Natalie was getting lost and was afraid shed be overwhelmedshe could actually feel her hammering heartbeat between her legsshe was out of control and she needed some backHis left hand began to slide lower towards her panties and, right or wrong, she felt a mixture of arousal and anger did he really think shed succumb so easily? So quickly? She moved both of her hands to his to stop its journey, then turned around quickly to face him. His face and eyes were marked with desire but she could see other intense emotions at play, including his own anger
Natalie backed away from him, from his touch. After letting her get a step away, he began to walk towards her. Her eyes closed and she jumped when her back hit against the door and she had no where else to go. She could feel Johns encroachment and when she finally opened her eyes again he had boxed her in with an arm on either side of her. He looked at her with burning eyes and then his hands reached out and pulled the cups of her bra down over her breasts and before she could react, his mouth had locked roughly over her right nipple. She felt a bolt of desire spear her insides but was stunned by his audaciousness and again she yanked at his hair, only to spread her fingers out one moment later to press him closer to her as she bit back a moan. She looked down and saw the muscles of his shoulders and back rippling and grew irritated that his tank top blocked so much of her view. She grabbed the straps of it and yanked on them, stretching the top of the shirt so she could drag it down his body towards his waist.
John looked up in surprise and then kneeled down in front of her so he could glide his mouth from her breast down to her stomach where the muscles there jumped at the touch of his lips and tongue. He started to journey lower but Natalie moved her hands to his chin to stop him, jerking his head upwards almost roughly. She worked her hands around to the back of his head and exerted upward pressure and he followed her prompting, rising to his feet, while her hands remained buried in his hair. They looked at each other and then she was pulling his mouth down to hers, and this time her lips, her tongue were the aggressors but he met her stroke for stroke.
John was having a hard time maintaining even an ounce of control. He wanted to bury himself in her at that moment, whether up against the door, on the bed, on the floor he didnt much care. And he wanted to do it to force her to see the truth to face and then get past the anger but most of all because he needed her he loved herhe missed her Hed never felt such a riot of emotions anger and desire tenderness and aggression the need to dominate while bringing pleasureHe moved his hands to the clasp of her bra and opened it, letting it fall to the ground, then his hands moved further up her back to mash her breasts against his naked chest and they moaned into each others mouths at the skin to skin contact, his prickly hair rough against her sensitive nipples, while her hands remained buried in his hair.
Natalie was no longer going to fight to stop him, but she wouldnt go easily either. This was not going to be a gentle surrender, but the chance to purge everything the frustrations and sense of impotence theyd had as Niks pawns the hurt and pain of lies and perceived betrayals and the fear and anger they couldnt help feeling because they now knew how deeply they needed and wanted each other and how incapable they were to fight it. Their desire would always be there and underneath it all, an abiding love but right now darker emotions and human frailties were the drivers and they couldnt be submerged they were like a fever that had to break, burning them from within and informing the character of their touch on each others bodies
Natalies hands moved to Johns waist so she could open his belt, button, zipper, and she bit his lower lip hard while she shoved his pants and boxers off his hips. John jerked back from her and touched his lip while his eyes glared into hers, even as he kicked his shoes off followed by his pants and boxers. She couldnt help shifting her glance lower and swallowed convulsively when she saw how hard and engorged he was anger was apparently a potent aphrodisiac for him, and it was certainly working for her as well given the flood she felt building in her core. He wouldnt couldnt be gentle either and that thought both thrilled and scared her, making her breathing even more erratic.
John closed the small distance between them again until their chests touched and she was forced to tilt her head up to look at him, the intensity in his eyes making her quiver. Her arms were down by her sides and she spread her hands open on the door down by her thighs to steady herself, to take in a bit of its coolness. His stare never wavering, John moved his hands down and slowly, deliberately pulled her panties off her body, which somehow had more impact than if he had ripped them from her. It was aggression being held in check and he fairly trembled with its intensity. His hands began to trail down and she closed her eyes, bracing for the feeling of his fingers taking intimate hold of her, so it was a shock when he jerked her right leg up hard and wide, over his hip, and tore through her flesh until he was buried so deeply his pubic bone hit hers. She cried out at the invasion which caused a stab of pain and triggered her bodys instinctive response to grip onto him forcefully. John felt that grip and had to gasp for breath so as not to lose it all right then and there.
Still holding the back of her thigh tightly John began to drive into Natalie and two strokes later she had both her legs and arms wrapped around him, her back sliding up and down the door, her face buried in his neck. Her own emotions and urges were running rampant her need to meet power with power though he was biologically engineered better for it.... so of their own volition her hands spread out along the strong muscles of his back and then her nails were raking over him, scoring his hot skin as he pounded into her That got Johns attention and though he did not slow the motion of his hips, he leaned back and grabbed both her arms, taking hold of her wrists and roughly spreading her arms out wide to her sides, forcing them flat against the door and adjacent walls.
Natalie winced at his vice-like grip on her wrists, and the endless feeling of him splitting her in two, and she couldnt help the obvious, sharp gasp of pain. That sound made it through Johns haze of raw, anger-tinged desire, and he looked at her really saw her for a moment and felt a bolt of shock a tremor of self-disgust At that moment he had the almost incongruous thought that he was crucifying her because thats what it looked like a crucifixion. Her arms were spread wide, and his manhood was nailing her to the door. He tensed and was about to move from her and, sensing this, Natalie rasped, Dont stop dont you dare stop
He felt her voice vibrate where their bodies were most intimately joined, and with a moan of surrender his mouth crashed down onto hers, their tongues battling fiercely. He set her arms free and they wound around his neck, her hands again in his hair while his took hold of her ass to help drive her against him.
John suddenly spun around so his back was against the door, and then he slid down it until he hit the floor with a jolt that shot through Natalie as it more deeply embedded him within her increasingly sensitive core, and she now sat astride him. She was hot, wet, tight, but his size and force were also taking a toll on her tender tissues, even as they had started to tremble around him in increased arousal. She could just give in let go and it would be over, but she wasnt ready for thatthis was an expiation and there was yet more to atone for she would accept the heady, breath-taking mix of pain and pleasure as both penance and reward. What she really wanted was Johns entire weight on her, to leave no doubt that she was totally his again and was in the process of surrendering even as she made him prove his dominanceWith her arms wrapped around him she leaned back, and he followed her lead. They fell onto the floor with a thud, which again only served to drive John more deeply inside and their mouths finally separated when they moaned in response.
John moved Natalies arms over her head, holding a wrist in each hand, his forearms over hers while his elbows were on the floor on either side of hers so he could brace his upper body. He could look at her face and see the way it changed each time he thrust into her as hard and deep as he could go. He knew he was thicker, steelier than hed ever been, and the sensation of her intimately clutching at him was pushing him to his end which was likely a good thing because he didnt think either of them could withstand the punishing intensity of this union much longer. He needed to feel her mouth on his so he quickly took complete possession of it and the feeling of her tongue melding with his spurred him to drive even harder into her and he knew it was well beyond any force hed ever used in the past.
Natalie was coming undone. He was literally taking her body to the very edge of what it could withstand now, each shove of his body taking hers closer to the boundary where pleasure and pain met. But even as her mind was telling her body to recoil from each blow, instead it was rising up to meet him head on. Acting purely on raw instinct, Natalie had moved her feet to the back of Johns thighs so she could dig her heels into his strong muscles and buck her hips off the floor to maximize her impalement. He grunted as he felt her heels dig into him, but found the notion and the feeling sensationally erotic in its impulse. They battled it out for another few moments while each felt the inexorable approach of their release, and then their powerful orgasms collided, collapsing them into a shuddering conjoined bundle on the floor as they clung fiercely together to ride out the storm.
At their zenith their mouths had ripped apart as theyd cried out, calling each others names and then nothing but moans and powerful gasps for breath. Long minutes later their hearts were still pounding, their breathing still semi-erratic, but they no longer feared death was imminent. They had made it through the fiery maelstrom intact together. Still, they clung to each other on the floor, and Natalie finally found her voice, whispering against Johns neck, I love you John I love you
John expelled a soul-deep sigh of relief and said softly against her hair, God, I love you too, Natalie so, so much
John removed himself from Natalie and kneeled, reaching down for her. Then he got up and placed her gently on the bed, climbing on to join her. There was a softness in their eyes and on their faces as they looked at each other, and Natalie said quietly, Make love to me, John while stretching out on her back and opening her legs. She welcomed him into her achingly tender core, and he gently complied. This time their joining was a benediction of their future their hoped for life together.
Chapter 49
Early the next morning John and Natalie were both awake, their arms around each other, her head on his chest as his fingers traced lazy circles on her back and shoulders. She was lulled to a peaceful state by the steady thrum of his heart beating under her ear.
So, she began. Are we going to pretend to be mad at Mason for a bit?
I dont think hell believe us his room is right next to us and I dont think we were exactly quiet - at least not the first two times
Natalie giggled and sat up to look at him, wincing a little as she did. John reached out to caress her face, his own looking concerned as he said softly, with regret, I hurt you youre in pain It was a statement, not a question.
She turned her head to kiss his palm, holding his hand in place with her own. Im fine, John. I now truly know the meaning of the term exquisite pain and I wouldnt trade a moment of it I wanted it all we found our way back to each other. Im, Im sorry I made it so hard
I should have been more patient
I was afraid, but Im not any more. Missing you so badly was worse than any fear.
You dont have to be afraid, Natalie. Theres nothing more were hiding. I love you and I cant imagine my life without you we dont have to miss each other any more
He gently drew her down so their mouths could meet, and then he rolled her under him and journeyed down her body so his mouth could bring nothing but pleasure where there had been pain so he could claim her in a way that didnt challenge her body, but simply brought it to fruition.
God, John, you give the best first aid and that was the last conscious thought let alone words she was capable of for quite some time.
They fell asleep for a bit and were wakened by the sound of a knock, the opening of a lock, and Masons voice, Cover yourselves! I come bearing gifts!
John and Natalie shifted so they were leaning against their leather-upholstered headboard she was careful to pull not just the sheet but the bulkier comforter up over her chest, tucking it securely under her arms.
Mason walked in with a tray laden with all sorts of breakfast foods and beverages. He smiled at them since it was clear they were back on track. He had the good grace not to let his eyes dwell on Natalies very swollen lips or Johns for that matter and he ignored the scratch marks he noticed on Johns arms and chest, the love bites on Natalies fair neck. It had not all been smooth sailing, but sail they had. All better now? Hopefully youve forgiven me for my strong-arm tactics but you are both stubborn as mules and I didnt exactly have a cupids arrow available.
They both just laughed at him and then he said, OK, well, Ill leave you to it. Why dont we start a bit later today noon Ill have sandwiches served. Give you guys a chance to make sure your dtente sticks
When he left Natalie said to John, Hes a really good friend to you, isnt he?
Yeah, he really is. He can be as tough and hard as he needs to be, but underneath hes a great guy his hearts as big as he is
Does he have anyone in his life?
Well, right before I, well, right before I met you he had told me he was interested in someone on his team, but was concerned that could be complicated I think her name was Angela. Im not sure what ever happened there
John and Natalie joined Mason in the office and they spent several hours working things felt so much better without the tension between them. Mason had good-naturedly rolled his eyes when he had arrived in the office after them to find Natalie seated across Johns lap engaging in what could only be referred to well, at least on Happy Days as necking. They finally broke before dinner in order to get ready, and Mason was actually surprised when he got to the great room they were having drinks there before eating and John and Natalie were already there. Hed wondered if theyd get too caught up in other things and end up delayed. However, he smiled because once again Natalie was sitting on Johns lap and he chuckled saying, You know, Natalie, there are enough chairs to go around
She blushed a bit, though she did laugh, and slid onto the couch beside John. For all the teasing, Mason was genuinely happy for them. He had never seen John this way the man was a total goner but the good news was, it was clear his feelings were fully returned. Out from under the Kirov roof and the weight of revealed secrets and lies, they had an unfettered quality about them they were blossoming. At that thought Mason made a note-toself to read Popular Mechanics or some such manly tome as soon as possible because he feared he was getting a bit too much in touch with his flowery, romantic feminine side.
The next few days were much the same, and when Mason interrupted a passionate clinch between the two of them in the galley he jokingly whined. Great. Ive no one to blame but myself, but weve gone from Mutiny on the Bounty to The Love Boat. Well Im calling in reinforcements if you cant beat em, join em. At this moment a very talented and especially lovely attorney on my staff Miss Angela Mauro is on a helicopter bound for parts unknown to her and shell be aboard with us within the hour. Theres so much to go through that I need her help and her companionship wont be unappreciated
Oh, so things have progressed then, Mason?
Well, while Im quite certain weve not engaged in the type of dramatic mating rituals you two have over the past months, lets just say were well-acquainted at this point
They all laughed and then Natalie said, Well, if shes with you she must be nice, and I am so excited about finally having another female around Ive spent almost all my time in the company of men and it will be a welcome change!
Hey! John said in mock affront.
Aw, you know I love you but we cant share make-up tips and clothes
Ive loaned you my shirts
True Ill give you that
They heard the sound of a helicopter and Mason smiled broadly. Great, shes in time for dinner. Ill be right back.
Ten minutes later he walked in holding the hand of a very attractive brunette. She was about 58 with the long, lithe body of a dancer. Her dark, shiny hair was worn in a straight bob that fell just below her chin. She was dressed in black trousers and a black cotton twin-set, accented by pearls, and Natalie thought she looked naturally elegant. She had a warm smile that reached her eyes as she was introduced to John and Natalie. John could tell that Mason liked her a lot and was intrigued since he had not seen such interest from his friend in a number of years. How interesting this had happened for them both at the same time albeit in very different ways.
They had a spirited dinner with plenty of wine flowing, and when it came time to retired for the evening Angela didnt go to her own stateroom next to Natalies but was led unselfconsciously into Masons just as Natalie pulled John into hers. Before the stateroom doors were closed Mason shouted out lets start at 10 instead of 8 tomorrow and that was that.
Chapter 50
Over the next few days John, Natalie, Mason and Angela settled into a routine that was both productive and enjoyable. With Angelas help in organizing information to support potential charges, things were picking up speed. She and Natalie also formed a fast friendship which was an amazing treat for Natalie. She hadnt realized how much shed missed having such extended contact with another female a female friend until she and Angela fell into an easy rhythm. It also helped that for the first time in five years Natalie didnt have to hold back so much of herself she didnt have to watch every word she said and hide the truth of her existence. Of course it didnt hurt that John was taking every opportunity to make her feel loved the way he held her, his words and actions, he was healing her in places deep within that had been hurt or struck numb. She would find him just looking at her some times and he would tell her how beautiful she was, and she felt it. It was also clear that the relationship between Mason and Angela was being enhanced by this warm sojourn at sea. They had been plucked from their own daily grind and could focus more on each other and it was evident they were finding more, not less, between them as they did.
While the luxury yacht was making its way towards the Caribbean, Nik was back in New York City, sequestered in his den. Olegs burial had been efficiently accomplished with his two Russian grandsons in prominent attendance. He pinched between his eyes as he tried to figure out what he should do, but a newly discovered piece of information was challenging his intellectual capacity because it had infuriated him. He had been quietly informed that John Maxwell was actually John McBain, an undercover FBI agent. Had he led Natalie astray on purpose, as part of his plan all along? Is that why he was so willing to get so deeply involved with her to gain access to information? And Nik had to choke back bitter bile when he realized he had played right into Johns hands if that had indeed been his intended plan. He had shoved John at Natalie. Additionally, the terrible way he himself treated Natalie made her ripe for the picking by someone who showed her kindness and was willing to do so much to save her. Nik was still awestruck that a federal agent would have engaged in the activities NIk had prodded him into. Perhaps John was more like Nik that the agent would like willing to do whatever it took. What rankled the most was the feeling that the joke was and had always been on Nik. Hed thought he was the puppet master pulling the strings on John and Natalie, but that was clearly not the case.
Niks more practical challenge was what to do about his newest, largest business initiative, because he had to assume the worst, that theyd gotten their hands on information about it. Some of his other less legitimate businesses were better shielded and had the veneer of respectability but not the new exchange. If anyone had the information thered be no mistaking what it was, and hed wanted more time to let it run, even if he knew eventually it might have to end. Now, just four weeks post-launch he was wondering if he should pull the plug, and how he could do so. It would send a shock wave through the other participants and their organizations and they would surely feel the need to act harshly against him for putting them at risk. Nik also worried that there could be other breeches in security if there was one, there could be more, surely, Were others working against him right now? He hated feeling so paranoid, but it wasnt without reason, and on that note he downed a healthy glass of vodka. Hed always wanted to keep his fate in his own hands not to let anyone else determine his end. Perhaps the time really had come to pull the trigger on the exit strategy hed devised. Anyone in his position who was worth his salt should have one, and he did. Still, hed wanted to accomplish a few more things first
Evan Chadwick was in his office combing through the update Mason had sent. It seemed like they would be able to file charges within 7-10 days all initially focused on the e-exchange. They were keeping a close eye on Nik in the event he tried to run, at which point theyd grab him on a lesser charge to hold him. His long-time assistant, Martha Grimes, walked in with a concerned look on her face.
Evan theres someone on the phone I think its a man but his voice is disguised. He says he has important information on the Kirovs.
Evan felt a twinge of concern and asked Martha to put the call through.
This is Director Chadwick.
A mechanically disguised voice said, Thank you for taking my call but I think youll be thanking me before all this is over.
What can I do for you?
On the contrary, its what I can do for you.
Im listening.
This isnt my first time to contact you. I sent you a note the week you were sworn in as Director. I wrote it on a copy of an article in which youd been quoted saying your personal mission was to take down the Russian mob in this country I told you Id help you, though it would take some time. The time has come.
Evan was very quiet. He remembered the note for some reason he had believed it at the time, but then the years had gone by without any further contact plus hed found Natalie, and he was first and foremost dedicated to shielding her. He was concerned this person was on a fishing expedition with her somehow a target.
The disembodied voice came back and said, Im sure that youre trying to figure out if I have some nefarious hidden agenda. I dont blame you. You need to be careful lives are at stake Mrs. Kirovs for example.
Evan managed not to react to that and the voice went on. I know you have her and with her youll be able to strike very hard against the Kirovs and others. But no matter how much this weakens them, shell still be in some danger. Russians have very, very long memories. Olegs grandsons in Russia, for example, are being groomed. I can strike a harder blow. You wont need Mrs. Kirov.
And why would you do this?
Its time because if I dont Mrs. Kirov will have to, and shes innocent. Shes suffered enough at the hands of the family Kirov my hands are dirty, Im no innocent. Its time.
How would we proceed?
You pick a place public but quiet, discreet, please. Hopefully you can come without fanfare low-key and well talk.
How about dinner tonight 7pm at the Nassau Inn in Princeton?
Chapter 51
John and Natalie were struggling for breath having once again destroyed each other. As much as theyd already possessed each other, the were still learning things about how to bring each other even greater pleasure pushing each other to even more devastating reactions. Their deepening emotional connection was playing a huge part in this they were no longer holding back in any way, shape or form. Being together was a deep-seated need, not simply a desire, and it became more profound with each intimate moment they shared. It was a revelation for Natalie to yearn so much for Johns touch, since she had cringed at the very thought of the physical act for so long. As she felt Johns arms around her, his legs entwined with hers, she could feel her heated blood coursing through her showing no signs of cooling.
John! she gasped. How can it be that I want you again when I can still feel you from the last time?
His own heart was still racing as he said, Same for me you are my magnificent obsession then he laughed a little and said, At the risk of sounding like a reprobate and a cross between a dirty old man and an adolescent boy I honestly dont think Ive been completely soft since the first time I touched you the smell of your hair the sight of you the mere thought of you
Are you ready for me again? she asked in a soft purr.
In response he rolled her underneath him and entered her, pushing against her still-quivering flesh. It was like turning up the flame under a still-simmering pot, and within moments they were melting together again, sighing in blissful release. Eventually John dragged Natalie into the shower so they could be on time for the days work thankfully they had made it a habit to start at the civilized hour of 10am, and Mason and Angela were at least as often the laggards.
When they reached the office Angela was there alone.
Masons on the phone with Chase some sort of breaking news or something
They all grew quiet because they werent sure what it could be, and breaking news was often bad. With nothing else to do but wait, they drank coffee which only served to heighten their nerves. Thirty minutes later Mason walked in and he looked bemused to say the least.
I just got off the phone with Chase he doesnt know anything more than what Im about to tell you but apparently the Director was approached by someone else within the Kirov organization who is deeply embedded and can perhaps deal an even more decisively deadly blow against the Kirovs, the other Russians and other organized crime syndicates involved in that exchange. It would spare you, Natalie. No one else would even know what you did youd be totally free and safe.
Natalie was stunned. She felt a wave of relief, yet at the same time couldnt help feeling that in a way what shed done had been rendered meaningless in vein. If someone else could step in, her own actions and sacrifices had been unnecessary but she couldnt shouldnt look this gift horse in the mouth and maybe her actions spurred this person to come forward. Plus, it had given her something to focus on a sense of purpose while shed had to survive these past years. She knew in the end shed be glad of this development if it worked out but it knocked her off kilter nonetheless.
John was simply, totally and utterly relieved. Natalie could be free they could be free of all of this.
Mason continued, Chase, Director Chadwick and this new source will arrive on board tomorrow morning. We might as well take today off because we wont know how well need to proceed until after tomorrow.
Natalie, John asked softly. Is there anyone you can think of who this might be?
She sighed and said, Im not sure I really have stayed away from the senior team who worked with Nik and Oleg, but I wonderwell I wonder if its Maksim.
John nodded, Thats who I thought of first, but then again I dont know the rest of the organization. But, well, I think he cares quite a bit about you what happens to you He he hated what Nik did to you, Natalie. I saw that quite clearly.
I know. He was always kind to me especially after that first night
The four spent the day and evening feeling as if they were waiting for the other shoe to drop, but tried as best they could to relax and enjoy themselves. They sat by the pool and decided to make dinner themselves led by Angela who had a flair for Italian cooking having learned at the elbow of her maternal grandmother. She had been excited to see how well-stocked the pantry and galley were, and set the whole team to work. It was a lot of fun enhanced b the flowing red wine and they sat down to a feast: caprese salads; rigatoni in spicy tomato sauce with buffalo mozzarella, sausage and pancetta; tiramisu for dessert. They interspersed their wine consumption with plenty of Pellegrino water, which kept them perfectly placed between a nice buzz and over-served. As the evening wore on, it felt like they were simply two close couples, four good friends, on a romantic cruise through warm climes. They stayed up late, talking, listening to soft jazz, and savoring a final glass of wine. Then the two couples retired to their rooms to savor their private intimacies, truly tender mercies on their souls.
As Natalie drifted off to sleep she thought contentedly about how much she loved the way her day had both started and ended, and she whispered a soft I love you as sleep took her.
The next morning they made sure all four staterooms looked lived in so as not to raise any flags it wasnt exactly common knowledge, nor all that acceptable, that they had paired off. The four had breakfast and then sat nervously waiting for the new arrivals. They finally heard the sound of the approaching helicopter and went to the upper deck to meet it. Soon after it had carefully landed Chase emerged, followed by Evan and then the mystery contact. It was Mason who caught Natalie as she fainted, because John was too thunderstruck to move let alone notice that Natalie was crumbling.
Disembarking from the helicopter was the devil himself Nikolai Kirov.
Chapter 52
Mason scooped Natalie up and immediately headed inside with her, with Angela right by his side. John finally gathered his wits about him enough to realize what had happened with Natalie, but seeing she was in good hands with Mason he stood rooted so he could keep an eye on Nik he wasnt going to let the slippery bastard out of his sight. Chase, Nik and Evan approached John in that order.
McBain, Chase said. Why dont we all go inside?
John merely nodded at him and then locked eyes with the Director, who could tell John was both stunned and angry. Lets get inside, Agent McBain
John finally looked at Nik and could see his gaze was as cold and inscrutable as always, but Johns had enough fire for both of them. If you think youre getting near her
Nik smirked and said nothing, and Chase simply said, John
John turned and led them inside.
Just as they arrived in the great room Natalie, whod been placed on the couch by Mason, came to and immediately the horror of what shed seen hit her. She bolted upright on the couch and then clung to Mason saying over and over in a strangled, tremulous voice, Please dont let him hurt me please dont let him hurt me
Mason held her close and was sure hed never felt anyone trembling so badly in his life. Her fear was alive a palpable presence in the room and it communicated itself to all the men who finally realized the impact seeing Nik had had on her. She had let her guard down. She had felt untouchable here, and then her torturous jailer of five years had been nonchalantly piped aboard. She needed John and turned around in Masons arms to see him and he felt her need reach across to him. He headed towards her but before he could move around the trunks in the middle of the seating area the Director had skirted them along the other side and had reached her.
Evan knelt in front of the couch and put his arms out to her and Natalie fell into his hug as a child might into her fathers. Im sorry for the shock, Natalie. So sorry. It was the only way. But Natalie, I promise, like I did all those years ago your safety comes first. I would never do anything to compromise it were here there are more than 20 other armed agents on board. Nik had no idea he would even be boarding a helicopter let alone flying to this ship.
Chase and John in particular looked on in surprise they had never seen the Director this way, and it was completely clear that he would do nothing to endanger Natalie. He hadnt gotten where he was by being a fool, but could he really trust Nik?
Natalie finally sat back in the middle of the couch while Chase and Mason stood, and John took the opportunity to sit next to Natalie, to her left, and take her hand. It was a small gesture that could be read a number of ways, but it was like a lifeline for Natalie.
Evan said, Why dont we all sit down, and he sat to the other side of Natalie. Mason brought over a glass of water to her and then sat beside Angela on the other couch while Nik and Chase sat in armchairs opposite each other and perpendicular to the couches.
Nik sat straight, quiet, taking everything in. Though no one could tell, he was beset by a range of emotions. Natalies raw, naked fear of him had hit him hard, which he knew was borderline ridiculous. But in the past she had, for the most part, always been so contained within her own icy countenance, that he had been spared seeing how profound it was. To know thered been a time when shed sought him out and relied on him as a stalwart in her world yet seeing her today was a damning reinforcement of what he had done to her to them. And then there was John sitting right next to her holding her hand being her hero. He had no doubt John knew his wife more intimately than he did at this point and that thought threatened to convert ice to pressurized steam, but he could ill afford that. He had to fight the petty urge to make sure that Chase and Chadwick knew exactly what their top secret agent had done with his wife with her body. Nik had come here for a specific reason that trumped everything, and it was no time to dwell on what could not be changed what he had created. Yet somehow knowing this was all his doing made it harder not easier
Evan cleared his throat and began. I know this is a huge shock. I assure you it was for me, too. But it is very much on-the-level. I will give you a bit of background, and then will let Nik say his piece. That was his only requirement he wants to tell you everything, Natalie. And once I set the stage it is your decision whether you want to meet with him alone or with some of us in the room with you.
Natalie couldnt hold her tongue, Nik, is this all just still the game for you you feel the walls closing in so you make a bold move to get yourself a deal? Not take the fall but push others over the edge instead?
Evan answered, Natalie, there is no deal for NIk. Hes going to confess and hand over evidence to everything and let a judge decide his sentence.
That got everyones attention because they had assumed what Natalie had.
Evan continued, A little over five years ago, the week Id been sworn in as Director, I received an anonymous note. It highlighted what I had gone on record with as my personal goal taking down the Russian mob, most especially the Kirovs. The author of that note said very simply that he was in a position to help me do that, but it would take a while, and they would not be contacting me again until they could make good on the promise. I heard nothing until 2 days ago, and then I received a call with the voice mechanically disguised from the author, and I knew it had to be him because I had told no one of the note. I was allowed to pick the meeting place and time, and even though we were in a public place, I have to be honest that I was truly shocked and briefly braced myself for assassination when I realized who I was meeting. But Nik was alone. He shared his story. He handed me incredibly indicting information on Kirov operations with the promise of more. His only caveat was that he wanted the chance to explain things to you and then youd be completely free. No one except for those on this boat will ever know of your involvement.
And you trust him, Evan? she asked.
Do I TRUST Nikolai Kirov? No. But I DO believe him. So, its your call, Natalie. Do you want to meet with Nik alone?
She sighed and looked at everyone individually, finally landing on Nik. You can all stay. I no longer have anything to hide. She sounded a lot more solid than she actually was because she wanted nothing so much as to flee. However, she knew that she needed to hear what Nik had to say because it was about her life what he had made it for five years, especially since it was stunningly clear hed formed some sort of plan that long ago
Nik was not surprised by her decision, but he had to bite back the spike of anger at having to explain himself in front of the man whod seduced his wife under his own roof. No matter how much he might understand it hed never be all right with it.
Nik took a deep breath, unsure exactly where to start, but figured hed dive right in and then try to provide some back drop. Natalie, the moment my father asked me to hand you over to him so that he could rape you, I decided then and there that I would bring him down, no matter what it took even, paradoxically, if it meant sacrificing you to a tremendous extent in the process.
Natalie blanched at the direct, boldfaced nature of his words and the harsh truth they told. The rest of the room was equally surprised.
She whispered, So you were faking?
Not exactly
Well WHAT exactly? Are you going to tell me you came down with DID like my mother?
No, not in the strictest sense
Stop talking in riddles, Nik!
OK, OK Its hard to know how to say this all so let me just talk get it all out, and then we can see if, well if theres anything else you need to know
She nodded.
I dont want to sound like some ridiculous pop-psychology book, but I know youve heard the concept of the duality of man the notion that we all have good and evil in us, and there is some choice as to which we emphasize some of it is determined by nurture versus nature well, that is a battle I fought all my life. You know what my father was like. He was an evil bastard through and through who took pleasure in bringing that out in his children, seeing it as strength. I will not catalogue the ways in which he forced this point home to us as children, but suffice to say he was not a kind and loving father. My mother, on the other hand, was a wonderful woman. Loving and smart and she had such energy I was drawn to you because you reminded me so much of her and unfortunately I think that is also what spurred my fathers egregiously inappropriate behavior with you. He warped her, but her legacy was still in me, fighting to survive. I was luckier than my brother, Oleg. He was first born. He was the one my father focused most heavily on. He became exactly like him. I was able to escape. I wanted no part of who they were. I hated what I knew about their business dealings and avoided any knowledge of it I could. I chose a field entirely different than they could possibly imagine academics, history but the fact that I was studying Russian history made it borderline acceptable.
He rubbed his hand over his face and continued. I ended up in Llanview and met you. I saw my future. MY future and OUR future, with as little to do with my family as possible. And I think you will admit that was the way things were for two years and then my brother Oleg died. I am not I cant exactly say why I was so quickly seduced by my father. Maybe theres that part of you that always wants to be special to your father also, I had, perhaps, rejected him, my brother, the life first, before it could reject me I was the number two son it was not my destiny to rule the empire. But then, suddenly, it was. All there for the taking, and my father was pushing every button he could and that whole week in New York I lost my way. I let the other side of me get stronger. I became thirsty for what they were offering me, and I was going to have it but I told myself I could convince you I could still be for you what you needed I could build walls between my two selves and then there was that awful moment when my father made his his nightmare request. I can still hear his voice echoing in my head the shock offer me your wife, Nikthe pleasure of her the chance to lie with her
Natalie didnt even realize she was standing until she was on her feet, enraged, YOUR Shock?! What about MINE?! Hearing that my my my heart pounding in my ears and I look to you to YOU, my HUSBAND and you literally handed me over to him I would have fallen down had you not been holding me upI thought I saw you waver for a second my Nik that you wouldnt do it and then this shutter came down over your eyes and I didnt know you any more
She was shaking and had to sit down, her energy spent for a moment. The others in the room were too riveted to move much less say anything. Perhaps the most surprising thing to them was that they finally saw some emotion in Nik the pain of Natalies outburst striking deep within him.
I did waver and thats the moment I decided that my father the Kirovs the larger Russian mob that they had to be stopped at all costs. And that I was going to do it. And the only way was to become part of it. To lead them even further down the path to unpardonable offenses and activities to compile the information to document every piece of it, and then to turn it and myself as leader of it over to the authorities. I decided then and there that I would give up the living of my life as Id wanted to and eventually my very freedom because I would be as guilty as all of them but that it would be worth it to bring them all the way down except
Except it wasnt just you that you were sacrificing
No, Natalie, it wasnt. I had a brief hope that you could just leave me, but of course my father had other ideas. And I know that I did more than sacrifice your life I made it a living hell except when it was simply cold, and harsh and lonely.
She had tears in her eyes and in her voice as she whispered just one word, How?
It goes back to what I said before I, I basically killed, or choked off imprisoned whatever you want to call it the Nik that I considered my mothers son, and I became 100% Kirov. I couldnt be the good Nik just acting. I had to BE the bastard my father required me to be. I had to be HIS son. And well, I know it is self-serving to say this, but I think you also know theres some truth in it if I was rough enough on you, he mostly kept his distance. He would begin to insert himself any time he felt I was being soft on you and he was almost impossible to fight off once hed gotten agitated about something I still, well I still cant believe he backed down as he did over the paparazzi incident although I did have to, well, you know
Natalie shook her head and let out a bitter laugh. Oh, Nik he didnt back down. You remember the night of the big parties at Caspian and Beluga to celebrate your triumphant return from LA and the assassination attempt? When you were called away on business?
Nik felt his blood run a bit cold as he said, Yes.
You werent gone 10 minutes when he forced John and Maksim to check out some disturbance, promising to personally look after me. Then he laced into me and left me to the devices of two thugs hed hired to rape me down in Pytka in one of the private rooms where no one could hear me scream. Thank God that Maksim was suspicious and had some of his guys keep watch but even then it was almost too late. I was cuffed, spread eagled to the table, fully exposed, and the only reason why those animals didnt succeed in the moments before John and Maksim arrived is because they were literally bickering over whod get to fuck me first and whod have to settle for my mouth on them instead!
She had purposely used the harsh language for maximum impact on Nik, and it also jolted the others in the room except for John, who knew all this already. He glanced around and saw the shock that was closer to horror. They had had no idea... they couldnt fully conceive of what her life had been.
Nik sat back, truly stunnedI had no idea why didnt you?
Why didnt I tell you? To what end, Nik? Youd have done nothing well, actually you would have. Youd have fired John and then I really would have been all alone again and I couldnt bear it!
Nik felt the flash of anger, Of course not by all means you needed to keep your bodyguard around God fucking forbid you might have lost him!
Is that really the point after all this, Nik? You let your father determine my fate on more than one occasion you treated me brutally to make him happy every time he thought you were actually showing me an ounce kindness you dressed me up as little more than your half-slutty mannequin and youd have done nothing, NOTHING against your father had you knownyou said it yourself you sacrificed meyou did nothing against your father never once took up for me!
I killed him for you. he said baldly, with little emotion behind the words.
Whaaaaat?! she gasped.
Nik turned to Evan and then to Mason. Consider this my official confession. I murdered my father. I had a special drug made that induced a heart attack untraceable. I told him as he was dying that it was for what he had forced me to choose to sacrifice Natalie. The irony is, as he was dying as I was freeing you us from him, you were running away to take us all down
No one knew what to say for a moment, and Nik resumed speaking in the breach. I did not intend to execute my final plan this soon. I thought wed get a little relief with Oleg dead, and I could solidify some of the business ventures that could then take everything down including other organized crime elements beyond the Russians. But once I learned what you were doing well, what I had had to be enough. You would be in danger the rest of your life if you did this now, its all on me
And is that supposed to balance the accounts?
No, not at all. I can never do that. Never. And I know that. My ultimate reason may have been better on some level than simply wanting personal power, glory and wealth, but it doesnt change the absolute fact that I sacrificed you. The woman that I loved more than I could have imagined ever loving anyone was tortured at my own hands. I kidded myself that it was my evil twin, actually. And every now and again the better Nik would come out for a moment like in Chicago
I dont want to talk about Chicago or any of those better times. It made it harder. It broke my heart all over again. How could you be that gentle with me again and then turn right back around and be even more vicious! After Chicago is when you did one of the worst things youd ever done to me when you she had to stop for a moment because tears were flowing when you tossed the stuffed lamb that I had bought for our baby into the fire. It was my last link to her you killed her you burned my final link to her in front of my very eyes tell me, Nik how do you reconcile that?
I cant its not possible. I didnt want another generation well, not my child subjected to the Kirov poison. I saw what was happening to Olegs boysMy father was already talking about his plans for our child I got shit-faced drunk I didnt meanwell, it doesnt matter what I meant or not since the result was still the sameit makes no sense for me to apologize for the unforgivable. And all that I have done since the day we walked into my fathers home falls in that category. I just thought you deserved as complete an explanation as possible no excuses, just explanation. And now I have two other things for you, and then I suppose I will be going
Nik reached into his pocket he had been searched before and pulled out a DVD. He handed it to Natalie and said, This is private the only copy and she knew it was the movie she had made with John. What she didnt know was how hard Nik had to fight the urge to hand it to Evan. Then he handed her documents, saying, These are divorce papers and also documentation for an annulment if you decide you want to follow up with that. The least I can do is help you be free of me as soon as possible I cant offer you any financial settlement since everything will be tied up in legal proceedings
I want nothing from the Kirovs
I understand. Well, I have said my piece. If you have any questions
No.
Then I guess I am now completely in the hands of these fine gentlemen
Nik rose and so did the other men, though Natalie stayed sitting, unable to trust her legs to hold her.
Chase said, Ill escort Nik back to the helicopter John, Ill catch up with you soon next assignment and all that.
John just nodded.
Evan turned to Natalie and pulled her up into another hug. Its all over, honey. You did an amazing thing but I would be lying if I didnt admit Im glad youre off the hook
She just nodded.
He stood back and looked at her, and then at John. He was a perceptive man and could sense there was a lot going on there. And he couldnt find it in him to see anything wrong with it hed bent the rules himself when it came to Natalie, and if anyone deserved someone to love her Then he glanced at Mason and Angela.
Im thinking that it would be a shame to waste the fact that youre in the Caribbean, on a ship thats been paid for through at least the balance of this month. Why dont the four of you spend some time decompressing we cant do without you too long, but why dont we say, five days
On that note, he smiled a real smile, shook hands with Mason and Angela quickly, and then turned to John, taking his hand in a firm grip. Thank you for protecting Natalie shes very special special to me
Me too, sir
They nodded to each other and then Evan left. All four expelled a breath they hadnt realized they were holding when they heard the helicopter take off. Then wordlessly John took Natalie in his arms and held her as tightly to him as he could. She buried her head in his chest and inhaled his scent, feeling it calm her. It was so him he was so solid so much what she needed.
Chapter 53
Natalie finally pulled back from John and looked at Mason and Angela who came over to Natalie and pulled her into a hug. Then Natalie realized that Angela was weeping.
Angela are you OK?
She pulled back and her face was awash with tears as she snorted, Lord, Natalie. I should be asking you that! Its just I I dont know what to say I had no idea Im not sure I dont know how you survived all that time your husband She knew she was making no sense but couldnt help it.
Well, I guess none of us really know what we can bring ourselves to do until were faced with it. That was part of Niks message, right. That hed been the good Nik until a greater good required him to be evil. I wonder if Im supposed to feel any better about what happened to me since it wasnt just for his personal power and aggrandizement it was for a crusadeIm sorry, I think I might be sounding bitter
Mason said gently, I think youre entitled He could see that Angela was still incredibly emotional and he instinctively reached for her, pulling her into his embrace.
John reached out to Natalie and tucked her hair behind her ear. Natalie, you look wiped out. Why dont you go lie down for a bit.
Will you come with me?
Of course.
That sounds like a good idea I think we could all use a little down time said Mason. Lets plan on having an early dinner Ill tell the chef but for now, lets lie low some recovery time
When John and Natalie got to his room, she sat quietly on the end of the bed, and he knelt in front of her, taking both hands in his.
Talk to me, Natalie say anything tell me what you need?
Could you do that?
Do what?
Love me one minute see your future with me one moment and then not just sacrifice me but torture me with your own hands? Is that in you? Is it in all of us?
Id sooner die.
How do you know?
Are you asking how I know or how can you know for sure that I wont?
She looked at him, and wanted to say something, anything that would reassure him and not hurt him, but she felt so unmoored. Could she trust her own instincts? Could she trust period?
I love you John and I know you love me
But that wasnt the question, Natalie.
I know and no, I cant fathom that you could ever hurt me the way Nik did. I just cant.
But? Come on, Natalie you definitely left a but hanging out there He couldnt keep the hurt entirely out of his voice and he felt badly for it. He wasnt trying to pressure her.
But I wouldnt have believed Nik could until he did and I know youre not him. I KNOW it. you have such a deep kindness in you you were willing to throw everything away for me you werent raised the same way. Yes, we all have that dual nature, but not everyones bad side is so warped and vicious God, Im rambling, but I know all that
Intellectually?
And in my heart. Honestly I do. But Im so afraid, too everything I knew thought I knewIm just so thrown. I dont know where my life is heading the one I knew is over. I thought I knew that life and now even thats been re-definedI dont know what I amIs it crazy that some how it felt, well better or at least semi-understandable when I thought he was overcome by the driving desire for power and wealth? The need to please his father? Forces he couldnt fight? But instead, he sat there today, virtually emotionless and told me hed made a calculated choice for some greater goodto harm me almost irreparably. Am I supposed to admire that admire his dedication when he dragged me into hell with him?
John wasnt sure what to say. She was asking so many questions covering so many things both about him and her broader life about trust about the decisions people makeand there were no easy answers. In his own case how could he prove a negative that he wouldnt do something and trust was always a leap of faith. Natalie, I dont. I dont want to press you. What youre going through I cant imagine what youre feeling I want to be here for you any way I can if youll let me but I also understand will try to
Natalie placed her hand gently over Johns mouth. The one thing I do know is that I want you in my future with me if you do want to be in it
John took each of Natalies hands and kissed them softly, one at a time. I do, and Ill spend every day proving to you
Again she placed a hand on his mouth. You dont have to prove anything I just need to, to trust to not make you guilty for Niks sins Im Ill do my best. Im just scared but not of you just the concept of trust over all Am I making any sense?
Believe it or not, yes so lets just take things slowly. Im not going anywhere, Natalie. Not as long as you want me. We can take it one day at a time one moment at a time
I know what I want to be doing for the next while she said softly.
Yeah?
Yeah. I want to be making love with you. When you have all of me, take all of me Im not afraid. Then I know in every part of me. The way you make me feel the connection I feel to you Ive never felt anything like itits indestructible
John felt his heart unclench at her words. He kneeled up straighter and moved into the V made by Natalies slightly spread legs, placing a hand on the bed on either side of her. She closed her eyes as he gently moved his mouth onto hers and immediately she opened hers to let his tongue sweep her mouth, her tongue reaching out to greet his as she wound her arms around his neck. She sighed into his mouth and John could feel her completely relax. He surrendered her mouth and stood, moving his hands to her upper arms so he could pull her up and they slowly undressed each other, stopping to share kisses along the way.
Natalie climbed onto the bed and stretched out on her back as John followed her, lying on his stomach to her right, but closely against her he needed the contact. He gently traced a finger over her lips and she opened her mouth to suck on it, noting his intake of breath and the deepening blue of his eyes. He removed his finger to replace it with his mouth and he knew hed never get tired of kissing her, especially when she held nothing back, when she completely opened herself to him. He moaned when her hand moved down to grasp him, not quite managing to encircle his fullness. She exerted perfect pressure but he detected the somewhat listless movements of her pelvis and he knew her actions were an entreaty.
John moved so that he could envelope Natalie in a tight hug and then rolled onto his back so she was stretched along the entire length of him, and she had had no choice but to release her hold for the moment. She folded her arms, her palms resting side-by-side on his chest, and looked down at him, her features soft with love. He was relishing the pressure of her pelvis on his hard erection that was squeezed between their bodies, and he massaged her back and backside in deft strokes. She moved her arms around his neck and lowered her mouth to his while grinding her hips against him, and as he shoved his tongue into her mouth he grabbed the back of her thighs and spread them wide so that he was resting right up against the moist rim of her opening. Her writhing hips made her desire known and he did not hesitate to comply, shifting them ever so slightly so he could enter her body at a toe-curling depth and angle.
The heat of their bodies fused them everywhere they touched and they stayed glued together the only parts in motion were their mouths and tongues, their hips which ground and gyrated against each other but kept John steadfastly buried within Natalie, and his hands on her ass which helped keep their rhythm. Soon he felt her release as her body began to grab him in its pulsating hold and her whole body relaxed as if there wasnt a bone left in it. She had torn her mouth from his and was moaning his name and gasping for breath into the crook of his neck, and when her teeth clamped down on his flesh there he was done, and began to drive into her as he came hard and poured everything he had into her shuddering body.
They gasped their I love yous and fell asleep together, still intertwined.
It wasnt just in their stateroom that the reverberations of Niks confession and his life with Natalie were felt. Mason could tell that Angela was still shaken, even as they held each other even as they had undressed each other and had climbed into bed.
They were lying on their sides, facing each other and Mason stroked Angelas cheek. I know youre still upset
I, I guess it all just hit home. It switched from something I knew intellectually to something I now understand viscerally hes so big shes so tiny and at one point that had probably made her feel so safe and then I mean, hes the same size as you. Im taller than Natalie and still I feel dwarfed by you and thats part of what I love being weighed down by you surrounded by you completely at your mercy but knowing its your mercy I most certainly have the gentleness underneath all the passion, so that I know its OK to push at the boundaries because I am still fundamentally safe in your arms but ifif you ever wanted to
Do you think I could, Angela? Honestly? He asked softly.
No. But thats what would make it devastating, soul-destroying if you did. Natalie didnt think Nik could do it and then he did what was that like for her? In my heart, Mason, I promise you I know you wouldnt you are not Nik. You have the animal kernel we all have, but not that whole other person but I cant help thinking about what it was like for Natalie when he flipped that switch. For five years and then he was almost clinical today when he explained that it was not that hed remained caught up in a drunken desire for power and his destiny, but a clear-eyed decision to how could he bring himself to hurt her so badly PHYSICALLY. To place his hands on her like that? Do you understand that? How?
Not if I live 1,000 years, Angela. I have stood across from men that I have wanted to have had to obliterate, and even that has taken a toll. So to use my hands and strength to hurt the woman I love Angela I would sooner you rip out my heart and leave me than I have to deal with the thought that I had some how harmed you. For you to recoil from me in fear, like a beaten animal The hardest part of everything when it really hit home for me today was when Natalie came to and begged us not to let him hurt her he couldnt help the catch in his voice and Angela caressed his face as tears pooled in her eyes. She was shaking harder than Ive ever felt anyone shake and now I understand the haunted expression I see on Johns face and in his eyes sometimes.
Do you think he should have intervened done something to get her out of there once he knew?
He tried. He tried to get her to leave. Angela, he was going to leave everything and everyone behind but now we know why Natalie felt she couldnt go not until her mission was over. And he knew that if he pushed Nik too hard hed be fired and then he wouldnt be able to be there for her at all
Its got to be so hard for her to trust anyone any man
Im sure. I think John understands. I think she knows hes different. Nik sacrificed her to take down the Kirovs. John was willing to forego taking down the Kirovs to save her and that would have been giving up his entire life as he knew it
She nodded and then he asked softly, Do you trust me, Angela?
She looked at him with a completely open face and said, I do. Without reservation.
I love you, Angela, and I will never do anything to abuse your trust I promise.
I love you, too, Mason. She moved her body against his and wrapped her arms around his strong shoulders, scooting underneath him pulling him down on top of her while she opened her legs wide so his wide, powerful hips could be cradled there. She was showing him with her body that his power did not frighten her that she could make herself profoundly vulnerable to his size because she knew he would keep her safe even from himself. Mason understood all this and it moved him deeply. He took hold of her body decisively but with care and pushed them past the brink of thought to pleasure, release and healing sleep.
Chapter 54
While Mason, Angela, John and Natalie were recovering from his visit and its aftermath, Nik was walking into the massive Kirov apartment, closing himself into his den, with nothing for company but a bottle of vodka and his roiling thoughts and emotions. He was still free because the feds were getting their ducks in a row and they didnt want to set off warning signals as his disappearance and/or incarceration would. They had so much dirt on him not to mention signed confessions that they knew he was as good as trapped.
He had thought he understood truly understood long ago the ultimate consequences of his actions, but he knew he had kidded himself, at least on some level. He had let a kernel of denial survive undetected in order to insulate himself from the complete truth, so that he could keep that good-evil Nik switch firmly flipped. Deep, deep down he had hoped beyond all reason that in the fullness of time he could have restored his better half to the point where Natalie might have forgiven him. He knew it was a fantasy beyond epic Disney proportions, because his plan always involved him going to jail or worse for the balance of his days. But now he knew that he had left a 1% window open in his mind and the heart which did still beat in his chest, reports to the contrary notwithstanding. Thoughts that perhaps with Papa Oleg gone, he could move back towards the kinder, gentler Nik and maybe his resolve would weaken and rather than take everyone down if Natalie seemed to be warming back up to him maybe he would have instead steered the family business towards full legitimacy. But given how unlikely all that was, he had told himself hed find solace in finally doing the right thing and setting her free. It was all fine when it was in the abstract, but seeing her for likely the last time handing her divorce papers finding himself unable to stop thinking of their first 2 years together
Nik knew, however, that the bitter pill he could not seem to swallow was John McBain. It was bad enough to contemplate that Natalie was already moving on HAD already moved on. But with HIM! He had to try to get past this fury he was now supposed to be operating in his good Nik zone but this was a gargantuan challenge. He had seen with his own eyes the way that man touched his wife the way she touched him and responded to him. He moved her in a way that Nik never had even during their first few ostensibly magical years. He put down his vodka glass and decided to have some dinner. He had to be clearheaded. He had to sneak away tomorrow for meetings with Evan he had thrown everything away on this mission of his it was all he had left and he had to get at least that right.
Natalie woke from her nap feeling much more centered, and knew it was largely due to the man who was still sleeping beside her, and who knew how to love her body, heart and soul at the same time. She was thirsty and pulled on her velour lounging robe before padding to the galley, only to find Mason there already with the same idea. He was dressed in cotton pajama bottoms and a tank top and she was struck by the sheer size of him and how much like Nik he was in that regard, though she thought Masons features were more classically handsome, enhanced by a kindness she knew ran deep.
He turned when he heard her and held up the bottle of water he had just plucked from the open refrigerator with a question on his face, and she said, Please in response.
She slid onto one of the stools and he took another one as he handed her a bottle. She could tell he was looking at her closely and then he asked, How are you, Natalie?
Better.
Yeah?
I am. Its a lot to take in.
Id say you have mastered the art of the understatement.
They smiled at each other and Natalie said, Thank you for catching me when I fainted.
My pleasure happy to do it though I hope for obvious reasons we dont have to make a habit of it.
Im with you there, Mason. So is Angela resting?
Sleeping.
John too.
He loves you a lot, you know.
She nodded and said, I love him too more than more than Ive ever loved anyone. He stood by me through so much.
He isnt Nik he can do the hard things, but he doesnt lose his humanity in the process.
I know I really do. Its still a little scary sometimes until I look at him.
Mason asked softly, Natalie, do I scare you? Do I remind you of Nik?
She looked at him in surprise, but appreciated his sensitivity in thinking it, aksing it. You dont scare me at all. Not that Im going to go tell everyone and ruin any mystique youve built up, but you are a doll! You have a deep-seated kindness. Apparently Nik was always at war within himself. Very different. There may be a physical resemblance more your stature but thats it.
Im glad. I dont want to make you uncomfortable.
You dont I mean I practically clung to you like a leech earlier today
I was thinking more like a barnacle myself a nautical reference seemed appropriate
Natalie laughed at that and he joined her, realizing how beautiful she really was, especially when she was happy.
I ran into the chef when I first got to the galley and hes going to have dinner ready at 6. I was shocked to see it was already 4 when I got out here. Time flies
When youre having fun she finished for him blushing a bit and making him laugh again. Then it hit him that she was only 26, and had lived in a largely sheltered world. He knew from her confrontation with John when they first got on the boat that Nik had been her first. John her only other. And he felt the sharp stab in his gut when he realized how much more of a betrayal that must have made Niks actions, especially when he was going to let his own father rape her. So much had happened to her in her young life.
Youre still so young, Natalie. I know you might not feel like you are right now but you are. And youre free. So much life ahead of you now. Years of fun but go easy on my old friend, will you hes got 12 years on you! He winked to lighten the mood.
Hey, Im letting him nap
Its my own damn fault for throwing you two together like rabid cats in a bag
Now THATS a visual though I really do need to thank you. Neither of us knew exactly how to move past it all we didnt have much choice once we were locked in
Well, I wouldnt have done it if it wasnt so obvious how much you both loved and missed each other. You ever see me acting like an idiot with Angela please do the same for me!
Oh, I will. After I beat the crap out of you for messing with her! Seriously, shes great.
I cannot disagree with you there shes good people and
And?
I love her, Natalie. Plain and simple. Thats how I know I do, because its so simple. I have no angst or need to wonder if I do or dont. I just do.
Whoever said it happens when you least expect it was a genius. I assure you when John walked into the Kirov penthouse to be my bodyguard, well it wasnt even something I could conceive of and yet I was powerless against my feelings for him. So, yeah, simple at the end of the day. A ridiculously complex situation, but the feelings were all there and very straightforward.
And now we have five days of sailing to relax in simplicity
Sounds like heaven. It was really nice of Evan
Yeah, it was. And I would imagine you realize that he was giving his tacit approval of you and John I saw a side of Evan that I didnt know existed when I saw him with you. Hes a good man I always knew that, but now I REALLY know it. Im relieved because he wont make things difficult for John not that John would really care at this point
But I would. And I guess as long as Evan doesnt know everything that John did with me for me she was blushing again and Mason knew what she must be thinking of.
Is that what Nik handed you? The DVD?
Yeah I need to destroy that put it in the safe until I do.
Well, perhaps we could screen it first for the four of us, rather than the latest Die Hard movie sorry, no pun intended
Mason! Have you lost your mind?! Screen that? Ive never even seen it
He was laughing outright at her nowYou really are a fiery redhead calm down, Im just kidding you. I have no desire to see my best friend in that capacity, I assure you. Although I am finding it hard to look the pot-rack in the eye.
HE TOLD YOU THAT?! she shrieked.
Aw, give the guy a break. He was devastated and drunk. We both were. I mean, youre the one who spilled the beans about the movie, I just got a few more details out of himand that was all hed tell me. I asked him the most outrageous thing and that was it
Well, dont knock it til youve tried it John and I can give the galley a wide berth tonight if you want to give it a whirl yourself
Hmmm, not sure how Id broach the topic with Angela headboards are one thing, but pot racks
Youre an evil bastard did I say you didnt remind me of Nik? Her laughter took all the sting out of her words.
Well, I was going to say dont get your panties in a twist but I realized that might be an indelicate comment given that, as the paparazzi proved, we cant always assume youve got them on. He practically guffawed when he saw her expression and she sputtered but could find no words at first.
Hey, kid, Im just teasing
She couldnt fight the smile, but then shook her head almost in awe. I still cant believe I did that, but I was so furious with Nik I could have killed him on camera
Why?
Oh, this is so embarrassing
Compared to the pot rack?
She thwacked his arm.
Well, in a different way, frankly. I had absolutely put on panties, but Nik made me take them off. Once he left our bedroom I put them back on again and, well, as we were all leaving the hotel thank God we were still in the bungalow he, well he groped my ass and felt them on me. Then he proceeded to scream at me and yank them off me in front of everyone.
Hes a fucking bastard, Natalie. Honest to God, a class-A fucking bastard.
Im not going to argue with you but thats over I can wear panties any time I want!
How about now? he faked a leer as he asked.
Natalie rolled her eyes.
You sure thats not one page Johnny boy may try to take out of Niks book?
Not going there with you, Mason. Just not
She slid off her stool and he asked, Well, where are you going?
She raised an eyebrow and said, I think Johns napped enough and theres more than an hour until dinner time
Hmmm, I like the way you think Angelas beautiful enough as it is doesnt need more beauty sleep -- though your boy does!
Aw, hes totally beautiful and so are you even if you were a bit of an ass just now She leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek and warned him not to be late for dinner.
When Natalie got back into Johns room he was still sleeping and she felt the tenderness for him expand her heart. She pulled her robe off and slid naked under the covers with him and he instantly awoke. With sleep-hooded eyes he looked at her and took her face in both his hands to kiss her, and proceeded to make love to her before carrying her into the shower to get ready for the evening.
A thud and a giggle told them that Mason and Angela were similarly engaged. Theyd all be in good spirits tonight.
Chapter 55
Over the next five days the four friends because theyd surely become that fully enjoyed their private luxury cruise. The weather was perfect, the food and liquor top-drawer and the company even better. And then they got to retire each night with the man or woman they loved. They were all subdued and genuinely sad as they dined their last night, but had already made plans to get together.
Evan had called Natalies uncle Bo and had explained everything to him, so he in turn could explain it to Natalies family. They were sending a car for her to the New York dock theyd pull into, which would then whisk her back to Llanview. Natalie had invited John to come with her, but he felt it critical that she spend some quality time, alone, with her family after their long period of almost-estrangement and everything shed been through. Theyd never know everything, but they knew enough had suspected enough that they wanted to coddle her for a bit. And that actually sounded fantastic to her. Except for the part about missing John.
They made love through that final night, into the morning and even as the Manhattan skyline first came into view in the distance. Theyd have plenty of time to sleep when they were apart. More than once John had wiped tears from Natalies face and hed gathered her close each time.
Natalie sweetheart itll only be two weeks and well talk every day. And if it gets really, really unbearable, well I can come for a visit You and your family need this time. You deserve it. But then Im hoping you will move in with me
John and Natalie had had long talks about what she wanted to do with her life and she was considering law school. Talking with Mason and Angela had helped shape that idea, and she was genuinely excited about it. She knew beyond a doubt that she wanted to be with John and he had even volunteered to transfer to a field office so they could move to Llanview but he was better served remaining based at Quantico She had appreciated how open he was to the move for her that was enough.
I will be on your doorstep in two weeks bags in hand.
And down the road if you miss Llanview and your family
She had kissed him deeply then and they didnt talk for a long time after.
Tears flowed between Angela and Natalie as they said good-bye even though theyd see each other in a few weeks. They were going to miss spending so much time together. Mason pulled Natalie into a tight bear hug, half lifting off her feet and he said genuinely, You are one amazing woman, Natalie. Im so glad I got to know yousee you in a few weeks!
Thank you for everythingyoure the bestand please take care of John while Im gone
Will do, kiddo. Well be waiting for him in the taxi to head to the train station.
John and Natalie were alone. They stood within a foot of each other, staring intently, and then Natalie couldnt see him clearly because of the tears pooling in her eyes and coursing down her cheeks. As a sob escaped her throat John crushed her to him as she cried into his chest. Im sorry Im sorry I know its only for a little while, but Ill miss you so much. I havent spent one day without you in almost six months
Shhh shhh, Natalie, love, its OK Its OK I understand Im going to miss you, too. More than I can possibly tell you. But well talk all the time John felt his own resolve, his own stoicism slipping as he rasped, Oh God, I dont want to let you go I really dont. Natalie tipped her head up to look at him, moved by the tears in his eyes and then their mouths collided in a borderline sloppy, tear-drenched, emotional kiss as they wrapped themselves around each other. They broke apart breathless and then John walked Natalie to the waiting limo, keeping her tucked under his arm, close to his heart. He deposited her safely inside it, leaning in to kiss her again, and then watched the car pull away and head down the street. He wouldnt have been able to describe the heaviness in his heart the sense of desolate loneliness but Natalie understood it because she felt the same way. She was bereft without him. It was going to be a long two weeks.
John slowly walked to the taxi where Mason and Angela were waiting for him. They were silent on the trip to Penn Station and John looked out the window pensively on the train ride to DC, while Mason and Angela sat across from him trying hard not to seem too much like a couple as if to rub it in.
When John finally reached his home in Virginia, 15 miles from Quantico, he felt a familiar sense of ease it was a craftsman bungalow style home on a quiet tree-lined street. He had owned it for several years finally tired of a succession of bachelor apartments and until that moment one of its best features was that it was solely his his refuge. He had only had a few friends over Mason, for one but had never brought a woman home here. Now he knew it was lacking because Natalie wasnt walking with him in the front door. He needed her here for it to feel like home now and home was wherever she was.
Natalie was welcomed with open arms back at Llanfair, though she could tell her family wasnt exactly sure what to say or more importantly, what not to. But by day three things relaxed a bit, though she didnt miss John any less. It helped to talk to him multiple times throughout the day and night, but it wasnt the same as seeing him falling asleep with him. Bo and Vikki were particularly great with her and she knew it was right that she had come home for a bit, to soak up their care and support. It would be the first of many trips she knew but next time shed bring John. Her family had, of course, met him when he was her bodyguard, but things were very different now. She had opened up some to Vikki about what Nik had been like but she spared her the worst of it. She couldnt stop talking about John though and her family felt better about things when they saw how clearly she loved him.
John was back at Quantico, helping out on a few task force projects, but really just easing back in slowly. Chase had questioned him broadly about his time at the Kirovs, but left much unasked unsaid and John appreciated it.
Nik was again sitting in his office, pulling together more information for Evan Chadwick. Within the week Nik would be officially arrested and charged and everyone would know that he had cooperated extensively with the feds. He just had to get through one more week without anyone knowing, and then hed be in a supermax prison, strictly isolated from others. It was a horrible fate, but one better than that hed experience if the Russians got their hands on him. Nik had given serious consideration to just killing himself and he still hadnt completely closed the door on that. His in-depth confessions had been taped and the evidence incontrovertible so that even in his absence the bosses and their organizations were going down. There was one very important piece of business, however, that he had to make a final decision on to do it, or leave it be. Which decision would make it easier to live his life in almost complete solitude behind bars? Or easier to go to his grave by his own hand?
Nik finally buzzed for Maksim and asked him to shut the door when he arrived.
Later that night John was walking up his front porch stairs, with just a little light coming from a distant street lamp, when his spine stiffened almost imperceptibly before he continued to the door, placing his key in the lock. To the darkness he said, I dont have vodka, but I have plenty of whiskey and then he opened the door and walked in, leaving it open.
Once inside he turned to face his guest. Hello, Maksim how are you?
Not too bad, John, not too bad.
So, what brings you here?
I think you know
Yes, I suspect I do so why am I still alive, then? Do you figure an ambush outside my house was more dangerous in terms of getting caught?
Maksim said nothing and John asked, Drink?
Sure.
Then come with me to the den the bars back there
Late the next morning Nik walked downstairs and saw Maksim giving instructions to what was obviously a new security hire a typical blonde Russian trying to look tougher in leather jacket and shades. Nik was careful not to roll his eyes and none of this would matter in a few days anyway everyone would be on their own.
Maksim do we have reason to celebrate?
Never a bad idea, boss.
Excellent, lets go to my office
Maksim and Nik closed themselves in Niks office and as was often the case, Maksim moved to the bar to serve them while Nik sank happily into his chair. The men toasted each other with vodka and Nik said, To tying up loose ends
They sat in companionable silence for several minutes, until Nik realized he suddenly wasnt feeling very well he felt sweaty clammy his stomach hurt and his chest felt constricted he looked to Maksim who sat impassively looking at himYou OK, boss?
Is it warm in here?
Not really, but I can open the door Maksim did so and his new Russian protg was standing on the other side, and entered behind Maksim but closed the door rather than leaving it open.
Nik looked up about to yell at him to leave, though he had little energy for it. However at that moment the Russian took of his sunglasses and Nik got what would be the final shock of his life he was looking into the fiery eyes of John McBain, who was almost completely unrecognizable in his blonde wig.
Whats wrong, Nik? Afraid youre seeing a ghost? Johns voice was deadly as he walked close to him and grabbed Niks chin in an iron grip to make him look directly at him. I know, Im supposed to be dead, right? You know its bad when your own key lieutenant has a higher regard for the feds than you. How lucky that he also happens to have some of those same designer drug connections that you do Such poetic justice, dont you think, that you are meeting the same fate as your father? As much as I was dying to, I had zero intention of doing this until you sent Maksim to my home MY HOME! to kill me. So what was that one final bit if evil from bad Nik until the noble side of you headed off to serve your time? You just couldnt take it that you threw Natalie away and I caught her worse, that she fell in love with me. You know that I love her in a way you never couldFor what you did to her, you have no idea how badly I want to beat you until there isnt a single solid bone left in your body. What do they call that in Russian zamochit? What you did to Natalie was criminal indefensible no matter what reason you think you had. You are a lying sack of shit to say you only tortured her because you had to I was there, remember? You ENJOYED it thats your real evil secret. Maybe you never would have turned had your brother not died, but once you did, you got off on what you did to her. The dungeon torture, forcing yourself on her, debasing her with the clothing you selected for heryes, you became the evil Nik and then you took pleasure in the systematic, sadistic torture of a wonderful young girl whod made the tragic mistake of loving and trusting you. Well as you draw your last breath just know that I am healing her and it is a process I started in this very place, under your roof in your own bed Everything you did to drive us apart brought us more firmly together. You are nothing but a blight on her memory and life that shes leaving far behind her. The only time she will cry out your name will be in her nightmares, and soon you wont even be in those. Mine is the name she screams as I bring her so much pleasure you arent even a distant memory I love Natalie and I have you to thank for making it so easy to show you up and win her heart. Dasvidaniya you miserable piece of human filth
Nik could barely draw a breath by now, but he heard everything and he knew he had lost. He saw Maksim and John embrace embrace! then John was gone, without anyone but Nik and Maksim knowng it was him.
Maksim walked closer to Nik and gave him a look filled with naked hate. I have been planning for this day for a long time a chance to get away. I will never be found Ill be well on my way by the time your body is You are a monster. The way you treated Natalie You are more your fathers son than Oleg ever was and your mothers heart would break into a million pieces if she saw what youve become. She would have put you down like a rabid dog herself
Maksim saw the dagger-shaped letter opener on Niks desk the one Natalie had briefly contemplated using to stab Nik the night hed had John fuck her while she was bent over his desk. Maksim realized it didnt matter what he did now hed soon be a ghost himself. He had planned well hed live a good life, free of the travesty masquerading as the family Kirov. He took the letter opener and walked over to Nik. Maksim held his big, beefy hand tightly over Niks mouth to stifle his sounds, and then the big man drove the opener like a stake through Niks genitals until it was buried deep into the leather seat, pinning him excruciatingly in place. Nik almost passed out from the pain not that it mattered, he only had minutes left to live anyway.
A chipper Maksim left the apartment to run and errand, never to be seen again. Nik wasnt found until several hours later and not one person in his household figured hed gotten anything but what hed deserved.
Evan wasnt exactly surprised nor was he sorry when he got the news. They had what they needed from him Natalie was free and both good and evil Nik, if there was such a thing, were gone for good. Early forensics had yielded Maksims fingerprints on the letter opener, and on one of the vodka glasses in the room. They knew he was already in the wind and not one resource under Evans control would be expended trying to find him.
Chapter 56
Natalie was in the library at Llanfair when Uncle Bo walked in with a somber expression on his face. Her heart dropped, immediately worried that something had happened to John she was afraid Nik wouldnt let what had happened with them slide, for all his protestations that he was now doing the right thing. She stood and asked with a tremor of fear in her voice, Whats wrong is it John?
No, honey. Not John. Its Nik. Natalie, hes dead. It appears that his head of security a guy named Maksim killed him and now hes missing.
Natalie sank back down on the couch and said, Wow
Bo sat beside her and took her hand. Are you OK? Is there anything I can get you?
She shook her head and he continued, I know I know that things were terrible after you left Llanview, but those first few years he was your husband Im sure this is still a shock.
Bo, I mourned my husband a long time ago. I didnt proactively wish him dead, but I cant say Im sorry either. As long as he was alive I felt that John would be in danger
Im not surprised you mourned him so long ago Natalie, I wish I knew I wish youd told me. We would have figured out a way to get you out of there
Natalie could hear the emotion in his voice and she took his hand and looked directly in his eye. Bo, there was nothing to be done. Ruthless doesnt even begin to describe these people they would have hurt or killed people I love. It just wasnt an option. And it did help to know that I was taking steps to one day bring them down to free myself and then I got so lucky when John arrived such a twist of fate.
You love him very much, dont you?
I do. Hes a very good man. He made everything so much better for me
Im glad. Id imagine you miss him
Yes, but I missed you all so much too it is good to be home to see you all... to be with you
Have you given any thought to whether youre moving back here for good?
Im not really sure, Bo. A huge part of me wants to so badly and John even said hed ask for a transfer but this is also where I met and married Nik. I just wonder if a fresh start somewhere else would be better for me as long as I get to come back here all the time to visit.
I understand. A fresh start has its appeal. Something to consider and discuss with John Ive been wanting to bring on a new Chief of Detectives if he was ever ready to leave the Bureau
She smiled, Youre such a great uncle
Hey, I have ulterior motives two-fold, actually. Id have you back, and I know that he is a very talented law enforcement professional hed be great to have on the team.
Well, I will certainly let him know.
Bo gave her a big hug good-bye and then she sat and thought about Nik, wondering if it made her a terrible person that she couldnt find it in her to mourn his passing in the least. But she knew shed spoken the truth. She HAD mourned HER Nik five long years ago. The shell that had finally expired was not him. He was her jailer-torturer. At that moment her cell phone rang and she felt her heart lift when she saw it was John.
Hi, John.
Hey, Natalie. Listen, did you hear about Nik?
Yeah, Uncle Bo was just here
Are you OK?
I am. That wasnt my husband.
I miss you
I miss you too but we dont have too much longer unless you want to come here
Natalie, Id love to but I really want you to have this time with your family.
It is great to be with them.
The rest of Natalies time in Llanview went quickly, and John insisted on picking her up. He got there in time for lunch with the family which went very well. John couldnt take his eyes off Natalie and though she looked so much happier and at peace, he also worried because she seemed thinner to him there were dark smudges under her eyes. When they were alone for a few minutes he asked her if she was OK, and she smiled and said, I think its just missing you I dont sleep as well without you
Oh, so I put you to sleep, huh?
Well, not exactly. First you wear me out to the point of fantastic exhaustion, and then you hold me close so I feel safe and loved a powerful combination.
He pulled her close and kissed her thoroughly, not stopping until a gently cleared throat signaled they were not alone. They turned to find Vikki and Jessica standing there with happily indulgent smiles on their faces.
Vikki said, I had Lois pack you two some refreshments for your road trip.
Thanks, Mom. But just so you know Im not saying good-bye. Youll be seeing a lot more of me now
I know, baby. And it heals my heart
Natalie and Vikki embraced for several long moments, and then good-byes were said all around. Finally John and Natalie were on the road. He couldnt wait to get her home.
John lived in Virginia about 15 miles from Quantico in a quiet, charming neighborhood. It was not one of the newer neighborhoods full of McMansions, but instead had wonderful craftsman bungalows/cottages. Johns house was white with black shutters and accents, set back from the road with an inviting front porch. It was impeccably maintained. He pulled down the long driveway to the detached garage down back and drove into it. He helped Natalie grab her bags and they walked towards the house. John felt a bit silly because he was suddenly a nervous. He wanted her to like it hereso it would feel like home for her. Hed felt like this was his oasis to come back to even though he was often away for long stretches and he hoped shed feel that way, too.
John walked them around the front so her first impression could be the best view of the house. He opened a leaded glass door that deposited them in the main room which was a good size. There were wood floors throughout the entire first floor. The walls were all off white, which threw the natural wood door frames and moldings into sharp relief. In the middle of the main room was an oriental rug dominated by browns, creams, black and a dash of deep red. Facing each other on the rug were two oversized brown leather couches and two massive leather ottomans stood side-by-side between the couches in lieu of a coffee table. However on one of them was a large mahogany tray that converted it to that purpose as needed, and a beige chenille throw had been tossed across the other one. The couches each held several throw pillows in colors that picked up those in the rug. There were a couple of wood end-tables and matching wood sofa tables behind each sofa they were all mission-style. On all four tables were lamps that had almost a Frank Lloyd Wright feel to them, and scattered across them were a few books and coasters. On the walls were tasteful prints mostly cityscapes and street-scenes from around the world. Natalie could see through the double-wide door-jamb which was door-less to the dining room whose long wooden table and six chairs was also mission style and consistent with the living room furniture.
John, this is beautiful, yet so warm and inviting
Im glad you like it let me show you the rest
He led her to the kitchen which was a very good size enough for a four-person table and chairs. The cabinets and island were a warm maple color and the countertops were black granite. He then led her down the hall a bit to a small but nicely done powder room, and finally to the back of the house were there was an office/den that had a red leather couch and several red-leather club chairs plus a large flat-screen TV. The walls were lined with bookcases that were chock-full. John held her hand as they walked back into the main room and to the wooden stairs that led to the second floor which also had solid wood floors throughout. The staircase bisected the upper floor and to the right was the master suite which took up half the second floor, and to the left were two spare bedrooms that shared a full bathroom. The bedrooms were relatively sparsely furnished but still nice beds, dressers, and armchairs.
John led her into the master suite last and she thought it was wonderful. A mahogany four-poster bed dominated half the room and it was luxuriously turned out in taupe colored duvet and pillow shams. A large upholstered bench was at the foot of the bed. The mattress was clearly a pillow top style because the bed was so high off the ground she was wondering if shed need to climb onto it using the bench or a boost from John The room had fantastic natural light through great windows framed in wood and a window seat ran the width of the large window that looked onto a small but pretty backyard. On the other side of the bed was a small seating area with two armchairs and an ottoman, all covered in a beige and brown brocade. She followed John into the master bathroom which had a large stall shower and an equally sizable Jacuzzi tub both of which, along with the floor, were clad in taupe marble. The two vanities that were at right angles to each other were maple, and their counters were off-white marble. Mirrors ran the entire length of each. And finally, there were two large walk-in closets and John showed Natalie that one was totally empty and waiting for her.
Im so glad youre here, Natalie. Do you think you can like it?
I already love it and Im so glad you brought me here
They were standing face-to-face, less than a foot separating them, holding hands. They couldnt stop looking at each other, making up for two weeks lost time.
It wouldnt be home without you Natalie. And as much as I have loved this place, thats all it is. A place. A home is really about the people for me, one person in particular you
She caressed his face and leaned up to kiss him. The only time Park Avenue ever felt even remotely like home was when you lived there with me. So I know youre right home is where you are but I really like it here, with you.
John led her to sit on the bench at the foot of the bed and pushed a strand of hair back from her face. Are you sure you dont want to move back to Llanview?
Now that Im here with you I know that this is where I want to be. Llanview hasnt been home in a very long time. I know Ill spend a lot more time there with you along with me but I want a fresh start. This feels right. But in the interest of full disclosure, I should let you know that Bo said hed welcome you as his Chief of Detectives
Thats a good offer, Natalie. If you wanted to go back to Llanview
I dont unless its what you really wanted to do
Maybe some day. But I do like the idea of building our own life together here. I had a long talk with Chase. Im giving up undercover work and most field work. Im going to run the task force aimed at taking down child predators and exploiters. I want to stick as close to home as I can.
Im so glad I hate being away from you.
Glad to hear you say that I feel the same way.
It feels like were finally free, John. Free to be togetherlive our lives. As long as Nik was alive I was so worried hed try something
I wouldnt have let him hurt you anymore, Natalie
I wasnt worried about him hurting me I was worried about him coming after you. If it makes me seem like an awful person, Im so glad hes gone. It is a blessed relief
John looked at her intently, holding her two hands in his. You said you didnt think of him as your husband anymore couldnt call him that
Not in years.
He swallowed hard. Do you think could you ever imagine yourself calling me that? Your husband?
Natalie looked at him in surprise, Are you asking me do you mean?
John slid off the bench to kneel before her, and she felt tears spring to her eyes as her heart started to race. Natalie, would you? Would you marry me? Would you be my wife? I promise Ill love you forever
In response Natalie tugged on John so he was back on the bench with her and she pulled him into a deep kiss while she wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders. He could feel her tears on his cheeks and clasped her tight against him as he returned her kiss with equal passion. Finally they drew apart and he smiled at her, asking softly, Is that a yes?
Yes that was a yes!
He expelled a sigh of relief and gathered her into an enveloping hug. I love you, Natalie.
I love you, too, John
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring that took her breath away. It was a 2 carat cushion cut diamond set in platinum, and it was magnificent. It was simple and amazing at the same time. Both of their hands were shaking as he placed it on her left ring finger, and then he kissed it as if to seal his promises in. Then they shared a tender kiss of promise that deepened into a passionate invitation.
Take me to bed, John please
With pleasure, Natalie with pleasure
Chapter 57
It was as if time slowed down as John and Natalie undressed each other, savoring the rediscovery after their time apart. Their bodies and hearts knew they now had all the time in the world there were no threats, no secrets, no fear. They were promised to each other and they were free. They could slowly, completely, endlessly indulge in all five senses as they reconnected.
When they were stretched out on the bed they spent long minutes kissing deeply in an intoxicating blend of ardent languor while their naked bodies slid against each other in sensual friction. For the better part of an hour they used their mouths and hands to re-familiarize themselves with every part of each other, taking the time to feel each sensation no matter how subtle or bold, spurred on by the soft gasps and deep moans that broke the silence. When they were both trembling in their powerful need, John rolled Natalie beneath him as she opened her legs and welcomed him where her ache was most profound. As she rubbed her hands up and down his back while he moved within her, she was conscious of the weight of his ring on her finger and her heart expanded at the thought of the symbol of his love and fidelity encircling her finger while her body in turn surrounded and embraced the evidence of his passionate desire for her. She was dually claimed and would surrender everything she had to him.
Natalie could feel her inner walls begin to flutter and Johns body begin to tremble under her hands. His mouth was buried against her neck, his tongue riling her nerve endings, but she wanted to feel it against hers, their breath coalescing as they climaxed together. She moved her hands to his face and he complied with the gentle pressure. Their eyes locked, mirroring the intense love and passion they had for each other.
I love you, John.
I love you more
The heat of their kiss triggered their simultaneous release, the sounds of which ripped their mouths apart even as it fused the rest of them together in convulsive waves. Finally they lay spent, entwined, and at peace.
John watched Natalie sleep she seemed dead to the world and let the love and tenderness he felt for her wash over him. He had never experienced such a sense of profound relief to have her with him, with Nik no longer a threat. He thought back to the night on the boat when they had hashed everything out, teetering on the brink of losing each other forever. But their love had won, vanquishing some pretty formidable foes, and getting them past the lies and fear and anger. He loved her fiercely, and he was glad that even though shed never know it he had finally been able to take a stand against Nik and erase him as a threat forever.
He studied her beautiful body and realized his initial impression had been correct she had lost some weight. Not a lot but then again she hadnt any she really could afford to lose. Nonetheless, he realized that there were other changes a fullness to her breasts with nipples of an even rosier hue and there was just the slightest curve in her flat stomach. He felt a warmth spread throughout his body and a broad smile appeared on his face as he gently moved his hand to her belly. His touch woke Natalie and she looked at him, taking in the smile, which she couldnt help return it was infectious.
Hey she said sleepily.
Hey yourself good nap?
Yeah fantastic Ive been so tired lately for some reason
His smile grew.
What?
Can I ask you a personal question?
She snorted and said, I think youve more than earned the right
Caressing her belly he asked softly, Is there a chance you might be pregnant?
She sucked in a breath and then thought about it, realizing that her last period had been over six weeks ago two weeks before that cataclysmic night on the boat. She said with the surprise evident in her voice, Yes I havent I am late I think that night on the boat
She didnt even realize she was crying until Johns hands were gently cupping her face, his thumbs wiping her tears away. Hey, Natalie, honey are you OK? Its OK He gathered her tightly against him as she nodded and said in a small voice Are you? OK if its true?
He pulled back and the smile had returned to his face, Natalie, you did see the smile on my face, right? Not like I could hide it I would be thrilled. Like icing on the best cake
She smiled back and then asked, What made you think it?
He ran a finger tip over her breasts and then down to the curve of her stomach, noting the slight shiver his touch sent through her body. Just some subtle, but beautiful changes I noticed I hadnt seen you in a while and then got to re-learn your body a few things struck me as different His voice had gotten lower, deeper as hed talked.
Care to double check? she asked equally huskily.
He claimed her mouth in an infinitely gentle kiss and proceeded to make love to her in exactly the same way. When he held her afterwards she said, Maybe we should go to the store and get a test
Mmmm, we could, or
Or?
Well, my brother Michael is a doctor in DC, and I think hes working tonight at the hospital I told him about you that I was going to propose. Hes dying to meet you anyway
She laughed a bit.
What?
Well, it would be a funny way to meet a future brother-in-law for the first time hi, nice to meet you, as he does an internal exam on me
Oh, OH! I was just thinking about a blood test well, if it would be too strange
Im sure hes a professional and I am dying to know really know for sure
They headed to the hospital and after some warm words of hello and welcomes John quietly explained their situation prompting yet more hugs from Michael. Natalie thought he was a lovely guy.
Michael ushered them into an exam room and took blood to get some tests run, then returned and said, OK, I or someone will need to do an internal exam. Im happy to if it wont be too weird otherwise I can get someone else but it might be a pretty long wait
Natalie found she was quite comfortable with Michael maybe because he was largely a stranger at this point. Its OK I can handle it if you can
Oh, I can not sure about my brother, though. Johnny, maybe you should wait outside
Me? Why?
Because Im not sure youre going to like watching me touch Natalie where and the way I have to, and Im not in the mood for you to deck me
I wont. Just dont look like youre enjoying it or anything
The whole stirrups thing kind of freaked John out a bit though he managed to hide it. This was a whole world hed never experienced. And he almost laughed when he thought about some of the things hed borne witness to when it came to Natalies body and other men. He shuddered when he remembered standing there impotently while Nik raped her, his hand perilously close to a sharp knife. He purged that memory since this was a much happier, totally clinical situation. The rest was all in the past, and what better way to stake a claim on the future than having this child together.
Michael smiled when he looked at Natalie, then John. Well, I think youre about four weeks pregnant, Natalie. Very early, but so far things seem fine. Well wait for your blood work to confirm and to check your hormone levels, but congratulations, guys. I am very, very happy for you both!
Michael left to check on her test results and John helped Natalie get dressed. He was looking at her almost in awe now, and she found it both touching and funny.
You OK, John?
Yeah you?
Yeah. Great in fact.
They were hugging each other when Michael walked back in and told them her test was positive. He handed her some pre-natal vitamin samples to get her started and suggested she make an appointment with an OB as soon as possible. Then he gave them both big hugs good-bye and was swallowed back into the craziness of the hospital.
Lets go home, Natalie. Its late, and Im sure youre tired.
A little. Im really happy, John. About everything. Its been an amazing day.
He gently stroked her face and kissed her before agreeing completely. Then he bent to kiss her virtually non-existent belly and said, I cant wait to meet you and I wont ever let anything happen to you or your mommy
Natalie ran her hands through his hair, feeling tears prick her eyes. She knew hed keep that promise. She just knew it.
Chapter 58
John let Natalie sleep in the next morning, and then brought her breakfast in bed.
You trying to spoil me?
I think you deserve it.
I dont know about that, but I do appreciate it
Well, I DO know about it. I have such a strong need to take care of you
Im not going to lie I love it. So, what time are we meeting Mason and Angela tonight ?
Seven. And I think youre going to like Neros. They are an institution in town delicious.
Sounds like fun. I really am looking forward to seeing them again.
Me too well, Im going to go do some work in the den, come visit me when youre up to it
I wont be long just going to jump in the shower.
John was returning some emails when Natalie walked in, freshly showered and dressed comfortably in a cashmere lounging outfit. She had taken nothing from the Kirov household, wanting to sever all ties. Her mother had insisted on taking her on a huge shopping spree, so she was now well-stocked on clothing that was 100% her and shed been thrilled to find almost an exact replica of one of her favorite outfits. It had always brought her such comfort shed worn it on days shed needed a hug. But it hit her full-force when she walked in and saw John that she wasnt going to have to rely on cozy clothing for that and she went to him as he sat behind his desk and climbed onto his lap, her arms slipping around his torso.
He put his arms around her, kissed the top of her head and asked, You OK?
She sighed but it was a happy one Totally. I just wanted a hug I love your hugs
He made it an even better one, then noticed she had something in her hands.
Whats that?
She shifted a bit so she could look at him, Our movie
Oh I thought you got rid of that
Well, I wasnt exactly sure of the best way, so I thought Id leverage your steel-trap FBI mind but then I figured with whats about to happen to my body, you might want to keep it to remind you of better days past and hopefully future!
He laughed, saying, Youre a nut. You will still be beautiful and sexy even heavily pregnant Im sure of it
After a moment she said, You know, weve never seen this
Somewhat surprised he asked, You want to?
Do you?
He smirked a bit, Why not. Were adults plus it is US well be watching not like were spying on others
We can sit under a blanket to shield the babys eyes
You ARE a nut he said openly laughing.
They stretched out, entwined, on the leather couch and after John pressed a few buttons the movie came on, thumping soundtrack playing over Aldos credits then the title My Bodyguard came on and they were rolling with laughter. Of course then it showed Natalie in that smoking outfit undressing John and she sputtered, I went out of the house looking like that?!
Only to a porn party no worries
Soon they were watching in rapt attention, and the evidence of Johns arousal was pressing against her side as she lay in his arms. She could feel the reaction in her own body because frankly they were so clearly hot for each other as they devoured each other on film. It was still stunning to both of them that theyd managed to get this carried away and completely forget it was all being captured.
When it was over they both sat quietly for a moment and John said, No wonder Nik completely lost it
Yeah and John?
Yeah?
I need you to fuck me, right here, right now hard
He didnt even have time to register her words when shed turned in his arms, pressed herself against his highly aroused body and pulled him into a searing kiss.
Clothes went flying and then John was taking her from behind with powerful strokes while she buried her head in her arms which were draped on the back of the couch. She shoved back against him with every thrust and soon they were both shouting out as their bodies quaked almost violently. John finally pulled her down beside him and the remained collapsed, wound together for some 30 minutes.
Finally John spoke and said with a voice tinged with both humor and concern, You dont think I scrambled the babys brains or anything, do you?
And you say IM a nut. No, I think the little one is well-insulated at this point. Its only about the size of a grain of rice
I was never that small he leered as he pressed his pelvis into her.
She snickered, Yeah you were from small things greatness springs
We definitely need to keep this movie, Natalie. Its fucking fantastic
Or fantastic fucking
He shifted a bit and she smirked at him and said, Youre not serious?
He shifted again.
Again? Already? Oh, the things I endure Soon she was wondering if she would, in fact, endure him, or if hed be the death of her but she wondered that every time and she was still here clinging desperately to him, but very much here.
Later much later they found the strength to head upstairs to shower and get ready for the evening.
Natalie wore black silk pajama-style pants and a sapphire blue silk tunic that had a wide boat neck and dolman sleeves. It fell to her mid-thighs and had deep slits up both sides. She put a gold chain belt around it to cinch it some. She realized that if she had still been with Nik it was likely he would have considered this tunic a dress and had her parade around in it most likely panty-less. She wondered when shed ever stop comparing the before and after Nik periods. Eventually, she would. But the differences were so stark and everything was so much better now.
While she was finishing getting ready John had gone downstairs he had chosen a pair of black trousers and a black silk button-down shirt he wore tucked in. He had a black and taupe checked sport coat that would complete the look. She heard a doorbell and a few minutes later John came up holding an envelope out to her.
This was messengered over from Evans office
Hmmm. Well, lets see what it is
It was her finalized divorce papers Evan had used some of his connections to speed things along.
Im finally, totally free my divorce went through. Im free.
John held her closely for a minute, feeling the relief coursing through her. The last tie had been severed.
They were in such a happy mood by the time they got to Neros. What a 24 hours it had been. Theyd become engaged, learned Natalie was pregnant, and her divorce had come through. Not to mention their vigorous afternoon.
Angela and Mason seemed similarly happy and there were warm hugs all around as the four re-connected. Before they could be shown to their tables what could only be described as soft squeals came out of Angela and Natalie as they simultaneously spotted each others engagement rings.
John and Mason just laughed and then clasped each other in a genuine but appropriately brief man hug. The Neros got in on the excitement of the dual engagements and ushered them to the best table in the house near enough, but not too close to the band and dance floor.
Gina and Lou Nero were soon at their table with a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne and four glasses. Rather than make a big deal out of it, Natalie accepted the glass, raised it for a toast and clinked glasses but then only pretended to drink. Eagle-eye Mason did not miss her trick.
Whats the matter, Natalie, dont you like Dom? I understand you gave up vodka, but Doms not Russian
What are you talking about?
You didnt actually drink
Well, Im just not in the mood she knew she was blushing furiously even as she said it and looked up to meet Masons narrowing eyes.
Not in the mood honey, not that you were alone in this by any means, but you hardly passed up a glass of wine when we were on the boat, and now
John was trying to keep his features schooled, fighting the twitch of his mouth that was dying to smirk. Of course Mason noted this, too.
OK, McBain, why do you look like the cat that ate the canary? Of course he was already adding it up. Well son of a gun you done knocked the girl up!
Angela choked on her champagne while Natalie laughed and said You are such an ass sometimes and its all your fault by the way
Shhhh, youre not supposed to say that in front of our fiancs
She rolled her eyes then, but still couldnt help laughing. I meant the night you locked us into Johns stateroom together
Ah, yeah, I could see how it might have happened that night how fantastic not only didnt you kill each other, but you created a new life. Im impressed with myself and my efforts
Angela finally broke in and said, That is just the best news seriously and I know even Mason feels the same way, notwithstanding his momentary jack-assedness.
I guess the honeymoon is over with that comment he feigned hurt.
The four settled into a fun evening of good food, good beverages Pellegrino for Natalie and, of course, conversation. Which flowed to the subject of weddings.
It turned out neither of the women were interested in large weddings at all to the relieved delight of both men.
But Angela, Natalie asked. Arent you the youngest child and daughter of your big Italian family? Are your parents going to let you get away with something small?
Im the sixth child and third daughter and the last to get married. And I know theyd love me if I spared them another wedding hassle.
Well, I already had all that hoopla and I have no desire to repeat it. My problem is I cant wait to BE married, I just hate the process of GETTING married
Exactly!
John said, You sound like two guys the kind that are always trying to get their women to elope
Mason chimed in, Now theres an idea just run off, get it done, move on with life easy, simple
They all just looked at each other for a moment and then smiles crossed all their faces.
Natalie asked, What times the next flight to Vegas?
Then they were in action. John getting the check, Mason on the phone with the airlines, Angela and Natalie dashing to the restroom.
By 2am Las Vegas time Natalie was Mrs. John McBain and Angela was Mrs. Mark Mason. They had served as each others witnesses and found the basic and impromptu ceremony curiously moving. Because all that mattered was the outcome.
They checked into side-by-side suites at the Bellagio after planning to meet for a late lunch and then they went to celebrate their unions in the most private of ways.
John and Natalie held each other closely as soon as the door had closed behind them. She leaned back to look at him and said, Im so glad youre my husband, John. I am happier than I ever thought possible.
No happier than me, Natalie. You own my heart all of me I love you with everything I have and always will, I promise
I love you so much
John savored the unfamiliar weight of a ring on his finger, and felt more anchored to his life to his happiness to his Natalie.
I want to make love to my wife
I love how that sounds I hear the love when you say it
He picked her up and carried her to the bed, carefully undressing her and then yanking off his own clothes as quickly as he could. It was well past dawn when he was finally finished for the time being using his words and touch to show her how much he loved her. Then they held each other close as they slept in a state of peaceful exhaustion. That night on the boat had, in fact, been a benediction of their future and had given them the most beautiful proof a baby, conceived in love, whose arrival they would anxiously await.
Nik woke up with a pounding headache that was only barely helped by the Advil he choked down and a cold shower. He had a busy day ahead of him and had to hurry to get his things out of his den and then head to his office. When he got to the den the door was closed, which he found odd. He opened the door and was assailed by an almost violent mixture of emotions which he worked hard to ride herd on. Oleg was sitting behind his desk, at his computer, watching the movie he had carelessly left behind when he had stalked upstairs in a drunken state to confront Natalie.
Oleg heard him and turned to look in his direction with a stunned and irate expression on his face.
What is this, Nikolai? Tell me I am not seeing this!
That is private, Papa. And we need to head to the office for the meeting with Gregorski.
Gregorski will wait. And dont tell me this is private in my own home involving my own daughter-in-law my only remaining sons wife
Thats right, Papa my wife. MINE. Now I am respectfully asking you to leave it.
What are you going to do about it?
Papa
Nik!
Its already taken care of?
If that whore is still able to walk and if that bodyguard of hers is still in this house then it isnt taken care of. He has led her astray I knew it the moment she spread her legs for the world to see at that premiere -- it was for HIS benefit and apparently he accepted her blatant invitation!
Papa, I am telling you, this is my business and I have taken care of it my way and will continue to
How long have you known? How were they able to get away with this? Who set it up?
It was my idea and I arranged it.
Oleg was floored at this admission and Nik couldnt help enjoying the rare feeling of victory over his father that hed been able to surprise him. And all it took was pushing his wife to make a porn movie with her bodyguard.
You arranged why on earth would you do such thing?
I had my reasons
Your reasons?! And what reasons could possibly
Papa! I dont want to discuss this any more and I need you to stay out of it!
Stay out of
Yes! OUT of it Some things have to be off limits like my marriage. I have never intruded on your reasons for treating my mother the way you did, and Id appreciate the same courtesy
I turned down your offer to have Natalie I have kept my distance from her out of respect for you and then you give her away to to her bodyguard. A non-Russian at that?
Papa, let me ask you is it really that noble that notable that you elected not to sleep with your sons wife that you have not forced yourself on her?
I exercised restraint which you know I seldom do on YOUR behalf and now
Now, you will continue to do so as if nothing has changed because it has not. I love you and respect you Papa. I would die to protect you. But if you touch Natalie I will have no compunction in killing you. I will absolve her bodyguard of it as well I will consider that he will just have done his job. And if I have to officially inform him of that I will. Please dont push us to that point, Papa. That night, five years ago, I proved myself to you. I pushed my wife into your arms and would have let you have her. I then raped her in front of you and others to prove my mettle. And since then I have treated her like a second class citizen and my possession to continue to prove that I have my priorities in order. If anything, this pornographic experiment should further prove the relative regard in which I hold my wife. I shouldnt have to prove myself to you on that point any more. And I shouldnt have to ask no, WARN my father to stay away from my wife. I have destroyed the fundamental nature and intimacy of my marriage to please you to prove myself to you. I have no qualms about having done so. I am at peace with that decision. But given what it has cost me, I am adamant about my desire that this issue remain a private one between me and my wife, and that you stay away from her. Now lets go.
Oleg looked long and hard at his son and he was angry. But he was also impressed. He ultimately couldnt argue with the way Nik had handled him or with his assertions. But he also felt in his bones that his time with Natalie would come maybe not soon, but eventually. He was a patient man. Hed already waited five years, and even if it took five years more but maybe he could figure out something a way to have her without Nik knowing but for now, hed go along hed been warned.
Upstairs Natalie woke up to the feeling of being in Johns arms, her back pressed tightly against his solid chest, and his legs bent behind hers. His breath was even and warm against her neck, and she knew he was asleep. Her mind kept turning over the events of the previous night and she still found them hard to process to make sense of. She couldnt remember ever seeing Nik so out of control angry, yes, but always in a coldly calculating and cutting way. And what he was going to do to her she almost laughed when she realized she had totally discounted what he HAD done to her. He had slapped her around, held both a gun and a knife against her, and then forced his way into her body in an assault that was not a case of typical marital relations. But some how none of that shook her. It was normal in this world. She was already moving past it. What continued to rattle was the image of the gun under Johns chin he was almost killed defending her, and yes it was his job, but when he took it did he think it was her own husband his employer whod be the biggest threat?
She felt him stir and turned around in his arms, struck again by the intensity of his blue eyes, yet how soft they had become when they looked at her. They melted her. She stroked his face and said quietly, Im so sorry, John
Sorry? For what?
You had a GUN pointed at you last night by the man Im married to. Im pretty sure that isnt anything you expected when you signed on for this job
John expelled his breath and said, Natalie, honey, it wasnt the job that brought me down there last night I wasnt a bodyguard I was a man trying to help the woman I love and I didnt do very well at that
How can you say that?
It hurt him to choke the words out, Natalie, he still he raped you, Natalie. I know you have been desensitized to all of his, his abuse but thats what he did. And its worse that it was your husband that did it, not a stranger
He is a stranger. But it was almost so much worse she shook when she said that when she thought about it and he wrapped her in his arms. He felt the sting of tears in his own eyes as he rasped against her hair, I now understand the true definition of absolute impotence. Not knowing what to donot able to do anything
She whispered against his chest, There was nothing more you could have done he had a gun a knife
If it had just been me in danger if he was just threatening to shoot me, but the knife against your neck a shudder ran through him as he remembered.
And Id rather it just be me in danger, John maybe maybe you should, should quit She was trying to be strong but her voice broke on that last word.
He pulled away to look in her face, stunned. Why would I do that?!
Because if anything ever happened to you because of me
And you dont think I feel the same? How could I possibly leave you here alone? If I ever go it will be because you are with me and maybe it really is time that we plan for that I can make some calls
I dont think theres any running from him from the Kirovs. I think its going to require him letting me go and maybe hes pushed it so far that hell have to. Im not sure he can forget now John, he was out of control in a way Ive never seen what he needs more than anything is to be in control. If he thinks hes lost that over me in some way if he thinks hes misplayed his hand. Maybe
I dont think hes the type to just let anyone go whos to say he just wont make the game worse?
I guess well just have to see. I heard him leave. Hes gone to work hell be out all day, and I think he has a dinner meeting. Hell bully a bunch of people to get his way today, make a bunch of money, squeeze out some of his competitors and hell be in a much better mood.
How have you done it, Natalie?
What?
Survived. Im not trying to make you feel badly or force you to, well to face anything because I know you have not been in denial about your life but how have you done it? All this time? Ive never met anyone stronger than you ever.
Natalie felt tears well in her eyes and then slide down her cheeks. To have someone bear witness to understand her and her life and not to judge her weak or insane for it
John kissed her gently at first, but the first touch of their lips was always guaranteed to inflame and their mouths opened against each other so their tongues could join as completely and deeply as possible. John finally broke away so he could look at her. I dont want to hurt youwhere he, where he hurt you
You wontyou make it better
Natalie moved her hands to the bottom of Johns tank top and moved it up and off his body. She kissed his neck and his chest and then moved her hands to the waist band of his boxers and pushed them down his legs until John could kick them off. He reached down and unbuttoned his shirt that she was wearing and pushed it off her, and then held her close to him as they lay on their sides, face to face. Natalie sighed at the contact. She loved the feeling of his hot skin against her. Their mouths moved slowly together, taking time to communicate their feelings and their need, and then John moved his hand to Natalies right thigh and pulled it up over his hip so he could carefully glide into her body, giving her time to adjust to him along the way.
Natalie smiled softly at John when she felt him come to rest deeply within her she felt warmed by his presence. They made love slowly to each other, their climax rolling almost gently over them like the slower waves of a calm ocean, not the overwhelming intensity of a roiling hurricane-whipped sea.
As they held each other after John asked, What did you want to do today? Much as Id like to we cant stay here, like this. I have a feeling wed both be shot if Nik came home to that
Maybe a long walk and then Im meeting Nell later on so I have to go get her chocolates
As always, Natalie enjoyed her visit with Nell and she and John got along quite well, as had become their usual style. When they said their good-byes, the women shared their normally tight hug, and Nell said, Thanks, as always, for the chocolates! You know thats the only reason I meet with you.
Natalie winked at that and they promised to meet in a week.
As per usual, the morning after Nell met Natalie she headed to The Hudson Hotel and headed to a suite but a basic one, not the flashiest -- on the fifth floor. She gave a discreet knock on the door and it was immediately opened by a distinguished older gentleman.
Uncle Evan great to see you, as always. We have to stop meeting like this.
Well, perhaps in a few weeks therell be no need and great to see you, too, Nell.
Uncle Evan was Evan Chadwick, Director of the FBI.
Heres Natalies latest delivery.
Evan opened the box of chocolates and took out the thumb drive. As always he had to fight the urge to immediately see what was on it. He would only let himself do that in the tight security of his own office, on his own personal lap-top that was locked away in a safe in his office he was the only one with the codes and keys that it took to open it. Natalies life depended on the tightest security and secrecy.
Do you have time for coffee or tea, Nell?
Unfortunately, not this morning. But Ill come to see you and Aunt Vivian for a proper visit soon I promise.
They said their good-byes and Evan made a dash to Penn Station he could catch an earlier train. He was dressed so simply that no one would ever guess who he was that, too, was critical.
Chapter 42
Evan Chadwick sat back in his seat on the train to DC. In keeping with his efforts to fade into the anonymity of the non-descript, he sat in the economy car rather than business or first class. He opened his Time magazine but paid little attention to it. The instincts he had honed over a 35 year career in the Bureau that had led to his ascendancy as Director five years ago told him they were very close. After four long years of amassing the pieces in a painstaking fashion they had almost enough. Those instincts also told him that everything they knew and the way things seemed to be shaping up said the Kirovs were on the cusp of a major move that could finally tip them over the edge. They would have enough to take them ALL the way down gut their organization and their power their sprawling network and empire. Which would free Natalie and ensure her familys safety.
After his meetings with Nell he typically found he couldnt stop thinking of Natalie Buchanan Kirov and all she had had to endure these years. He knew it helped her a bit was important to her to know she was not living her horrible life in vain. To know she was going to help take the Kirovs down in fact, shed play a lead role. But she still had had to get through each and every day. Evan had been able to keep some distance from that reality, but Chase had shared that McBain had told him several times how bad things were for Natalie how much he feared for her safety and wanted to get her out. It was hard to have the nature of her situation validated and not be able to do anything. He knew, of course, that Natalie would not have gone along with any plan to save her. She was in for the duration which neither John nor Chase knew at this point.
Evans first meeting with her was pure happenstance. And from it from it came one of the most important relationships the FBI had ever had with an asset with one of the most deeply embedded assets. Of course, he was the only one in the FBI who knew it. Through Nell he had set up a way to continue things in the event something happened to him she was to share everything with Chase but unless and until that, only he, Nell and Natalie knew what was going on.
Start Flashback
Four years earlier
Evan had come to New York City for a law enforcement conference and taken Nell, his favorite niece his sisters daughter to dinner. She had moved to a new apartment that she wanted to show him, so they had decided to have coffee and dessert at her place the second floor of a great Upper East Side Brownstone.
Meanwhile, Natalie Buchanan Kirov was a year into what she thought of her captivity on Park Avenue, and sincerely doubted she could continue. The only thing keeping her there was fear for her familys safety. She thought shed be able to suck it up but two nights earlier Nik had dragged her to the dungeon club Pytka, where he had kept her for hours of what to her was sheer torture. She was still in pain throughout her body. He had left town that morning for an overnight meeting and she had snuck out of the apartment without her security detail, needing to break free hoping shed be able to convince herself to take the risk and flee back to Llanview to her family. She had actually walked into Penn Station and towards the ticket counter, but playing continuously in her head were all of Niks warnings from the other night when she had threatened to leave and she recalled Olegs threat the night everything had changed the year before. Wandering around, with nowhere else to go, she had found herself on Nells doorstep, and when she wasnt there she decided she might as well just sit on the steps and wait where else did she have to go. And even if she didnt tell her anything, just being with a friend someone who knew her and cared
As Evan and Nell approached her place and noticed the figure on the steps, she was stunned when she recognized Natalie.
Natalie?!
Nell! Oh you have company oh, um, Im sorry, I was just well in the area and thought Id pop by, but, I should have called or not waited you have company She stood up as if to go but Nell could tell something wasnt right.
This is my uncle Evan, and we were just about to have coffee and dessert theres plenty, why dont you come in please
Natalie was torn. She knew she should leave, but couldnt bring herself to she needed to be with a friend with someone normalAre you sure?
Of course. Come on, Buchanan!
The need to observe was so deeply ingrained in Evan that he found himself studying Natalie closely. She looked like she was upset but trying to hide it. She held herself like someone who was being or at least had recently been abused beaten. There was an undercurrent of vulnerability that she was trying hard to contain, and that made her tense. She was wearing clothes that covered her up even though it was quite warm out and he would bet money that she was hiding bruises. He knew she must be about his nieces age, but she looked so much younger at that moment, her face devoid of makeup. She also looked vaguely familiar to him perhaps he had met her at some party at the Whitfields when Nell was home from college and had brought her friend Natalie
Once they got inside and Nell started the coffee maker, she made formal introductions. Natalie, this is my uncle Evan Chadwick. And Uncle Evan, this is my good friend from LU, Natalie Buchanan well, Kirov now
Evan barely managed to hide his surprise. Of course! He had seen her pictures heard the descriptions of the young, beautiful but chilly Ice Maiden who was married to Nik Kirov. The Bureau had been studying developments in the Kirov family and organization with avid attention since Oleg IIIs death and Nikolais highly unanticipated involvement and elevation in the family firm. He had always stayed away seemed to lead a totally separate life, and suddenly, he was in the middle of everything. Stories had also swirled about things that had happened to his wife things he had done what the life of a Kirov bride most especially a non-Russian one was like. As he glanced at Natalie now, he knew it all to be true and as hardened as he was, he found himself angry and sad. She could be his niece. She was someones daughter.
It was ironic because a personal mission of his since he had become Director a little over a year ago was to figure out how to take down the Russian mob in the US or to weaken them significantly. He knew it would take a long time, but they needed to start somewhere. They just werent sure how to position or cultivate an asset close enough and who would be able to remain in position for the long haul and here he was about to have coffee with Natalie Kirov.
Natalie, Nell asked. Are you OK?
Im fine
Did something happen? Nell didnt know much she understood that Natalie needed a friend from her past, separate and apart from her life now. But she also had been friends with Nik with them as a couple, and she didnt need the rumors to tell her how much things had changed that something had gone very wrong she could see it clearly for herself.
Honestly, Im fine. Niks hes out of town, and I just decided to get some air... went for a walk found myself here she knew she was rambling nervously.
Without your security detail?
They dont exactly know Im out they thought I went to bed for the evening by now they have had plenty of vodka and are playing cards
Natalie, if something is wrong if you need help well, Uncle Evan here... hes head of the FBI
Natalie recoiled in shock and found herself torn. She wanted to flee immediately, but at the same time wanted to tell him everything and beg him to help her. So, everything but her face froze her emotional battle played vividly across it. Evan noticed this he understood it. So he gently said, Natalie tonight, its just two friends and one uncle. Totally off the record. If you need advice just want to unburden yourself to people who care about youwhat you say stays here, and I promise I wont then morph into FBI mode and try to make anything of it And he meant that when he said it.
And so it began. Over coffee fortified with whiskey she told them a lot. Not everything. She couldnt tell them about the night Nik had taken his rightful place. She couldnt tell them about Pytka. But they understood the severity of her situation. Evan tried to convince her to leave to trust that her family had the resources to keep themselves and her safe. But she pressed him hard and finally he felt he owed her the truth. The Kirovs would be a threat that would be hard to hold at bay. It was only if they were destroyed that she would truly be safe and free. So Natalie steered the subject to what it would take to bring them down. Evan tried to dissuade her from even thinking of getting involved but she explained how much access she could get to things how Nik was very security conscious but often left his things unprotected around her for hours at a time. He clearly thought that was safe she knew where he his hid codes and passwords if she got a bit at a time which was what it would take
By the end of that night, the plan was in place. It was perfect because no one knew of the Nell-Evan connection they even had different last names. She had a pre-existing relationship with Natalie, and Nik knew it new her. If it ever seemed like he was suspicious, Natalie would stop dead. But until then and then never came. Evan amassed the information and he used none of it they were going for all or nothing, and using any of it until they could bring them all the way down would tip their hand and possibly expose Natalie. They were passing by pennies to ultimately grab a complete fortune.
At the end of the night, Evan had pulled Natalie into a hug. It surprised both of them, but he was affected by her her plight, her willingness to do this her.
Are you sure, Natalie?
Yes. I have to stay anyway now at least Ill know Im not some sad, helpless victim its for a reason. Even if it takes years
End Flashback
Evan sighed as they pulled within range of Union Station in DC. It had taken years. And he knew it had taken a toll on Natalie. But they were getting close. What they had gathered already was virtually enough in and of itself, but it also suggested that something big was about to happen, something that would sew it all up for them. He could feel it taste it. He also felt better knowing that they had a good undercover agent in place to get her out of there when all hell started breaking loose.
Within the next two weeks theyd know where they stood. Please God theyd all get there.
Chapter 43
Two evenings after the dramatic show-down in Nik and Natalies bedroom, they were seated in the dining room having dinner with Oleg, John and Maksim. It was an even tenser affair than usual, with only Maksim trying to make some sort of conversation regarding the rapid approach of spring and security for some upcoming trips. Marina came in and informed Nik there was an urgent call for him and he went to his den to take it.
Oleg waited until he was sure Nik was out of earshot and then he said, So, tell me Tasha which was your favorite part? When John fucked you on the counter while you were tied to the pot-rack, or after hed cut you down and ripped into you from behind? Of course you riding him backwards on the side of the bathtub well, that was special, wasnt it?
Natalie had gone deathly pale as she looked at him in shock, and John wasnt much better. Poor Maksim had begun to cough on water he had inhaled down his windpipe.
Nothing to say, dear? Well, given the intensity of your screams, Id say, hmmm, tough call, but Im thinking the bathtub So whos better? My son or your bodyguard? Id be happy to toss my hat in the ring and join the competition these youngsters dont really know what theyre doing Oh, they can get you off, have you cry out their name, but an old-school man like myself well I know how to handle a spitfire like you how not to let up until I know you wont be able to walk for at least 2 or 3 days
Papa! Nik exclaimed from the door. That is enough. Are you forgetting our conversation of the other evening?
Not at all permit a man a little fun. Theyre just words Im not going to touch your who I mean your wifeAnd on that note, Im going to retire for the evening. He didnt bother to hide his smirk as he sailed out of the room, and couldnt help one final shot Ill see you in my dreams, Tasha.
Maksim had remained studying the tablecloth and then said, I think Ill head to my office and go over a few things and he literally fled from the room.
Natalie was shaking when she said, You SHOWED him
But Nik cut her off. NO, I did not. He found it in my office Anyway, I need to let you two know that a major initiative we have been working on for over a year is coming to fruition. Papa and I will be leaving tomorrow Maksim will be with us for probably 2 weeks. We will be traveling to Miami, LA, Russia, Thailand, Hong Kong, Shanghai, Italy and London maybe a few other stops. You two should keep a low profile dont stray too far from home for now Tasha, Id like us to retire for the evening now
Natalie didnt even look at John because she knew it would make it harder and likely piss Nik off. Shed cling to the thought that Nik and Oleg would be leaving for 2 weeks
When they got to their rooms Nik turned to Natalie. I know you showered just before dinner Im going to do so now to unwind some, then we can go to bed.
Natalie just nodded. As soon as she heard the water turn on she walked over to the bar and poured an almost full glass of vodka screw the shot glasses, she thought. She gulped it down praying it would take effect before she had to lie with Nik. She poured another half glass for good measure and felt its warmth flow through every part of her.
By the time Nik stepped out of the bathroom she felt a definite buzz, and she had decided not to fight the inevitable. With the result she was waiting for him, naked in their bed when he came out of the bathroom similarly un-attired.
Apparently were on the same wavelength, Tasha.
Apparently.
The lights were low, and the alcohol had created a delicious veil between herself and reality. With her vision a bit hazy she could pretend he was a stranger someone she perhaps had seen across a bar and thought handsome It made it a lot easier to disengage her mind, heart and soul and hold them back in a safe place one where John lived. All she offered Nik was her flesh and blood and she let them respond to him. Tonight he took his time with his hands, fingers, tongue, penis she was careful not to cry out too loud into the air, but fed her noises back to him, down his throat, into his neck and chest, or the soft bedding depending on their position. He hadnt been gentle, but neither had he been rough, and she felt she had performed as a reasonable facsimile of an involved sexual partner. Given that he would be leaving for two weeks two weeks in which she would be virtually alone with John she could find it in herself to be magnanimous aided of course with a healthy dose of vodka. His third orgasm proved the charm for him and he was out like a light.
Natalie fell asleep soon after and didnt reawaken until she felt him kissing her naked shoulder. She looked up and saw he was already showered and dressed for the day.
Were heading out now, Natalie. See you in two weeks.
Safe travels, Nik. I hope your business goes well.
Im sure it will. Ill call.
The ensuing two weeks were the happiest Natalie had had since before Oleg III died and she and Nik came to New York.
John and Natalie, for all intents and purposes, were living together. They were always careful to keep their distance and a certain detachment in front of the staff, and said their good-byes in the hall outside Natalies door but then shed head right to the spiral staircase and to him again. During the day they would get out and explore New York, usually making sure to stick to places and neighborhoods where it was unlikely theyd run into anyone who would recognize Natalie, because even with their best intentions sometimes they couldnt help falling into a hug or kiss over lunch or dinner.
Sometimes John would wake up in the middle of the night and just look at her, still unable to believe she was in his bed in his life so deeply in his heart. Hed wonder about the Directors asset who it was, were they close He had spoken with Chase and the Director was now estimating 2-3 weeks until extraction and he was going to figure out how to take Natalie at the same time. Chase had told him that Mason, with the help of Igor Stravinsky, would likely signal him when it was time let it be soon, he thought.
The night before Nik was due home, John and Natalie made love all through the night and into the morning. They were passionate, emotional, possessed with an air of desperation, and even as they grew exhausted they pressed on as if to ensure every cell of their bodies had made contact and been branded by their love and desire for each other. Their physical connection and pleasure was almost beside the point this was a merging of selves a promise of a future to come.
As the sun began to come up, Natalie realized she had to go they werent exactly sure of Niks arrival time and wanted to take no chances. They were reasonably sure hed at least consider it likely the two would not have kept their distance in his absence, but if he was clinging to the notion that they had spent all their passion for each other in that film well, better for everyone to help maintain that illusion. After one final soul-bolstering kiss, she headed downstairs.
Natalie believed that her inner voice was an actual guardian angel at times, and it whispered inside her to muss up her own bed before she headed to the shower and her whole body shook in relief for that small token gesture when she turned around a few minutes later to find Nik getting into the shower to join her.
Oh! Youre back! I knew it would be some time today
Yes, we had a good tailwind you are a sight for sore eyes, Natalie unfortunately I dont have time to reconnect with you the way Id like I have a meeting in the office in 45 minutes but perhaps this evening
Well, then, Ill leave you to it Im done welcome back, Nik.
He pulled her against him for one kiss. We were very successful, Tasha beyond our wildest dreams. We are going to have a big party at Caspian on Saturday to celebrate invite some of our partners and colleagues we are really taking things to a whole new level Ill have to come up with something magnificent for your to wear
Natalie expelled a sigh of relief at being able to escape unscathed. And tonight well, the vodka trick worked so well before
In fact, that night Nik also had his share of vodka which suited Natalie fine. She actually set out to seduce him with it so she could drink openly, since he had wanted to get right into their activities and she needed time to anesthetize herself. She suggested they relive a bit of their past and play strip quarters using vodka as opposed to beer it had been a favorite game of theirs back in they LU days. When they were both naked and a bit snockered she poured some of the vodka over her breasts to entice him to get a move on she had other plans she was anxious to get to. The thought that the end might finally be near spurred her on and she fucked him with abandon to exhaust him and ensure that his spent desire would combine with the vodka to keep him out of it for a little bit.
Just before he passed out he slurred, Wow, baby we need to drink together more often you were one hot little sex kitten tonight
Aw, well, I missed you Nikkie you were gone a long time
When she was sure he was asleep she made her way to his laptop, which hed brought upstairs he often did, thinking it safer than leaving it in his office. She had perfected her technique. Rather than spend too much time opening and copying documents which would show a time stamp as to when theyd last been opened she launched a web browser and logged into a secret yahoo account. She emailed a ream of attachments done without opening them to another secret account, then quickly logged out and erased the internet history. She knew it wasnt fool-proof, but he had no reason to suspect her and would have to go looking for something in order to come close to figuring it out. Within 6 minutes she was finished, and back in bed beside him.
The next morning, Nik left for work and she went to her own laptop out in the open since she knew that Nik ignored anything that was left carelessly about, but was always doing a spot check to see if she had anything hidden from him. As she quickly opened the documents she had emailed to herself she felt a mixture of emotions flood through her. Horror first and foremost because of this newest, massive business triumph but then a bit lightheaded because she was now sure this would be her passage to freedom. It was too big it alone would be enough, but added to everything else she downloaded everything to a memory stick she kept a supply hidden in empty lipstick tubes which Nik never touched and then erased her emails and purged her computers history. She would meet with Nell later today Tuesday and then just wait for the final act to play out.
Chapter 44
Natalie and John had gone down to breakfast they were mercifully alone and he could tell she wasnt quite herself. Her face looked a bit pinched and she made a bee-line for coffee, her hands a bit shaky.
Hey, are you OK?
Yeah just a little hung over
He looked at her in surprise, since she was not one who typically drank to excess and always seemed to know her limits.
She sighed and said, Some things are just easier to take when youre comfortably numb
Oh right. He knew, of course, what she was referring to, and hated everything about it. Natalie
Its OK, John. It is what it is nothing to be done right now
The next few days went slowly. Natalie was nervous as a cat since she was sure the time was coming soon when she would get the signal when she would be taken away from all this. She knew she would be brought to some sort of safe house where she would remain for a good while, and where she would help build the case based upon the evidence shed gathered against the Kirovs. She didnt love the idea of sequestration shed already spent enough of her life in a cage, albeit gilded but at least it would be in service of something important and with an end in sight.
Several times she found herself on the verge of telling John, especially when he spoke about figuring out a way to get her out but there were so many reasons not to at least not yet. What if it didnt work what if there was a major delay? And she would be making him complicit, and he would know something so dangerous that he could be killed over it and so could she, of course. She trusted him more than anyone shed ever known yet full trust was difficult for her because of her experience. The woman shed thought was her mother a lousy one at that had never let on she was adopted. In a million years she could not have guessed that the Nik she married could morph into the monster who seemed to take delight in hurting her. Never in their first years together had he ever been anything but kind and loving, cherishing her and making her feel safe. The little bit he ever spoke about his family always had an undercurrent of distaste he had greatly distanced himself from them. Yet literally overnight up became down, black became white. She was 98% sure she could trust John but that 2% could kill her if she made the wrong choice.
Thankfully Nik was working such long hours, and coming home so late and tired that he did not reach for her as an outlet he was too exhausted. Yes, big things afoot at the Kirovs. He even had to work most of Saturday, so she and John were going to meet him at the Caspian party and having seen the information shed forwarded to Uncle Evan, she wasnt surprised by the guest list, though some certainly would be. It represented a veritable whos who of domestic and international crime syndicates their top echelon of leaders though all of them had legitimate businesses whose cover they hid under. Of course for many that cover was completely transparent, but others others were pretty deeply hidden. There would be movers and shakers from all over the world, Russia, Italy, Asia, the Middle East, Europe, even Africa. And of course US compatriots of all. Natalie had been to a number of parties where the guest list was similar, but never to this extent before. She knew that security would be tight everyone would bring their own and elaborate tenting would once again be set up to shield identities.
When Natalie went to get showered and dressed for the evening she was truly pleased when she saw the dress Nik had selected. It was lovely and covered a decent amount of her. It was creamy silk and looked like something a Grecian goddess would wear. She would wear her hair mostly up, with a thick tendril falling down her back, and would wind her rope of diamonds around and through her hair in keeping with the Grecian theme. She chose golden sandals and a matching purse and was done.
John was waiting for her in the sitting room when she came out, and as always she was struck by how handsome he looked in his dark navy suit and crisp white shirt. Between dinner and their showers she had snuck up to his room and he had made love to her in a way that took her breath away and filled her heart. He just did something to her they shared a private, knowing smile and then headed out for the big event. They had no idea that would be their last real moment of calm and peace for quite some time to come.
Natalie spent much of the early part of the night by Niks side as they welcomed their guests John stood discreetly off to the side with Maksim. Unfortunately Oleg was standing on Natalies other side, and occasionally his hand would stray to her bottom but she wouldnt even so much as glance in his direction. At one point when Nik was absorbed in conversation Oleg stepped closer to Natalie and put his arm around her, saying against her ear, Tasha, I havent been able to stop thinking of your movie would you like to come to the back office with me? Theres a few things Id love to do to you do you feel what you do to me? and he pressed his hardness into her hip. She felt tears of disgust well in her eyes and at that moment Nik turned and noticed this saw his father. She saw a spark of anger in his eyes before his icy shield came down again, and he spoke softly, Papa perhaps you should go get yourself a drink
Oleg merely smirked, but he did move off of Natalie.
The evening wore on and no one seemed inclined to leave and why would they since the Kirovs had spared no expense in the food and libations, not to mention the fantastic band that was playing. The official reception line was now disbanded so Natalie was able to mingle with others, always with John by her side. That said, they were very careful to seem like they had a boss-employee relationship, though a friendly one. No one would ever be able to guess the truth of what was between them. Nik noticed and appreciated this when he didnt think about the movie and all that had happened he was much better off. At some point he realized he would have to take some sort of action such as fire John. He was not a stupid man and though he didnt let himself think too much about this, either, he knew it highly possible they were now having a full-blown affair under his roof. He didnt have the time to deal with it, plus given this pivotal period for the Kirovs business, security was very important. He knew that no one would place more importance on Natalies safety than John, and for now that would come first. But a day of reckoning would come. He would not be sharing his wife much longer.
Around midnight Nik asked his father to join him in the back office. When they were inside he pulled Oleg into a tight hug and kissed both of his cheeks. Papa, this is such a big day for us. Years in the making.
Yes, my son, it is. And I am so proud of you. Under your leadership, we have reached heights I never could have imagined. After young Oleg died I had worried about the future, but you have proven yourself so fully.
Lets have a drink to celebrate, Papa. I had someone send me an advance bottle of our special collection vodka very smooth, Papa.
Nik bent down in front of his liquor cabinet and after a few moments stood bearing two glasses. He handed one to Oleg, raised his own in salute, and then they both drained the bracing, healthy pours. Nik sat down and Oleg followed suit and the two men smiled broadly at each other.
So, Nikolai when are you getting rid of John Maxwell.
Soon, I suspect. I have had other things that have taken precedence arent you the one always reminding me that Natalie shouldnt interfere with whats really important?
Yes. But you cannot let her make a fool of you either. Do you not think they are still fucking each other every chance they get? They were left completely unattended for two weeks
I will take care of it Papa but you need to stay away from her, too.
Bah! I like to tease Ive heeded your warning.
Oleg was starting to feel clammy and a bit sick to his stomach he loosened his tie and collar and pulled out a handkerchief to wipe his brow.
Are you OK, Papa?
Yes I believe his face twisted in pain as he felt a tight constricting in his chest and pain shooting down his arm. He struggled for enough air to form his words. Nik something is wrong my hearthelp
Nik knelt in front of his father and smiled an icy, cold-hearted one. Ah, Papa that is what people will think. There will be nothing to suggest otherwise. How sad on such an important night for the Kirovs that Papa Oleg passes away perhaps all this recent travel and tonights excitement was just too too much for him for his heart
Oleg looked horrified and Nik laughed gleefully. Nik?!
Ah, I see youre surprised, Papa well, I can understand that. I have been such a dutiful son. But youve had your days in the sun, Papa. It is my turn now. My vision for the Kirov future with me fully in control and not having to worry that your old ways your debauched and diseased soul will fuck it all up. How many times over these years have I had to clean up your messes always involving some young girl and having to pay off her family in large sums, or make some of them go away because you cannot control yourself and understand that this is a business we are in How many girls have you defiled? How many have you killed because you took things too far? And how many ways have you insulted my wife and therefore me? Did you really believe you would never have to answer to me for that night? Yes, I stepped up and did what I had to do and to this day I dont regret making that decision. But I DEEPLY regret HAVING to make it and THAT was all you, Papa.
Oleg was sweating profusely now and was in great pain. He also had a look of a man who knew he was going to die there would be no one to save him. How? he gasped.
We have some very talented chemists on our staff and you have a lot of enemies, even in our happy family I will take our family, our interests, to places you could never fathom, wiithout you in my way I only wish I could tell Natalie that I killed you for her not that it would make any difference between the two of us at this point but Ill know, Papa. Ill know. Oh, and I am sure Mama is laughing from heaven as she looks down safe in the knowledge she wont be seeing your dark soul again Nik took Olegs face in his hands and placed a hard kiss on his lips, then backed away.
Dasvidaniya, Papa!
Nik felt a heady sense of freedom as he walked from the office. He knew Oleg would be dead in moments, seemingly of a heart attack. He headed into the restroom not his private one, so that if anything was ever found, it would not lead directly to him and into a stall. He poured the remains of his designer poison into the toilet and then wiped the vial off. That, too, went into the toilet and with one flush, it was all gone. It would not show up in an autopsy, but why take any chances
While Nik was living his own private drama with Papa another one quietly played out.
Natalie had gone into the ladies room and John was standing outside the door waiting for her. He glanced up and felt his insides squeeze in surprise coming directly towards him was Mark Mason, dressed exactly like all the other large, burly security men. He even looked Russian, John thought.
Thankfully the hallway was empty since the crowd had finally begun to thin out. When Mason got within a foot of him he said softly, Its time.
Im not leaving without Natalie!
Mason looked at his friend in a bit of surprise given his vehemence, and said softly, You dont have to its Natalie.
What do you mean John trailed off as comprehension dawned.
Yep, shes been the asset all along
At that moment Natalie stepped out of the restroom and almost collided with John. She looked between the two men and then Mason said softly to her. Uncle E sent me
Natalies eyes widened and she could only manage, Oh.
We have to go, now. But without drawing much attention
Im not leaving without John
Mason was again a bit surprised but this would actually work to their favor no need to explain who he really was and muck everything up right now for now he could just be her trailing bodyguard
OK OK for now but well sort it all out later
Mason walked a few steps ahead while John and Natalie tried to look as normal as possible as they nonchalantly walked towards the door though their hearts were knocking against their breast bones. No one seemed to pay them any notice and quicker than they could have imagined they were stepping into an SUV that looked like any in the Kirov fleet except it was FBI all the way.
They pulled quickly from the curb and the process of extraction had begun.
Moments later Nik walked out of the restroom and glanced around, looking for Natalie. After walking around Caspian for 10 minutes he was waylaid constantly by lingering guests he realized she was no where to be found. He finally asked one of Maksims boys and felt his blood run a bit cold when he was told, She left with John a while ago I think they were with some big blonde Russian I thought he was extra security or something
Nik pulled out his cell phone and dialed Natalies and then Johns, while he was walking around. As he neared the front vestibule he heard a phone ringing and followed the sound to the small wastebasket in which were both of their phones. Son of a BITCH! he gasped. But before he could think another thought an ashen Maksim had run up to him. Its your father! Hes dead, Nik. Hes DEAD!
As Nik was dealing with the craziness that ensued after the discovery of Olegs body, John, Mason and Natalie were boarding an unmarked helicopter. They were all subdued for their own reasons. Natalie was trying to grasp that this was finally happening the die was cast and there would be no turning back. She was squeezing Johns hand after whispering, Ill explain this all to you when I can, but were free John or will be, finally! John was trying to stop the spasms of dread that were gripping him as he thought of telling Natalie who he really was. Mason was still trying to process his own surprise that Natalie was the asset hed only been told 30 minutes before extraction. And, he was also thinking about the obviously close relationship that had developed between John and Natalie and what this was all going to mean. But for now, all that mattered was getting away, and to the place they would all be sequestered. Because close quarters over a long period of time would help everything sure
Chapter 45
The helicopter landed on a massive yacht that was sailing about five miles off the coast of New Jersey. After much thought and planning the Director believed having them sail around in a basically random way would be much safer than keeping them sequestered in a single location. Of course there was plenty of space for crew members and it was chock full of some very good agents along with a number of US Marshals. In all about 25 people would help guard Natalie. They had considered whether to dispatch a coast guard ship as an escort, but soon realized that would attract far too much attention. When they landed the helicopter powered down it would remain in the event they needed a quick escape and John helped Natalie out of it. They were greeted by the captain an FBI agent who had been in the Navy and was an avid sailor.
Let me give you a quick tour and Ill also show you to your assigned staterooms. Clothes and other personal items have been stowed for you already
The yacht was 350 feet in length with five decks, two swimming pools, six lavish staterooms, 10 smaller bedrooms with double bunks, a large gourmet galley, dining saloon, game/media room, a large office with conference table, and a great room with a large stacked-stone fireplace. Natalie felt like she was walking through the Four Seasons Hotel in Manhattan, it was so opulent.
They were each shown to a gorgeous stateroom each like its own master bedroom/sitting room two of which were next to each other and the third across the hall, to which Natalie was assigned. It was approaching 3am but they were all clearly wide awake on adrenalin, so immediately headed back to the great room so they could get started there was much to discuss. If Natalie had not been so keyed up it might have struck her as odd that everything was in place for John as well as her, as if theyd been expecting him, but that thought didnt even register.
Mason headed right to the bar and asked them what they wanted to drink and Natalie chimed in, Anything but vodka which drew a laugh from both men.
John and Mason had a beer while Natalie opted for a glass of red wine. They all took seats in the conversation area at the center of the room two large red leather sofas and four large brown leather club chairs made a big square, in the middle of which were several massive steamer trunks serving as coffee tables. John sat next to Natalie on one couch while Mason sat on the other couch directly across from them.
OK, to get started, Natalie, Im Mark Mason a Senior US Attorney. I am going to be building and prosecuting the case against the Kirovs based upon the evidence you have gathered and your testimony. The Director has been sketching ideas for this all along the way, which should allow us to pull together what we need to seek indictments relatively quickly. By that I mean 2-3 weeks minimum. After that, we are hoping that those indicted will see the wisdom of pleading this out, but we also have to be prepared to go to trial. That would extend time horizons considerably and Im not sure what it would mean in terms of keeping you sequestered for the period leading up to and during the trial it would be an awfully long time, but perhaps necessary for your safety. But for now, well focus on the indictments if I do my job with those, hopefully we wont have to go to trial at all I must confess that at this moment I know essentially nothing about the information you have gathered and what the charges will be. Director Chadwick was scrupulous about the secrecy of your efforts so I will have to go by his notes, thank goodness hes an attorney by background, and the information he put in my staterooms safe. Tomorrow well, today I will look through as much as I can while you rest up a bit, because starting the next day you will be working with me on this and helping me fill in the blanks. Any questions?
Not at the moment she said softly, but then turned to John. This must all seem so strange I can explain
Natalie he said with his stomach clenching. He should probably tell her
But then she turned to Mason and said, You know, it just hit me was it a bit odd that they just sent you to get me? I mean, I dont know much about how this stuff goes, but what if youd needed helpthough I guess there was the driver
Mason said carefully, not daring to look at John, Well, I wasnt really alone. Natalie, the Bureau has had someone on the inside for a while to be in position for when it was time to take you out
Natalie looked shocked. But Evan swore no one would know my identity!
And he we didnt. They were just in position to wait, but we all only found out that you were Evans contact immediately before you were taken out.
So there was someone near, well, in our home?
Yes Mason said simply. You know, I think Im Im really tired all of a sudden, you two feel free to well, Ill catch you guys later He had been so torn over whether to stay or go he didnt want to desert John, but his gut told him this was a conversation better for them to have in private.
Wait! Natalie replied. Youre leaving like that? Dont I get to know who? Do YOU know who?
Uh, you do have a right to know
John broke in quickly, ripping the proverbial band-aid off. Natalie, it was me.
Natalie heard her blood rushing into her ears as she turned to face him, What she whispered, her face ashen.
I am Special Agent John John McBain.
McBain I didnt even know your real name? She looked positively stricken.
Natalie John said with the anguish clear in his voice.
Mason stood up to leave and Natalie turned in his direction, Where are you going?
I think this is a conversation for the two of you to have
I think you should stay.
Natalie John said again and she whirled to face him.
Dont Natalie me! Is that all you can say? I think we should have someone else present to hear this a witness someone who can maybe help me make sense of this! She knew she was sounding like she was losing it and making little sense mostly because she was losing it and needed to hear everything but for some reason couldnt bear to be alone with John right now and that hurt her heart. She hated herself for the tears that welled in her eyes.
Mason sat back down and waited for the drama that was clearly going to play out, and he had his first real inkling into what had happened over these long months since John moved into the Kirov Park Avenue apartment,
So, Special Agent McBain I was I was just a job to you?
No
Are you telling me that you didnt become my bodyguard because that was your FBI assignment?
It was my assignment but
But your main assignment was to be in place because Evan Director Chadwick was going to be extracting his long-term contact?
Yes.
And you had no idea that I was that contact?
None.
When did you finally find out?
Tonight when Mason approached me when he told me it was time and I told him I wasnt leaving without you. And he told me that wouldnt be an issue because you were the asset after all
Those words registered with Natalie that he had been concerned about taking her along, but she hardened her heart against them.
So, all these months, I was simply a diversion something to pass the time a cover job for your real job?
John said nothing.
Well?
At the start, yes, but it didnt stay that way you know
Oh, youre right it didnt stay that way. Not at all no you became much more than my bodyguard and extraction team in waiting, didnt you. DIDNT you?!
Natalie
She jumped out of her seat and walked over by the bar to pour herself a glass of vodka. To put some distance between her and John.
Again with my name so, is part of your job description to do whatever it takes?
Yes, within reason
Ah, reason would what happened between us everything we did would that fall within the confines of your job description? Within reasonable limits?
Mason shifted uncomfortably in his seat, wishing he had a big glass of vodka about now. His mind was working overtime on what they might have done and it also occurred to him that Natalie was doing a bang-up job cross-examining John shed make a good litigator
It wasnt about the job, Natalie it ISNT about the job
No, Id guess not...not all of it anyway. I mean some of it was probably a way to pass the time keep boredom at bay. Must have been a challenging assignment for a Special Agent such as yourself. Im betting Evan would only have sent in one of his best men after all the real action youve seen in your career it must have been stultifying to be stuck babysitting a pampered mobster wife, huh? Of course then Nik started dragging you into our twisted mess, didnt he? And you know, that seemed to perk you up a bit hmmm, interestingly revealing character moment, huh? And what were your choices you either had to go along with the depravity that was Niks and my marriage, and the way he drew you in, or youd have gotten fired and you couldnt let that happen, could you? No, you HAD to go along for the job not for me not to save me but to save your cover
Natalie
She leaned heavily on the bar and said sharply, DAMN it will you stop with my name?! So, will you have to list everything on a report? All that you had to endure to keep your cover role in the Kirov household? Will you get a medal for it? A promotion? A bump in pay?
She poured more vodka.
I suppose I have to be fair the first time we really crossed the line you were REALLY doing your fake job as my bodyguard. She turned to Mason at that moment, You may not have heard but someone tried to assassinate Nik and Oleg and then grab me ah but John here, he has skills he used all his creativity and wits among other things to get me out of there and safely onto the Kirov plane, locked into the bedroom with me
She took a sip of her vodka and looked at John again, And so it began shall we start the list? Not sure if Ill remember everything Lets see, you fake-fucked me twice once in a bedroom and the other up against the wall of the house first time I was naked the second I had your shirt on and then you finger-fucked me at 30,000 feet. Hmmm I think that only gets you an associate membership in the mile-high club Then we behaved for a while, huh? Until the torture session and your very personal and Ill admit, enjoyable way of administering first aid. You do have a magic tongue, agent. Of course I returned the favor, didnt I? And we didnt actually consummate our relationship until the evening my husband ordered you to fuck me while I was bent over his desk, while he watched. Now that must have been a first-time experience even in your illustrious career!
John was dying inside as he listened to all this saw and felt the pain in her but he was also getting tired of it this was not how they should be talking about this and certainly not with Mason sitting right here.
OK, enough! We dont need to do this this way its not whats really important
Not important?! Oh, I beg to differ. This was one of the most important periods of my life Agent McBain. Nik was the only man whod ever touched me before you and you know what HE was like to me how pathetic I must have seemed so abused so desperate for kindness that I fell for you believed you were on my side really there for me. And why wouldnt I? I mean you were willing to make a hardcore porn movie with me to save me from torture in a sex dungeon and then the way you were to me when we were alone but all of it... her voice broke for a moment.. all of it was a way to pass the time and solidify your place in the debased drama of the Kirov household God, I trusted you I let myself love you and I should have known why on earth would I have thought you were any different I mean you are a man
She took another big gulp of vodka while John just looked at her wanting to take away her pain, but knowing he was the cause. He took a step towards her and she yelled, You stay away! She took another swallow and said, It really is my own fault I knew better. I have far too many object lessons in my life that men will use you in any way that helps their cause Mitch Laurence he kidnapped me from the Buchanans and gave me to a drunken, gambling bimbo and I didnt even know who I was until I was 17. Two years later I meet my prince charming and we had two wonderful years until the night he handed me over to his father to rape me because it helped him win the top-son spot in the Kirov Dynasty and now you and you played your role to the hilt, didnt you? Had me believing the only thing you cared about was my safety.
That is all I cared about I told you over and over that I would find a way to get you out! And YOU put the brakes on that and now I know why because you had a few secrets of your own, didnt you?!
Yes, I had a secret. A big one. A deadly one that would have put you in as much danger as me had you known. And after 5 years of torture I was in the home stretch. But shouldnt you be glad I didnt take you up on your kind offer to save me. What would you have done if I had? If I had begged you to take me away from it all right then and there?!
I WOULD HAVE DONE IT! Do you not get that I was going to throw everything away for you? EVERYTHING?! To get you away from that animal that prison I was willing to compromise the Directors case, trash my career, go on the run wherever we could if that was what it took. THAT is what I would have done!
Why?! Why would you do that?!
Because I LOVE you! I fucking love you!
Mason blanched at his friends stark admission.
No! Dont you dare say that to me you dont get to say that
Why? Because you know its the truth? Because you feel the same? Are you really walking away from that truth now, Natalie. I know I understand this is a shock and why you feel I betrayed you but underneath it all are you really walking away from what you know in your heart is the truth?
Truth. What the hell is truth any more? Just a better version of a lie for the moment How did I let myself I had protected myself from feeling for so long I am such a fool a fucking idiot maybe this is what I deserve in life for some reason maybe Nik was what I deserved for a moment I let myself think you were real that I could have someone like you who loved me that much but then again I thought I had it with Nik up until the moment he forced me into his fathers arms and then raped me instead and could find it in himself to literally torture me to kill my baby I guess well, Im the common denominator, right
She took another swig of vodka and was weaving a bit now, as tears had started to fall down her cheeks. All John wanted to do at that moment was take her in his arms but he couldnt and it was torture. He whispered softly, Natalie youveyouve had too much to drink
She looked up at him and gave him the saddest smile hed ever seen. This isnt drunk, John this is broken-hearted With that she turned and headed to her room.
Mason and John watched her depart, and then, saying nothing, Mason got up and grabbed a bottle of whiskey and two glasses from the bar, and walked back to the sofa. He filled both glasses and John sat across from him, picking one up and downing it in one. When he placed it back on the trunk Mason re-filled it.
OK, John. OK. How much of what she said was true?
John just looked at him.
I seeall of it, huh? Why dont you start at the beginning you look like you could use a friend you look like fucking shit
Over the course of the next 90 minutes and a shared bottle of whiskey, John told Mason everything. Since Natalie had already told her secrets about the night Nik was deemed the chosen one, and her baby, John didnt feel like he was breaking her confidence, and he knew his friend would keep everything to himself anyway. But he needed someone to know his truth the reality of what Natalie had survived alone for those years, and what hed endured himself as he fell for her and then wanted to save her. Mason was blown away. It went beyond anything he could imagine. Nik and Oleg had to be the most twisted people hed ever heard of. And in a short period of time he had seen enough to understand why John would have been so drawn to Natalie and vice versa. It would be a shame if they couldnt find a way past this after everything
When John was finally done Mason turned to him with a smirk on his face. Well, John, congratulations. Youve turned the Ice Maiden into the walking definition of a fiery redhead.
The sun was starting to come up when they headed to their rooms. John stood looking at Natalies door for a long moment, and Mason gave his shoulder a squeeze. Then they both went and collapsed in their beds, exhaustion and whiskey taking them down.
Chapter 46
Natalie tossed and turned but didnt sleep very much. Her heart ached and part of her wanted to do nothing more than go across to Johns room and crawl into bed with him so he would hold her make her feel safe. She was still so stunned to learn the truth about him but was it really just a relatively unimportant fact? Was her John what was real and therefore all that really mattered? Hed lied to her but was that lie the important thing if everything else was true? But what if shed made a mistake? What if she was really that pathetic and so desperate for someone that she believed when she shouldnt yet when she thought of the way John held her She also remembered the first time hed told her he loved her he had been so serious and so intent on making sure shed know it and believe it no matter what because he knew shed eventually learn who he was when he had to do his real jobShe felt a twinge of guilt that she might have been too hard on him, especially in front of Mason but she shoved that out of the way. She had to hold firm to something and her anger and feeling of betrayal seemed safest for now. They would protect her from opening herself up and being vulnerable.
Her head was spinning hell, all of her was spinning she was reeling. And her head was pounding intense emotions, lack of sleep and too much vodka was a deadly combination Natalie got out of bed and searched her well-stocked closet a little note shed found last night told her that Nell had helped pick out a wardrobe for her grabbing a cozy navy velour lounging robe that she had to pull over her head. She brushed her teeth and dragged a brush through her hair, and made sure she had no remaining smudges of mascara under her eyes. She had to go find some water or something maybe something for her headache.
She reached the galley and stopped short Mason was in there making breakfast, wearing cotton pajama pants and a sweatshirt. He noticed her out of the corner of his eye and without comment went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and then reached into a cabinet and grabbed a small bottle, removing two Advil. He handed these and the water to Natalie with a lifted eyebrow. She accepted them gratefully with a small smile and as she took them he poured out two cups of coffee and put one down in front of her.
Thanks Mark? Mason?
Most people call me Mason and youre welcome.
They sipped their coffee in silence while he began to make some breakfast, saying, I told the cook not to bother right now we can get on track come dinner time
Theres a cook?
What do you expect on a luxury yacht, Natalie? Hes also a pretty good agent, too
She nodded at that and then cleared her throat. I owe you an apology, Mason.
He looked at her for a moment and gestured towards the stools at the island, and they took two side-by-side.
Why do you think you owe me an apology?
I shouldnt have made you stay to listen to hear all that
Then why did you? Do you have an answer you want to share, or should we just put it down to too much vodka?
She felt she owed him an explanation. I was afraid to be alone with John
He looked at her with surprise at the nature of her admission and the fact shed admit it. Afraid?
Im Im not very strong right now Im weak when it comes to I
You wouldnt be strong enough to keep your distance? To push him away keep him away
She was relieved he understood so quickly.
Natalie I was going to say this is really none of my business, but you sort of made it that, didnt you?
She grimaced a bit and nodded.
So, I guess my question or thought for the day would be that maybe if its that hard for you to push him away for you to keep your distance well maybe thats because youre not supposed to. Or that you really dont want to
She swallowed hard but said nothing.
Natalie I am not even going to try to pretend I know the first thing about what it was like to be you these past five years to live your life. And as bad as it was its what you knew it became your normalDid you ever see the movie Shawshank Redemption?
She nodded.
Remember the Morgan Freeman character and how much trouble he had adjusting to the outside as much as hed wanted to get there and out of prison, he realized he wasnt sure how to handle it. He thought about doing something to get back in prison because that was what he knew he knew how to be his prison self. Well, I wouldnt be surprised if you experience a little of that maybe are already maybe youre a little thrown. You know how to be Natalie Kirov and now you have to figure out how not to be. Maybe you thought having John would help you figure that out and now well, there is the surprise of his being an agent
Natalie said nothing so he continued.
But in the end, how important is that, really? Yes, it is what got him in your front door its why he was there at first. But after that, isnt it what he became with you, for you that is really important?
But, how do I know whats true?
I think you do already deep down. Maybe not even so deep down. I can understand why youre afraid to trust that right now why you want to hold back a bit. But do the same in the other direction. Dont be so quick to write it off as untrue as lies
You know John. You know him well, right? For a while?
Yeah, I know him, Natalie. A long time. Really well. Hes one of my very best friends
She digested this and said nothing.
Go ahead, ask me. What do you want to know? To hear?
She looked at him intently, but couldnt bring herself to say the words.
OK, let me try to answer anyway. I believe without a doubt that John loves you very much. Frankly I didnt think he had it in him so that must make you someone very special. And the best proof of that is what he was willing to do his actions. Natalie, John was the FBI his career. The FBI WAS John and he was willing to blow it all up and not just to rescue you. To BE with you. He wasnt talking about trashing everything to save you and then seeing you on your merry way he was willing to go on the run with you So, yeah, I believe him. But it really doesnt matter what I believe.
I want to Im just
Afraid. Because youve been wrong before or worse, you were right for a moment and then everything changed I get that. I think even John gets that. He feels terrible about having had to lie to you but when that started, well, frankly you didnt mean anything to him and then you became very important. And since you two became close was there ever anything he said or did to shake your belief?
She shook her head.
You probably need more time to process this but even if you cant keep the door open right now, dont nail it shut
But
What?
What if he was just caught up in the heat of the moment there was a lot of drama but out in the real world
So, now do you doubt him or yourself?
I know how I
You know how you feel? Is that what you were going to say?
She said nothing. Which said a lot.
So, then the issue is your worried that what John thought were real feelings may not stand up to the test of time and realityThey may have been largely driven by circumstance
She barely nodded, but he saw it.
You have to believe youre worth it, just you, out here, no drama theres only one real way to find out, Natalie. You have to go for it and see.
I cant.
You cant?
She just shook her head. She couldnt bring herself to say anymore. To admit how she loved John so much she knew it was true but she was so afraid hed realize that his feelings were not as real as hed thought once they were back in the real world.
Mason watched her carefully and understood. So, wouldnt this have been an issue even if he wasnt an FBI agent even if he had, in fact, been just your bodyguard?
He could see how troubled she was by all this as she answered, I dont know its just such an added blow maybe he doesnt even fully realize I mean he had to remember who he was what he was as he was making certain decisions. And he was amazing to me for me but didnt he have to do what he did regardless in order to keep his cover? How does he even know, REALLY know his real motivations?
Well, I guess Id refer back to what he was willing to do just for you blow it all to hell to get you out of there and you have to add that to a basic belief in yourself, Natalie. That youre worth that
She just shook her head sadly and he realized that would be the toughest thing of all. Her life had taken a toll on her self-esteem how could it not. In some ways, out of everything hed heard last night, what had stuck with him was when shed talked about what she did and didnt deserve in life. She might have been wobbly about her belief in Johns feelings regardless once they were out of that hell but now she had something to use as a reason to back away as a protective wedge. In an ultimately misguided effort to spare herself, shed cling to that and punish John with it and herself, of course. And when would she if ever realize she was simply guaranteeing what she feared the most. Losing someone she obviously loved. And he damn well knew that John loved her that was not a doubt.
At that moment John walked in and he and Natalie locked eyes which more than anything were infinitely sad. Then Natalie said to no one in particular, Im going to get showered and changed
When she left Mason handed John a fresh cup of coffee and asked him how he wanted his eggs.
How is she?
Adjusting.
Adjusting to hating me?
She doesnt hate you John, quite the contrary actually. But I do think shes struggling to find her balance and she would whether she had just found out you were an agent or not.
But I want to help her through that
I know and you may get your chance. But, John, it hasnt even been 10 hours since she learned your real identityLook, you know her better than I do by a long shot so Im not trying to act like some expert. Its just you are so close to this situation now and you know how you feel I am an outsider looking in. The lessons life taught Natalie as she so sadly summarized them for us this morning is that she is someone to be used, and who perhaps doesnt deserve someone to really love her FOR her. She thought you did you and I both know that you do. But, now that shes learned the other reason you had to be there well, of course shes going to wonder if the need to remain in the Kirov household was more of your driving motivation than your feelings for her. The best thing you can do will also be the hardest give her time. And also suck it up and deal with the fact that she is going to push you away. Hard. Out of self-preservation because she cant turn off her own feelings like a spigot either so she has to keep her distance.
John took all this in. He understood it. He hated it. And he couldnt help the spike of anger because he thought that he had done so much to prove himself that that should outweigh the doubts But he would do his best to be patient he would
Chapter 47
Two days later Nik was on the Kirov plane heading to Russia. Olegs body was in the cargo area he was to be buried in the Motherland. That solved a lot of problems because Nik wasnt sure how to explain Natalies absence. He had thought she had run off with her bodyguard and was going to try to track her down once hed gotten Oleg safely in the ground so far no one seemed to think hed met foul play. He was telling everyone Natalie had an emergency at home and shed be less missed at a funeral in Russia than she would be in New York.
But just before hed boarded the plane hed gotten a call from a very special source and that person had heard a rumor that Natalie was in FBI custody and Nik was reeling. The thought that she could be telling them anything about him hed never suspected a thing wasnt even sure what she could possibly know. But he knew hed often been careless around her leaving things around she could see but never had he had an inkling This would change everything everything Damn it! Just when he was finally getting things where he wanted them he was fully in charge with Oleg out of the way. He could reach his ultimate goals. What should he do? Where could she be? He couldnt let anyone else even suspect that was where she was theyd freak out, feeling they were vulnerable, too, and all would be lost his business and relationships would all unravel had he done enough could it be sustained?
Meanwhile, Mason, Natalie and John were sitting down in the office to start the long process of combing through the evidence she had gathered led by Evans notes and deciding what made sense to focus most closely on. Mason had some general ideas based on the notes. Technically John didnt have to be there, but since Mason was probably going to end up using the more recent information for the indictments, it made sense for John to sit in since he had witnessed certain things most especially the various trips that Nik and/or Oleg took around the US and abroad.
Natalie was cordial to John, but that was about it and it reminded him of her aloof attitude when hed first become her bodyguard. That actually ate at him more than if shed been overtly angry and yelling that was preferable to indifference because at least she was engaged. He reminded himself it was only day two and tried to toss himself into the work.
Mason had spread out a number of documents that hed printed from the flash drives Evan had given him. OK, Natalie Im not sure how much time you had to study the information you were gathering before you sent it but are you aware of what the Kirovs were doing, and who else they were involving?
Generally I think I got the gist and it really blows everything else out of the water
Sure does anyway, Ill give you both my quick take based on Evans outline and my own fast read. Ill then have to dig deeper underneath to make sure its fleshed out and supported. This is still shocking to me what they managed to do and its only really been live for two weeks. Basically, the Kirovs brought modern business practices and technology e-commerce, if you will to what amounts to a worldwide slave auction
John sat back stunned.
The business world has been doing this for quite some time electronic marketplaces and exchanges for all sorts of products. And in some ways it makes perfect sense for the business of exploiting others, because you dont have to run the risk of moving people around unless and until you have a specific bid for them. And it gives you an easy way to showcase your wares plus the Kirovs act as the middlemen to smooth everything through. It almost boggles the mind it frankly seemed like a sick joke at first but it isnt, and on some level it is ingenious. There are buyers and sellers from all over the world but it is a dominated by the sellers who represent essentially every sort of exploited and subjugated human you could want. It includes sex-trade children in Thailand, possible teenage prostitutes from Russia and brides for purchase from there, too. Also, domestic help meaning not-so-glorified slaves or indentured servantsHispanics who could be captive migrant workers Almost every continent is represented in terms of a supply of labor or talent. Once a deal is struck, arrangements are then made to ship the product. The thing that makes this truly huge and a masterstroke on the Kirovs part is that almost every other major crime organization is involved as an active participant. This e-commerce exchange is basically being used as an official storefront by the other Russian families, the Italian Mafia, Asians, Jamaicans, I mean, everyone. And that is really what makes this huge we actually might have enough to bring down many of the top brass of all those organizations, too and then can spend years going after the people who were customers.
For now, well focus on the Kirovs since they are the ultimate creators and operators of this exchange. Once we have them tied up with indictments, we can go after the others and they may be very ready to make some deals when they realize what weve got. But, Natalie, this brings up something very important we are going to do all we can to limit how much exposure you get, but I know youve known all along that you would probably have to testify. This could put you in danger
I know. But my hope has always been that if I got enough to really bring them down, then they wouldnt have the power any more to really hurt me or my family maybe thats a nave thought, but it was a risk I had to take to minimize the threat but also to ultimately get out. I needed to get away from the Kirovs I couldnt stay my whole life.
I get it. And I hope you are right theres a good chance you are. But I want to be as up-front as I can be with you
I appreciate it.
OK, a few other things we took care of leaking very carefully to Nik alone that you MIGHT be in FBI custody. Again, a calculated risk, but so far we have not seen any indication that hes shared it with anyone, and we didnt think he would. The quickest way to put his own ass in danger and likely gut his business is for his cohorts to know that he may be in the crosshairs of the FBI, and could take them down with him. Scuttlebutt is that he has told people that you are tending to a family emergency
Natalie nodded and caught Johns eye in the process he was staring at her intently, and she wished she could read him at that moment. He seemed shut off, too and how could she blame him. She turned her attention back to Mason.
He resumed speaking, but this time in softer intonations. Natalie I just learned something else. The night we extracted you well, soon after we left Oleg was discovered dead of a heart attack in the back office of Caspian
John and Natalie were both stunned. She gasped in surprise and it almost didnt compute to think his malevolent presence no longer haunted the earth. She was glad. Are they sure it was a heart attack? I dont recall him having any heart problems I thought the bastard would live forever
Well, they did an autopsy. Nothing came up. And as we speak his body is on the way to Russia for burial.
Wow. Hes really gone. Big times for Nik, he loses his beloved Papa and his wife on the same night. Of course, Im not sure hell see me as a big loss. After all, one of the more recent things he called me was a faithless whore, so Im not sure hell be all that broken up over me being gone He can order one of those Russian brides on line and have her on stand-by in his bed now wont even miss me
Both men detected the note of bitterness she couldnt quite contain, but said nothing.
Natalie, the evidence you have gathered just on this exchange is incredibly damning. It includes some completed invoices with contact info and also we were able to log in using some of the passwords and download even more information. Nik like any good mobster was making sure he had the goods on his colleagues for his own future protection. It just obviously never occurred to him that it would be grabbed and passed on to be used against him. If we can get him for this, he and many of the other big names in organized crime will be going away for good. This may actually change the landscape of organized crime on a fundamental level and not just the Russians by a long shot. All the families across all nationalities may be put out of business or dramatically weakened for a long time to come. Simultaneously, we will begin to organize the other information theres plenty else the Kirovs were guilty of and for which you have gotten us proof. This way, if for whatever reason our main case wobbles, well be right there with the next round of charges. You have done an exceptional thing here, Natalie. Truly amazing.
Thank you. It really helped keep me going all these years
John found he had to ask a question that had been on his mind since the extraction. Natalie
She couldnt help the small quiver that ran through her at the sound of him saying her voice so softly and she felt like such an idiot. But still she turned to him and said equally softly, Yeah?
Im not sure if you can tell us, but how exactly did you connect with Director Chadwick to begin with?
Oh, hes Nells uncle
And you passed her the information in the boxes of chocolates
Natalie looked at him in surprise, Yes, thats exactly how we did it
Wow. Ingenious howd it all come to pass?
Natalie told them the story and she had to look away from John for most of it because she knew he was wondering exactly what had happened to her at Pytka to have her wandering around NYC, trying to figure out a way to escape from her life. That was the one thing they had never talked in detail about, but it really hadnt been necessary. He had been to Pytka he had seen the results of Niks home dungeon session to him that had seemed unfathomable, but to Natalie it was a fair trade off that told him all he needed to know about how bad things had been for her that one night.
Detecting the weightiness in the room, Mason suggested they break for lunch.
For the next couple of days, Natalie and Mason spent most of the time holed up in the office. John had opted out pretty quickly since he felt like a bump on the log, and Mason could call him in if he was needed. Instead he spent the time brooding, and growing more annoyed. And hurt. And he didnt much care if it was fair or reasonable. He was still getting mostly chilly vibes while it seemed like Mason and Natalie were becoming fast friends. He was the third wheel with his best friend and his recent lover a woman who supposedly had loved him and it just didnt sit very well with him. At all.
Natalie had detected that he seemed to be annoyed with her now which only served to piss her off more. HE was the one who had lied to her after all.
Mason had first watched this with indulgent amusement, but now he was growing tired of the tension. He hated being caught in the middle but most of all he wanted to bang both their heads together because any idiot could see they were dying to reconnect He decided for all their sakes to take matters into his own hands and push things to a head. He didnt even feel a twinge of guilt about it since they had put him in the middle. He told John he needed to talk to him and would meet him in his stateroom. Then he found Natalie in the galley.
Natalie, I need you to come with me
Where?
Just trust me, OK.... follow me
She did but when she saw him heading towards Johns door she said, Oh, no! and began to walk away.
So, Mason picked her up and hauled her over his shoulder and carried her the remaining distance to Johns room, opened the door and walked inside.
John was relaxing in one of the easy chairs in his sitting area and looked shocked when he saw Mason walk in with Natalie over his shoulder.
He put her down and stood back, blocking the door.
Natalie sputtered, What the hell are you doing?
Fixing this. Or trying to. You two are equally stubborn yet it is clear you miss each other and are dying to be together. Since neither one of you is doing anything productive about it and I am damn tired of all the tension youve left me no choice.
He held up a key. This is a captains key that can lock all doors from the outside. I am locking you guys in here until tomorrow morning you cannot escape. So dont go setting a fire or anything
They both shouted, Wait! at the same time, but though he was a large man, he was deceptively agile and in record time he was outside the door and turning the key. OK, I hope you dont kill each other then he walked away.
Chapter 48
Natalie tried in vain to open the door that Mason had just shut behind them and then she wheeled around on John.
You put him up to this, didnt you?
John jumped up from his chair and took a step towards her. Why the hell would I do that?
Because I havent been talking to you or giving you the chance
I have news for you sweetheart, I am so damn tired of your bullshit I dont even want to be on this boat with you let alone trapped in the same room!
MY bullshit?!
He stalked up to her and got in her face, Yes, YOUR bullshit!
Youre the one
Yes, Natalie youre right Im the one but what exactly is it that I did to you that is so awful
You LIED
Yes but only about the one thing!
ONE thing? It was everything!
Every wow, isnt that just overstating things a little bit?! I hid that I was an FBI agent and as it turns out YOU were my official assignment all along anyway!
But you didnt know that! You used me to
How did I USE you?! I did the job you thought youd hired me for, AND everything I said to you after that was the fucking truth, Natalie. How I felt about you the fact that I was more than willing to chuck it all destroy the Directors case, leave the asset hanging, leave everything in my life behind to take you away NONE of those were lies
But
But nothing! Why dont we talk about YOU instead your lies
What are you talking about?
The entire time you were the one building the case against the Kirovs you were the asset and every time I told you I loved you and would do anything to keep you safe would take you away feared for you every time you listened to that and not once did it ever occur to you to let me know an end might be in sight. You talk about honesty and trust, where the fuck was yours?!
Its not the same!
Why? Because you want sole claim on the moral high ground?
I spent five years in hell all by myself four of it trying to get the goods on Nik, Oleg and their empire my own husband handed me over to his father to be raped and did he deed himself when his father decided not to you wonder why I had some trust issues? Especially in sharing something that was guaranteed to get me killed?
But I was supposed to be different, right? Isnt that what you kept telling me? How much you loved me but you couldnt tell me what was really going on even as I was making plans to throw away everything else in my life on your behalf?
But I didnt know how much youd be throwing away you kept all that secret, didnt you?
Fine. Then why cant we just call it even? Why are you acting like every feeling we had was a lie?
She was feeling trapped because he was making too much sense and she missed him but she was afraid could she trust him could she trust his feelings were real and true? And she didnt even know who she really was at that moment. What was her life going to be like? As hellacious as it was her Kirov life had been real she knew it she knew that one day would follow the next and the next and theyd all be the same now she was at sea, literally and figurativelyshe didnt know how to be anyone else and she wanted to believe in him but he had seen all of her the worst parts of her and all along he was someone else entirely wasnt he? She had to protect herselfshe was afraid to stop fighting
I hid something I was doing from you you pretended to BE someone different
Except for my name and my other professional affiliation I was completely real with you more real than I have ever been but maybe the actual problem is that YOU were the one pretending pretending to be this brave, mature, strong woman when all you really were was the self-contained cool bitch everyone knew as the Ice Maiden
Natalie felt like shed been struck that was a low blow and it hit her hard.
How can you say
How?! Because thats how youre acting. And either its because thats who you are or its your defense mechanism your shield And youd let me behind that shield or at least pretended to let me in and it is an incredible insult after everything to shove me back outside. But whether its the real you or the mask, its tiresome and I am done with it. And I miss the woman I thought I got to know the one who had the courage to be honest and not hide from her feelings whod be honest about what she wanted!
He had gotten so close she could feel his breath on her mouth and she wanted to crumble and hated him for it
And you think you know what I want?
Yes, I know I do.
Oh, and what is that?
Me what we had us
He was hitting so close to home
I dont want you
Liar!
I dont
John grabbed Natalies hand and placed it tight against his rock hard erection and they both felt the fire race along their skin. He said with low intensity, a strong undercurrent of anger in his tone, Well I want you and Im not lying about it and I also know that right now, if I felt between your legs youd be wet for me
She tried to jerk her hand away but he wouldnt let her his eyes bore into hers his breath warm on her She shot back in an icy tone, Sex was never our problem, was it, John? Even as far back as LA when we got each other off without penetration no, sex was a strong suit but thats all
He felt a fury rise in him, and along with it rose his right hand, which reached out and squeezed Natalies throat, albeit gently, carefully. He said in a low, threatening tone, You be careful what you say be careful about the next lie you tell, because thats what it would be, but words have power, Natalie they cant be unsaid, even if proven false down the roadthey leave a stain a scar you be careful what you say
Natalie was panting a combination of anger, fear, and arousal, which was threatening to turn her anger into something white hotsomething once unleashed might be the end of her.
They were at a fork in the road. The beginning of each side would be a challenge in every way. But one would lead them over the edge to a place they couldnt return from past the point of recovery to sure and complete destruction. The other could eventually lead them to their future together. The problem was they both looked so similar from this vantage point, paved roughly with anger, hurt, fear, want, need
They looked at each other, blue eyes ablaze. Johns dropped to look at her mouth and when she involuntarily licked her lips he was done with words and control. The hand at her throat snaked around to the back of her head and his mouth claimed hers with an almost brutal aggression forcing her lips to part and allow his tongue to enter. The sound she made was somewhere between shocked anger and a moan of desire.
Natalie was rocked by his actions, wanting to fight and acquiesce at the same time, so she did both. First she hit him around the shoulders with her fists, but they were small and inconsequential, having no effect, so she moved her hands to his hair to pull it to pull him off her but at the same time opened her mouth wide for him, pushing her tongue aggressively against his. Wincing a bit at the tug on his scalp, John banded his arms around her back to hold her tightly to him while their mouths battled, and she moved her hands to his chest to push against him, but the relentless seduction of his lips and tongue took control of Natalies hands away from her, and she gripped his shirt and yanked it open, spewing the buttons wherever theyd land, and then she dragged it off him.
Natalie was feeling faint from lack of oxygen and the response he was setting off in her entire body, which was starting to shake. She ripped her mouth from his, gasping for breath and was glad of his arms still tightly around her when his hot mouth and tongue began sliding down her neck, since without them she might have fallen. She was only vaguely aware that his hands had slipped up her back and were now pulling the zipper of her dress down. His mouth once again taking hers, and he pulled away just enough to drag her dress down the front of her body until gravity took over and it fell to the floor, leaving her in bra and panties. The cool air on her skin shocked her back to reality and once again she tore her mouth from his, her chest heaving as she tried to take some air into her lungs. She shoved against him and turned around, angrily kicking her dress away, but she didnt even get a half step from him when his left arm was around her waist to pull her back against him, while his right hand splayed loosely over her throat, exerting just enough pressure to tilt her head back so her ear was against his mouth. You dont want to leave me now, do you Natalie? You dont want me to stop you really dont. She felt his hardness against her lower back and was powerless to move.
Her head fell back against him, in the crook of his neck. John moved his hand to her chin and tilted her head so he could align his mouth over hers in an open-mouthed kiss. Then he moved it to the nape of her neck and down between her shoulder blades, groaning against her in satisfaction when he felt her knees buckle a bit. Natalie was getting lost and was afraid shed be overwhelmedshe could actually feel her hammering heartbeat between her legsshe was out of control and she needed some backHis left hand began to slide lower towards her panties and, right or wrong, she felt a mixture of arousal and anger did he really think shed succumb so easily? So quickly? She moved both of her hands to his to stop its journey, then turned around quickly to face him. His face and eyes were marked with desire but she could see other intense emotions at play, including his own anger
Natalie backed away from him, from his touch. After letting her get a step away, he began to walk towards her. Her eyes closed and she jumped when her back hit against the door and she had no where else to go. She could feel Johns encroachment and when she finally opened her eyes again he had boxed her in with an arm on either side of her. He looked at her with burning eyes and then his hands reached out and pulled the cups of her bra down over her breasts and before she could react, his mouth had locked roughly over her right nipple. She felt a bolt of desire spear her insides but was stunned by his audaciousness and again she yanked at his hair, only to spread her fingers out one moment later to press him closer to her as she bit back a moan. She looked down and saw the muscles of his shoulders and back rippling and grew irritated that his tank top blocked so much of her view. She grabbed the straps of it and yanked on them, stretching the top of the shirt so she could drag it down his body towards his waist.
John looked up in surprise and then kneeled down in front of her so he could glide his mouth from her breast down to her stomach where the muscles there jumped at the touch of his lips and tongue. He started to journey lower but Natalie moved her hands to his chin to stop him, jerking his head upwards almost roughly. She worked her hands around to the back of his head and exerted upward pressure and he followed her prompting, rising to his feet, while her hands remained buried in his hair. They looked at each other and then she was pulling his mouth down to hers, and this time her lips, her tongue were the aggressors but he met her stroke for stroke.
John was having a hard time maintaining even an ounce of control. He wanted to bury himself in her at that moment, whether up against the door, on the bed, on the floor he didnt much care. And he wanted to do it to force her to see the truth to face and then get past the anger but most of all because he needed her he loved herhe missed her Hed never felt such a riot of emotions anger and desire tenderness and aggression the need to dominate while bringing pleasureHe moved his hands to the clasp of her bra and opened it, letting it fall to the ground, then his hands moved further up her back to mash her breasts against his naked chest and they moaned into each others mouths at the skin to skin contact, his prickly hair rough against her sensitive nipples, while her hands remained buried in his hair.
Natalie was no longer going to fight to stop him, but she wouldnt go easily either. This was not going to be a gentle surrender, but the chance to purge everything the frustrations and sense of impotence theyd had as Niks pawns the hurt and pain of lies and perceived betrayals and the fear and anger they couldnt help feeling because they now knew how deeply they needed and wanted each other and how incapable they were to fight it. Their desire would always be there and underneath it all, an abiding love but right now darker emotions and human frailties were the drivers and they couldnt be submerged they were like a fever that had to break, burning them from within and informing the character of their touch on each others bodies
Natalies hands moved to Johns waist so she could open his belt, button, zipper, and she bit his lower lip hard while she shoved his pants and boxers off his hips. John jerked back from her and touched his lip while his eyes glared into hers, even as he kicked his shoes off followed by his pants and boxers. She couldnt help shifting her glance lower and swallowed convulsively when she saw how hard and engorged he was anger was apparently a potent aphrodisiac for him, and it was certainly working for her as well given the flood she felt building in her core. He wouldnt couldnt be gentle either and that thought both thrilled and scared her, making her breathing even more erratic.
John closed the small distance between them again until their chests touched and she was forced to tilt her head up to look at him, the intensity in his eyes making her quiver. Her arms were down by her sides and she spread her hands open on the door down by her thighs to steady herself, to take in a bit of its coolness. His stare never wavering, John moved his hands down and slowly, deliberately pulled her panties off her body, which somehow had more impact than if he had ripped them from her. It was aggression being held in check and he fairly trembled with its intensity. His hands began to trail down and she closed her eyes, bracing for the feeling of his fingers taking intimate hold of her, so it was a shock when he jerked her right leg up hard and wide, over his hip, and tore through her flesh until he was buried so deeply his pubic bone hit hers. She cried out at the invasion which caused a stab of pain and triggered her bodys instinctive response to grip onto him forcefully. John felt that grip and had to gasp for breath so as not to lose it all right then and there.
Still holding the back of her thigh tightly John began to drive into Natalie and two strokes later she had both her legs and arms wrapped around him, her back sliding up and down the door, her face buried in his neck. Her own emotions and urges were running rampant her need to meet power with power though he was biologically engineered better for it.... so of their own volition her hands spread out along the strong muscles of his back and then her nails were raking over him, scoring his hot skin as he pounded into her That got Johns attention and though he did not slow the motion of his hips, he leaned back and grabbed both her arms, taking hold of her wrists and roughly spreading her arms out wide to her sides, forcing them flat against the door and adjacent walls.
Natalie winced at his vice-like grip on her wrists, and the endless feeling of him splitting her in two, and she couldnt help the obvious, sharp gasp of pain. That sound made it through Johns haze of raw, anger-tinged desire, and he looked at her really saw her for a moment and felt a bolt of shock a tremor of self-disgust At that moment he had the almost incongruous thought that he was crucifying her because thats what it looked like a crucifixion. Her arms were spread wide, and his manhood was nailing her to the door. He tensed and was about to move from her and, sensing this, Natalie rasped, Dont stop dont you dare stop
He felt her voice vibrate where their bodies were most intimately joined, and with a moan of surrender his mouth crashed down onto hers, their tongues battling fiercely. He set her arms free and they wound around his neck, her hands again in his hair while his took hold of her ass to help drive her against him.
John suddenly spun around so his back was against the door, and then he slid down it until he hit the floor with a jolt that shot through Natalie as it more deeply embedded him within her increasingly sensitive core, and she now sat astride him. She was hot, wet, tight, but his size and force were also taking a toll on her tender tissues, even as they had started to tremble around him in increased arousal. She could just give in let go and it would be over, but she wasnt ready for thatthis was an expiation and there was yet more to atone for she would accept the heady, breath-taking mix of pain and pleasure as both penance and reward. What she really wanted was Johns entire weight on her, to leave no doubt that she was totally his again and was in the process of surrendering even as she made him prove his dominanceWith her arms wrapped around him she leaned back, and he followed her lead. They fell onto the floor with a thud, which again only served to drive John more deeply inside and their mouths finally separated when they moaned in response.
John moved Natalies arms over her head, holding a wrist in each hand, his forearms over hers while his elbows were on the floor on either side of hers so he could brace his upper body. He could look at her face and see the way it changed each time he thrust into her as hard and deep as he could go. He knew he was thicker, steelier than hed ever been, and the sensation of her intimately clutching at him was pushing him to his end which was likely a good thing because he didnt think either of them could withstand the punishing intensity of this union much longer. He needed to feel her mouth on his so he quickly took complete possession of it and the feeling of her tongue melding with his spurred him to drive even harder into her and he knew it was well beyond any force hed ever used in the past.
Natalie was coming undone. He was literally taking her body to the very edge of what it could withstand now, each shove of his body taking hers closer to the boundary where pleasure and pain met. But even as her mind was telling her body to recoil from each blow, instead it was rising up to meet him head on. Acting purely on raw instinct, Natalie had moved her feet to the back of Johns thighs so she could dig her heels into his strong muscles and buck her hips off the floor to maximize her impalement. He grunted as he felt her heels dig into him, but found the notion and the feeling sensationally erotic in its impulse. They battled it out for another few moments while each felt the inexorable approach of their release, and then their powerful orgasms collided, collapsing them into a shuddering conjoined bundle on the floor as they clung fiercely together to ride out the storm.
At their zenith their mouths had ripped apart as theyd cried out, calling each others names and then nothing but moans and powerful gasps for breath. Long minutes later their hearts were still pounding, their breathing still semi-erratic, but they no longer feared death was imminent. They had made it through the fiery maelstrom intact together. Still, they clung to each other on the floor, and Natalie finally found her voice, whispering against Johns neck, I love you John I love you
John expelled a soul-deep sigh of relief and said softly against her hair, God, I love you too, Natalie so, so much
John removed himself from Natalie and kneeled, reaching down for her. Then he got up and placed her gently on the bed, climbing on to join her. There was a softness in their eyes and on their faces as they looked at each other, and Natalie said quietly, Make love to me, John while stretching out on her back and opening her legs. She welcomed him into her achingly tender core, and he gently complied. This time their joining was a benediction of their future their hoped for life together.
Chapter 49
Early the next morning John and Natalie were both awake, their arms around each other, her head on his chest as his fingers traced lazy circles on her back and shoulders. She was lulled to a peaceful state by the steady thrum of his heart beating under her ear.
So, she began. Are we going to pretend to be mad at Mason for a bit?
I dont think hell believe us his room is right next to us and I dont think we were exactly quiet - at least not the first two times
Natalie giggled and sat up to look at him, wincing a little as she did. John reached out to caress her face, his own looking concerned as he said softly, with regret, I hurt you youre in pain It was a statement, not a question.
She turned her head to kiss his palm, holding his hand in place with her own. Im fine, John. I now truly know the meaning of the term exquisite pain and I wouldnt trade a moment of it I wanted it all we found our way back to each other. Im, Im sorry I made it so hard
I should have been more patient
I was afraid, but Im not any more. Missing you so badly was worse than any fear.
You dont have to be afraid, Natalie. Theres nothing more were hiding. I love you and I cant imagine my life without you we dont have to miss each other any more
He gently drew her down so their mouths could meet, and then he rolled her under him and journeyed down her body so his mouth could bring nothing but pleasure where there had been pain so he could claim her in a way that didnt challenge her body, but simply brought it to fruition.
God, John, you give the best first aid and that was the last conscious thought let alone words she was capable of for quite some time.
They fell asleep for a bit and were wakened by the sound of a knock, the opening of a lock, and Masons voice, Cover yourselves! I come bearing gifts!
John and Natalie shifted so they were leaning against their leather-upholstered headboard she was careful to pull not just the sheet but the bulkier comforter up over her chest, tucking it securely under her arms.
Mason walked in with a tray laden with all sorts of breakfast foods and beverages. He smiled at them since it was clear they were back on track. He had the good grace not to let his eyes dwell on Natalies very swollen lips or Johns for that matter and he ignored the scratch marks he noticed on Johns arms and chest, the love bites on Natalies fair neck. It had not all been smooth sailing, but sail they had. All better now? Hopefully youve forgiven me for my strong-arm tactics but you are both stubborn as mules and I didnt exactly have a cupids arrow available.
They both just laughed at him and then he said, OK, well, Ill leave you to it. Why dont we start a bit later today noon Ill have sandwiches served. Give you guys a chance to make sure your dtente sticks
When he left Natalie said to John, Hes a really good friend to you, isnt he?
Yeah, he really is. He can be as tough and hard as he needs to be, but underneath hes a great guy his hearts as big as he is
Does he have anyone in his life?
Well, right before I, well, right before I met you he had told me he was interested in someone on his team, but was concerned that could be complicated I think her name was Angela. Im not sure what ever happened there
John and Natalie joined Mason in the office and they spent several hours working things felt so much better without the tension between them. Mason had good-naturedly rolled his eyes when he had arrived in the office after them to find Natalie seated across Johns lap engaging in what could only be referred to well, at least on Happy Days as necking. They finally broke before dinner in order to get ready, and Mason was actually surprised when he got to the great room they were having drinks there before eating and John and Natalie were already there. Hed wondered if theyd get too caught up in other things and end up delayed. However, he smiled because once again Natalie was sitting on Johns lap and he chuckled saying, You know, Natalie, there are enough chairs to go around
She blushed a bit, though she did laugh, and slid onto the couch beside John. For all the teasing, Mason was genuinely happy for them. He had never seen John this way the man was a total goner but the good news was, it was clear his feelings were fully returned. Out from under the Kirov roof and the weight of revealed secrets and lies, they had an unfettered quality about them they were blossoming. At that thought Mason made a note-toself to read Popular Mechanics or some such manly tome as soon as possible because he feared he was getting a bit too much in touch with his flowery, romantic feminine side.
The next few days were much the same, and when Mason interrupted a passionate clinch between the two of them in the galley he jokingly whined. Great. Ive no one to blame but myself, but weve gone from Mutiny on the Bounty to The Love Boat. Well Im calling in reinforcements if you cant beat em, join em. At this moment a very talented and especially lovely attorney on my staff Miss Angela Mauro is on a helicopter bound for parts unknown to her and shell be aboard with us within the hour. Theres so much to go through that I need her help and her companionship wont be unappreciated
Oh, so things have progressed then, Mason?
Well, while Im quite certain weve not engaged in the type of dramatic mating rituals you two have over the past months, lets just say were well-acquainted at this point
They all laughed and then Natalie said, Well, if shes with you she must be nice, and I am so excited about finally having another female around Ive spent almost all my time in the company of men and it will be a welcome change!
Hey! John said in mock affront.
Aw, you know I love you but we cant share make-up tips and clothes
Ive loaned you my shirts
True Ill give you that
They heard the sound of a helicopter and Mason smiled broadly. Great, shes in time for dinner. Ill be right back.
Ten minutes later he walked in holding the hand of a very attractive brunette. She was about 58 with the long, lithe body of a dancer. Her dark, shiny hair was worn in a straight bob that fell just below her chin. She was dressed in black trousers and a black cotton twin-set, accented by pearls, and Natalie thought she looked naturally elegant. She had a warm smile that reached her eyes as she was introduced to John and Natalie. John could tell that Mason liked her a lot and was intrigued since he had not seen such interest from his friend in a number of years. How interesting this had happened for them both at the same time albeit in very different ways.
They had a spirited dinner with plenty of wine flowing, and when it came time to retired for the evening Angela didnt go to her own stateroom next to Natalies but was led unselfconsciously into Masons just as Natalie pulled John into hers. Before the stateroom doors were closed Mason shouted out lets start at 10 instead of 8 tomorrow and that was that.
Chapter 50
Over the next few days John, Natalie, Mason and Angela settled into a routine that was both productive and enjoyable. With Angelas help in organizing information to support potential charges, things were picking up speed. She and Natalie also formed a fast friendship which was an amazing treat for Natalie. She hadnt realized how much shed missed having such extended contact with another female a female friend until she and Angela fell into an easy rhythm. It also helped that for the first time in five years Natalie didnt have to hold back so much of herself she didnt have to watch every word she said and hide the truth of her existence. Of course it didnt hurt that John was taking every opportunity to make her feel loved the way he held her, his words and actions, he was healing her in places deep within that had been hurt or struck numb. She would find him just looking at her some times and he would tell her how beautiful she was, and she felt it. It was also clear that the relationship between Mason and Angela was being enhanced by this warm sojourn at sea. They had been plucked from their own daily grind and could focus more on each other and it was evident they were finding more, not less, between them as they did.
While the luxury yacht was making its way towards the Caribbean, Nik was back in New York City, sequestered in his den. Olegs burial had been efficiently accomplished with his two Russian grandsons in prominent attendance. He pinched between his eyes as he tried to figure out what he should do, but a newly discovered piece of information was challenging his intellectual capacity because it had infuriated him. He had been quietly informed that John Maxwell was actually John McBain, an undercover FBI agent. Had he led Natalie astray on purpose, as part of his plan all along? Is that why he was so willing to get so deeply involved with her to gain access to information? And Nik had to choke back bitter bile when he realized he had played right into Johns hands if that had indeed been his intended plan. He had shoved John at Natalie. Additionally, the terrible way he himself treated Natalie made her ripe for the picking by someone who showed her kindness and was willing to do so much to save her. Nik was still awestruck that a federal agent would have engaged in the activities NIk had prodded him into. Perhaps John was more like Nik that the agent would like willing to do whatever it took. What rankled the most was the feeling that the joke was and had always been on Nik. Hed thought he was the puppet master pulling the strings on John and Natalie, but that was clearly not the case.
Niks more practical challenge was what to do about his newest, largest business initiative, because he had to assume the worst, that theyd gotten their hands on information about it. Some of his other less legitimate businesses were better shielded and had the veneer of respectability but not the new exchange. If anyone had the information thered be no mistaking what it was, and hed wanted more time to let it run, even if he knew eventually it might have to end. Now, just four weeks post-launch he was wondering if he should pull the plug, and how he could do so. It would send a shock wave through the other participants and their organizations and they would surely feel the need to act harshly against him for putting them at risk. Nik also worried that there could be other breeches in security if there was one, there could be more, surely, Were others working against him right now? He hated feeling so paranoid, but it wasnt without reason, and on that note he downed a healthy glass of vodka. Hed always wanted to keep his fate in his own hands not to let anyone else determine his end. Perhaps the time really had come to pull the trigger on the exit strategy hed devised. Anyone in his position who was worth his salt should have one, and he did. Still, hed wanted to accomplish a few more things first
Evan Chadwick was in his office combing through the update Mason had sent. It seemed like they would be able to file charges within 7-10 days all initially focused on the e-exchange. They were keeping a close eye on Nik in the event he tried to run, at which point theyd grab him on a lesser charge to hold him. His long-time assistant, Martha Grimes, walked in with a concerned look on her face.
Evan theres someone on the phone I think its a man but his voice is disguised. He says he has important information on the Kirovs.
Evan felt a twinge of concern and asked Martha to put the call through.
This is Director Chadwick.
A mechanically disguised voice said, Thank you for taking my call but I think youll be thanking me before all this is over.
What can I do for you?
On the contrary, its what I can do for you.
Im listening.
This isnt my first time to contact you. I sent you a note the week you were sworn in as Director. I wrote it on a copy of an article in which youd been quoted saying your personal mission was to take down the Russian mob in this country I told you Id help you, though it would take some time. The time has come.
Evan was very quiet. He remembered the note for some reason he had believed it at the time, but then the years had gone by without any further contact plus hed found Natalie, and he was first and foremost dedicated to shielding her. He was concerned this person was on a fishing expedition with her somehow a target.
The disembodied voice came back and said, Im sure that youre trying to figure out if I have some nefarious hidden agenda. I dont blame you. You need to be careful lives are at stake Mrs. Kirovs for example.
Evan managed not to react to that and the voice went on. I know you have her and with her youll be able to strike very hard against the Kirovs and others. But no matter how much this weakens them, shell still be in some danger. Russians have very, very long memories. Olegs grandsons in Russia, for example, are being groomed. I can strike a harder blow. You wont need Mrs. Kirov.
And why would you do this?
Its time because if I dont Mrs. Kirov will have to, and shes innocent. Shes suffered enough at the hands of the family Kirov my hands are dirty, Im no innocent. Its time.
How would we proceed?
You pick a place public but quiet, discreet, please. Hopefully you can come without fanfare low-key and well talk.
How about dinner tonight 7pm at the Nassau Inn in Princeton?
Chapter 51
John and Natalie were struggling for breath having once again destroyed each other. As much as theyd already possessed each other, the were still learning things about how to bring each other even greater pleasure pushing each other to even more devastating reactions. Their deepening emotional connection was playing a huge part in this they were no longer holding back in any way, shape or form. Being together was a deep-seated need, not simply a desire, and it became more profound with each intimate moment they shared. It was a revelation for Natalie to yearn so much for Johns touch, since she had cringed at the very thought of the physical act for so long. As she felt Johns arms around her, his legs entwined with hers, she could feel her heated blood coursing through her showing no signs of cooling.
John! she gasped. How can it be that I want you again when I can still feel you from the last time?
His own heart was still racing as he said, Same for me you are my magnificent obsession then he laughed a little and said, At the risk of sounding like a reprobate and a cross between a dirty old man and an adolescent boy I honestly dont think Ive been completely soft since the first time I touched you the smell of your hair the sight of you the mere thought of you
Are you ready for me again? she asked in a soft purr.
In response he rolled her underneath him and entered her, pushing against her still-quivering flesh. It was like turning up the flame under a still-simmering pot, and within moments they were melting together again, sighing in blissful release. Eventually John dragged Natalie into the shower so they could be on time for the days work thankfully they had made it a habit to start at the civilized hour of 10am, and Mason and Angela were at least as often the laggards.
When they reached the office Angela was there alone.
Masons on the phone with Chase some sort of breaking news or something
They all grew quiet because they werent sure what it could be, and breaking news was often bad. With nothing else to do but wait, they drank coffee which only served to heighten their nerves. Thirty minutes later Mason walked in and he looked bemused to say the least.
I just got off the phone with Chase he doesnt know anything more than what Im about to tell you but apparently the Director was approached by someone else within the Kirov organization who is deeply embedded and can perhaps deal an even more decisively deadly blow against the Kirovs, the other Russians and other organized crime syndicates involved in that exchange. It would spare you, Natalie. No one else would even know what you did youd be totally free and safe.
Natalie was stunned. She felt a wave of relief, yet at the same time couldnt help feeling that in a way what shed done had been rendered meaningless in vein. If someone else could step in, her own actions and sacrifices had been unnecessary but she couldnt shouldnt look this gift horse in the mouth and maybe her actions spurred this person to come forward. Plus, it had given her something to focus on a sense of purpose while shed had to survive these past years. She knew in the end shed be glad of this development if it worked out but it knocked her off kilter nonetheless.
John was simply, totally and utterly relieved. Natalie could be free they could be free of all of this.
Mason continued, Chase, Director Chadwick and this new source will arrive on board tomorrow morning. We might as well take today off because we wont know how well need to proceed until after tomorrow.
Natalie, John asked softly. Is there anyone you can think of who this might be?
She sighed and said, Im not sure I really have stayed away from the senior team who worked with Nik and Oleg, but I wonderwell I wonder if its Maksim.
John nodded, Thats who I thought of first, but then again I dont know the rest of the organization. But, well, I think he cares quite a bit about you what happens to you He he hated what Nik did to you, Natalie. I saw that quite clearly.
I know. He was always kind to me especially after that first night
The four spent the day and evening feeling as if they were waiting for the other shoe to drop, but tried as best they could to relax and enjoy themselves. They sat by the pool and decided to make dinner themselves led by Angela who had a flair for Italian cooking having learned at the elbow of her maternal grandmother. She had been excited to see how well-stocked the pantry and galley were, and set the whole team to work. It was a lot of fun enhanced b the flowing red wine and they sat down to a feast: caprese salads; rigatoni in spicy tomato sauce with buffalo mozzarella, sausage and pancetta; tiramisu for dessert. They interspersed their wine consumption with plenty of Pellegrino water, which kept them perfectly placed between a nice buzz and over-served. As the evening wore on, it felt like they were simply two close couples, four good friends, on a romantic cruise through warm climes. They stayed up late, talking, listening to soft jazz, and savoring a final glass of wine. Then the two couples retired to their rooms to savor their private intimacies, truly tender mercies on their souls.
As Natalie drifted off to sleep she thought contentedly about how much she loved the way her day had both started and ended, and she whispered a soft I love you as sleep took her.
The next morning they made sure all four staterooms looked lived in so as not to raise any flags it wasnt exactly common knowledge, nor all that acceptable, that they had paired off. The four had breakfast and then sat nervously waiting for the new arrivals. They finally heard the sound of the approaching helicopter and went to the upper deck to meet it. Soon after it had carefully landed Chase emerged, followed by Evan and then the mystery contact. It was Mason who caught Natalie as she fainted, because John was too thunderstruck to move let alone notice that Natalie was crumbling.
Disembarking from the helicopter was the devil himself Nikolai Kirov.
Chapter 52
Mason scooped Natalie up and immediately headed inside with her, with Angela right by his side. John finally gathered his wits about him enough to realize what had happened with Natalie, but seeing she was in good hands with Mason he stood rooted so he could keep an eye on Nik he wasnt going to let the slippery bastard out of his sight. Chase, Nik and Evan approached John in that order.
McBain, Chase said. Why dont we all go inside?
John merely nodded at him and then locked eyes with the Director, who could tell John was both stunned and angry. Lets get inside, Agent McBain
John finally looked at Nik and could see his gaze was as cold and inscrutable as always, but Johns had enough fire for both of them. If you think youre getting near her
Nik smirked and said nothing, and Chase simply said, John
John turned and led them inside.
Just as they arrived in the great room Natalie, whod been placed on the couch by Mason, came to and immediately the horror of what shed seen hit her. She bolted upright on the couch and then clung to Mason saying over and over in a strangled, tremulous voice, Please dont let him hurt me please dont let him hurt me
Mason held her close and was sure hed never felt anyone trembling so badly in his life. Her fear was alive a palpable presence in the room and it communicated itself to all the men who finally realized the impact seeing Nik had had on her. She had let her guard down. She had felt untouchable here, and then her torturous jailer of five years had been nonchalantly piped aboard. She needed John and turned around in Masons arms to see him and he felt her need reach across to him. He headed towards her but before he could move around the trunks in the middle of the seating area the Director had skirted them along the other side and had reached her.
Evan knelt in front of the couch and put his arms out to her and Natalie fell into his hug as a child might into her fathers. Im sorry for the shock, Natalie. So sorry. It was the only way. But Natalie, I promise, like I did all those years ago your safety comes first. I would never do anything to compromise it were here there are more than 20 other armed agents on board. Nik had no idea he would even be boarding a helicopter let alone flying to this ship.
Chase and John in particular looked on in surprise they had never seen the Director this way, and it was completely clear that he would do nothing to endanger Natalie. He hadnt gotten where he was by being a fool, but could he really trust Nik?
Natalie finally sat back in the middle of the couch while Chase and Mason stood, and John took the opportunity to sit next to Natalie, to her left, and take her hand. It was a small gesture that could be read a number of ways, but it was like a lifeline for Natalie.
Evan said, Why dont we all sit down, and he sat to the other side of Natalie. Mason brought over a glass of water to her and then sat beside Angela on the other couch while Nik and Chase sat in armchairs opposite each other and perpendicular to the couches.
Nik sat straight, quiet, taking everything in. Though no one could tell, he was beset by a range of emotions. Natalies raw, naked fear of him had hit him hard, which he knew was borderline ridiculous. But in the past she had, for the most part, always been so contained within her own icy countenance, that he had been spared seeing how profound it was. To know thered been a time when shed sought him out and relied on him as a stalwart in her world yet seeing her today was a damning reinforcement of what he had done to her to them. And then there was John sitting right next to her holding her hand being her hero. He had no doubt John knew his wife more intimately than he did at this point and that thought threatened to convert ice to pressurized steam, but he could ill afford that. He had to fight the petty urge to make sure that Chase and Chadwick knew exactly what their top secret agent had done with his wife with her body. Nik had come here for a specific reason that trumped everything, and it was no time to dwell on what could not be changed what he had created. Yet somehow knowing this was all his doing made it harder not easier
Evan cleared his throat and began. I know this is a huge shock. I assure you it was for me, too. But it is very much on-the-level. I will give you a bit of background, and then will let Nik say his piece. That was his only requirement he wants to tell you everything, Natalie. And once I set the stage it is your decision whether you want to meet with him alone or with some of us in the room with you.
Natalie couldnt hold her tongue, Nik, is this all just still the game for you you feel the walls closing in so you make a bold move to get yourself a deal? Not take the fall but push others over the edge instead?
Evan answered, Natalie, there is no deal for NIk. Hes going to confess and hand over evidence to everything and let a judge decide his sentence.
That got everyones attention because they had assumed what Natalie had.
Evan continued, A little over five years ago, the week Id been sworn in as Director, I received an anonymous note. It highlighted what I had gone on record with as my personal goal taking down the Russian mob, most especially the Kirovs. The author of that note said very simply that he was in a position to help me do that, but it would take a while, and they would not be contacting me again until they could make good on the promise. I heard nothing until 2 days ago, and then I received a call with the voice mechanically disguised from the author, and I knew it had to be him because I had told no one of the note. I was allowed to pick the meeting place and time, and even though we were in a public place, I have to be honest that I was truly shocked and briefly braced myself for assassination when I realized who I was meeting. But Nik was alone. He shared his story. He handed me incredibly indicting information on Kirov operations with the promise of more. His only caveat was that he wanted the chance to explain things to you and then youd be completely free. No one except for those on this boat will ever know of your involvement.
And you trust him, Evan? she asked.
Do I TRUST Nikolai Kirov? No. But I DO believe him. So, its your call, Natalie. Do you want to meet with Nik alone?
She sighed and looked at everyone individually, finally landing on Nik. You can all stay. I no longer have anything to hide. She sounded a lot more solid than she actually was because she wanted nothing so much as to flee. However, she knew that she needed to hear what Nik had to say because it was about her life what he had made it for five years, especially since it was stunningly clear hed formed some sort of plan that long ago
Nik was not surprised by her decision, but he had to bite back the spike of anger at having to explain himself in front of the man whod seduced his wife under his own roof. No matter how much he might understand it hed never be all right with it.
Nik took a deep breath, unsure exactly where to start, but figured hed dive right in and then try to provide some back drop. Natalie, the moment my father asked me to hand you over to him so that he could rape you, I decided then and there that I would bring him down, no matter what it took even, paradoxically, if it meant sacrificing you to a tremendous extent in the process.
Natalie blanched at the direct, boldfaced nature of his words and the harsh truth they told. The rest of the room was equally surprised.
She whispered, So you were faking?
Not exactly
Well WHAT exactly? Are you going to tell me you came down with DID like my mother?
No, not in the strictest sense
Stop talking in riddles, Nik!
OK, OK Its hard to know how to say this all so let me just talk get it all out, and then we can see if, well if theres anything else you need to know
She nodded.
I dont want to sound like some ridiculous pop-psychology book, but I know youve heard the concept of the duality of man the notion that we all have good and evil in us, and there is some choice as to which we emphasize some of it is determined by nurture versus nature well, that is a battle I fought all my life. You know what my father was like. He was an evil bastard through and through who took pleasure in bringing that out in his children, seeing it as strength. I will not catalogue the ways in which he forced this point home to us as children, but suffice to say he was not a kind and loving father. My mother, on the other hand, was a wonderful woman. Loving and smart and she had such energy I was drawn to you because you reminded me so much of her and unfortunately I think that is also what spurred my fathers egregiously inappropriate behavior with you. He warped her, but her legacy was still in me, fighting to survive. I was luckier than my brother, Oleg. He was first born. He was the one my father focused most heavily on. He became exactly like him. I was able to escape. I wanted no part of who they were. I hated what I knew about their business dealings and avoided any knowledge of it I could. I chose a field entirely different than they could possibly imagine academics, history but the fact that I was studying Russian history made it borderline acceptable.
He rubbed his hand over his face and continued. I ended up in Llanview and met you. I saw my future. MY future and OUR future, with as little to do with my family as possible. And I think you will admit that was the way things were for two years and then my brother Oleg died. I am not I cant exactly say why I was so quickly seduced by my father. Maybe theres that part of you that always wants to be special to your father also, I had, perhaps, rejected him, my brother, the life first, before it could reject me I was the number two son it was not my destiny to rule the empire. But then, suddenly, it was. All there for the taking, and my father was pushing every button he could and that whole week in New York I lost my way. I let the other side of me get stronger. I became thirsty for what they were offering me, and I was going to have it but I told myself I could convince you I could still be for you what you needed I could build walls between my two selves and then there was that awful moment when my father made his his nightmare request. I can still hear his voice echoing in my head the shock offer me your wife, Nikthe pleasure of her the chance to lie with her
Natalie didnt even realize she was standing until she was on her feet, enraged, YOUR Shock?! What about MINE?! Hearing that my my my heart pounding in my ears and I look to you to YOU, my HUSBAND and you literally handed me over to him I would have fallen down had you not been holding me upI thought I saw you waver for a second my Nik that you wouldnt do it and then this shutter came down over your eyes and I didnt know you any more
She was shaking and had to sit down, her energy spent for a moment. The others in the room were too riveted to move much less say anything. Perhaps the most surprising thing to them was that they finally saw some emotion in Nik the pain of Natalies outburst striking deep within him.
I did waver and thats the moment I decided that my father the Kirovs the larger Russian mob that they had to be stopped at all costs. And that I was going to do it. And the only way was to become part of it. To lead them even further down the path to unpardonable offenses and activities to compile the information to document every piece of it, and then to turn it and myself as leader of it over to the authorities. I decided then and there that I would give up the living of my life as Id wanted to and eventually my very freedom because I would be as guilty as all of them but that it would be worth it to bring them all the way down except
Except it wasnt just you that you were sacrificing
No, Natalie, it wasnt. I had a brief hope that you could just leave me, but of course my father had other ideas. And I know that I did more than sacrifice your life I made it a living hell except when it was simply cold, and harsh and lonely.
She had tears in her eyes and in her voice as she whispered just one word, How?
It goes back to what I said before I, I basically killed, or choked off imprisoned whatever you want to call it the Nik that I considered my mothers son, and I became 100% Kirov. I couldnt be the good Nik just acting. I had to BE the bastard my father required me to be. I had to be HIS son. And well, I know it is self-serving to say this, but I think you also know theres some truth in it if I was rough enough on you, he mostly kept his distance. He would begin to insert himself any time he felt I was being soft on you and he was almost impossible to fight off once hed gotten agitated about something I still, well I still cant believe he backed down as he did over the paparazzi incident although I did have to, well, you know
Natalie shook her head and let out a bitter laugh. Oh, Nik he didnt back down. You remember the night of the big parties at Caspian and Beluga to celebrate your triumphant return from LA and the assassination attempt? When you were called away on business?
Nik felt his blood run a bit cold as he said, Yes.
You werent gone 10 minutes when he forced John and Maksim to check out some disturbance, promising to personally look after me. Then he laced into me and left me to the devices of two thugs hed hired to rape me down in Pytka in one of the private rooms where no one could hear me scream. Thank God that Maksim was suspicious and had some of his guys keep watch but even then it was almost too late. I was cuffed, spread eagled to the table, fully exposed, and the only reason why those animals didnt succeed in the moments before John and Maksim arrived is because they were literally bickering over whod get to fuck me first and whod have to settle for my mouth on them instead!
She had purposely used the harsh language for maximum impact on Nik, and it also jolted the others in the room except for John, who knew all this already. He glanced around and saw the shock that was closer to horror. They had had no idea... they couldnt fully conceive of what her life had been.
Nik sat back, truly stunnedI had no idea why didnt you?
Why didnt I tell you? To what end, Nik? Youd have done nothing well, actually you would have. Youd have fired John and then I really would have been all alone again and I couldnt bear it!
Nik felt the flash of anger, Of course not by all means you needed to keep your bodyguard around God fucking forbid you might have lost him!
Is that really the point after all this, Nik? You let your father determine my fate on more than one occasion you treated me brutally to make him happy every time he thought you were actually showing me an ounce kindness you dressed me up as little more than your half-slutty mannequin and youd have done nothing, NOTHING against your father had you knownyou said it yourself you sacrificed meyou did nothing against your father never once took up for me!
I killed him for you. he said baldly, with little emotion behind the words.
Whaaaaat?! she gasped.
Nik turned to Evan and then to Mason. Consider this my official confession. I murdered my father. I had a special drug made that induced a heart attack untraceable. I told him as he was dying that it was for what he had forced me to choose to sacrifice Natalie. The irony is, as he was dying as I was freeing you us from him, you were running away to take us all down
No one knew what to say for a moment, and Nik resumed speaking in the breach. I did not intend to execute my final plan this soon. I thought wed get a little relief with Oleg dead, and I could solidify some of the business ventures that could then take everything down including other organized crime elements beyond the Russians. But once I learned what you were doing well, what I had had to be enough. You would be in danger the rest of your life if you did this now, its all on me
And is that supposed to balance the accounts?
No, not at all. I can never do that. Never. And I know that. My ultimate reason may have been better on some level than simply wanting personal power, glory and wealth, but it doesnt change the absolute fact that I sacrificed you. The woman that I loved more than I could have imagined ever loving anyone was tortured at my own hands. I kidded myself that it was my evil twin, actually. And every now and again the better Nik would come out for a moment like in Chicago
I dont want to talk about Chicago or any of those better times. It made it harder. It broke my heart all over again. How could you be that gentle with me again and then turn right back around and be even more vicious! After Chicago is when you did one of the worst things youd ever done to me when you she had to stop for a moment because tears were flowing when you tossed the stuffed lamb that I had bought for our baby into the fire. It was my last link to her you killed her you burned my final link to her in front of my very eyes tell me, Nik how do you reconcile that?
I cant its not possible. I didnt want another generation well, not my child subjected to the Kirov poison. I saw what was happening to Olegs boysMy father was already talking about his plans for our child I got shit-faced drunk I didnt meanwell, it doesnt matter what I meant or not since the result was still the sameit makes no sense for me to apologize for the unforgivable. And all that I have done since the day we walked into my fathers home falls in that category. I just thought you deserved as complete an explanation as possible no excuses, just explanation. And now I have two other things for you, and then I suppose I will be going
Nik reached into his pocket he had been searched before and pulled out a DVD. He handed it to Natalie and said, This is private the only copy and she knew it was the movie she had made with John. What she didnt know was how hard Nik had to fight the urge to hand it to Evan. Then he handed her documents, saying, These are divorce papers and also documentation for an annulment if you decide you want to follow up with that. The least I can do is help you be free of me as soon as possible I cant offer you any financial settlement since everything will be tied up in legal proceedings
I want nothing from the Kirovs
I understand. Well, I have said my piece. If you have any questions
No.
Then I guess I am now completely in the hands of these fine gentlemen
Nik rose and so did the other men, though Natalie stayed sitting, unable to trust her legs to hold her.
Chase said, Ill escort Nik back to the helicopter John, Ill catch up with you soon next assignment and all that.
John just nodded.
Evan turned to Natalie and pulled her up into another hug. Its all over, honey. You did an amazing thing but I would be lying if I didnt admit Im glad youre off the hook
She just nodded.
He stood back and looked at her, and then at John. He was a perceptive man and could sense there was a lot going on there. And he couldnt find it in him to see anything wrong with it hed bent the rules himself when it came to Natalie, and if anyone deserved someone to love her Then he glanced at Mason and Angela.
Im thinking that it would be a shame to waste the fact that youre in the Caribbean, on a ship thats been paid for through at least the balance of this month. Why dont the four of you spend some time decompressing we cant do without you too long, but why dont we say, five days
On that note, he smiled a real smile, shook hands with Mason and Angela quickly, and then turned to John, taking his hand in a firm grip. Thank you for protecting Natalie shes very special special to me
Me too, sir
They nodded to each other and then Evan left. All four expelled a breath they hadnt realized they were holding when they heard the helicopter take off. Then wordlessly John took Natalie in his arms and held her as tightly to him as he could. She buried her head in his chest and inhaled his scent, feeling it calm her. It was so him he was so solid so much what she needed.
Chapter 53
Natalie finally pulled back from John and looked at Mason and Angela who came over to Natalie and pulled her into a hug. Then Natalie realized that Angela was weeping.
Angela are you OK?
She pulled back and her face was awash with tears as she snorted, Lord, Natalie. I should be asking you that! Its just I I dont know what to say I had no idea Im not sure I dont know how you survived all that time your husband She knew she was making no sense but couldnt help it.
Well, I guess none of us really know what we can bring ourselves to do until were faced with it. That was part of Niks message, right. That hed been the good Nik until a greater good required him to be evil. I wonder if Im supposed to feel any better about what happened to me since it wasnt just for his personal power and aggrandizement it was for a crusadeIm sorry, I think I might be sounding bitter
Mason said gently, I think youre entitled He could see that Angela was still incredibly emotional and he instinctively reached for her, pulling her into his embrace.
John reached out to Natalie and tucked her hair behind her ear. Natalie, you look wiped out. Why dont you go lie down for a bit.
Will you come with me?
Of course.
That sounds like a good idea I think we could all use a little down time said Mason. Lets plan on having an early dinner Ill tell the chef but for now, lets lie low some recovery time
When John and Natalie got to his room, she sat quietly on the end of the bed, and he knelt in front of her, taking both hands in his.
Talk to me, Natalie say anything tell me what you need?
Could you do that?
Do what?
Love me one minute see your future with me one moment and then not just sacrifice me but torture me with your own hands? Is that in you? Is it in all of us?
Id sooner die.
How do you know?
Are you asking how I know or how can you know for sure that I wont?
She looked at him, and wanted to say something, anything that would reassure him and not hurt him, but she felt so unmoored. Could she trust her own instincts? Could she trust period?
I love you John and I know you love me
But that wasnt the question, Natalie.
I know and no, I cant fathom that you could ever hurt me the way Nik did. I just cant.
But? Come on, Natalie you definitely left a but hanging out there He couldnt keep the hurt entirely out of his voice and he felt badly for it. He wasnt trying to pressure her.
But I wouldnt have believed Nik could until he did and I know youre not him. I KNOW it. you have such a deep kindness in you you were willing to throw everything away for me you werent raised the same way. Yes, we all have that dual nature, but not everyones bad side is so warped and vicious God, Im rambling, but I know all that
Intellectually?
And in my heart. Honestly I do. But Im so afraid, too everything I knew thought I knewIm just so thrown. I dont know where my life is heading the one I knew is over. I thought I knew that life and now even thats been re-definedI dont know what I amIs it crazy that some how it felt, well better or at least semi-understandable when I thought he was overcome by the driving desire for power and wealth? The need to please his father? Forces he couldnt fight? But instead, he sat there today, virtually emotionless and told me hed made a calculated choice for some greater goodto harm me almost irreparably. Am I supposed to admire that admire his dedication when he dragged me into hell with him?
John wasnt sure what to say. She was asking so many questions covering so many things both about him and her broader life about trust about the decisions people makeand there were no easy answers. In his own case how could he prove a negative that he wouldnt do something and trust was always a leap of faith. Natalie, I dont. I dont want to press you. What youre going through I cant imagine what youre feeling I want to be here for you any way I can if youll let me but I also understand will try to
Natalie placed her hand gently over Johns mouth. The one thing I do know is that I want you in my future with me if you do want to be in it
John took each of Natalies hands and kissed them softly, one at a time. I do, and Ill spend every day proving to you
Again she placed a hand on his mouth. You dont have to prove anything I just need to, to trust to not make you guilty for Niks sins Im Ill do my best. Im just scared but not of you just the concept of trust over all Am I making any sense?
Believe it or not, yes so lets just take things slowly. Im not going anywhere, Natalie. Not as long as you want me. We can take it one day at a time one moment at a time
I know what I want to be doing for the next while she said softly.
Yeah?
Yeah. I want to be making love with you. When you have all of me, take all of me Im not afraid. Then I know in every part of me. The way you make me feel the connection I feel to you Ive never felt anything like itits indestructible
John felt his heart unclench at her words. He kneeled up straighter and moved into the V made by Natalies slightly spread legs, placing a hand on the bed on either side of her. She closed her eyes as he gently moved his mouth onto hers and immediately she opened hers to let his tongue sweep her mouth, her tongue reaching out to greet his as she wound her arms around his neck. She sighed into his mouth and John could feel her completely relax. He surrendered her mouth and stood, moving his hands to her upper arms so he could pull her up and they slowly undressed each other, stopping to share kisses along the way.
Natalie climbed onto the bed and stretched out on her back as John followed her, lying on his stomach to her right, but closely against her he needed the contact. He gently traced a finger over her lips and she opened her mouth to suck on it, noting his intake of breath and the deepening blue of his eyes. He removed his finger to replace it with his mouth and he knew hed never get tired of kissing her, especially when she held nothing back, when she completely opened herself to him. He moaned when her hand moved down to grasp him, not quite managing to encircle his fullness. She exerted perfect pressure but he detected the somewhat listless movements of her pelvis and he knew her actions were an entreaty.
John moved so that he could envelope Natalie in a tight hug and then rolled onto his back so she was stretched along the entire length of him, and she had had no choice but to release her hold for the moment. She folded her arms, her palms resting side-by-side on his chest, and looked down at him, her features soft with love. He was relishing the pressure of her pelvis on his hard erection that was squeezed between their bodies, and he massaged her back and backside in deft strokes. She moved her arms around his neck and lowered her mouth to his while grinding her hips against him, and as he shoved his tongue into her mouth he grabbed the back of her thighs and spread them wide so that he was resting right up against the moist rim of her opening. Her writhing hips made her desire known and he did not hesitate to comply, shifting them ever so slightly so he could enter her body at a toe-curling depth and angle.
The heat of their bodies fused them everywhere they touched and they stayed glued together the only parts in motion were their mouths and tongues, their hips which ground and gyrated against each other but kept John steadfastly buried within Natalie, and his hands on her ass which helped keep their rhythm. Soon he felt her release as her body began to grab him in its pulsating hold and her whole body relaxed as if there wasnt a bone left in it. She had torn her mouth from his and was moaning his name and gasping for breath into the crook of his neck, and when her teeth clamped down on his flesh there he was done, and began to drive into her as he came hard and poured everything he had into her shuddering body.
They gasped their I love yous and fell asleep together, still intertwined.
It wasnt just in their stateroom that the reverberations of Niks confession and his life with Natalie were felt. Mason could tell that Angela was still shaken, even as they held each other even as they had undressed each other and had climbed into bed.
They were lying on their sides, facing each other and Mason stroked Angelas cheek. I know youre still upset
I, I guess it all just hit home. It switched from something I knew intellectually to something I now understand viscerally hes so big shes so tiny and at one point that had probably made her feel so safe and then I mean, hes the same size as you. Im taller than Natalie and still I feel dwarfed by you and thats part of what I love being weighed down by you surrounded by you completely at your mercy but knowing its your mercy I most certainly have the gentleness underneath all the passion, so that I know its OK to push at the boundaries because I am still fundamentally safe in your arms but ifif you ever wanted to
Do you think I could, Angela? Honestly? He asked softly.
No. But thats what would make it devastating, soul-destroying if you did. Natalie didnt think Nik could do it and then he did what was that like for her? In my heart, Mason, I promise you I know you wouldnt you are not Nik. You have the animal kernel we all have, but not that whole other person but I cant help thinking about what it was like for Natalie when he flipped that switch. For five years and then he was almost clinical today when he explained that it was not that hed remained caught up in a drunken desire for power and his destiny, but a clear-eyed decision to how could he bring himself to hurt her so badly PHYSICALLY. To place his hands on her like that? Do you understand that? How?
Not if I live 1,000 years, Angela. I have stood across from men that I have wanted to have had to obliterate, and even that has taken a toll. So to use my hands and strength to hurt the woman I love Angela I would sooner you rip out my heart and leave me than I have to deal with the thought that I had some how harmed you. For you to recoil from me in fear, like a beaten animal The hardest part of everything when it really hit home for me today was when Natalie came to and begged us not to let him hurt her he couldnt help the catch in his voice and Angela caressed his face as tears pooled in her eyes. She was shaking harder than Ive ever felt anyone shake and now I understand the haunted expression I see on Johns face and in his eyes sometimes.
Do you think he should have intervened done something to get her out of there once he knew?
He tried. He tried to get her to leave. Angela, he was going to leave everything and everyone behind but now we know why Natalie felt she couldnt go not until her mission was over. And he knew that if he pushed Nik too hard hed be fired and then he wouldnt be able to be there for her at all
Its got to be so hard for her to trust anyone any man
Im sure. I think John understands. I think she knows hes different. Nik sacrificed her to take down the Kirovs. John was willing to forego taking down the Kirovs to save her and that would have been giving up his entire life as he knew it
She nodded and then he asked softly, Do you trust me, Angela?
She looked at him with a completely open face and said, I do. Without reservation.
I love you, Angela, and I will never do anything to abuse your trust I promise.
I love you, too, Mason. She moved her body against his and wrapped her arms around his strong shoulders, scooting underneath him pulling him down on top of her while she opened her legs wide so his wide, powerful hips could be cradled there. She was showing him with her body that his power did not frighten her that she could make herself profoundly vulnerable to his size because she knew he would keep her safe even from himself. Mason understood all this and it moved him deeply. He took hold of her body decisively but with care and pushed them past the brink of thought to pleasure, release and healing sleep.
Chapter 54
While Mason, Angela, John and Natalie were recovering from his visit and its aftermath, Nik was walking into the massive Kirov apartment, closing himself into his den, with nothing for company but a bottle of vodka and his roiling thoughts and emotions. He was still free because the feds were getting their ducks in a row and they didnt want to set off warning signals as his disappearance and/or incarceration would. They had so much dirt on him not to mention signed confessions that they knew he was as good as trapped.
He had thought he understood truly understood long ago the ultimate consequences of his actions, but he knew he had kidded himself, at least on some level. He had let a kernel of denial survive undetected in order to insulate himself from the complete truth, so that he could keep that good-evil Nik switch firmly flipped. Deep, deep down he had hoped beyond all reason that in the fullness of time he could have restored his better half to the point where Natalie might have forgiven him. He knew it was a fantasy beyond epic Disney proportions, because his plan always involved him going to jail or worse for the balance of his days. But now he knew that he had left a 1% window open in his mind and the heart which did still beat in his chest, reports to the contrary notwithstanding. Thoughts that perhaps with Papa Oleg gone, he could move back towards the kinder, gentler Nik and maybe his resolve would weaken and rather than take everyone down if Natalie seemed to be warming back up to him maybe he would have instead steered the family business towards full legitimacy. But given how unlikely all that was, he had told himself hed find solace in finally doing the right thing and setting her free. It was all fine when it was in the abstract, but seeing her for likely the last time handing her divorce papers finding himself unable to stop thinking of their first 2 years together
Nik knew, however, that the bitter pill he could not seem to swallow was John McBain. It was bad enough to contemplate that Natalie was already moving on HAD already moved on. But with HIM! He had to try to get past this fury he was now supposed to be operating in his good Nik zone but this was a gargantuan challenge. He had seen with his own eyes the way that man touched his wife the way she touched him and responded to him. He moved her in a way that Nik never had even during their first few ostensibly magical years. He put down his vodka glass and decided to have some dinner. He had to be clearheaded. He had to sneak away tomorrow for meetings with Evan he had thrown everything away on this mission of his it was all he had left and he had to get at least that right.
Natalie woke from her nap feeling much more centered, and knew it was largely due to the man who was still sleeping beside her, and who knew how to love her body, heart and soul at the same time. She was thirsty and pulled on her velour lounging robe before padding to the galley, only to find Mason there already with the same idea. He was dressed in cotton pajama bottoms and a tank top and she was struck by the sheer size of him and how much like Nik he was in that regard, though she thought Masons features were more classically handsome, enhanced by a kindness she knew ran deep.
He turned when he heard her and held up the bottle of water he had just plucked from the open refrigerator with a question on his face, and she said, Please in response.
She slid onto one of the stools and he took another one as he handed her a bottle. She could tell he was looking at her closely and then he asked, How are you, Natalie?
Better.
Yeah?
I am. Its a lot to take in.
Id say you have mastered the art of the understatement.
They smiled at each other and Natalie said, Thank you for catching me when I fainted.
My pleasure happy to do it though I hope for obvious reasons we dont have to make a habit of it.
Im with you there, Mason. So is Angela resting?
Sleeping.
John too.
He loves you a lot, you know.
She nodded and said, I love him too more than more than Ive ever loved anyone. He stood by me through so much.
He isnt Nik he can do the hard things, but he doesnt lose his humanity in the process.
I know I really do. Its still a little scary sometimes until I look at him.
Mason asked softly, Natalie, do I scare you? Do I remind you of Nik?
She looked at him in surprise, but appreciated his sensitivity in thinking it, aksing it. You dont scare me at all. Not that Im going to go tell everyone and ruin any mystique youve built up, but you are a doll! You have a deep-seated kindness. Apparently Nik was always at war within himself. Very different. There may be a physical resemblance more your stature but thats it.
Im glad. I dont want to make you uncomfortable.
You dont I mean I practically clung to you like a leech earlier today
I was thinking more like a barnacle myself a nautical reference seemed appropriate
Natalie laughed at that and he joined her, realizing how beautiful she really was, especially when she was happy.
I ran into the chef when I first got to the galley and hes going to have dinner ready at 6. I was shocked to see it was already 4 when I got out here. Time flies
When youre having fun she finished for him blushing a bit and making him laugh again. Then it hit him that she was only 26, and had lived in a largely sheltered world. He knew from her confrontation with John when they first got on the boat that Nik had been her first. John her only other. And he felt the sharp stab in his gut when he realized how much more of a betrayal that must have made Niks actions, especially when he was going to let his own father rape her. So much had happened to her in her young life.
Youre still so young, Natalie. I know you might not feel like you are right now but you are. And youre free. So much life ahead of you now. Years of fun but go easy on my old friend, will you hes got 12 years on you! He winked to lighten the mood.
Hey, Im letting him nap
Its my own damn fault for throwing you two together like rabid cats in a bag
Now THATS a visual though I really do need to thank you. Neither of us knew exactly how to move past it all we didnt have much choice once we were locked in
Well, I wouldnt have done it if it wasnt so obvious how much you both loved and missed each other. You ever see me acting like an idiot with Angela please do the same for me!
Oh, I will. After I beat the crap out of you for messing with her! Seriously, shes great.
I cannot disagree with you there shes good people and
And?
I love her, Natalie. Plain and simple. Thats how I know I do, because its so simple. I have no angst or need to wonder if I do or dont. I just do.
Whoever said it happens when you least expect it was a genius. I assure you when John walked into the Kirov penthouse to be my bodyguard, well it wasnt even something I could conceive of and yet I was powerless against my feelings for him. So, yeah, simple at the end of the day. A ridiculously complex situation, but the feelings were all there and very straightforward.
And now we have five days of sailing to relax in simplicity
Sounds like heaven. It was really nice of Evan
Yeah, it was. And I would imagine you realize that he was giving his tacit approval of you and John I saw a side of Evan that I didnt know existed when I saw him with you. Hes a good man I always knew that, but now I REALLY know it. Im relieved because he wont make things difficult for John not that John would really care at this point
But I would. And I guess as long as Evan doesnt know everything that John did with me for me she was blushing again and Mason knew what she must be thinking of.
Is that what Nik handed you? The DVD?
Yeah I need to destroy that put it in the safe until I do.
Well, perhaps we could screen it first for the four of us, rather than the latest Die Hard movie sorry, no pun intended
Mason! Have you lost your mind?! Screen that? Ive never even seen it
He was laughing outright at her nowYou really are a fiery redhead calm down, Im just kidding you. I have no desire to see my best friend in that capacity, I assure you. Although I am finding it hard to look the pot-rack in the eye.
HE TOLD YOU THAT?! she shrieked.
Aw, give the guy a break. He was devastated and drunk. We both were. I mean, youre the one who spilled the beans about the movie, I just got a few more details out of himand that was all hed tell me. I asked him the most outrageous thing and that was it
Well, dont knock it til youve tried it John and I can give the galley a wide berth tonight if you want to give it a whirl yourself
Hmmm, not sure how Id broach the topic with Angela headboards are one thing, but pot racks
Youre an evil bastard did I say you didnt remind me of Nik? Her laughter took all the sting out of her words.
Well, I was going to say dont get your panties in a twist but I realized that might be an indelicate comment given that, as the paparazzi proved, we cant always assume youve got them on. He practically guffawed when he saw her expression and she sputtered but could find no words at first.
Hey, kid, Im just teasing
She couldnt fight the smile, but then shook her head almost in awe. I still cant believe I did that, but I was so furious with Nik I could have killed him on camera
Why?
Oh, this is so embarrassing
Compared to the pot rack?
She thwacked his arm.
Well, in a different way, frankly. I had absolutely put on panties, but Nik made me take them off. Once he left our bedroom I put them back on again and, well, as we were all leaving the hotel thank God we were still in the bungalow he, well he groped my ass and felt them on me. Then he proceeded to scream at me and yank them off me in front of everyone.
Hes a fucking bastard, Natalie. Honest to God, a class-A fucking bastard.
Im not going to argue with you but thats over I can wear panties any time I want!
How about now? he faked a leer as he asked.
Natalie rolled her eyes.
You sure thats not one page Johnny boy may try to take out of Niks book?
Not going there with you, Mason. Just not
She slid off her stool and he asked, Well, where are you going?
She raised an eyebrow and said, I think Johns napped enough and theres more than an hour until dinner time
Hmmm, I like the way you think Angelas beautiful enough as it is doesnt need more beauty sleep -- though your boy does!
Aw, hes totally beautiful and so are you even if you were a bit of an ass just now She leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek and warned him not to be late for dinner.
When Natalie got back into Johns room he was still sleeping and she felt the tenderness for him expand her heart. She pulled her robe off and slid naked under the covers with him and he instantly awoke. With sleep-hooded eyes he looked at her and took her face in both his hands to kiss her, and proceeded to make love to her before carrying her into the shower to get ready for the evening.
A thud and a giggle told them that Mason and Angela were similarly engaged. Theyd all be in good spirits tonight.
Chapter 55
Over the next five days the four friends because theyd surely become that fully enjoyed their private luxury cruise. The weather was perfect, the food and liquor top-drawer and the company even better. And then they got to retire each night with the man or woman they loved. They were all subdued and genuinely sad as they dined their last night, but had already made plans to get together.
Evan had called Natalies uncle Bo and had explained everything to him, so he in turn could explain it to Natalies family. They were sending a car for her to the New York dock theyd pull into, which would then whisk her back to Llanview. Natalie had invited John to come with her, but he felt it critical that she spend some quality time, alone, with her family after their long period of almost-estrangement and everything shed been through. Theyd never know everything, but they knew enough had suspected enough that they wanted to coddle her for a bit. And that actually sounded fantastic to her. Except for the part about missing John.
They made love through that final night, into the morning and even as the Manhattan skyline first came into view in the distance. Theyd have plenty of time to sleep when they were apart. More than once John had wiped tears from Natalies face and hed gathered her close each time.
Natalie sweetheart itll only be two weeks and well talk every day. And if it gets really, really unbearable, well I can come for a visit You and your family need this time. You deserve it. But then Im hoping you will move in with me
John and Natalie had had long talks about what she wanted to do with her life and she was considering law school. Talking with Mason and Angela had helped shape that idea, and she was genuinely excited about it. She knew beyond a doubt that she wanted to be with John and he had even volunteered to transfer to a field office so they could move to Llanview but he was better served remaining based at Quantico She had appreciated how open he was to the move for her that was enough.
I will be on your doorstep in two weeks bags in hand.
And down the road if you miss Llanview and your family
She had kissed him deeply then and they didnt talk for a long time after.
Tears flowed between Angela and Natalie as they said good-bye even though theyd see each other in a few weeks. They were going to miss spending so much time together. Mason pulled Natalie into a tight bear hug, half lifting off her feet and he said genuinely, You are one amazing woman, Natalie. Im so glad I got to know yousee you in a few weeks!
Thank you for everythingyoure the bestand please take care of John while Im gone
Will do, kiddo. Well be waiting for him in the taxi to head to the train station.
John and Natalie were alone. They stood within a foot of each other, staring intently, and then Natalie couldnt see him clearly because of the tears pooling in her eyes and coursing down her cheeks. As a sob escaped her throat John crushed her to him as she cried into his chest. Im sorry Im sorry I know its only for a little while, but Ill miss you so much. I havent spent one day without you in almost six months
Shhh shhh, Natalie, love, its OK Its OK I understand Im going to miss you, too. More than I can possibly tell you. But well talk all the time John felt his own resolve, his own stoicism slipping as he rasped, Oh God, I dont want to let you go I really dont. Natalie tipped her head up to look at him, moved by the tears in his eyes and then their mouths collided in a borderline sloppy, tear-drenched, emotional kiss as they wrapped themselves around each other. They broke apart breathless and then John walked Natalie to the waiting limo, keeping her tucked under his arm, close to his heart. He deposited her safely inside it, leaning in to kiss her again, and then watched the car pull away and head down the street. He wouldnt have been able to describe the heaviness in his heart the sense of desolate loneliness but Natalie understood it because she felt the same way. She was bereft without him. It was going to be a long two weeks.
John slowly walked to the taxi where Mason and Angela were waiting for him. They were silent on the trip to Penn Station and John looked out the window pensively on the train ride to DC, while Mason and Angela sat across from him trying hard not to seem too much like a couple as if to rub it in.
When John finally reached his home in Virginia, 15 miles from Quantico, he felt a familiar sense of ease it was a craftsman bungalow style home on a quiet tree-lined street. He had owned it for several years finally tired of a succession of bachelor apartments and until that moment one of its best features was that it was solely his his refuge. He had only had a few friends over Mason, for one but had never brought a woman home here. Now he knew it was lacking because Natalie wasnt walking with him in the front door. He needed her here for it to feel like home now and home was wherever she was.
Natalie was welcomed with open arms back at Llanfair, though she could tell her family wasnt exactly sure what to say or more importantly, what not to. But by day three things relaxed a bit, though she didnt miss John any less. It helped to talk to him multiple times throughout the day and night, but it wasnt the same as seeing him falling asleep with him. Bo and Vikki were particularly great with her and she knew it was right that she had come home for a bit, to soak up their care and support. It would be the first of many trips she knew but next time shed bring John. Her family had, of course, met him when he was her bodyguard, but things were very different now. She had opened up some to Vikki about what Nik had been like but she spared her the worst of it. She couldnt stop talking about John though and her family felt better about things when they saw how clearly she loved him.
John was back at Quantico, helping out on a few task force projects, but really just easing back in slowly. Chase had questioned him broadly about his time at the Kirovs, but left much unasked unsaid and John appreciated it.
Nik was again sitting in his office, pulling together more information for Evan Chadwick. Within the week Nik would be officially arrested and charged and everyone would know that he had cooperated extensively with the feds. He just had to get through one more week without anyone knowing, and then hed be in a supermax prison, strictly isolated from others. It was a horrible fate, but one better than that hed experience if the Russians got their hands on him. Nik had given serious consideration to just killing himself and he still hadnt completely closed the door on that. His in-depth confessions had been taped and the evidence incontrovertible so that even in his absence the bosses and their organizations were going down. There was one very important piece of business, however, that he had to make a final decision on to do it, or leave it be. Which decision would make it easier to live his life in almost complete solitude behind bars? Or easier to go to his grave by his own hand?
Nik finally buzzed for Maksim and asked him to shut the door when he arrived.
Later that night John was walking up his front porch stairs, with just a little light coming from a distant street lamp, when his spine stiffened almost imperceptibly before he continued to the door, placing his key in the lock. To the darkness he said, I dont have vodka, but I have plenty of whiskey and then he opened the door and walked in, leaving it open.
Once inside he turned to face his guest. Hello, Maksim how are you?
Not too bad, John, not too bad.
So, what brings you here?
I think you know
Yes, I suspect I do so why am I still alive, then? Do you figure an ambush outside my house was more dangerous in terms of getting caught?
Maksim said nothing and John asked, Drink?
Sure.
Then come with me to the den the bars back there
Late the next morning Nik walked downstairs and saw Maksim giving instructions to what was obviously a new security hire a typical blonde Russian trying to look tougher in leather jacket and shades. Nik was careful not to roll his eyes and none of this would matter in a few days anyway everyone would be on their own.
Maksim do we have reason to celebrate?
Never a bad idea, boss.
Excellent, lets go to my office
Maksim and Nik closed themselves in Niks office and as was often the case, Maksim moved to the bar to serve them while Nik sank happily into his chair. The men toasted each other with vodka and Nik said, To tying up loose ends
They sat in companionable silence for several minutes, until Nik realized he suddenly wasnt feeling very well he felt sweaty clammy his stomach hurt and his chest felt constricted he looked to Maksim who sat impassively looking at himYou OK, boss?
Is it warm in here?
Not really, but I can open the door Maksim did so and his new Russian protg was standing on the other side, and entered behind Maksim but closed the door rather than leaving it open.
Nik looked up about to yell at him to leave, though he had little energy for it. However at that moment the Russian took of his sunglasses and Nik got what would be the final shock of his life he was looking into the fiery eyes of John McBain, who was almost completely unrecognizable in his blonde wig.
Whats wrong, Nik? Afraid youre seeing a ghost? Johns voice was deadly as he walked close to him and grabbed Niks chin in an iron grip to make him look directly at him. I know, Im supposed to be dead, right? You know its bad when your own key lieutenant has a higher regard for the feds than you. How lucky that he also happens to have some of those same designer drug connections that you do Such poetic justice, dont you think, that you are meeting the same fate as your father? As much as I was dying to, I had zero intention of doing this until you sent Maksim to my home MY HOME! to kill me. So what was that one final bit if evil from bad Nik until the noble side of you headed off to serve your time? You just couldnt take it that you threw Natalie away and I caught her worse, that she fell in love with me. You know that I love her in a way you never couldFor what you did to her, you have no idea how badly I want to beat you until there isnt a single solid bone left in your body. What do they call that in Russian zamochit? What you did to Natalie was criminal indefensible no matter what reason you think you had. You are a lying sack of shit to say you only tortured her because you had to I was there, remember? You ENJOYED it thats your real evil secret. Maybe you never would have turned had your brother not died, but once you did, you got off on what you did to her. The dungeon torture, forcing yourself on her, debasing her with the clothing you selected for heryes, you became the evil Nik and then you took pleasure in the systematic, sadistic torture of a wonderful young girl whod made the tragic mistake of loving and trusting you. Well as you draw your last breath just know that I am healing her and it is a process I started in this very place, under your roof in your own bed Everything you did to drive us apart brought us more firmly together. You are nothing but a blight on her memory and life that shes leaving far behind her. The only time she will cry out your name will be in her nightmares, and soon you wont even be in those. Mine is the name she screams as I bring her so much pleasure you arent even a distant memory I love Natalie and I have you to thank for making it so easy to show you up and win her heart. Dasvidaniya you miserable piece of human filth
Nik could barely draw a breath by now, but he heard everything and he knew he had lost. He saw Maksim and John embrace embrace! then John was gone, without anyone but Nik and Maksim knowng it was him.
Maksim walked closer to Nik and gave him a look filled with naked hate. I have been planning for this day for a long time a chance to get away. I will never be found Ill be well on my way by the time your body is You are a monster. The way you treated Natalie You are more your fathers son than Oleg ever was and your mothers heart would break into a million pieces if she saw what youve become. She would have put you down like a rabid dog herself
Maksim saw the dagger-shaped letter opener on Niks desk the one Natalie had briefly contemplated using to stab Nik the night hed had John fuck her while she was bent over his desk. Maksim realized it didnt matter what he did now hed soon be a ghost himself. He had planned well hed live a good life, free of the travesty masquerading as the family Kirov. He took the letter opener and walked over to Nik. Maksim held his big, beefy hand tightly over Niks mouth to stifle his sounds, and then the big man drove the opener like a stake through Niks genitals until it was buried deep into the leather seat, pinning him excruciatingly in place. Nik almost passed out from the pain not that it mattered, he only had minutes left to live anyway.
A chipper Maksim left the apartment to run and errand, never to be seen again. Nik wasnt found until several hours later and not one person in his household figured hed gotten anything but what hed deserved.
Evan wasnt exactly surprised nor was he sorry when he got the news. They had what they needed from him Natalie was free and both good and evil Nik, if there was such a thing, were gone for good. Early forensics had yielded Maksims fingerprints on the letter opener, and on one of the vodka glasses in the room. They knew he was already in the wind and not one resource under Evans control would be expended trying to find him.
Chapter 56
Natalie was in the library at Llanfair when Uncle Bo walked in with a somber expression on his face. Her heart dropped, immediately worried that something had happened to John she was afraid Nik wouldnt let what had happened with them slide, for all his protestations that he was now doing the right thing. She stood and asked with a tremor of fear in her voice, Whats wrong is it John?
No, honey. Not John. Its Nik. Natalie, hes dead. It appears that his head of security a guy named Maksim killed him and now hes missing.
Natalie sank back down on the couch and said, Wow
Bo sat beside her and took her hand. Are you OK? Is there anything I can get you?
She shook her head and he continued, I know I know that things were terrible after you left Llanview, but those first few years he was your husband Im sure this is still a shock.
Bo, I mourned my husband a long time ago. I didnt proactively wish him dead, but I cant say Im sorry either. As long as he was alive I felt that John would be in danger
Im not surprised you mourned him so long ago Natalie, I wish I knew I wish youd told me. We would have figured out a way to get you out of there
Natalie could hear the emotion in his voice and she took his hand and looked directly in his eye. Bo, there was nothing to be done. Ruthless doesnt even begin to describe these people they would have hurt or killed people I love. It just wasnt an option. And it did help to know that I was taking steps to one day bring them down to free myself and then I got so lucky when John arrived such a twist of fate.
You love him very much, dont you?
I do. Hes a very good man. He made everything so much better for me
Im glad. Id imagine you miss him
Yes, but I missed you all so much too it is good to be home to see you all... to be with you
Have you given any thought to whether youre moving back here for good?
Im not really sure, Bo. A huge part of me wants to so badly and John even said hed ask for a transfer but this is also where I met and married Nik. I just wonder if a fresh start somewhere else would be better for me as long as I get to come back here all the time to visit.
I understand. A fresh start has its appeal. Something to consider and discuss with John Ive been wanting to bring on a new Chief of Detectives if he was ever ready to leave the Bureau
She smiled, Youre such a great uncle
Hey, I have ulterior motives two-fold, actually. Id have you back, and I know that he is a very talented law enforcement professional hed be great to have on the team.
Well, I will certainly let him know.
Bo gave her a big hug good-bye and then she sat and thought about Nik, wondering if it made her a terrible person that she couldnt find it in her to mourn his passing in the least. But she knew shed spoken the truth. She HAD mourned HER Nik five long years ago. The shell that had finally expired was not him. He was her jailer-torturer. At that moment her cell phone rang and she felt her heart lift when she saw it was John.
Hi, John.
Hey, Natalie. Listen, did you hear about Nik?
Yeah, Uncle Bo was just here
Are you OK?
I am. That wasnt my husband.
I miss you
I miss you too but we dont have too much longer unless you want to come here
Natalie, Id love to but I really want you to have this time with your family.
It is great to be with them.
The rest of Natalies time in Llanview went quickly, and John insisted on picking her up. He got there in time for lunch with the family which went very well. John couldnt take his eyes off Natalie and though she looked so much happier and at peace, he also worried because she seemed thinner to him there were dark smudges under her eyes. When they were alone for a few minutes he asked her if she was OK, and she smiled and said, I think its just missing you I dont sleep as well without you
Oh, so I put you to sleep, huh?
Well, not exactly. First you wear me out to the point of fantastic exhaustion, and then you hold me close so I feel safe and loved a powerful combination.
He pulled her close and kissed her thoroughly, not stopping until a gently cleared throat signaled they were not alone. They turned to find Vikki and Jessica standing there with happily indulgent smiles on their faces.
Vikki said, I had Lois pack you two some refreshments for your road trip.
Thanks, Mom. But just so you know Im not saying good-bye. Youll be seeing a lot more of me now
I know, baby. And it heals my heart
Natalie and Vikki embraced for several long moments, and then good-byes were said all around. Finally John and Natalie were on the road. He couldnt wait to get her home.
John lived in Virginia about 15 miles from Quantico in a quiet, charming neighborhood. It was not one of the newer neighborhoods full of McMansions, but instead had wonderful craftsman bungalows/cottages. Johns house was white with black shutters and accents, set back from the road with an inviting front porch. It was impeccably maintained. He pulled down the long driveway to the detached garage down back and drove into it. He helped Natalie grab her bags and they walked towards the house. John felt a bit silly because he was suddenly a nervous. He wanted her to like it hereso it would feel like home for her. Hed felt like this was his oasis to come back to even though he was often away for long stretches and he hoped shed feel that way, too.
John walked them around the front so her first impression could be the best view of the house. He opened a leaded glass door that deposited them in the main room which was a good size. There were wood floors throughout the entire first floor. The walls were all off white, which threw the natural wood door frames and moldings into sharp relief. In the middle of the main room was an oriental rug dominated by browns, creams, black and a dash of deep red. Facing each other on the rug were two oversized brown leather couches and two massive leather ottomans stood side-by-side between the couches in lieu of a coffee table. However on one of them was a large mahogany tray that converted it to that purpose as needed, and a beige chenille throw had been tossed across the other one. The couches each held several throw pillows in colors that picked up those in the rug. There were a couple of wood end-tables and matching wood sofa tables behind each sofa they were all mission-style. On all four tables were lamps that had almost a Frank Lloyd Wright feel to them, and scattered across them were a few books and coasters. On the walls were tasteful prints mostly cityscapes and street-scenes from around the world. Natalie could see through the double-wide door-jamb which was door-less to the dining room whose long wooden table and six chairs was also mission style and consistent with the living room furniture.
John, this is beautiful, yet so warm and inviting
Im glad you like it let me show you the rest
He led her to the kitchen which was a very good size enough for a four-person table and chairs. The cabinets and island were a warm maple color and the countertops were black granite. He then led her down the hall a bit to a small but nicely done powder room, and finally to the back of the house were there was an office/den that had a red leather couch and several red-leather club chairs plus a large flat-screen TV. The walls were lined with bookcases that were chock-full. John held her hand as they walked back into the main room and to the wooden stairs that led to the second floor which also had solid wood floors throughout. The staircase bisected the upper floor and to the right was the master suite which took up half the second floor, and to the left were two spare bedrooms that shared a full bathroom. The bedrooms were relatively sparsely furnished but still nice beds, dressers, and armchairs.
John led her into the master suite last and she thought it was wonderful. A mahogany four-poster bed dominated half the room and it was luxuriously turned out in taupe colored duvet and pillow shams. A large upholstered bench was at the foot of the bed. The mattress was clearly a pillow top style because the bed was so high off the ground she was wondering if shed need to climb onto it using the bench or a boost from John The room had fantastic natural light through great windows framed in wood and a window seat ran the width of the large window that looked onto a small but pretty backyard. On the other side of the bed was a small seating area with two armchairs and an ottoman, all covered in a beige and brown brocade. She followed John into the master bathroom which had a large stall shower and an equally sizable Jacuzzi tub both of which, along with the floor, were clad in taupe marble. The two vanities that were at right angles to each other were maple, and their counters were off-white marble. Mirrors ran the entire length of each. And finally, there were two large walk-in closets and John showed Natalie that one was totally empty and waiting for her.
Im so glad youre here, Natalie. Do you think you can like it?
I already love it and Im so glad you brought me here
They were standing face-to-face, less than a foot separating them, holding hands. They couldnt stop looking at each other, making up for two weeks lost time.
It wouldnt be home without you Natalie. And as much as I have loved this place, thats all it is. A place. A home is really about the people for me, one person in particular you
She caressed his face and leaned up to kiss him. The only time Park Avenue ever felt even remotely like home was when you lived there with me. So I know youre right home is where you are but I really like it here, with you.
John led her to sit on the bench at the foot of the bed and pushed a strand of hair back from her face. Are you sure you dont want to move back to Llanview?
Now that Im here with you I know that this is where I want to be. Llanview hasnt been home in a very long time. I know Ill spend a lot more time there with you along with me but I want a fresh start. This feels right. But in the interest of full disclosure, I should let you know that Bo said hed welcome you as his Chief of Detectives
Thats a good offer, Natalie. If you wanted to go back to Llanview
I dont unless its what you really wanted to do
Maybe some day. But I do like the idea of building our own life together here. I had a long talk with Chase. Im giving up undercover work and most field work. Im going to run the task force aimed at taking down child predators and exploiters. I want to stick as close to home as I can.
Im so glad I hate being away from you.
Glad to hear you say that I feel the same way.
It feels like were finally free, John. Free to be togetherlive our lives. As long as Nik was alive I was so worried hed try something
I wouldnt have let him hurt you anymore, Natalie
I wasnt worried about him hurting me I was worried about him coming after you. If it makes me seem like an awful person, Im so glad hes gone. It is a blessed relief
John looked at her intently, holding her two hands in his. You said you didnt think of him as your husband anymore couldnt call him that
Not in years.
He swallowed hard. Do you think could you ever imagine yourself calling me that? Your husband?
Natalie looked at him in surprise, Are you asking me do you mean?
John slid off the bench to kneel before her, and she felt tears spring to her eyes as her heart started to race. Natalie, would you? Would you marry me? Would you be my wife? I promise Ill love you forever
In response Natalie tugged on John so he was back on the bench with her and she pulled him into a deep kiss while she wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders. He could feel her tears on his cheeks and clasped her tight against him as he returned her kiss with equal passion. Finally they drew apart and he smiled at her, asking softly, Is that a yes?
Yes that was a yes!
He expelled a sigh of relief and gathered her into an enveloping hug. I love you, Natalie.
I love you, too, John
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring that took her breath away. It was a 2 carat cushion cut diamond set in platinum, and it was magnificent. It was simple and amazing at the same time. Both of their hands were shaking as he placed it on her left ring finger, and then he kissed it as if to seal his promises in. Then they shared a tender kiss of promise that deepened into a passionate invitation.
Take me to bed, John please
With pleasure, Natalie with pleasure
Chapter 57
It was as if time slowed down as John and Natalie undressed each other, savoring the rediscovery after their time apart. Their bodies and hearts knew they now had all the time in the world there were no threats, no secrets, no fear. They were promised to each other and they were free. They could slowly, completely, endlessly indulge in all five senses as they reconnected.
When they were stretched out on the bed they spent long minutes kissing deeply in an intoxicating blend of ardent languor while their naked bodies slid against each other in sensual friction. For the better part of an hour they used their mouths and hands to re-familiarize themselves with every part of each other, taking the time to feel each sensation no matter how subtle or bold, spurred on by the soft gasps and deep moans that broke the silence. When they were both trembling in their powerful need, John rolled Natalie beneath him as she opened her legs and welcomed him where her ache was most profound. As she rubbed her hands up and down his back while he moved within her, she was conscious of the weight of his ring on her finger and her heart expanded at the thought of the symbol of his love and fidelity encircling her finger while her body in turn surrounded and embraced the evidence of his passionate desire for her. She was dually claimed and would surrender everything she had to him.
Natalie could feel her inner walls begin to flutter and Johns body begin to tremble under her hands. His mouth was buried against her neck, his tongue riling her nerve endings, but she wanted to feel it against hers, their breath coalescing as they climaxed together. She moved her hands to his face and he complied with the gentle pressure. Their eyes locked, mirroring the intense love and passion they had for each other.
I love you, John.
I love you more
The heat of their kiss triggered their simultaneous release, the sounds of which ripped their mouths apart even as it fused the rest of them together in convulsive waves. Finally they lay spent, entwined, and at peace.
John watched Natalie sleep she seemed dead to the world and let the love and tenderness he felt for her wash over him. He had never experienced such a sense of profound relief to have her with him, with Nik no longer a threat. He thought back to the night on the boat when they had hashed everything out, teetering on the brink of losing each other forever. But their love had won, vanquishing some pretty formidable foes, and getting them past the lies and fear and anger. He loved her fiercely, and he was glad that even though shed never know it he had finally been able to take a stand against Nik and erase him as a threat forever.
He studied her beautiful body and realized his initial impression had been correct she had lost some weight. Not a lot but then again she hadnt any she really could afford to lose. Nonetheless, he realized that there were other changes a fullness to her breasts with nipples of an even rosier hue and there was just the slightest curve in her flat stomach. He felt a warmth spread throughout his body and a broad smile appeared on his face as he gently moved his hand to her belly. His touch woke Natalie and she looked at him, taking in the smile, which she couldnt help return it was infectious.
Hey she said sleepily.
Hey yourself good nap?
Yeah fantastic Ive been so tired lately for some reason
His smile grew.
What?
Can I ask you a personal question?
She snorted and said, I think youve more than earned the right
Caressing her belly he asked softly, Is there a chance you might be pregnant?
She sucked in a breath and then thought about it, realizing that her last period had been over six weeks ago two weeks before that cataclysmic night on the boat. She said with the surprise evident in her voice, Yes I havent I am late I think that night on the boat
She didnt even realize she was crying until Johns hands were gently cupping her face, his thumbs wiping her tears away. Hey, Natalie, honey are you OK? Its OK He gathered her tightly against him as she nodded and said in a small voice Are you? OK if its true?
He pulled back and the smile had returned to his face, Natalie, you did see the smile on my face, right? Not like I could hide it I would be thrilled. Like icing on the best cake
She smiled back and then asked, What made you think it?
He ran a finger tip over her breasts and then down to the curve of her stomach, noting the slight shiver his touch sent through her body. Just some subtle, but beautiful changes I noticed I hadnt seen you in a while and then got to re-learn your body a few things struck me as different His voice had gotten lower, deeper as hed talked.
Care to double check? she asked equally huskily.
He claimed her mouth in an infinitely gentle kiss and proceeded to make love to her in exactly the same way. When he held her afterwards she said, Maybe we should go to the store and get a test
Mmmm, we could, or
Or?
Well, my brother Michael is a doctor in DC, and I think hes working tonight at the hospital I told him about you that I was going to propose. Hes dying to meet you anyway
She laughed a bit.
What?
Well, it would be a funny way to meet a future brother-in-law for the first time hi, nice to meet you, as he does an internal exam on me
Oh, OH! I was just thinking about a blood test well, if it would be too strange
Im sure hes a professional and I am dying to know really know for sure
They headed to the hospital and after some warm words of hello and welcomes John quietly explained their situation prompting yet more hugs from Michael. Natalie thought he was a lovely guy.
Michael ushered them into an exam room and took blood to get some tests run, then returned and said, OK, I or someone will need to do an internal exam. Im happy to if it wont be too weird otherwise I can get someone else but it might be a pretty long wait
Natalie found she was quite comfortable with Michael maybe because he was largely a stranger at this point. Its OK I can handle it if you can
Oh, I can not sure about my brother, though. Johnny, maybe you should wait outside
Me? Why?
Because Im not sure youre going to like watching me touch Natalie where and the way I have to, and Im not in the mood for you to deck me
I wont. Just dont look like youre enjoying it or anything
The whole stirrups thing kind of freaked John out a bit though he managed to hide it. This was a whole world hed never experienced. And he almost laughed when he thought about some of the things hed borne witness to when it came to Natalies body and other men. He shuddered when he remembered standing there impotently while Nik raped her, his hand perilously close to a sharp knife. He purged that memory since this was a much happier, totally clinical situation. The rest was all in the past, and what better way to stake a claim on the future than having this child together.
Michael smiled when he looked at Natalie, then John. Well, I think youre about four weeks pregnant, Natalie. Very early, but so far things seem fine. Well wait for your blood work to confirm and to check your hormone levels, but congratulations, guys. I am very, very happy for you both!
Michael left to check on her test results and John helped Natalie get dressed. He was looking at her almost in awe now, and she found it both touching and funny.
You OK, John?
Yeah you?
Yeah. Great in fact.
They were hugging each other when Michael walked back in and told them her test was positive. He handed her some pre-natal vitamin samples to get her started and suggested she make an appointment with an OB as soon as possible. Then he gave them both big hugs good-bye and was swallowed back into the craziness of the hospital.
Lets go home, Natalie. Its late, and Im sure youre tired.
A little. Im really happy, John. About everything. Its been an amazing day.
He gently stroked her face and kissed her before agreeing completely. Then he bent to kiss her virtually non-existent belly and said, I cant wait to meet you and I wont ever let anything happen to you or your mommy
Natalie ran her hands through his hair, feeling tears prick her eyes. She knew hed keep that promise. She just knew it.
Chapter 58
John let Natalie sleep in the next morning, and then brought her breakfast in bed.
You trying to spoil me?
I think you deserve it.
I dont know about that, but I do appreciate it
Well, I DO know about it. I have such a strong need to take care of you
Im not going to lie I love it. So, what time are we meeting Mason and Angela tonight ?
Seven. And I think youre going to like Neros. They are an institution in town delicious.
Sounds like fun. I really am looking forward to seeing them again.
Me too well, Im going to go do some work in the den, come visit me when youre up to it
I wont be long just going to jump in the shower.
John was returning some emails when Natalie walked in, freshly showered and dressed comfortably in a cashmere lounging outfit. She had taken nothing from the Kirov household, wanting to sever all ties. Her mother had insisted on taking her on a huge shopping spree, so she was now well-stocked on clothing that was 100% her and shed been thrilled to find almost an exact replica of one of her favorite outfits. It had always brought her such comfort shed worn it on days shed needed a hug. But it hit her full-force when she walked in and saw John that she wasnt going to have to rely on cozy clothing for that and she went to him as he sat behind his desk and climbed onto his lap, her arms slipping around his torso.
He put his arms around her, kissed the top of her head and asked, You OK?
She sighed but it was a happy one Totally. I just wanted a hug I love your hugs
He made it an even better one, then noticed she had something in her hands.
Whats that?
She shifted a bit so she could look at him, Our movie
Oh I thought you got rid of that
Well, I wasnt exactly sure of the best way, so I thought Id leverage your steel-trap FBI mind but then I figured with whats about to happen to my body, you might want to keep it to remind you of better days past and hopefully future!
He laughed, saying, Youre a nut. You will still be beautiful and sexy even heavily pregnant Im sure of it
After a moment she said, You know, weve never seen this
Somewhat surprised he asked, You want to?
Do you?
He smirked a bit, Why not. Were adults plus it is US well be watching not like were spying on others
We can sit under a blanket to shield the babys eyes
You ARE a nut he said openly laughing.
They stretched out, entwined, on the leather couch and after John pressed a few buttons the movie came on, thumping soundtrack playing over Aldos credits then the title My Bodyguard came on and they were rolling with laughter. Of course then it showed Natalie in that smoking outfit undressing John and she sputtered, I went out of the house looking like that?!
Only to a porn party no worries
Soon they were watching in rapt attention, and the evidence of Johns arousal was pressing against her side as she lay in his arms. She could feel the reaction in her own body because frankly they were so clearly hot for each other as they devoured each other on film. It was still stunning to both of them that theyd managed to get this carried away and completely forget it was all being captured.
When it was over they both sat quietly for a moment and John said, No wonder Nik completely lost it
Yeah and John?
Yeah?
I need you to fuck me, right here, right now hard
He didnt even have time to register her words when shed turned in his arms, pressed herself against his highly aroused body and pulled him into a searing kiss.
Clothes went flying and then John was taking her from behind with powerful strokes while she buried her head in her arms which were draped on the back of the couch. She shoved back against him with every thrust and soon they were both shouting out as their bodies quaked almost violently. John finally pulled her down beside him and the remained collapsed, wound together for some 30 minutes.
Finally John spoke and said with a voice tinged with both humor and concern, You dont think I scrambled the babys brains or anything, do you?
And you say IM a nut. No, I think the little one is well-insulated at this point. Its only about the size of a grain of rice
I was never that small he leered as he pressed his pelvis into her.
She snickered, Yeah you were from small things greatness springs
We definitely need to keep this movie, Natalie. Its fucking fantastic
Or fantastic fucking
He shifted a bit and she smirked at him and said, Youre not serious?
He shifted again.
Again? Already? Oh, the things I endure Soon she was wondering if she would, in fact, endure him, or if hed be the death of her but she wondered that every time and she was still here clinging desperately to him, but very much here.
Later much later they found the strength to head upstairs to shower and get ready for the evening.
Natalie wore black silk pajama-style pants and a sapphire blue silk tunic that had a wide boat neck and dolman sleeves. It fell to her mid-thighs and had deep slits up both sides. She put a gold chain belt around it to cinch it some. She realized that if she had still been with Nik it was likely he would have considered this tunic a dress and had her parade around in it most likely panty-less. She wondered when shed ever stop comparing the before and after Nik periods. Eventually, she would. But the differences were so stark and everything was so much better now.
While she was finishing getting ready John had gone downstairs he had chosen a pair of black trousers and a black silk button-down shirt he wore tucked in. He had a black and taupe checked sport coat that would complete the look. She heard a doorbell and a few minutes later John came up holding an envelope out to her.
This was messengered over from Evans office
Hmmm. Well, lets see what it is
It was her finalized divorce papers Evan had used some of his connections to speed things along.
Im finally, totally free my divorce went through. Im free.
John held her closely for a minute, feeling the relief coursing through her. The last tie had been severed.
They were in such a happy mood by the time they got to Neros. What a 24 hours it had been. Theyd become engaged, learned Natalie was pregnant, and her divorce had come through. Not to mention their vigorous afternoon.
Angela and Mason seemed similarly happy and there were warm hugs all around as the four re-connected. Before they could be shown to their tables what could only be described as soft squeals came out of Angela and Natalie as they simultaneously spotted each others engagement rings.
John and Mason just laughed and then clasped each other in a genuine but appropriately brief man hug. The Neros got in on the excitement of the dual engagements and ushered them to the best table in the house near enough, but not too close to the band and dance floor.
Gina and Lou Nero were soon at their table with a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne and four glasses. Rather than make a big deal out of it, Natalie accepted the glass, raised it for a toast and clinked glasses but then only pretended to drink. Eagle-eye Mason did not miss her trick.
Whats the matter, Natalie, dont you like Dom? I understand you gave up vodka, but Doms not Russian
What are you talking about?
You didnt actually drink
Well, Im just not in the mood she knew she was blushing furiously even as she said it and looked up to meet Masons narrowing eyes.
Not in the mood honey, not that you were alone in this by any means, but you hardly passed up a glass of wine when we were on the boat, and now
John was trying to keep his features schooled, fighting the twitch of his mouth that was dying to smirk. Of course Mason noted this, too.
OK, McBain, why do you look like the cat that ate the canary? Of course he was already adding it up. Well son of a gun you done knocked the girl up!
Angela choked on her champagne while Natalie laughed and said You are such an ass sometimes and its all your fault by the way
Shhhh, youre not supposed to say that in front of our fiancs
She rolled her eyes then, but still couldnt help laughing. I meant the night you locked us into Johns stateroom together
Ah, yeah, I could see how it might have happened that night how fantastic not only didnt you kill each other, but you created a new life. Im impressed with myself and my efforts
Angela finally broke in and said, That is just the best news seriously and I know even Mason feels the same way, notwithstanding his momentary jack-assedness.
I guess the honeymoon is over with that comment he feigned hurt.
The four settled into a fun evening of good food, good beverages Pellegrino for Natalie and, of course, conversation. Which flowed to the subject of weddings.
It turned out neither of the women were interested in large weddings at all to the relieved delight of both men.
But Angela, Natalie asked. Arent you the youngest child and daughter of your big Italian family? Are your parents going to let you get away with something small?
Im the sixth child and third daughter and the last to get married. And I know theyd love me if I spared them another wedding hassle.
Well, I already had all that hoopla and I have no desire to repeat it. My problem is I cant wait to BE married, I just hate the process of GETTING married
Exactly!
John said, You sound like two guys the kind that are always trying to get their women to elope
Mason chimed in, Now theres an idea just run off, get it done, move on with life easy, simple
They all just looked at each other for a moment and then smiles crossed all their faces.
Natalie asked, What times the next flight to Vegas?
Then they were in action. John getting the check, Mason on the phone with the airlines, Angela and Natalie dashing to the restroom.
By 2am Las Vegas time Natalie was Mrs. John McBain and Angela was Mrs. Mark Mason. They had served as each others witnesses and found the basic and impromptu ceremony curiously moving. Because all that mattered was the outcome.
They checked into side-by-side suites at the Bellagio after planning to meet for a late lunch and then they went to celebrate their unions in the most private of ways.
John and Natalie held each other closely as soon as the door had closed behind them. She leaned back to look at him and said, Im so glad youre my husband, John. I am happier than I ever thought possible.
No happier than me, Natalie. You own my heart all of me I love you with everything I have and always will, I promise
I love you so much
John savored the unfamiliar weight of a ring on his finger, and felt more anchored to his life to his happiness to his Natalie.
I want to make love to my wife
I love how that sounds I hear the love when you say it
He picked her up and carried her to the bed, carefully undressing her and then yanking off his own clothes as quickly as he could. It was well past dawn when he was finally finished for the time being using his words and touch to show her how much he loved her. Then they held each other close as they slept in a state of peaceful exhaustion. That night on the boat had, in fact, been a benediction of their future and had given them the most beautiful proof a baby, conceived in love, whose arrival they would anxiously await.
